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Ithappenstoall · Oct 28, 2009, 03:07 AM

Hello all,

I have a question regarding intra faith marriages and if anyone has personal experience regarding this matter.

A little bit about my situation: I am with a wonderful Muslim women in a long distance relationship and I am of Christian faith. To make things clear we started dating 10 months ago in the same city and now for 2 months have been in different parts of the world. I want to talk about this because I want to clear everything up before things get even more serious. We have expressed our thoughts of being together and we both want it to work. She tells me she doesn't see herself without me and constantly reminds me of that and I do the same.We already have mentioned things such as raising a family and where to live. On every level she is all that I want: caring, smart, witty, cute... you name it. If faith was not an issue there would be no problem We both have very close cultures. But now that it is, I find it really sad that this would be the reason why things wouldn't happen.

I hope you can help clear my head and make me see that even in this case, there can be light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 28, 2009, 09:02 AM

Any opinion on this ?

carla123 · Oct 30, 2009, 01:37 AM

Dear Brother...
I am so glad I found you here... I am in the same situation as you are in, except that I am 2 months ahead of you... I am a Christian girl and I was/in love with a very sweet Hindu boy... Just about everything about me and him was perfect, except for faith... and I was struggling with the thought that I might be doing something wrong by being in love with a guy of a diffferent faith... I prayed a lot!. He and I met a whole lot of Christian elders to seek counselling, and everybody told me that it was a bad idea... and then I started on a mission to really ask the good Lord Himself, cause He can see the future, and he knows better that mortals... I prayed for months, all the while struggling with love and faith...

Over time, God showed me through a series of circumstances that his faith will indeed be a problem for me, and He also gave me the strength to break up with Him...

So I did break up with Him, having full faith and confidence that wherever God leads me next would be for good. Its almost 2 months now since I last saw my ex, and I do think of him every single day... but at least I am NOT crying over Him... Trust me... I feel so much at peace now... I do not where I would go next, but for now, I am learning to be quiet and cope with the loss, in which I think I am faring quiet well...

Now... my case might not be the same for you... I would strongly advice you to pray about it... meet real pastors and elders who can counsel you both in person.. look at what they have to say... seeking counsel in person is a much better way that over net, cause you let the world see you both in a neutral light...

Another point is - You're in love... so all you see might be silver and gold.. So wait... watch, pray about it... pray real hard, and seek counsel... God will surely help you decide.

God bless you my dear.
Praise Him at all times.

talaniman · Oct 30, 2009, 05:46 AM

I think it depends on how things go after you get back to her and can actually see how the relationship develops and how you both deal with the differences together. Both your religions have rules, and traditions, and how you honor each other, and your families, is what will define success, or failure.

A bit soon to tell, given the distance so how long does this distance keep you physically apart?

Ithappenstoall · Oct 30, 2009, 05:54 AM

Tal : Distance is keeping us apart for a year and half . But I am thinking about this now because what if all the effort we put in will end at nothing. Like I said this is the only problem the rest is really great . We even got use to coping with the long distance .

Ithappenstoall · Oct 30, 2009, 05:56 AM

Carla : I see what you mean, and have thought about this. Just the fact of losing her right now and even imagining her trying to move is a killer in my head. It saddens me that this would be the reason to be apart, even if if you know that you both complement one another so well

And another thing, can you give me more info about your relationship (if you don't mind me asking), how long have you been with me , where... etc

THANK YOU :)

J_9 · Oct 30, 2009, 06:25 AM

Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

I am with a wonderful Muslim women in a long distance relationship and I am of Christian faith.

I am a little confused. Is it possible to be Muslim AND Christian? They are two totally different religions. Correct me if I am wrong in any way.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 30, 2009, 08:01 AM

J_9 : I am not saying that I am both, just stating the fact that I am dating a Muslim women , but my background is that that I am from Christian faith

J_9 · Oct 30, 2009, 01:42 PM

Thank you for clearing that up. I re-read it and missed the word with in your sentence. Forgive me, it was a very long 12 hours of work last night and I responded when I got home.

talaniman · Oct 30, 2009, 02:27 PM

I think I would for now deal with the relationship, and not what could happen later. I have seen distance stop a lot of relationships from growing.

At least then you can be learning from each other, and discussing some of the problems you face down the road, and hopefully have a strategy to deal with them.

There are always obstacles that couples face when they assume a common path, to a shared goal.

carla123 · Oct 30, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

And another thing, can you give me more info about your relationship (if you dont mind me asking), how long have you been with me , where ... etc

THANK YOU :)

Introduced to me by a group of common friends, been in relationship for 1.5 years, considered marriage, and that's when faith came into the picture... I understand what you mean by saying that the thought of her leaving is killing... I have been through it. When I discussed about this faith issue with my guy, he kept saying that he was very open about it and that he was willing to come along with me to church. But though he said it, I knew from his bahviour that he detested it so much. So I can say for sur that he wasn't very open about my faith. But your girl might be different. Did you guys dicuss the issue among yourselves? What did she say?

Alty · Oct 30, 2009, 08:40 PM

I understand that you're afraid to move forward if there is a possibility that religion will get in the way.

The only thing you can do is talk about this. Is one of you willing to convert? Is it acceptable to either of you that one is a Christian and the other a Muslim? What about your families, if one converts would the family be upset, possibly disown the person the converted?

Religion can be a very big barrier between people. I really don't understand why, after all, you both believe in God, right? So what's the big deal. This just reconfirms my own beliefs, but sadly that won't help you.

Talk to her. If you can't resolve this now then it may be time to admit that you cannot be together because there is no future.

Ithappenstoall · Nov 1, 2009, 06:01 AM

Yeah I see what you guys mean. So far even thought we are long distance there has been great connection. Regarding the matter at hand we have discussed it but we haven't come with a solution. I know that both families even though are very open are not willing to sacrifice faith, this is what I perceive anyway.
Should I just follow Tal's advice and work on the relationship for now and see what happens after ?

Ithappenstoall · Nov 2, 2009, 01:23 AM

Carla : yes we have discussed it, but so far it has not lead to anything. We still to have a serious talk about this, but something like this is to be done face to face I believe an not over skype/phone. I don't know, maybe I am being to optimistic and not realistic enough ?

Ithappenstoall · Nov 3, 2009, 02:28 AM

I guess its come down to this... should I let time take its course or should this be clear now

ChildOfGod_1 · Nov 5, 2009, 07:11 AM

Definitely talk to your girl about this. How open is she to your religious view? And this discussion has to be face-face.

Do not let time take its course. It's a bad idea, because... when you do so, it might feel good for the moment, but when the issue resurfaces, you are going to undergo the same turmoil. So don't water it down, but talk to her once again on this matter.

For that, you don't have to list down questions and have an argument. Hold a tiny discussion on this, and try to read her views. Ar argumentative mode might only lead to conflict.

Pray a lot, gather confidence, and just ask her. It might not be the end of all - its just the beginning.

As Carla suggested, did you get any elders involved?
Its almost a week since you have posted this question. How do you feel now?

Ithappenstoall · Dec 26, 2009, 02:36 AM

We are still disscussing this an trying to resolve the issue. I see that if we are both willing to still try and make it work,. we both really want it... so that's good at least the great love is there.
Hopefully we can find a solution

amicon · Dec 26, 2009, 06:44 AM

I hope you do and that you are having a great festive season!

Ithappenstoall · Jan 13, 2010, 06:45 AM

Its been a few weeks now and still it is ups and downs... I am in love with her and I hate the distance. I feel that we are both in love and it s going well on that level, and the time apart is just making us we miss each other more.
The only thing is we have discussed relgion and marriage and we are both putting ideas on the table, which are reasonable, but she is sort of putting in a way that its either her way or nothing at all.
Since that conversation we haven't mentioned anything and I think we are just waiting to be together to discuss it again

NeedKarma · Jan 13, 2010, 06:58 AM

What religion do you wish your children to have?