[Akorn1]

I dated a girl all through High School, when I graduated and went to college she still had a year left, and I made every attempt to still give her the sense that I was always there, such as picking her up everyday, sometimes skipping classes to take her to school in the morning, and not sleeping (I worked midnight shift) to spend as much time as I could with her. Well shortly after the first semester of college, my best friend turned 21 so we threw him a hotel party where he brought the booze. I don't drink, and my girlfriend consumed enough for the both of us so when she passed out I made sure she was comfortable, and asked my friend to call me when everyone woke up. We broke up as the result of the next morning, where her and my best friend made plans to do so, and they were together within a night of the breakup. Later when I confronted him, she was there and she told me that she never loved me. So my question is what wasn't I providing for her? I've really been dwelling on it ever since we broke up.

[kp2171]

So... you are focusing on whatever you think you didn't do... and not letting her own the breakup?

You can do "all the right things" and be a "perfect guy" and still not have things work out.

An honest answer is that most relationships are meant for a time, not all time... and I think its especially true with younger people... you are out on your own, the sense of freedom and the desire to explore is strong...

Happens all the time.

So... its fine to do things you think you should do... but don't be a butler... don't center your life around whatever you think you might need to do to make her happy... if it takes that much work, its probably not going to last...

So... it's a hard lesson learned. I've had to experience it. Most have.

You think you can do all the right things and be the right person and then it goes to hell. Then, eventually, you stop trying to please others all the time... or at least you have a more balanced perspective on getting your needs met and being good to others.

So... what weren't you providing her is the wrong question... because you think that's going to answer why did she leave or why didn't she love you...

You dated. Things change. She was probably ready for an out and took it. You were blindsided by it because you were thinking all was well...

Chances are, she'd been thinking about bailing out of the plane for a time and was waiting for the right moment... maybe had some self doubts about leaving... as for her never loving you... hard to say. That might be her rewriting history... she mightve fallen for you and then those feelings diminished over time.

[Akorn1]

Thank you so much, I never thought of it like that, the thing that made it worse was that it was with my best friend, and I trusted him a lot, kind of a double loss in one night...

[bidingmytime]

From a girls prospective:
She did not break up with you because you weren't "providing" her with enough. So don't think any more about that.
However, I can see three other reasons she possibly broke up with you.
1. You were trying too hard to provide, protect, etc. Girls need space. Most girls don't like to be smothered and trying to too hard can make a guy seem insecure and unattractive to a girl.

2. You and she just weren't compatible. If she broke up with you and you don't understand why, then the two of you obviously think very differently. Maybe she finds that she is able to relate better to the other guy. It does not mean the other guy is better than you. It just means she did not think you were her sole mate and she wants to try something else.

3. She is young. She isn't ready to settle down and stay with one guy. She wants to date other guys and see what it's like to satisfy her curiosity. In this case she probably won't stay with your friend for very long either.

It could be any one of these or some combination thereof.

My advice to you: Stop worrying about what you did wrong because it's probably nothing. If she comes back to you, great. If she doesn't then just be strong and move on. In the mean time, try to focus on other aspects of your life. For example, start working out, learn a new skill, concentrate on getting to a higher place in life. If you can get to the point where you are really comfortable with yourself, girls are going to find you more attractive and you won't feel like you need to bend over backward for them to like you.

Last but not least. Don't be to hurt by the "i never loved you". Most people don't even know what love is anyway. She felt something for you, she did date you didn't she?

Let me know if you have further questions

[kp2171]

Yep. That sucks.

Look... it might not have been planned out at all... maybe she was thinking about asking for space... he was a familiar face... blah blah blah.

I had a somewhat similar experience in that I dated a girl through 2 years HS and 4 years college only to have it end with her wanting to end it and date another guy.

Yeah... it broke my heart. Yeah... I thought id worked my arse off to make her happy. It was a good love for a time and it had run its course. Honestly, in hindsight, I'm glad it ended and I kind of wish it had ended sooner... but that's after a dozen years have passed.

And don't get me wrong... I don't think its bad to think about what the other person needs and wants... but I'm certainly more likely now to think like this...

If I'm not a good fit for this person as I am, with some reasonable compromises and efforts (she should make some too), then its just not a good fit.

So... don't look for that magic bullet that you missed. You didn't miss anything. In fact, my experience is a little turmoil now and then isn't the worst thing... I'm not into head games, but if all is just peachy and perfect all the time... well, wheres the challenge in that?

Be your own person, have your own space, have your own friends and interests, be willing to mix them with hers some of the time... the mystery of getting to know someone drives that early dating rush. There's no need for that to completely go away...

Just don't do like I did a couple of times... where I practically became her girlfriend I was there so much.

[Akorn1]

I'm not sure about your number 1 reason because she was always complaining about me not being there enough for her, but the other two could be spot on. I haven't vented since we broke up, talking about things on here really makes me get it, thanks everyone

[talaniman]

You did to so much, and found out it wasn't enough to keep her with you. But her feelings were bound to change eventually given her age, and circumstances. Normal, and that's good because now you can meet some real woman who are already out of high school, and into adult stuff. You will love it.

[chickie543]

You did so much for her, she didn't appreciate it. Find some who will appreciate your good heart.