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burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 04:16 AM

Ummmmmm OK I was too young about 7 years back.. wen I was in skool and a guy added my cuzn who was younger than me and he told her that he likes her and bla bla bla but she kept on ignoring her then in afew dayz the same guy added me and he told me that his sis is in my skool and he got confused about me with my cuzn so it was me who he was thinking he is talking to..! (I know its confusing) nyway we used to chat all day and den in a few months we were together )) we have been through alottt I went to another city to study it is a long distance relationship its been 7 years now... nd we want to get married but I don't know I like him but when we fight I feel like killing him and never talking to him again but when its over I am like crazy for him hahahahaha he is very possesive and now the situation is we had a fight over the stupidest thing and its been 3 dayz we didn't talk... we usually don't talk much we talk everyday but for a few hours at night! I am confused we want to get married but it won't be easy to convince the parents... I am confused I don't know what I want! what should I do?

Marriedguy · Aug 31, 2010, 05:43 AM

Originally Posted by burberry1

Ok I was too young about 7 years about. When I was in school and a guy added my cousin to a (Social Network of some kind) my cousin she is younger than me. He told her that he likes her. She ignored him. Then in a few days later the same guy added me, and told me that his sister goes to the same school I do. He told me that he was confused he actually thought that you were your cousin.

So we started chatting, we would chat all day. Then in a few months we were together. (Boyfriend and girlfriend). Since then we been through a lot, I moved to another city to study and we decide to continue the relationship long distance. We have been together for about 7 years now.

We want to get married but I’m having doubts. I like him but when we have augments he gets me to the point where I want to kill him and never talk to him ever again. Once the dust settles I’m crazy for him again.

He is very possessive. We are now fighting over the stupidest things. It has been three days and we didn’t speak. Prior to this augment we use to speak a couple of hours every night.

I am confused we want to get married but I know it will not be easy to convince our parents. I don’t know what I want. What should I do?

Welcome to Askmehelpdesk, but you shouldn't write in sms. It hard for us adults to read. I translated what I think you want to say. How old are you and how old is he?

lil_miss_nic · Aug 31, 2010, 05:47 AM

I think you should have a big think about what you want.. and whether you are ready for the big committent. It seems as though you do truly love each other and being in a long distance relationship for that long.. proves that:). If you feel as thought the fights are worth gettitng through, and having him in your life forever is what you want then I think you should follow your heart:). Talk to your mum, they always understand..

burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by Marriedguy

Welcome to Askmehelpdesk, but you shouldn't write in sms. It hard for us adults to read. I translated what I think you want to say. How old are you and how old is he??

I am almost 22 and he is 24

asking · Aug 31, 2010, 07:00 AM

There are some red flags here that suggest to me that you should not marry him. First is his possessiveness and second is that you have terrible fights and you are not really sure what they are about or they seem about trivial things.

Does he criticize you several times a week?

burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by asking

There are some red flags here that suggest to me that you should not marry him. First is his possessiveness and second is that you have terrible fights and you are not really sure what they are about or they seem about trivial things.

Does he criticize you several times a week?

NO he loves me a lot but he doesn't stick to sum things... like if he says OK we need to have more communication and the next it will be the same... nd he often forgets me when he is with his family! I am in desperate need of help

Kitkat22 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by burberry1

NO he loves me alot but he doesnt stick to sum things...like if he sayz ok we need to have more communication nd the next it will be the same...nd he often forgets me when he is wid his family!!i am in desperate need of help

Please use full words and spell correct.

asking · Aug 31, 2010, 07:15 AM

So you are saying he makes plans without talking to you? Is that mainly what you want him to communicate about? Or are there other issues?

burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by asking

So you are saying he makes plans without talking to you? Is that mainly what you want him to communicate about? Or are there other issues?

No its not that he plans without asking me... we just don't stay in contact the way we should... we hardly talk for an hour... he wants to know every single things about me but about himself he forgets the most important things... like one of the major things he forgets or maybe just doesn't feel like telling..

asking · Aug 31, 2010, 07:29 AM

You say he doesn't criticize you. That's good.

What does he forget to tell you? Do you think he's not really forgetting but actually holding back?

It sounds like he kind of interrogates you every day without sharing much about what he's up to himself. If it were me, I'd just clam up until he starts sharing again. It is reasonable for you to object to this and it's a control thing for him to make the information flow all one way. Just don't answer his questions until he's shared some things himself. Be consistent about this until you are satisfied. If he objects, I think you have an answer.

Also, are you worried about something specific, such as his deliberately keeping certain things from you? Or is more about his general level of openness?

burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by asking

You say he doesn't criticize you. That's good.

What does he forget to tell you? Do you think he's not really forgetting but actually holding back?

It sounds like he kind of interrogates you every day without sharing much about what he's up to himself. If it were me, I'd just clam up until he starts sharing again. It is reasonable for you to object to this and it's a control thing for him to make the information flow all one way. Just don't answer his questions until he's shared some things himself. Be consistent about this until you are satisfied. If he objects, I think you have an answer.

Also, are you worried about something specific, such as his deliberately keeping certain things from you? Or is more about his general level of openness?

OK the big thing which bothered me recently is that he didn't want to graduate he just wanted to work on his own but for his benefit I forced him to get into a university and study but he didn't tell me on his graduation after a week or so he was telling me about it and I got really mad but he was like oh I am sorrie I forgot.. and then often he would be telling me a story how a girl called him or met him and wanted to go out with him but he ignored her and then in a few dayz he will tell me that he was telling a lie just to make me protective about him! I don't know if it makes any sense

asking · Aug 31, 2010, 07:48 AM

He didn't tell you he graduated until it was over?

He makes up girls to make you jealous (or else claims he was lying when he wasn't)? Either way is just as bad.

Dump him. Now.

burberry1 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:54 AM

Its not that easy! 7 years... I cannot imagine myself without him.. once I tried to breakup but he was half insane and he says he will die and all hahaha ummmmmmmmmmm.. I am not talking to him from 3 days waiting for him to apologize.. he is trying to talk but not really feeling sorry.. should I talk or ignore for a few more day?

We had the biggest accident because of my family about 3 years back and he could dump me right after that but he did not make me feel bad about it even for once... he suffered a lot even I did but he suffered physically.. sometimes I get a thought that maybe is just taking a revenge maybe he will dump me later when there will be more chance of me to get hurt.. its just a thought what do you think about it?

asking · Aug 31, 2010, 08:53 AM

Seven years is a long time and you've been together since you were very young. Breaking up would be very painful. BUT you would get over it and be able to move on eventually.

I don't know what the biggest accident means or what you did to hurt him. But I'm picking up that this relationship is hard on both of you and that you don't trust him very much and he doesn't seem to trust you either. This seems like an unhealthy relationship. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? A long distance relationship is difficult, but so is living together. If you have children, there will be even more strains on the relationship. What you are describing doesn't sound like it would make a good foundation for a life long marriage.

talaniman · Aug 31, 2010, 11:33 AM

I think after all this time you are use to him being around, but its causing a lot more problems than it solves so either talk honestly, or have more of the same. I doubt this is healthy for either of you.