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    beanster's Avatar
    beanster Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Dec 9, 2006, 10:57 PM
    Am I wrong?
    Am I wrong to be upset when my husband comes home at seven in the morning after calling the night before and saying that he just is going for something to eat with friends and there had been a history of cheating?
    Just asking...
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #2

    Dec 9, 2006, 10:59 PM
    No your not wrong. You have every right to be upset and suspicious.
    s2tp's Avatar
    s2tp Posts: 299, Reputation: 61
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    #3

    Dec 9, 2006, 11:04 PM
    Umm No your are not wrong... He is!
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #4

    Dec 10, 2006, 01:02 AM
    Upset?
    What?
    Just upset?
    If my hubby came crawling in at 7am with out proof that World War III had started, his bags would be packed and in the hall!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Dec 10, 2006, 01:08 AM
    Of course you are RIGHT to be upset, and to vent your feelings and let him know that there will be hell to pay for upseting you.
    beanster's Avatar
    beanster Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
    		  
    #6

    Dec 10, 2006, 11:19 AM
    He complains that I am only nit-picking...
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #7

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:14 PM
    Here is a strong enough message. Time for counseling or time for a divorce and move on.
    bubbler_77's Avatar
    bubbler_77 Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:24 PM
    You have every right to be upset that your other half is spending nights away!

    You and him really need to have a good long talk about where you and him are going in the marriage that you are both in, time for some straight talking on both sides... You need to express to him the way he is making you feel, but you also need to listen to things that he has to say too.

    Try sitting down together over a meal and have a good long honest talk...
    Bhavi_baboon's Avatar
    Bhavi_baboon Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by beanster
    Am I wrong to be upset when my husband comes home at seven in the morning after calling the night before and saying that he just is going for something to eat with friends and there had been a history of cheating?
    Just asking...

    UHUH that's not good if he has cheated try and let him down easy! Start with that!:D
    beanster's Avatar
    beanster Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:34 PM
    It is not possible to have a reasonable talk about our relationship.he accuses me of painting him black and that he cannot do anything right in my eyes.So far,he has not expressed remorse about the affair or made any steps towards a reconciliation.I have told him that we are heading to splits-ville and I think that he seems happy with that.But I did ask him to refrain from any closer contact to other women until we are divorced.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #11

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:55 PM
    Like he really is going to listen to that. You obvously already know what he is capable of. Think it is time to get the process started the faster the better. No remorse, doesn't care. He is ready to move too.
    Bhavi_baboon's Avatar
    Bhavi_baboon Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Dec 10, 2006, 12:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by beanster
    It is not possible to have a reasonable talk about our relationship.he accuses me of painting him black and that he cannot do anything right in my eyes.So far,he has not expressed remorse about the affair or made any steps towards a reconciliation.I have told him that we are heading to splits-ville and I think that he seems happy with that.But I did ask him to refrain from any closer contact to other women until we are divorced.

    Look just file for divorce no matter what it takes
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
    		  
    #13

    Dec 10, 2006, 01:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by beanster
    But I did ask him to refrain from any closer contact to other women until we are divorced.
    Very few cheating men will abide by that request when divorce is already in the wind.
    Quote Originally Posted by beanster
    So far, he has not expressed remorse about the affair or made any steps towards a reconciliation. I have told him that we are heading to splits-ville and I think that he seems happy with that.
    You have all the answers you need from him. Now is the time to make the wind blow faster, so to speak. Take this relationship apart as quickly as possible for your own mental health. Any delay is only more opportunity for you to get further hurt.
    beanster's Avatar
    beanster Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Dec 10, 2006, 02:01 PM
    I asked him if he wanted divorce and he tried to change the subject but I kept on asking and finally he said that he doesn't know.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
    		  
    #15

    Dec 10, 2006, 02:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by beanster
    i asked him if he wanted divorce and he tried to change the subject but i kept on asking and finally he said that he doesn't know.
    Don't ask anymore. Make it happen instead. Start by calling someone to help you... a friend, a family member, someone. I hate to say it but its either that or be his doormat for the rest of your married life. Your choice here. There is no magic third option, sorry.
    Allheart's Avatar
    Allheart Posts: 1,639, Reputation: 436
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    #16

    Dec 10, 2006, 02:45 PM
    Beanster,

    Val has put it so perfectly. There is no majic third option.

    Beanster, I am so sorry for this rough road you are on, but from where I sit, the sooner you get off this road, end this emotional torture, you will be on a much better and happier road.

    I wish you strength to get through this, courage to stand up for yourself, and to be blessed with the knowledge that not only should you not accept this, the power is in your hands not to accept it any longer.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #17

    Dec 10, 2006, 05:07 PM
    Of course it's not wrong for you to be upset. Just what the hell (besides the obvious) is he doing staying out until 7AM? Having a 12-hour meal out with his "friends?" Come on, now!
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #18

    Dec 10, 2006, 05:30 PM
    Go to court and file the papers. Please do not be niave. Sounds like excuses are being made now. Eighter you want a divorce or not. If you do go to the courts to file papers. Reason for divorce. Adultery.

    Simple.

    I know marriage is supposed to be for a life time. Marriage is through sickness and health and rich and poor. There are exemptions to this rule especially when he decided to cheat on you.

    Joe
    beanster's Avatar
    beanster Posts: 69, Reputation: 2
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    #19

    Dec 10, 2006, 07:06 PM
    I am asking because this has happened many times before,actually,ever since we were together.He would go to the bars after work without telling me where he is going or when he is coming back but staying out all night is since about six months which is when I uncovered his affair.I think that he is not cheating with only one woman but several.I also just looked up "narcisstic personality" and it fits him to the T.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
    		  
    #20

    Dec 10, 2006, 07:10 PM
    I am glad to hear you have filed for divorce...

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...hat-38899.html

    Good luck.
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