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Mitexi · Dec 3, 2006, 06:46 PM

I am a single parent, by choice. The father is not involved, he only brought negativity to our lives. He was abuses drugs and was unfaithful to me. My question is not having a father in my child's life to me is healthier but in the long run do think that it will effect my child in a negative way?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 3, 2006, 06:49 PM

It could have an effect in a negative way, because eventually he will question why does other people have a father and not him/her. At the same time when your child grows up and matures they will learn and realise on their own that they were better off without a father. Believe me I know.

Joe

Mitexi · Dec 3, 2006, 07:01 PM

I understand that, however when my child asks questions I will not hide anything, I will tell her the best manner as I can of why her father is not around. Nor will I ever say anything bad about him either. And if she ever wants to met, God help her, I will not hold her back. I will be there though. Please believe me! Do think this make a slight diffrence on how she will feel in the near furture?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 3, 2006, 07:07 PM

I think that is what you should do. Keep her open minded. Tell her the truth. Do not hide anything and if one day she wants to meet him let that happen, but like I said before she will want to know her father. She will have lots of questions and it is good that your honest with her. At the same time, for the mean time you need to protect her as well. She will feel hurt especially if he comes and goes out of the blue. There will be pain and hurt involved but honestly she needs to go through that to learn about life, to learn about her father. Eventually she will figure out what is good and not, and what is best for her. Please know that everybody that goes through this reacts in different ways, I am just stating what experience I had.

Mitexi · Dec 5, 2006, 09:56 AM

Thank you for your honesty. It is a hard topic for me, me being a Daddys girl and all. I only want the best for my daughter, she is my heart. If you don't mind me asking, did have real big impact on not having a parent around? If so how do would you have liked the situtation to have been handled? If you would have wanted it any different of course?

Mary Surette · Aug 5, 2007, 09:15 PM

Sorry if this answer is late, but I think you need to try to get him in your daughter's life. I too am a single mom of a daughter, 9, out of choice. A very difficult decision to make when she was 1 to tell him to leave, but then getting hit across my jaw made me realize he needed to have left long before that! He was physically abusive.

At any rate, I left the town we were in for two years and realized my daughter needed to know her daddy. We moved back to the town I had left and now my daughter maintains contact with him more often. He loves his daughter but just hated me.

I think you need to give the dad a chance to be a dad. At least let him see her and communicate with her. Maybe visitation can be supervised. I don't know your legal situation, but I think it would be good for your daughter. I think it will help her self esteem and help her to feel like the other children around her that she has a dad.

momo2lilgls · Aug 6, 2007, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by Mitexi

I am a single parent, by choice. The father is not involved, he only brought negativity to our lives. He was abuses drugs and was unfaithful to me. My question is not haveing a father in my childs life to me is healthier but in the long run do think that it will effect my child in a negative way?

What is the most healthiest is having your child grow up in a household that is healthy. It takes two to create a child, but sometimes it can only take one to raise them. Negativity is never a good thing to have hang around a child, no matter who inititates it. Parents are the role models and need to lead that life. Not having the father in the child's life for the right reasons, will be tough, but in the end, will be benficial.