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pinkytweak16 · Aug 9, 2010, 08:12 AM

Hi, um... okay. I think I might have some kind of spiritual problem. I know a lot of people lust, but I acted on it... I keep sleeping with my boyfriend... so I broke up with him... but then I met him again and it happened again... I try to find someone else so I can forget about him, but there's not many people around these days. When we broke up I didn't see him for 2 or 3 months... But he's only 2 miles away from me... so I seen him again. I don't ever plan on it happening it just does, but apparently I have no self control. I don't know why I keep falling into the same trap. I just want to be on the right path and have a good relationship with God, but whatever this is it's destroying that. I feel so ashamed and stupid. I don't know what to do I pray for God to help me, but it's just not working... I guess its like praying for God to help you lose weight, but then you go and eat cake. I can't talk to anyone about this and I need a wiser christians advice. I just want to be free from this because it's destrying my life with God... how many times can I say sorry, but then go out and do it again? I'm sick of this I need help.

RickJ · Aug 9, 2010, 08:22 AM

Did you break up with your boyfriend just because you slept with him? Don't fool yourself: You'll be tempted with others, too.

Get in a good church and meet with the pastor or youth counselor. Also, find a good church where there are others your age that you can meet and socialize with.

When was the last time that you went to the same church more than 3 sundays in a row? You need that... and that comes by "shopping around" for a church that meets your needs by having lots of others your age there.

dwashbur · Aug 10, 2010, 11:49 AM

I know several of us have been there, and there really isn't an easy answer. The best thing to do is find any means possible to stay as far away from him as you can, permanently would be ideal. Barring that, the advice already given is good: get into a group of like-minded believers and spend your time with them. It can almost become an AA-type situation: when you're tempted, before you give in call one of the group and say "I need a safe place to hang out, and I need it NOW." If I had done such a thing when I was 21, that year of my life wouldn't be such a blot...

RickJ · Aug 11, 2010, 07:37 AM

I can't help but think that a little more info from Pinky would be helpful.

Pinky, can you supply a little more info to help clarify your issue?

pinkytweak16 · Aug 11, 2010, 02:38 PM

What do you want to know?

RickJ · Aug 12, 2010, 04:56 AM

Originally Posted by pinkytweak16

what do you want to know?

?

What do YOU want to know?
Have you not read the posts of the people who are trying to help you?

InfoJunkie4Life · Aug 12, 2010, 01:00 PM

Is this person a fellow Christian?

Do you intend on marrying him?

pinkytweak16 · Aug 12, 2010, 03:15 PM

Um okay, sorry Rick. Lets see. No I don't plan on marrying him. I don't love him either I do care for him and I can fall in love with him, but God showed me he's not for me... Yes he is Christian, but I know that it's just not going to work we are too different We both want really different lives. But anyway he isn't a bad person at all he is actually a really good guy... we're good friends and we need each other so I can't lose all contact with him because he needs me and I'm not going to lie sometimes I need someone to talk to... so if I can just stop meeting him then I think I'll be okay. But I feel that I need to change my thinking because I want to be a better christian. I will take all the advice you guys give me and follow it the best I can. Thanks guys for your help :)

De Maria · Aug 12, 2010, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by pinkytweak16

Um okay, sorry Rick. Lets see. No I don't plan on marrying him. I don't love him either I do care for him and I can fall in love with him, but God showed me he's not for me... Yes he is Christian, but I know that it's just not going to work we are too different We both want really different lives. But anyway he isn't a bad person at all he is actually a really good guy...we're good friends and we need eachother so I can't lose all contact with him because he needs me and I'm not going to lie somtimes I need someone to talk to... so if i can just stop meeting him then I think I'll be okay. But i feel that I need to change my thinking because I want to be a better christian. I will take all the advice you guys give me and follow it the best I can. Thanks guys for your help :)

Hi Pinky,

What do you think life is about Pinky? Is it about you and your pleasure? Or is it about you and God (i.e. being united to God)?

If you think it is about you and your pleasure, then I guess you define the rules of your life. But if you believe that life is about being united to God, don't you think you should consider what He thinks about extra marital sex and that you should sacrifice that sin in order to lead a life of virtue?

Romans 6

1What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

InfoJunkie4Life · Aug 12, 2010, 10:30 PM

Between two Christians, a marriage before God is enough to make any relationship work. When you put your marriage before God you strive (together) to seek what is right, and God's love and righteousness is all that is needed to be together happily.

Your ideas of dating are not exactly logical if you look through the Bible's point of view. The purpose of dating is to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage). If you don't think you could marry someone you're dating it would seem logical to break the relationship and move on.

Furthermore, the Bible does refer to something like it is better to be married than to commit sexual immoralities.

You can consider sitting down together (in a public place) and talking about this problem. Explain to him that you don't want to do this any more. If he's seeking after God's will also, he will agree that its wrong and you should do all you can to stop. Set some ground rules and don't see each other alone. Go back to dating with as much fun time as possible and very little alone time to cause temptation.

There are ways to work around this. If you don't want to do that then you are hurting only yourself by repeating this behavior. You'd be better off to lessen face to face contact.

You can't have your cake and eat it too...

snotbubble · Oct 4, 2010, 06:56 PM

Something that helped me is only allowing myself to date virgins. If you're both on the same page about not getting physical until marriage, it's a lot easier not to lose focus.

And don't put yourself in tempting situations. Example: Don't be in a bedroom, laying on a bed with the door shut. It's a lot easier to have parents to put these guidelines on you rather than you having to do it yourself, but if you're parents are anything like my mom, you'll have to be stronger, more firm, and set these guidelines yourself and be dominant and strict about it. Don't let yourself be coaxed away from it. Don't worry about it hurting the guys feelings like most girls do, just let him know why you're setting these boundaries and why it's important to you.