[talaniman]

You go cross country skiing! Is the gym open? Is your room clean?? Call the boys over for College football on TV.

I guess my lazy a$$ would just as soon do nothing but play on the computer, cause I don't feel like cleaning my room.

Jokes aside, find a way to be busy that's fun, because time flies when your having fun, and idle minds wonder on BS!

HINT- physical activity is good for you, snow, rain ,sleet, or sunshine.

[Alty]

Stick to NC no matter what.

As for being worried about her, well, she's no longer your concern, your problem, she's someone else's problem now.

Relationships are tricky. There's the good, the bad and the ugly. You're in the ugly zone right now.

Here's the question. If someone took a knife and stabbed you in the heart but you were able to walk away from it, sore, hurt, scarred, but still able to walk away, would you give them the chance to do it again?

Don't let her hurt you, she's not worth it.

Get out there, do something you love to do, hang out with your friends, heck, build a snowman or an igloo. Just do something that will keep your mind off her.

It takes time, but you'll get there, we all do. :)

[fearxfear]

You guys are awesome seriously... every time I want to look back you guys just keep pointing me forward. Thank you guys

[bjohnrupp]

Hey Fear- what Altenweg said is so true though. She's hurting you and only you can control if she hurts you or not anymore.

Getting over being dumped from someone you loved deeply is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Probably the only thing harder is when a loved one dies. Just realize that eventually your ex will just be a fuzzy memory- but its going to take lots of time.

[Alty]

hey Fear- what Altenweg said is so true though. Shes hurting you and only you can control if she hurts you or not anymore.

Getting over being dumped from someone you loved deeply is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Probably the only thing harder is when a loved one dies. Just realize that eventually your ex will just be a fuzzy memory- but its going to take lots of time.

What you said here is so true.

The thing that most of us forget is that the end of a relationship is almost like the death of a loved one. You have to learn to live without them, to move on, to find that happiness you had before you met them.

It's there, it's doable, but boy is it hard.

Time heals all wounds. I lost both my parents 6 1/2 months apart. I'm an only child. I was 30 when they died. That was in 2001. Tell anyone my age and I will hunt you down and beat you. ;)

The hardest part was going out, doing things. I didn't want to go camping because of all the memories of camping with my parents. I didn't even want to look at my son because of all the memories of my parents spending time with him.

For the first 5 days I sat in my dads recliner in front of the TV in my PJ's, no shower, no food, no drink, nothing. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again.

It took my son to snap me out of it. It didn't happen over night but on day 6 I did shower and I ate something. Then 2 months later we had friends over and played cards all night. Four months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Every milestone was a huge deal.

That was in 2001. I still miss them, but I'm happy with my life, I can do the things I always enjoyed without being sad because it involves memories of them.

It takes time. You're on the right path. You almost have to pretend that this person is dead, that she's out of your life for good and you have no choice but to move on. Accept that, live with that, move forward with that thought in mind and you will get there.

No one ever died of a broken heart. I promise you. ;)

[bjohnrupp]

What you said here is so true.

The thing that most of us forget is that the end of a relationship is almost like the death of a loved one. You have to learn to live without them, to move on, to find that happiness you had before you met them.

It's there, it's doable, but boy is it hard.

Time heals all wounds. I lost both my parents 6 1/2 months apart. I'm an only child. I was 30 when they died. That was in 2001. Tell anyone my age and I will hunt you down and beat you. ;)

The hardest part was going out, doing things. I didn't want to go camping because of all the memories of camping with my parents. I didn't even want to look at my son because of all the memories of my parents spending time with him.

For the first 5 days I sat in my dads recliner in front of the tv in my PJ's, no shower, no food, no drink, nothing. I was ready to die. I wanted to die. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again.

It took my son to snap me out of it. It didn't happen over night but on day 6 I did shower and I ate something. Then 2 months later we had friends over and played cards all night. Four months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Every milestone was a huge deal.

That was in 2001. I still miss them, but I'm happy with my life, I can do the things I always enjoyed without being sad because it involves memories of them.

It takes time. You're on the right path. You almost have to pretend that this person is dead, that she's out of your life for good and you have no choice but to move on. Accept that, live with that, move forward with that thought in mind and you will get there.

No one ever died of a broken heart. I promise you. ;)

Hey Altenweg-I'm really sorry to hear about what happened back in 2001 with your parents. I give you so much credit for perservering- that must have made you such a strong person. I wish I was stronger- me getting dumped from my fiancé is more than I can handle.

But you're right how you said you have to treat a breakup like a death... I mean you will likely never see the person ever again and after a few messages here and there will never hear from the person again. Not to mention the rejection that the other person would rather be by themselves or with someone else rather than have you around which makes it even harder when you love that person more than anything in the world.:(

[fearxfear]

I went out to the bars this past sat and I met these twin girls and its really interesting talking to them and I kind of forgot everything that was bearing down on me. But then when I walk out of the bar, everything just set back to reality... and the sense of missing and loneliness came back... does anybody else feel this too?

[bjohnrupp]

Hey Fear- damn its funny- you sound like me. I went bar hopping with my friend this past Saturday night also- talked to whatever girls were around but they were just being bit*** and anyone's we met said they had boyfriends. I noticed some girls get pleasure out of blowing off guys hitting on them. Same thing though- when I got home from the bars everything came back to reality and it didn't help that I was 1 /2 drunk... the missing and lonliness came back big time and all day Sunday I felt horrible and didn't want to do anything. So I feel the same as you man. What's even rougher is knowing the ex has her choice of any guys and never has to be alone for one day if she didn't want to be. Last I heard she's juggling 2 or 3 guys. :9

[fearxfear]

hey bjohnrupp.. yeah dun get me wrong I got blown off by like 8103 girls and kind of annoyed me but in my mind I was like what do I have to lose. Yeah the loneliness def sunk in worst right when I was driving home buzzed and all alone in my room trying to pass out. Dang I can def relate with you on every point. And I still struggle with sleeping but its not as bad some nights. Hang in there! I try to go to church on Sunday.. that didn't help =/

[bjohnrupp]

Yea I've gotten real down lately because its so hard to find a great girl that has it all. Yea I got home late and just passed out watching videos on YouTube... but the songs get me more upset. I worry about if I'm ever going to fall in lover again. I'm far from conceited but I have everything going for me and its still extremely hard finding a beautiful girl they I can click with.

When you're a good looking girl you never spend 1 day alone- that's like our exes- girls usually get rid of guys because they really don't need us- they know there's 10 more around the corner that are just as good looking or have just as much money. That's why sooo many girls dump there guys- because when they start to get bored with the relationship they just find someone new.

[CanIBuyAClue]

It's still early, it sounds like you both are still in the phase of putting the woman on the pedestal. They are just as flawed as you are, and the sooner you realize it the better. Who cares how beautiful they are according to you? You guys are worth something too! If you weren't then they never would have dated you in the first place. You need to regain your confidence and self esteem. This means going NC and doing your best to stay busy. Go to the gym, I am a huge advocate of this. Exercise does wonders for the brain and you will look and feel better too! Hang in there, it gets easier trust me.

[bjohnrupp]

It's still early, it sounds like you both are still in the phase of putting the woman on the pedestal. They are just as flawed as you are, and the sooner you realize it the better. Who cares how beautiful they are according to you? You guys are worth something too!! If you weren't then they never would have dated you in the first place. You need to regain your confidence and self esteem. This means going NC and doing your best to stay busy. Go to the gym, I am a huge advocate of this. Exercise does wonders for the brain and you will look and feel better too! Hang in there, it gets easier trust me.

I agree Clue- the gym is really important. When I was in my relationship I was going all the time and then ever since I had 0 desire to go. Now this past week I'm getting back into it. Its extremely important to go because it does wonders for confidence. My goal is to get in better shape then when I was with her. I think both Fear and I's confidence is both shot so we should both be concentrating on ourselves for now. I don't know about you Fear but I am taking a step back from dating. I tried it and realize I'm far from ready to date for now.

[emopunk7]

Hey, fear, don't drink and drive. You mentioned you drove home while buzzed. It scared the crap out of me. Be careful, please. Don't drink and drive, ever!

[Something_Here]

Fear and bjohn, seems like we have some similar stuff going on. Being around other people helps to get your mind off stuff, but it all comes rushing back once we're alone again. Drinking doesn't really help though. At least for me, getting drunk only aggravates those bad feelings of loneliness and hurt.

[bjohnrupp]

Fear and bjohn, seems like we have some similar stuff going on. Being around other people helps to get your mind off stuff, but it all comes rushing back once we're alone again. Drinking doesn't really help though. At least for me, getting drunk only aggravates those bad feelings of loneliness and hurt.

So then welcome to the club "Something Here" haha. Yea I'm at the worst when I'm drunk and I just get home from going out. I guess alcohol really is a depressant like they say. The day after I drink I'm always really depressed. But when you're with somebody getting drunk is a lot more fun and I'm always happy:( Yea I only drink on the weekends just to get my mind off things even if only for a short while even though I know I probably shouldn't. I don't want to start getting in trouble because lately my depression and anger are magnified when I drink and I don't need to be getting into fights.:mad:

[fearxfear]

I dun know... I honestly think she really attractive. But your right we need to take her off the pedestal and build our self confidence back up. Yeah my confidence is shot and I def. unsure about relationships or is it I'm still hoping she'll come back one day, I'm not to sure. For the record drinking driving is stupid and I was stupid but I wasn't drunk just slightly buzzed. I try to keep busy with other pple and stay busy but for some reason even though the room is pack with people I still feel lonely or misunderstood? Yeah bjohnrupp its not worth getting into more drama when your drunk or even sober. I think we have enough emotional baggage to carry and I'm really grateful for the people on this thread. You don't know how many times I want to just send my ex an IM or text and be like I miss you or I hope your doing good. I'm sorry for your loss altenweg. I couldn't imagine what that feels like =( But everyone words and through are so uplifting. So sad I started NC a month a go but its only been a week now since the last contact because she guilt me into calling her. Go figure how times goes by so slow!

[jaffeyjoeblaze]

Moved to its own thread

hey im new this site and ive been reading allot of the sticky. I find allot of this information helpful. I ve been in NC for about 2.5 weeks and we broke up almost a month now. she contacted me right when we broke up and then a week later i contacted her and then a week later she contacted me. I found I was going nuts reading into everything.Then I found this site and been trying to follow these rules. I feel I'm gonna lose this person as a friend and we'll soon be just strangers. I really wish I could wish her happy thanks giving. I feel like everyone need someone to lean on and she gonna find some other person to do that but me. =/

In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl I've dated even if it ended in bad terms...

But don't live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her...

[fearxfear]

In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl ive dated even if it ended in bad terms....

but dont live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her......

Really? How long did that take for that to happen?

[bjohnrupp]

In time she will be your friend, just realize that you both will need time, I have spoke to every ex and girl ive dated even if it ended in bad terms....

but dont live for that moment to happen, live to make new moments happen for yourself, not for her......

Hey Jaffey- I don't know if I could be a friend to my ex like you are to all of yours. I mean were talking about someone who 98% chance she cheated on me with probably more than 1 guy and the 1 1/2 weeks before the engagement party dumps me. I don't think I could ever be friends with her because I'd always want her back and because I would never want to know if she's seeeing someone or has a boyfriend. Jaffey- did you contact your ex'es after time or what?

[bjohnrupp]

I dun know ... I honestly think she really attractive. But your right we need to take her off the pedestal and build our self confidence back up. Yeah my confidence is shot and I def. unsure about relationships or is it im still hoping she'll come back one day, I'm not to sure. For the record drinking driving is stupid and i was stupid but i wasn't drunk just slightly buzzed. I try to keep busy with other pple and stay busy but for some reason even though the room is pack with people I still feel lonely or misunderstood? yeah bjohnrupp its not worth getting into more drama when your drunk or even sober. I think we have enough emotional baggage to carry and I'm really greatful for the people on this thread. You dunno how many times i wanna just send my ex an IM or text and be like i miss you or i hope your doing good. I'm sorry for ur loss altenweg. I couldnt imagine what that feels like =( But everyone words and throught are so uplifting. So sad i started NC a month a go but its only been a week now since the last contact because she guilt me into calling her. Go figure how times goes by so slow!

Hey fear- yea I'm like yo in that SO many times I just want to call my ex or send her a text or even IM her. I mean we used to text almost all day on days we weren't together- I loved it.

Don't worry man I did no contact for 6 weeks and then mine guilted me into IM'ing her back by saying just the right things and like an idiot I fell for it. So I helped her out and she was able to relieve tons of guilt by saying how she was sorry and swaring she never cheated. We unknowingly help them out when we respond to them. They could really care less about us whenever they contact us- they just do it to make them feel better.

Now its been 2 1/2 weeks since she contacted me. I told her not to anymore but I wish she didn't listen. Its funny how the day we talked for hours was the day she dumped the guy she was seeing. She needed her emotional tampon (me) to make her feel better.

Fear- how often does your ex contact you? What does she usually say? Has she ever said she wanted to meet up with you?