[FloridaFisher]

Original.. man.. you're like a really good friend, bruh..

I do want to fight for her back.. I can't see myself just letting her walk out forever. I know one day her and I will be OK to try again. She needs to cool down and get her own head clear. You're right.. she has her own demons and it's clear in her statuses and when we talk. She sounds really confused already and I think I'm making it worse for myself and making it easier for her to push me out.

The day I broke NC I wrote her a letter.. This is a copy..
------------------------------------------
Just want you to know that I want you to be happy.. and I know I could make you happy, but I understand it's up to you to figure that out.. I wish you the best.. You're probably just as confused as I am.. I'll always love you, and want you to know that just because I'm giving you the space doesn't mean I stopped loving or caring for you and doesn't mean I take back what I said about wanting to try again. Just know that you won't be let down if you give us another shot.

Love always,
The guy who knows you best,

- Joe

P.S. - You can call to speak with Wesley anytime you want, and I'll try to have these papers ready to sign by the time you get down here.
---------------------------------------------

I've done great about not calling her! I just needed to say that I feel to let her know that I'm not losing feels, just giving her the space she requested all along. I guess explaining my actions takes the mystery out of it.. Lovely..

Man, she's not going to be here till the end of the month supposedly. Gives me a chance to get this truck and show her I mean business and I don't want to sit and waste away anymore. She is my motivation and if I have to pay for it later so be it, but it's better then sitting doing nothing.

I was going to push the court issue, but like I said I've decided to give her a shot and it'll make is easier as well. I could knock this one guy out of the picture, get her back in Florida, and knock her family out of the picture too.. I'm 100% confident in those things, but then how does that show I'm working on not being controlling?

I duno, I have a ways to go until I'm thinking completely sane again. I'll never choose to force her out of my mind. No, it's not ignoring the advice you all give.. it's all taken into account and I've formulated my own thing. I love her too much to just say goodbye other then custody issues. I don't know what the future holds- only know my current feelings, and given the circumstances, I don't think there's anything I can do about the feelings right now.

I really hate whining man.. Some reason the past couple years have turned me into everything I hate about this world.. I'm bitter, mean, seldom happy, war causing instead of peace making, and I look at the bad side to everything. Any advice on how to work on these guys & gals?

[FloridaFisher]

Feelings have just taken over yet again..

I couldn't stop myself from looking at her myspace.. she took down all our photos.. I pretty well f'in cried.. Hurts.. it really does.. Did we mean nothing? I feel lower then dirt..

I want to break NC and ask her why..
That may be her point to do that.. or it may be a reaction to my removing her from friends and so forth..

[FloridaFisher]

I don't know about this thread anymore.. I'm failing to use this great advice.. failing to follow through with NC.. Not even helping myself by any means..

She's f'n removing me from her life like I never meant sh**.. I can't understand why my heart's so dispensable.. Why I put everything I have into it and it's still never enough in any relationship.. I'm tired of crying like a little girl.. whining like an idiot.. and putting my feelings out there to be crushed like garbage by the girl I thought I'd spend my life with..

ALL of this and I still can't stop loving the girl..

I brought a kid into this world to live in a broken home.. . I believed her every time she told me she loved me and nothing could change that or tear us apart..
I just can't believe this is the same girl that was here 5 weeks ago.. kissing me.. having sex with me.. telling me she loved us and would be back.. Writing a message of "always and forever" on the damn bathroom mirror..

WHY can I be thrown away that easy? What kind of cold hearted b**** does that to someone?

If that's the case then I really don't want a girlfriend or wife.. I'm tired of being kicked to the god damn curb like I'm nothing after be strung along blindly by my real and legit feelings.

I asked her if she wanted to break up or go on a break and she cried every f'n time and begged that we work on it and stay together.. What a crock of ****.

Move on if it's over but be considerate and understanding and be there for the person you trash. You can't just do that to a person.. you can't tell them you want marriage and a kid.. then take off after the kid's born while the guy's shopping for a ring.. She's really done a number in all 3 of our lives..

Dude.. If she throws me away for no reason without trying after I tried for her countless times.. and forgave her countless times.. I hope she rots in hell.. for the way she did both me and my son.

Dude, I really hope she doesn't get stupid enough to call my house for anything other then talking to my son or custody.. I hope she doesn't get stupid enough to even smile at me or ask about the weather.

Tal, I'm sure you'll step in to say I'm wrong, so this is to you, respectfully of course.

I've been a gentlemen to her every step of the way.. She could have ended this way better then she did.. I have to send my son to be around that sort of thing with him growing up thinking this crap is OK. It is a shame that parents can't get along.. I hate when kids have split parents that fight.. Now I understand why they fight! She could have worked on it.. or said not now or ever.. She went the f'd up route of in between. I really feel like my son deserves to know this about his mom and how she is as a forewarning, but I can't do that because I don't want to hurt the kid more then he's already going to be.


So how's everyone else doing?

[nicobottema]

That's just irrational thinking. It's more likely that she's going through NC as you are, removing all links to get it all over with the best way. She might've done it in a moment where she felt less, or she might've done it more emotionally. It all doesn't matter and you should get back to NC, not check up on her in any way and get over her. There is no reason for you to break it.

[FloridaFisher]

I plan NC.. I know I keep saying it.. but after seeing her write "hey babe (insert email) add me on msn haven't talked to you in a while miss ya <3" to another guy.. really stabs me in the heart.. Specially when she won't even answer a simple letter or two from me.

So many ways she could have gone about this. It's not the best way. You don't lead someone on for years (so she says.. I still call bs)then shock them with the news on a single weekend.. disappear.. then get mad and hang up when they're upset asking questions. F that.

I was ready to fight for this girl.. die for this girl..

I really really really am pissed and hurt.. yet still love the morally bankrupt girl. But I'm not going to give in to the BS stuff she's been up to lately.. It's like she's purposely trying to hurt me. I'm SUPER pissed she said she didn't want to hurt me then does this crap.

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that this is proving that I'm still the same guy she left.. I really do need to change. I blow up way too quickly and way too harsh, but wouldn't you?

Man, it's hard to be civil with someone when they do this to you on purpose..

God, I want my rib back..

[FloridaFisher]

Man.. She wrote me wondering why her passwords were resetting.. We linked out accounts a year ago and she was restting them and I thought someone was resetting mine so I canceled.. she thinks I lied.. asked me to knock it off.. Dude, I don't know why.. but she won't answer anything I sent about her an I.. And, oddly I'm shaking.. like literally nervously.. I only wrote back to assure her that I wasn't doing anything like that..

Currently writing back and forth.. I guess people there are making up a bunch of crap and she's telling me she knows things I told her long ago.. DURRR..

She still says nothing about us.. or why she's already talking to dudes.. man.. I just don't want to care anymore.. this is such an abuse of my feelings.. almost spitefully.. My heart's thumping hard and fast.. I'm shaking.. I'm hurt.. I feel abandoned by the girl I love the most.. I feel like that black piece of gum on a sidewalk.. I don't understand how it was great one day and all of this the next..

Women are twisted.. seriously..

[FloridaFisher]

"hey is just a friend nothing else and he knows that.....Joe I just don't want it thats all I'm done I just want to have my son for right now"

For right now.. what the hell? I'm analyzing again...

She had to message me, aye? Well now that it's sorted she should leave me alone yeah?

She baited me.. that's clear... with her comment to her "friend"..

I think I lost half my IQ when we broke up..

Didn't handle this one well at all...
NEXT...

One of these days NC will stick.. and I'll go out and get a life.. lol..

[FloridaFisher]

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

[the_original]

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

Hey man sorry haven't been around this weekend-work took over!

That sounds like a great plan-now make sure you stick to it. The less you see of her and the less you know of her the easier it is for you to heal and move on. Regardless of how you feel about things, she's going to do what she's going to do. I know you said your 23, how old is this girl if I may ask? Maybe she just needs to go out in the world and grow a little bit-if that means hanging out with and talking to other guys so be it.

Whatever you do though, don't let her bait you! Stick to your plan at all costs. I made the mistake of getting back to my ex a week after all of her attempts to get ahold of me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she was starting to reconsider. Nope. You know what she wanted? An old vaccuum cleaner and a fan. Lol... didnt ask how I was doing, nothing like that. She laid a perfect trap to set me up for disappointment... so now I know better than to break NC no matter what. You will get sick of her games and although when I read your posts now it comes across as upsetting, try and find a way to convert that in to a bit of anger towards her and maybe that will help you not break NC. She is doing this to you, and even though you shouldn't be checking up on her myspace and such, talking to other guys so shortly afterwards saying "add me i miss you" IS pretty disrespectful-it's just not your place to ask about it anymore.

When your 3 days is up,shoot for 7. When 7 passes, go for 14-it just gets easier and easier with time. I have been in NC (minus the 3 text messages I sent but I don't even count that) for almost a month-it does get better man. I can't even compare how I feel now to how I felt when I still had to see her at work every night. Just stick to it, you might surprise yourself. Speaking of which, if you feel like your thread isn't helping so much, feel free to PM me anytime, I usually check this site once a day so I'll get any messages and respons pronto.

[talaniman]

I may not post, but do read what you write. Pretty obvious that you have too much actual time on your hands and have to find a productive way of using it, besides looking back all the time.

Yes without an outlet, or a better focus, feelings can be very overwhelming, and distracting.

[FloridaFisher]

Hey all..

Well, I've done some talking and thinking and have realized that no matter what she does.. I have to do something and go somewhere.. So I'm going to throw myself into working and getting things I was delayed from getting before due to having to take care of a whole family..

That sucks about the vacuum and fan.. what a bee-hotch... It's amazing still how fast they can go from " I love you and nothing can change that" to "hi.. where's my stuff at? Bye. ".. Such BS the way they work.. Makes you wonder if they're all the same.. Hope not..

I do have too much time, and being that I can choose my hours and days doesn't help. I've had some friends pretty much verbally punch me in the face for my own good..

You're completely right about the fact that she's going to do what she's going to do.. I do want her back, but currently there is nothing I can do to change that and I'm not sure I need it right now given the fact my life revolved around her for years. That's completely ridiculous and kind of scary and I need to learn how to live my own life again. Her choices shouldn't effect all of mine.

I'm on day 2 of this NC.. It's got me wondering a lot about what she's up to, but other then that I have been getting better about getting through my day without breaking down.

To me, it's amazing that I can make it a day with laughter and smiles and get through listening to a sappy song or movie without freaking out like a pansy.

Oddly, since I've been single I've had like 5-6 girls asking me to hang out and so forth.. I don't plan to date anyone or get involved right now.. I need to learn to deal with my feelings rather then mask them with another relationship. But, the feeling of being wanted is nice and let's me know that if sh never comes back that I can be OK.

I figured out I became a controlling, jealous, angry, wuss.. I did this out of fear when I found out I was having a kid and I just started losing myself. If I ever want hope of being a family again, or having another woman even, I need to fix these things. These things have made me unhappy as a person which explains so much. I also now understand that she had no control over her feelings and I understand why she felt the way she did. I would have too.

I've lost 20lbs in 5 weeks.. So I plan to fix that.. got a plan and hope to be the next Ryan Reynolds LOL..

You know, when I did check up on her before.. all I saw was a lost, confused, bored, unhappy girl. She's taken to the internet to make and have friends, which isn't bad, but she has no actual life. It's beyond obvious that the state she's in isn't that great. I hope for her and my son that that's not going to become her lifestyle. I feel bad for her honestly..

I know that she fell in love with me once.. It's possible again, but in the meantime I'm going to work to become the complete package.. a man any woman would be happy and proud to be with. : )

Our door will never be permanently closed, just temporarily unavailable... I'm done running into it head first idiotically when that's the case..

Future reference.. How do I tell if she's baiting or perhaps sincere?

Yeah, I'm 23 & she's 18.. We both haven't seen everything to honestly say for sure what we want.. and who wants to be in a relationship they're unsure of? It'd never work..

I'm not worried about her comments anymore.. Seriously it says one thing.. I meant something to her and she's trying to fill that void. It makes me a bit happy, really.. She's grabbing at any bit of attention that comes her way.. She's missing me on some level.. It shows.

Thanks for posting you guys.. It means a lot to know that I'm still being heard.. and your advice in general is great.

I look forward to getting my truck here soon. Found a lead on a great insurance deal. Will know better this week. I may be driving away with it by the weekend! Now I can get out of the house and take my son places. It's also a bit to shove in her face : D and show her that she can't hold me back. I'm regaining my balls and losing the wuss in me. Slowly regaining pride and confidence as well..

I still hold all of the cards when it comes to custody.. I sleep well at night knowing I'm always going to get to see my son.. : )

[the_original]

Haha atta boy man! Get that ryan reynolds going... I just started working out consistently and it feels great... did you create a program online or are you kind of winging it?

[FloridaFisher]

I spend a lot of my time in general reading about exercises, dieting and nutrition, weight lifting, etc.. Men's Health Magazine and Book reader.. avid! GNC member.. I just like it.. I duno..

I wing it but also put plans together for myself.. Before and after photos as well.. maybe I can post results time to time..

My build I have to pretty much do as he did which is what makes working towards looking like him the goal.. I'm cutting cardio out completely.. Lots of fats, but mostly the healthy fats.. It's simple mass gaining.. Working out, but eating slightly more calories for a while then I would be able to work off.. No calories after 8pm.. 7-8 meals throughout the day rather then 3 big ones.. Whey, casein, creatine, maybe mass gainer, and multi-vitamins.. Nothing unnatural..

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh... now what ?

[the_original]

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh.... now what ?

Hey man,
Well maybe you won't want to retry in the future... think about that. You said it yourself she is heading in a different direction right now... sometimes people need to figure things out on their own. My ex is going completely astray as well last I saw of her... and while it bothered me at first, I grew angry, than I just accepted it. I was angry that THAT lifestyle was what she left me for, when for 3 years she said she had enough of it, didn't like it, wasn't a party girl, etc. But there she is out clubbin... I tried hitting bars every weekend with my friends-but after a few weekends of it I realized that wasn't who I was, and while its fun once in a while, it gets real old real fast. And if that's how she likes living her life right now-than we aren't meant to be together. You may not feel it right now, but eventually I think it's a safe bet her behaviour will push you away, and you will just grow to accept whoever she becomes for better or worse and roll with the punches. But, right now, it doesn't really matter. Reconciliation should be the last thing on your mind right now, focus on yourself, and the custody business.

I WAS the jealous kind of guy... maybe I still am, but I don't feel it. That was one of the main reasons she dumped me... and for the first 1 1/2 maybe 2 months I was constantly asking her: "is this for another guy?" "are you seeing someone?" "were you cheating on me?"-all signs I still had jealousy issues (none of this turned out to be true, but your mind assumes the worst at these times) and eventually I stopped caring if she was with someone else or if she left me for another guy. I think that was a big first step. I can't tell you for sure how to cure jealousy, some will recommend therapy, some reading a self help book, I honestly whenever the time is right and I'm in my next long term relationship-will use my mistakes from this one to make sure I'm not jealous again. Bite my tongue, and give my unconditional trust. Hopefully it isn't broken... sometimes you just got to go on faith, and I've learned that.

As for controlling, relationships are about compromise. Having someone do it your way all the time just builds feelings of resentment, and pushes them away. Think about that, and sometimes we have to realize, we just aren't always right.

But its 2am here man, I got to pass out due to work in the morning. Have fun working out and keep me posted

[FloridaFisher]

Update:

Broke NC, but not in the way you think.. Read on..

Got into her head a little. She's really unsure about anything and just needs space. I ran into her in an old chat we used to goof off on and she doesn't know this username. She started talking to me when I was talking to others. So I lured a bit with teasing talk and she privated me.

I acted like I had a similar situation and explained the guy can changed you just have to give it time to see it. We went aback and forth a lot and I found out she's a huge flirt and loves attention but hasn't had sex. Worse she did was a picture in her bra. She's obviously showing signs that what I said she thought about because she asked if that picture counted as sex when I told her sex could close her book for good.

I know I know I broke NC, but COME ON how often can you do this really? Plus, I had fun flirting with her and seeing she does like who I am still. When I told her it's fine to take her time she didn't respond really, but when I said don't go on without letting him have the chance to show you he can change everything like I "did" in my hypothetical character lol.

She mentioned the problems and even that I said I would change but that she hasn't seen it and I have been pushing her away by saying don't have sex and still trying to control her. Good points she made. Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.

She mentioned that I haven't shown change because I still don't have that truck (she's absolutely right), I have this crappy job I hate, and I still live in this dump that depresses me. I also asked her about trying her "ex" before she moves on and he regrets not being about to show change and feels like crap for the rest of his life, that one day she may regret not trying, and that she has to tell her son that she didn't even try before giving up. I like the answers she gave in private when dealt with individually. In the main room she said stuff about wondering about custody and not wanting me or being with me, but in private message she showed that she's not sure..

She changed the subject A LOT, but I always got it back lol. She's trying to press it out of her mind, so I'll back off and let her cool down and in the meantime see what else I can do.

She said she wasn't sure about sex with anyone else but that she's not going to wait around 6 months to a year for me. She also said some things that hurt a little, but I think they were said in the hopes of my flirting more and stuff. She did mention out sex life the same way I did/do- that we just got boring. I explained to her that after a year the lust wears off and you have to BOTH try to make things exciting and fun.

In one room she spoke about being done with me once she gained custody rights, but the other room mentioned that she'd never do it. I think it's ALL about attention right now! It's good news!

While I give her space I'll work on making our custody chats short but friendly, and possibly do what she's been doing to me, making her jealous.

I do not get this though..
A) When she hunted down my post about some girl being hot and wanting to hang out she acted bothered by it.
B) She mentioned to the chatroom me that I had moved on. (I assured her that my actions showed that I still loved her regardless)
C) She asks for space and tells me to move on.

These are very mixed reactions and answers. Which is more then likely?

I believe she loves me, but I think she enjoys flirting(which I'm OK with that even the bra pic was cute) and I think she;s afraid because she refuses to face the reality of any of it.

She says it makes her mad to talk about me or to me. I asked why and she said, "it's messed up that he didn't love me before and only started loving me in the end." I told her that if he's like me and I'm sure he is that he loved you all along that's why he stayed too, he just had some of his own demons to deal with.

I asked her if she saw these changes(job, car, place) would she consider trying again with him.. she said "idk" "i'm not sure"..

So my job is to get out there and make these things happen, give her space, and then present this life to her.

I do, however, need to get her out of being mad about me and to me. I think between no contact about us and friendly talks about custody and our son that I can do it.

Am I an idiot or what? LOL.. An excited one, and it keeps me from calling her making it worse and gives me some insight on what's going on.

She dyed her hair and it looks beautiful, she dressed up for some new Facebook pics and I was just gaga over them. I think I love this new her even more. For once she's being herself again and she's being outgoing on top of it.. I dig it! Lol..

Yeah.. I'm stupid.. but hell.. it's better to try for her then to not do anything with myself. If I get let down later at least I still have my son and life. I wish I could tell her it was me, but it'll ruin it and possibly make her hate me more lol. I'll keep hush hush. She was turned on by the chatroom me while spouting off that she lost her feelings for me and could never have them back. I laughed pretty hard.

I watched her flirt with other guys, even with myself since she didn't now it was me, I heard about the pic, seen her act a spaz about being h*rney and not having sex. LOL. I wasn't hurt, jealous, and kind of got turned on by it. I see what I missed by controlling her before. Man I wish I could say something about it rofl.. It'll get me through the days so I can get back on track.

I think one day she'll come back around, but who knows, maybe she'll change and it'll be me who comes around. Maybe neither, but I doubt it. I think if I can use this knowledge to my benefit I'll have a chance. We'll see.

She's alone in GA, she's all on the net and that's all, eventually she'll lone for the person in real life and hopefully by then I can show her the me she loved before. I think she's really too unsure about how to handle her and I which is what's keeping her from crossing the line.

My time to shine.

[amicon]

So you cyberstalked your ex,pretending to be somebody else?

I have moving more to say on this thread.

I'm unsubscribing.

[FloridaFisher]

No.. I ran into her at a place we both used to go.. I didn't even see her until she spoke my username and I seen it was her.. She did most the talking.. I just finally got a chance to hear what the problems were from her since she always shut me out. I also had the chance to show her my side and where I was coming from.

Regardless of whether this run in incident where she spoke to me first is to your moral liking, you have to see the humor in that she's hitting on me and liking me and telling me she doesn't. Dude, it gives me peace of mind. And you know what, I'm not ashamed.

I never knew what the situation was because of the close communication. I was given the opportunity to see what I was doing wrong in her eyes. It confirmed most of what I already though, but that confirmation made me smile a real smile for the first time in months.

I also spoke to a mutual friend who randomly pasted the ex's Facebook statuses without my asking since I unadded the ex.. Its says that she's tired of people playing with her feelings that they don't see how bad she's hurting on the inside.

I'm telling you all I KNOW THIS GIRL. I know she has feelings, just not sure what it takes to bring them out.

Unsubscribe and never post if you must, but this is the first real sign I've had since this all began that I'm not going insane in what I'm feeling and saying. I'm not saying sorry or apologizing for my act. I know how to possibly get my family back.

You don't know what that means to me, amicon. I lost my family. I lost the will to really live life anymore. Am I not allowed to be given hope? Am I not allowed something harmless? Am I not allowed to know what I did wrong so that I may fix it? I know one day it'll all pay off in one way or another. It's already done, I was caught in the moment, and now I'm going to use it.

[talaniman]

Your inability to communicate honestly is what's biting you in the butt big time. Deceit will get you excited, but solves nothing. The truth is, she is not sold on the ideas of your change, and that's her stumbling block.

Come on guy, what she says to a stranger in a chat room is different than actually doing something to help her situation work. Lets not forget the same situation she ran from is still waiting for her when she returns, even if you are nicer about it.

Change is all about actions, not words, and you must have the actions or the words mean nothing.

You asked a question before that I thought was telling,

Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.

That's the red flag that's been waving since you got here, why you two have no communications, and what you do about it. All the other details fall by the way side in light of the real problem.

You want to show change? Then my suggestion is you start with your attitude, and how you are conducting your business, as true communications start with the ears, (thats why there are two of them, and its no coincidence the brain is between them) and you really need to find that point of communications with her that can resolve issues, to both your benefit, not just yours. You worry about what you have now and she is seeing a bleak future, so get on the same page.

Have you thought of improving yourself through schooling, in class or online, that has a placement service for graduates? And maybe given your finances, some grants or loans to help you? That's how I would be looking to address my own future employment, and buying a new truck. That may be the change she can believe in.

I have seen that strategy work with many a young person, and ex convicts exceptionally well, so I can say with confidence, its something to consider.

This is not about her wanting you back, never has been, its about you getting your ducks in order, and restoring not only your confidence in yourself, but hers in you. And you need actions, not words, so get busy, and stop the deceit.

If she ever finds out how low you have stooped, your toast.

[the_original]

While I don't agree with what you did, I can understand WHY you did it, and I can honestly say if pressed with the same situation it would have been at the very least tempting... but I wouldn't make a habit of it... doesnt sound like you plan on it anyway I'm just saying...

Another thing I noticed is that for the first time in this thread, you seem confident-good for you! I wish there was a way to get you to feel like this that didn't revolve around getting your ex back at this point, but whatever works and helps you get your s**t together right?

[talaniman]

Sorry guys, that personal stuff is not needed. Nor can it be tolerated. Keep it real or what's the point in keeping this post going?