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teamjacobxx · Nov 16, 2009, 06:02 PM

I like this guy, but sometimes its hard to tell if he likes me like that or not despite the fact we've kissed, cuddled, he's always making constant eye contact with me, always im's me online, etc. He is coming over here tomorrow to install Linux on my computer for me. I wasn't really planning on seeing him hanging out at my place (I do live with my parents, btw). I didn't want to get in a habit of hanging at his apartment or hanging at mine (which he hasn't been to yet). I told him I needed to re-install XP on my computer. He told me I should install Linux and that it was easy. I told him I tried before it and was hard, so I told him he should come and install it for me. I was kind of joking. Though I kind of said it to see if he would actually come over here and do it. Then I said I wasn't going to mess with it until I got back from NC and I was leaving Wednesday and not coming back until Sunday. He said he could do it before then and put a smiley face. I don't know if he is offering to do that to be nice and cause he likes me or if there is some other motive involved, such as him hoping to get something out of it. I would think if a guy went out of their way to do that for a girl, then it was because he liked her, right? Am I wrong to assume that? I think back and I don't do stuff for people unless they are a close friend of mine or I really like them. I also wonder if he said he would do that for me just so he could see me, since he hasn't seen me since Friday and wouldn't be able to see me at least for another week since I'll be out of town.

RONAREY · Nov 16, 2009, 06:55 PM

It's difficult to address his motives without knowing him. Each person has their own makeup of why they do what they do. However, from what you say, it sounds that he does like/is attracted to you. A positive is that he offered to help you and went a step further even when you said you were going out of town. That tells me he is not overly timid and has a genuine desire to help you rather than merely suggesting a hookup, meeting somewhere for fun, etc. So, the short answer; since people do what they do for varying reasons, you can only try and see; but I feel certainly he is attracted to you; his offer speaks pretty strongly of that. Good luck (if you believe in luck - I don't), and be careful. Ron

I wish · Nov 16, 2009, 08:05 PM

Why all these minds games?

Just ask him where he stands.

sergie · Nov 17, 2009, 01:09 AM

Its not necessary that a guy may like you simply because he is offering some help.

The best thing is just ask him.

mudweiser · Nov 17, 2009, 01:15 AM

Hi.

How old are you? How old is he?

Sarah

jaime90 · Nov 17, 2009, 10:59 AM

GENERALLY, guys don't only do nice things for girls they "like"- to answer your first question. Just like girls don't only do nice things for guys they "like"- I'm nice to my fiancé, his guy friends, my guy friends, my brother's guy friends, etc. I've given my brother's friend's car rides, I've given my guy friends a hug, I've given my fiance's guy friends a hug- I don't "like" all of them. I just do nice things for them.
This guy could be interested, and he could not- JUST ASK HIM!! There's no sense in sitting there wondering until your brain hurts. Just ask, it's not that difficult. If you're too nervous to ask, then how will you begin a relationship with him if he is interested? You can't be honest and talk to him? Seriously, ask him straight up and you'll get your answer.

2ndTime · Nov 17, 2009, 11:09 AM

After reading your question, I felt an urge to ask if you want anything from him? You said you liked him and yet you were testing to see if he'd come and fix your computer, yet you kissed him before. Do you really like him? I figured since you kissed him, what's keeping you from asking him if he likes you or not? Sorry, a little confused.

teamjacobxx · Dec 1, 2009, 06:50 AM

So I had been "seeing" this guy for 3 weeks. We went on a date, hung out on like 3 or 4 occasions. I was unsure of where we stood. Well I finally talked to him today about where I stood with him. I asked him if he saw me as a friend or possibly more. He said I was worrying about the wrong thing. So I asked him what he meant. He said I should be worrying less about if he wants to be with me and more if he wants to be with anyone. He said that 5 of his ex's are married and he is single. I asked what that had to do with anything and he said that if there was a problem with the relationship, then it was probably him. I told him that he can't believe that if a relationship didn't work out, that it was cause of him. He said, "oh, it was". So I asked if he wanted to be with anyone. And the fact that he was on a dating site, I was under the presumption that he wanted to date since his profile said he was looking for a long term relationship. He said that's exactly why he can't answer "no". So I asked if he wanted to be with anyone. He said he's not sure; being single is kind of nice. Later he said he didn't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with him. Later I added that he did seem a little indifferent to me at times. He was like, I wouldn't say that. I asked what he would say then. He said it wasn't indifference, it was indecision. I asked if it was indecision of if he even liked me? He said he didn't think 3 weeks is long enough to know someone. I said, yeah maybe not fully know someone, but it's long enough to know if they're someone you want to put time and effort into.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. If he possibly wants time to figure it all out, or if it's a lost cause since he seems so indecisive, or if I back off a bit if he may eventually come around? Should I just continue to ride the wave and see if he comes around (but obviously still see other people)? But it seems like he's telling me pretty straight forward that he doesn't want a relationship, even though he says he is unsure.

I wish · Dec 1, 2009, 08:59 AM

Seems pretty clear that he doesn't want a serious relationship. If that's what you're looking for and he can't provide it, then maybe you're better off finding someone else who wants the same thing, instead of forcing the issue.

jaime90 · Dec 1, 2009, 11:49 AM

I agree with the above. You need to leave this guy- he clearly doesn't know what he wants. Find a guy that you're on the same page with. If you're looking for a long-term, serious relationship, you need to know what you want, and where YOU stand. On top of that, for the future, you need to know what HE wants and where HE stands, BEFORE you start getting emotionally involved with him.

You say you assumed he wanted a serious relationship because his profile said so, what you should've done is asked him straight up from the start. Anyone can say anything they want to on a public profile. Also, his definition of long-term relationship, what that means and what it entails could be different than your definition.

It all boils down to this: When you meet a guy on the internet and you've know him only 3 weeks, and already having problems, this is a big indicator, that it simply is not going to work.

teamjacobxx · Dec 1, 2009, 02:39 PM

I wouldn't say I'm having problems, so to speak. I just wanted to ask him where we stood, and that's when he said he's unsure if he wants to be with anyone. Part of me wants to give it a little more time since he said 3 weeks isn't long enough to really know anyone. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to commit to me after 3 weeks, but I just wanted to know where he stood on the issue. Like I tell people, I don't expect to be in a relationship with them in a month, but a long term relationship is a goal I do have eventually. I mean, I am happy spending time with him and what not. It's not like I am unhappy. I do feel better knowing where he stands now.

jaime90 · Dec 1, 2009, 02:43 PM

Then you know where he stands. Don't push it. Don't make it anything more than it is.

teamjacobxx · Dec 1, 2009, 03:19 PM

Yeah, I'm definitely not trying to push it by asking any more than I have already. I decided I'll let him talk to me and make plans if he wants to, so he doesn't feel like I am smothering him. If he doesn't try and talk to me all that much, then I can just let him go.

I wish · Dec 1, 2009, 05:21 PM

Entire story merged.
Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Aren't you jumping the gun a bit? I know that you're looking for a serious relationship, but how do you know if it can be serious with this guy if you've only known him for 3 weeks.

Furthermore, now you know where he stands.

Spend time getting to know a person before considering whether they would be compatible for a more serious relationship.

teamjacobxx · Dec 2, 2009, 03:33 AM

I wasn't asking for a serious relationship with him right now. I was just asking where he stood. Like if he just saw me as a friend, etc.

I wish · Dec 2, 2009, 09:36 AM

Bottom line. Just keep getting to know each other better before you worry about the next step.

2ndTime · Dec 9, 2009, 12:18 PM

Hmmmm. This sounds like some other threads where a person just wants a hook up relationship, but no commitment.

Alty · Dec 9, 2009, 12:26 PM

Here's the way I see it.

He doesn't have the guts to tell you straight out that he likes you as a friend but doesn't as a girlfriend. He's stringing you along because he's afraid to hurt you.

I could be wrong, but I doubt it.