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emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 12:55 PM

Yes I know exes are exes for a reason but if I didn't really like it I had to communicate that... but I think I see what you are saying... better to hide it. I know you guys are trying to make me do things better. Thanks. So, I'm never suppose to be jealous and always trust 100%? I thought it was good to be a bit jealous as it shows caring.

I wish · Dec 21, 2009, 12:58 PM

You're making it sound like your ex represents the entire women population.

She's only one person. You broke up. You lost her trust. End of story.

Time to start a new story. If you never let go of the past, you will never be able to start a new relationship on a clean slate. That's unfair to you and to the new person.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 12:58 PM

There you go again, not seeing what was said, and only taking things one way again... your way.

I thought it was good to be a bit jealous as it shows caring.

Don't agree at all, and neither did she.

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 02:20 PM

What do you mean TMan... She didn't agree with what? All she did was be jealous and that is what confuses me. I could never so much as look at a girl even in a magazine... I would try and get her used to it and rarely she kind of relaxed but still always the same. I would even tell her, cmon I know you love bruce willis and she says not anymore... it seemed manipulative as she wanted to change that she doesn't like anyone just so that she can hold it against me that I liked someone on TV. Either way, she always wanted to see who text me and who called and all that. So TMan... jealousy is never good at all no matter what?

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 03:08 PM

it seemed manipulative as she wanted to change that she doesn't like anyone just so that she can hold it against me that I liked someone on TV.

It was manipulative!

Its so unfair to be jealous, and not bide by the same rules she imposed on you. That's not caring, that's control, and manipulation, and should have been a big red flag.

You let things like this slide without mutual resolution, and it came back to bite you.

I have an advantage EMO, not just with experience, but knowing what you have posted in the past, in your deleted post. Just wanted to explain my position, and not just have you think I am against you. That's not the case, but you're a difficult student, who I hope appreciates my straight forward honesty.

You don't have to see what I see, but I just want you to think in a broader sense, and not just from an emotional one.

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 03:45 PM

Thank you TMan! Well I started this long thread... It had a beginning and you all added the body and now I would like this to come to a conclusion.
So to wrap it up, let me know if this is correct.
My ex was manipulative and very jealous and never trusted me. I have to learn that exes are exes and that they can have close guy friends and not be bothered because I have to be more confident. If she is going to cheat, she will find a way anyway, eventually. Better to trust and if it happens, better sooner than later. That's better than forcing my way and after 5 years, have them cheat on me anyway. Correct so far?

I have made a lot of points of placing the blame. I know we had great times together and loved each other. What seemed an error is that I allowed her to always curse me out and yell at me in public and lie to me about where she is. She could have spoken with me calmly and maturely if she really had aproblem with how I was and I would've come to a compromise and fix it. Instead she lied again and even after realizing she betrayed our pact again and disregarded honesty, she curses me out and says she wants to be with friends as if I ever said she couldn't. I only said let me know, common sense. She didn't even try so I can't even really know how I'd respond. And she did ask to go to a club and hang out with friends in 3 occasions and I didn't mind. Mind you one day we were upset and she did a guys hair for him while we were upset. I found out 2 days later... I didn't make a big deal but just said to let me know next time. I hated that everything wrong was always when upset at me. I wouldn't have a girl come over and do her hair while my girl is home. I'd have her around. But that's how I am and I expect the same especially if we were upset you don't do that. Is expecting to be treated how I treat another count as jealousy or crossing the lines of respect? I tend to think my relationship problem does include trust issues but I think its mainly her disrespecting a lot. Any responses?

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 04:14 PM

Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? After all, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 04:59 PM

I tend to think my relationship problem does include trust issues but I think its mainly her disrespecting a lot. Any responses?

Your right, but (Hehehehe!) you allowed the disrespect, therefore bringing more disrespect. Ignoring bad behavior brings more of the same. That's the reality you didn't deal with so who is at fault? The nice guy who allows himself to be slapped? Or the nice guys partner who disrespect him, by slapping him?

Answer-Its the nice guys fault for letting himself be slapped, and disrespected.

Now you can blame the partner for doing it, but that would be wrong, just because the partner can only do to you what you let them do.

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 05:16 PM

I like the way you see things TMAN... Very smart!

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 05:27 PM

I learned the hard way, but it only took once. I acknowledge mistakes, but make a point to not repeat them. But I move beyond them.

Its called learning, and giving yourself a chance to grow.

Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? After all, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

Never done that, never will. Just me though. ( I do ask my wife about it, she gives pretty good advice)

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 05:34 PM

I quit... im so tired of writing the same nonsense. Bottom line, it didn't work. We tried but to no avail. Same problems all over again. I work on trusting and finding someone who treats me good and be happy with that. Simple!
But surely we will get upset at times, and she will do something to upset me but its all in how I deal with things, correct? I want to be the best person I can be. Sure I am 24 but its never to late to be the person you want to be.
1. I will never hit my girl...
2. I have cursed my girl but only because she would first. Which brings this.
3. Never do paybacks anymore. It never does any good.
4. Think or come to AMHD before doing anything (you all have the greatest advice! I'm so glad I stood NC!)
5. Trust 100%... innocent until proven guilty I guess.
6. Ignore exes and be the cool suave guy even if they talk from time to time. (really have to work on this as it hurt to even write it!)
7. Give space when they want to hang out with friends and encourage it.

Wow! I just realized that I woke up with absolutely no thought or pain of my ex. It seems I'm mostly scared of making the same mistakes again for self improvement! Thank you everyone!

friend4u178 · Dec 21, 2009, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? Afterall, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

I'm with Tal , sharing personal details with an Ex is not for me , I have friends who have stuck by me for that.

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 06:04 PM

So then you are both saying you can understand someone being jealous if it did happen to them? So is jealousy okay or not... confused now.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 07:18 PM

Anything that crosses the line of good behavior is not okay in my book. I can honestly say I tend to keep a safe distance from jealous people, and have no reason to be jealous myself. But that's just me.

So is jealousy okay or not... confused now.

Not for me!

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 08:14 PM

Ok well the big question. How do I learn to just trust and not be jealous for my next relationship?

bjohnrupp · Dec 21, 2009, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your right, but (Hehehehe!) you allowed the disrespect, therefore bringing more disrespect. Ignoring bad behavior brings more of the same. Thats the reality you didn't deal with so who is at fault? The nice guy who allows himself to be slapped? Or the nice guys partner who disrespect him, by slapping him??

Answer-Its the nice guys fault for letting himself be slapped, and disrespected.

Now you can blame the partner for doing it, but that would be wrong, just because the partner can only do to you what you let them do.

Hey Tal/Emo- I've been reading through this thread because Emo's ex sounds a lot like my ex- they probably would be good friends lol. My question is Tal- what's a guy like Emo or me supposed to do when you're in a relationship and the girl is acting like this.

Like Emo I stood up for myself but she would continue to do/say disrespectful things. I don't know how guys like me or Emo can handle girls like this- its not like were pushovers and letting ourselves get walked on... thats how a lot of younger girls act.:confused:

friend4u178 · Dec 21, 2009, 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

My question is - whats a guy like Emo or me supposed to do when you're in a relationship and the girl is acting like this.

That's when you grow a pair and walk instead of sticking around thinking their going to change.

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

Like Emo I stood up for myself but she would continue to do/say disrespectful things.

You only get what you put up with. By staying around they know they can walk all over you and you won't do a thing about it until it's suits them , then they leave.

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 10:19 PM

Friend4U... so as soon as a girl does something wrong, we are suppose to walk out? Cmon... reality now. Be serious. Really what do you do?

emopunk7 · Dec 21, 2009, 10:21 PM

How do you become an expert on this site?

friend4u178 · Dec 21, 2009, 10:24 PM

Of course not Emo , we're not talking about a girl just doing something wrong , we're talking about a girl who continually abuses you emotionally.

Sure let her know it's hurting the relationship first and see if she's willing to do something about it , yours wasn't and you stuck around until SHE finally dumped you.

Get where I'm coming from?

----------------------------------------------------

Originally Posted by emopunk7

How do you become an expert on this site?

Here you go...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...age#faq_expert