[BrownDeceit]

You guys are totally right. It's so annoying because they make it seem as if there is only one correct standard of beauty when it comes to black women. And that's if your light skinned. And if you're not light skinned then you better have some very European looking features. Like Kenya Moore, Jessica White, Naomi Campbell, Liya Kebede, Joy Bryant, Chili from TLC, Lanisha Cole, Aaliyah (May her soul RIP), Gelila Bekele, etc.

Kenya Moore



Liya Kebede



Chili




Jessica White




Lanisha Cole




Gelila




RARELY. Very RARELY are dark skinned women with prominent west african features praised. The only one I can think of is Gabrielle Union. Though it works in my favor because I have "exotic" features, I'm not stupid or ignorant to walk around thinking that I am BETTER than someone with west african features, I just realize that society is so backwards that they'll praise me because of it. Just like they'll praise a mixed girl because of her really light skin. There is no distinct formula that equals beauty. You can be dark with west african features and still be beautiful! It's about the symmetry in ones face. Smh. I wish people could see this!

[Golden_Girl]

True. My opinion Brown, if you really like this guy then you can continue to check him out but also let him know now that you don't like his narrow way of thinking. And also keep your options open because someone who has much more depth may just come along to you and they may actually be the one.

[BrownDeceit]

I actually did talk to him about it. And as he could see I was getting angry and I told him I give up on him. He asked me not to give up on him because that's the reason why I'm in his life. To open up his eyes. I feel like he's willing to see the light (no pun intended), but I think he's also so traumatized from being the darkest one in his family with like 5 light skinned siblings and both of his parents being light skinned.

[Golden_Girl]

Well, only time will tell then if his words holds truth or if he is only trying to be a smooth talker.

[BrownDeceit]

Soooo true. I'm starting to lose interest in him actually. He said some things the other day that urked me AGAIN. He was talking about how "interesting" puerto rican women look and how "interesting" south american women look. Oh goodness. I just did my best to grit my teeth, nod my head. And stay polite. But inside of me I was fuming. And I felt extremely INSECURE. And when he said "interesting" I know he meant fine. You should see the look on his face. Now nothing wrong with these comments he made. If he thinks these women are beautiful it's whatever, but given his track record, and given the fact he was describing the women of these places that are the non black ones. I did kind of look at him funny. I guess I just really want it to work because he's really good looking and popular. But I feel so nervous all the time. I went to the store to buy more perm to perm my hair and make sure that my curls blended and looked even more natural and like I had natural curly hair. And I've been lightening like crazy. I just feel so much pressure to look mixed. And I think I'm really getting there because 3 people in the last two weeks asked me what I was. Not saying that this equals prettier than someone who looks solid black. But. Let's face it. Why are so many of us trying to lighten? Because we want to look different from what we already are. We want a change.

[Golden_Girl]

That's true, I agree. I say do only what makes you happy and feel good. But with that dude giving pressure, I would lose interest too... because if was very interested in you, then he wouldn't talk about other women and so forth to you. I'm the jealous type and would have said how much I liked guys that looked completely different than him so he could get jealous, even if he was my type too... then I would say "let's just be friends".. lol. Better you say it than him to say it to you for whatever reason. He still should not be talking about other girls to you if he is truly interested in you, that is disrespectful.. I say he needs a taste of his own bitter medicine.

[BrownDeceit]

That is very disrespectful for him to say that. But that same night he also told me how much he liked me and how beautiful he thinks I am. And I am also the jealous type. EXTREMELY jealous. And I was going to actually say some spiteful things to him about how I think darker men are better looking and how I think his friend is more attractive. BUT he's very sensitive and I knew it would REALLY hurt him. And as ignorant as he is. I just can't hurt someone's feelings like that on purpose. And I think I might have to just walk away from the situation because I'm paranoid that every time I'm with him and girl who is VERY light skinned walks by, that he's going to wish he was with her and not me.

[Golden_Girl]

I would have said it to him.. because everyone has feelings. Those type of things he said about other women should be spoken to his guy friends, not you. He knows what he is doing, to me it's like he wants you to rely your beauty to his standards as though you should be fortunate to have him, but he should be feeling fortunate. You have feelings too. No reason to get paranoid, he should be getting that way with u when other dudes walk by

[BrownDeceit]

HaHa. I love you Golden Girl. You seriously always make me feel better! You're like the Mother of this board and seriously a positive voice of inspiration!

[Itss A New Day]

HaHa. I love you Golden Girl. You seriously always make me feel better! You're like the Mother of this board and seriously a positive voice of inspiration!

I totally agree with you on that Brown and you really don't need to be someone who you are not at ease with. The pressure to lighten is enough as it is let alone the added pressure to be light enough for someone's liking. Not even worth it IMO

[DarkSkinGirl]

You guys are totally right. It's so annoying because they make it seem as if there is only one correct standard of beauty when it comes to black women. And that's if your light skinned. And if you're not light skinned then you better have some very European looking features. Like Kenya Moore, Jessica White, Naomi Campbell, Liya Kebede, Joy Bryant, Chilli from TLC, Lanisha Cole, Aaliyah (May her soul RIP), Gelila Bekele, etc.

Kenya Moore



Liya Kebede



Chilli




Jessica White




Lanisha Cole




Gelila




RARELY. Very RARELY are dark skinned women with prominent west african features praised. The only one I can think of is Gabrielle Union. Though it works in my favor because I have "exotic" features, I'm not stupid or ignorant to walk around thinking that I am BETTER than someone with west african features, I just realize that society is so backwards that they'll praise me because of it. Just like they'll praise a mixed girl because of her really light skin. There is no distinct formula that equals beauty. You can be dark with west african features and still be beautiful! It's about the symmetry in ones face. Smh. I wish people could see this!

I never thought of Chili as having Euro features. Is it her nose? She has West Afro features to me.
Jessica White had a nosejob, and not a very good one IMO. She had a flat nose before then

Lanisha Cole, she's pretty, she has features like mine except for the nose. I look like a lot of these women except for my nose and I even thought about getting a nosejob

[DarkSkinGirl]

My theory is that the One Drop Rule(In the US, everyone with any known African ancestry was put into the Black group, AFAIU.) is partly to blame.

If you're throwing in everyone with any degree of African ancestry into one pool, then in a racist & colorstruck society, the so-called "prettiest black women" will almost always be the ones with the more European(or Asian, Native, Arab, etc) physical traits. It's a total scam!

If people were honest and specific (when possible) about their background i think it would help. In this warped system, there's no reason for someone like me (mostly African) to compare myself to another 'black' woman who's European-heavy in her ancestry. I also don't see a reason for a woman with more African ancestry than I have (or with a more stereotypically W. African phenotype) to compare herself to me.

IMO, beauty goes beyond race and coloring. Beyonce is a cute girl but not the world-class beauty that she's hyped to be. She obviously requires a lot of work(and that's fine too).

Halle is naturally gorgeous as is Kenya Moore, IMO.

It's crazy that the whiter black women often receive a free beauty credit whether they are actually extra-attractive or not. I'd feel weird knowing that people were 'feeling me' just because how much more European or Native American I looked than whoever I'm standing next to..
Madness!

It boggles my brain that someone could think Bey was automatically prettier than Kenya simply because of coloring but I'm sure that, for many, it's true.

You are so right!

And what makes it so bad is that Alicia, Beyonce, Tyra and even Halle had work (plastic surgery; nosejob) to look the way they do. Some of their features are not even natural, so just how is the average black woman going to compete with that?

[DarkSkinGirl]

Eggo you real hit the nail on the proverbial coffin lol because what you said is exactly how I feel, I mean I could never compare myself to Lauren London because as beautiful as she is, she is half white, and we both share totally different DNA's so some of her features will probably never appear in my bloodline unless I marry out of my race or one of the caucasian traits of a great great great grandparent (to the umpth degree) pops up in one of my offspring. Black women, especially darker skinned women, are really pressured as far as beauty goes, I mean as far as Hollywood goes you have to be an exceptionally beautiful dark skinned woman to make it (like Jill Marie Jones from Girlfriends). It is just an extreme to try to put myself on the same spectrum as other people in different races because each race has attributes that make them distinct from other races, and if you are an Asian girl trying to compare yourself to a black girl, I just don't think that will fly, besides the disparity in skin color. I hope this makes sense to you guys.

She is such a cutie. Although I HATE her on Girlfriends, but when she plays other rules, I like her so much better.

Hate to say this, but from lurking on black message boards a lot of black people don't even think she's that pretty. What's even more ironic is that there are women who looked just like her (their profile p ics wuold be up) and they had the nerve to say she was ugly, yet they share similar features to this woman, or they wouldn't even be as pretty as her.

[BrownDeceit]

She is such a cutie. Although I HATE her on Girlfriends, but when she plays other rules, I like her so much better.

Hate to say this, but from lurking on black message boards a lot of black people don't even think she's that pretty. What's even more ironic is that there are women who looked just like her (their profile p ics wuold be up) and they had the nerve to say she was ugly, yet they share similar features to this woman, or they wouldn't even be as pretty as her.

I don't even visit the black section. I can't even tolerate being around their ignorant comments. And yep. It's always the ones that have the most "African looking" features who want to shoot down the next person with features JUST like theirs. It's sad. So sad. Just like when Usher was married to Tameka... You'd think black women would be happy? Nope.

[Golden_Girl]

:D thanks Brown.
I always thought Jill Marie Jones was pretty too, especially with long hair. Though, her personality on Girlfriends was annoying. When Usher was with Tameka I was happy he went against what so many black male celebs were doing and instead chose a brown woman an Tameka is very pretty. I think Usher likes brown girls which makes me have more respect for him for being his self. I think Tameka was talking about how some people were treating her because she was with Usher. I don't why b women need to hate so much, that's an insecurity problem. I even try avoiding those types of girls being around me.

[Boricua1]

She is such a cutie. Although I HATE her on Girlfriends, but when she plays other rules, I like her so much better.

Hate to say this, but from lurking on black message boards a lot of black people don't even think she's that pretty. What's even more ironic is that there are women who looked just like her (their profile p ics wuold be up) and they had the nerve to say she was ugly, yet they share similar features to this woman, or they wouldn't even be as pretty as her.

I agree she was and is definitely pretty... and she was waaay prettier than joan or her other light counterparts... but I hate that they gave her dark skin complexes on the show. Like when she rejected the super fine tall dark skin millionaire guy who loved her ccaus ehe was too black... and when she had her daughter the first question she asked was if she had "good hair"... I stopped watching the show after that...

[Boricua1]

I never thought of Chilli as having Euro features. Is it her nose? She has West Afro features to me.
Jessica White had a nosejob, and not a very good one IMO. She had a flat nose before then

Lanisha Cole, she's pretty, she has features like mine except for the nose. I look like a lot of these women exept for my nose and I even thought about getting a nosejob

I think chilli's hair was one of her euro features and truly I think all of the women that were fetured in the other comments are beautiful... but again , I hate being held to their beauty as MY standard... especially by men... When my average looking non-black friends are readily hailed as beautiful but I'm told that they just aren't into Black women... I don't know what kind of features I have... nothing to be deemed "exotic" regular hair black girl hair... very curly not wooly, but definitely.. needs to be relaxed for straight looks. Hangs mid length... like past shoulders.. my skin tone I guess is medium dark... like Gabrielle Union.. so nothing to stand out... but the same can be said or even more so for all of my hispanic/Arab family members and friends... all around the same tan comlexion... same natural hair color as the other... nothing "exotic" some dare I say are not at all pretty... (and I'm not hating at all.. ) I'm just calling it like it is... but when I'm with them I am always last pick because I'm over looked because I'm not that fame staus beautiful girl...

I ain't no drop in the bucket either:D... trust I had my wannabe model days.. where I had some really impressive pics and comments and agents interested but I hate to admit it.. I never was the thin girl... so it was always the XXL and rapvideo type modelling that I was always directed to and I wasn't into being a booty model.. lol...

[Golden_Girl]

Yeah I don't blame you Boricua. I had watched the show only a handful of times because I found it to be stereotypical and shown in a negative light many times.

[EggoMini]

That's crazy about the "good hair" comment on Girlfriends! I wasn't a regular viewer so I missed that gem. Unreal.:mad: On a pos. note, I thought that JMJ was the prettiest actress on the show too.

I really think that racism and colorism has scrambled people's circuits about perceived beauty.. . I agree that excessive cosmetic surgery and Photoshop have added yet more layers of distortion. I'm not against those enhancements but they can be overdone and abused, IMO.

I'm not anti-hair extension or relaxers either but again if a woman can't feel feminine and attractive everyday without these extras then it shows IMO(please don't shoot me.. lol & Of course illness or an awful hair accident is an exception.) maybe a dependency that should be examined.

Rocking a wig, or even having corrective surgery because it enhances the beauty that one already feels & sees in the mirror is different, imo, than doing the same things because one fears being overlooked, disliked... not seen as attractive, lovable, or marriagable.

I think that the motivation & intention make the difference and from there, the vibes carry.

[EggoMini]

& OMG, the dating thing. It's like interviewing prospective employees. If I'm company X and the jobseeker is sitting in front of me raving about how great or interesting company Y or company P seems?. <shakes head>

I agree that is not interview (courtship, dating) conversation. That sort of musing is for inside of his little brain, with his friends, or therapist.

You're not his shrink and that was really his parents job to set him on a balanced course about color and good manners.

There are so many attractive and mature men on this planet. It took me awhile to realize that myself so I made my share of bloopers and put up with unnecessary madness (not color or hair related but some definite, grade A BeeEss), wasted time and energy. We are here to learn, so I'll be quiet.

wait.. please don't overlap and overprocess your hair over some guy! Please? Lol!

now I'll shut up.:p