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DrBill100 · May 8, 2010, 05:48 PM

That was yesterday and you did the best you could with what you had available at the time. Congratulate yourself for what you've done and put that inclination to self flagellation in a bottom drawer somewhere.

Stargazer3 · May 8, 2010, 06:36 PM

Oh nooooo, I didn't realize I did that? I have accomplished a lot and so I will think of that.

DrBill100 · May 8, 2010, 06:41 PM

Good. Keep those pleasant thoughts swirling through that frontal cortex.

Wondergirl · May 8, 2010, 06:53 PM

I have to break in to compliment you, stargazer, on how articulately you express yourself. I tend to get lost and confused when reading first posts that usually display a running catalog of unhappinesses and injustices and upsets. Your posts have been well-written and -expressed, and I'm glad DrBill has been involved here. I'll keep reading and throw in my two cents if they sound like they might be worth anything. Just know that I'm impressed.

Stargazer3 · May 8, 2010, 08:13 PM

Oh my, thank you. I really am sorry to be such a downer on here with all these gripes and complaints. I am thankful as well because the dialogue has had an extremely calming effect!

Stargazer3 · May 11, 2010, 07:10 AM

I want to thank you Dr. Bill. You so professionally asked questions that helped me to calm down. I was able to prioritize my discomfort in a way I never would have. I can now do something about these issues as they are on a list and have a priority!

I visited my mother yesterday and it was a good day for her. For that I am also thankful! I had a nice lunch before visiting my mother with my daughter and am thankful for that as well. She probably wanted to stay away from me because I was so emotional and it just snowballed downhill from there! I was in a lot better emotional shape (was using that frontal cortex) on Sun. so we really, really enjoyed our lunch, thanks to you... Dr. Bill.

As to my husband. I really think he just didn't "think" about what he was saying/doing with his secretary. That doesn't make it any better for me. So this is the issue that I must concentrate on and stop ignoring. I do believe it's been an issue for 15 years that I have discarded repeatedly and buried my emotions. It hasn't been healthy for me living without intimacy or even basic human affection/touch. Will work on this one and try to find a way to resolve it for myself without hurting the rest of my family.

THANK YOU so very much. It is when things began to pile up that I became so panicked. Problems with my daughter sadly shut me down... I need to work on not allowing that to happen too. My happiness should NOT be dependent on her. It sure isn't dependent on my husband, I'd be crap out of luck there!

I feel so much stronger and "helped" with these issues, I feel like I need to pay a professional counseling fee! Thank you Dr. Bill. I was ready to get in my car (with doggies of course) and drive away never to be heard from again!!

DrBill100 · May 11, 2010, 11:10 AM

I thought about you yesterday, Mothers Day, and I'm glad things went well. If you will, take a moment and re-read your original post and compare it to the last.

My assessment: You found the good and rewarding elements in the visit with your daughter and mother. There was no focus on the downside. No expression of what could have been better, etc. No dwelling on the past. You are a very quick study.

I greatly appreciate your compliments but keep in mind that I made a minimal contribution. All of the redirection of thought, all of the new neuropathways that were created or reactivated occurred in your head. You did all of the heavy lifting.

You were bombarded with troubles and became understandably confused. You're now facing in the right direction on the path to greater happiness and contentment and need to take one step at a time in that direction. If you reach a fork in the road you know where to come.

One final analogy. I visited a friend of mine Friday. When I arrived he was frantic. Needed to pick up his son, was already late because he couldn't find his car keys. Throwing things around, running from room to room. "What do they look like?" I asked. He told me. "Are these the ones?" I asked pointing to a set of keys clearly visible on the coffee table. "Thanks" he said "I don't know how I missed that." And off he went. A little late but no worse for the wear. So it is with you.