[suchalady123]

I have been with my man for 6 years and we have 2 kids and I just want to say that our sex life is still amazing. He always wants to have sex with me, and when I don't want it he's mad but I'm tired sometimes but otherwise we have sex a lot and its great so let me really get to the point... in the past year I found plenty of searches he's done on the computer including gay porn, transexual porn, women's feet(which I know he loves my feet) regular woman and man porn too so I said nothing it was disgusting at first but I let it go then I saw in his phone he had went on craigslist a few times and started talking to men saying he's never done it before and wants to be discreet and watever else so I don't know if he ever acted on it but I said something and he told me it was just jokin and I said I'm not a dumbass but he hasn't talked about it since but I think about it daily and lately I've looked in the comp and on the phone and I've seen lots of porn and he went on craigslist again.. this is the second time now and I'm really scared he could be gay, I don't know if this is a fantasy or what but I did notice we had anal sex for the first time right before this started happening and it was the last time cause it hurt me. We both get tested and go to the doctor regularly and everything is fine. I'm just concerned if this is good or bad or if I need to let him do anal to me more to stop that??

[mawtom]

If he is not gay... he is certainly not someone I'd want to be with... goodness... if his focus is not you... move on

[suchalady123]

Yea I'm not sure he's really into me but I'm thinking about moving on cause its making me scared of disease if he ever acts on it...

[mawtom]

My dear... you never have sex. Knock knock... who is there? Why would you not want a loving relationship with a man who does not sleep on the couch.. but one who snuggles your back at night... holds your breasts and is totally content with your touch... come on woman... give me a break

[Synnen]

Let me put it this way:

If he was contacting WOMEN on Craigslist to set up a time to cheat on you--how fast would you be out the door?

Cheating is cheating.

[Cat1864]

Cheating is cheating.

Setting up meeting times does not look good for him. Talk with him. Let him know what you have found and that you want everything in the open.

I am going to touch on another possibility that he may be nervous or embarrassed to bring up to you. He may have a curiosity of being on the receiving end of anal. That does not make him gay or even bi. A lot of heterosexual men like having their prostate manipulated.

It is your choice as to whether you try to communicate with him (maybe with the help of a counselor) and/or you end the relationship. However, no matter what choice you make, do not allow your children to become pawns in the break up. You may be hurt or angry with him as a partner, but you still have to work with him as a parent.

[suchalady123]

I don't know what matwom is talking about. Haha. My man definitely doesn't sleep on the couch and I have sex with him 3 times a day thts not the issue here maybe wrong post by accident.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't care with whom, or why, someone cheats. Its just not right.

Maybe your discussions are not that honest from his side.

[AskTheKitty]

You don't post on Craigslist as a joke. People who post are obviously looking for something. The fact that he said in his post that he wants to be discreet indicates that this is something he wants to try without your knowledge.

It sounds like you found out about this before he actually did anything but it really sounds like he's curious about homosexual experiences and he's looking to make this happen and doesn't want you to know about it.

Any sexual act done without your partner's involvement, knowledge or agreement, is cheating. Whether it's with another woman or a man, it's cheating.

You could do anal with him every night of the week and he'd still have homosexual desires, I'd bet.
There's nothing different you can do if he's bi-curious.

The question is, if this is a part of him that won't change, is this something you could live with for the longterm, your partner desiring men as well as you?

[positiveparent]

Ive seen this Bi Curious on sites before, and I think its possibly to do with how liberal and open to same sex relationships the western world has become.

Perhaps you and he having had anal sex has awoken some latent homosexual tendencies in him. JMO

I would ask him outright, do it out of the blue when he's least expecting it, and that then should give you more of an indication of if he's telling you the truth.

What does your inner voice tell you about this, that's usually a good indication.

Don't have anal sex with him if its not to your liking, you're obviously a loving and caring person. I also agree with previous post by askthekitty, you don't go on craigslist for nothing.

Whether your Husband is gay or not I don't think so but perhaps as stated he has some tendencies, although I think most humans are curious about aspects of sexuality, hetro and homosexual interactions.

I hope you get to the bottom of this. Good Luck

[smoothy]

Well, to start with he crossed a line (most people would agree there) getting interactive is NOT the same as watching porn.

Now as far as what you do together... if in doubt.. make sure he uses a condom. It only hurts because #1 you haven't learned to relax completely yet... and #2 he pushed to far too quick. Learn to relax, and if he learns to listen to how much you are ready for, how fast you are ready for it... (basically let YOU run the throttle even if HE steers the boat) you will likely learn to love the sensations.

I'm NOT giving him a pass on his behaviour. He does appear to be more than a bit self centered based on your comments. And why would he go on craigslist IF he wasn't planning to do something? The photo qualities there are horrendous, so it can't be for that end. If he's actually contacting others rather than just looking... the red flags are flying.

Incidentally how old is he?

[suchalady123]

Thanks for all the insight...

[Jake2008]

You have known about this 'sexual identity confusion' for lack of a better term, for over a year now.

What was he like before you found out- have you ever had any reason to think that he could have possessed traits such as he has displayed with gay porn, transexual porn, straight porn, talking to men about meeting up for discreet sex on Craigs List- twice, etc.

Who was the man you married, before you knew he held these things secret from you.

It is curious to me that why now would he suddenly, in the past 12 months, develop an interest in scoping out alternative sexual experiences.

He is a married man, with two children. I hope that even thinking about them, that he protects himself, and you, if he chooses to continue on the path he's on, and have sex with other partners.

As to your question of whether your husband is gay, from what you've said so far, I'd say no.

You are going to have to communicate with him to find out where he's coming from, and where he's heading.

[artlady]

I think you should ask him about his sexual desires,maybe they run a gamut of many things.
Talk about it.
If you love someone you should be ready to share everything.