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emopunk7 · Oct 13, 2009, 02:49 AM

I really wish you the best and in a way I am glad you went through this so that you experience it first hand but how in the world are you still stuck? I got the point now that I got back. I get it now so why can't you. I'm up to the point where I'm just missing some memories but even that is fading. I don't even know where you are. This girl is ruining your life. Please just let go of her and her insensitive friend because he is NOT your friend. You know what my friends said? They said "FU$& her". You have to stay at the gym and stay busy. Lose allllllll contact with these people. Do this for yourself. You will be stronger in the future. I went through this once and suffered but this time I learned that suffering is optional. Plus we tried all we could and you should be proud of that. I sure am. I am sooo much stronger this time and it doesn't mean I don't care or I don't love her because God knows that is far from the truth but I learned a lot better how to deal with my emotions. I only cried once all month long. Its not too late but you have to make some moves now and fast. Please move on! How old are you? I think you like orders so here they are.

Dammit! You better stop talking to your ex! And I mean it!
You better write some actions right now as to what you will do today to improve your situation! If I say its okay, then you may do it!
C'mon man... be strong. Show everyone how strong you are. Be something good in this world and be a role model! This girl is DESTROYING YOU! (If she hasn't already)

destiny09 · Oct 13, 2009, 05:00 AM

I have only had time to read half of the posts on here and that took along time in itself!!

I hate to tell you this but the worst thing about someone who is beautiful that KNOWS they are beautiful is they think they have the right to treat you badly because they know you adore them and will take it and keep coming back for more... she knows what you think of her and you have DESPERATE printed on your forehead for her and everyone else to see.

I don't mean to sound harsh but she's using you. When she goes NC she is with someone else I can guarantee it, she allows you back in because of a few reasons... its not going well... they don't let her get away with what you do... they stand up for themselves... you see where I'm going with this!!

Any woman loves a man with some balls... pardon the pun... someone to stand up for themselves and put us in our places when we try to throw a tantrum as we all will at some point, we are all like children in that way, if we can get away with it we will continue to do so... not as far as she has gone though!!

The best thing you can do here is to get on with your life, away form her, without her, stop waiting for the odd call or text that will come just to keep you hanging on a thread for when she's bored. Change your number if necessary then you won't be checking it every 5 minutes to see if she's calling.

There are plenty of hot people out there who are also NICE people.

Good Luck x

crazyoverher · Oct 13, 2009, 05:05 AM

Although I don't think you're right about myself respect, I do want to thank you for your comments... emo.

It sheds a new perspective on things for me. And for all the guys that have commented on my relationship... chuff, rome, justwant... everyone... you have been a great help to me. I have followed many things that you have said and some I haven't... but I keep coming back here because obviously, for me, as with everyone here in a long term relationship - want to make things right and want to get some caring advice.

If all of this was easy to do, then many of us here wouldn't need this support system. And that is what this forum has been for me. Its my only support system so that's why I'm here.

Whether I follow everyone's advice to the letter is one thing, but I certainly have done many of the suggestions... im just looking for some more comments about what everyone thinks as this relationship progresses...

This obviously has been an important part of my life for 5 years... if it is to end, then at least I can sleep easy at night for doing all that I could have.

crazyoverher · Oct 13, 2009, 05:29 AM

Thank you destiny09,

You know people... I have often wondered during our breakups if she has been seeing other people... she told me no and that "im the only one" etc... but I'm not sure if I entirely believe that either... I think that destiny is right when she says that I'm the ONLY idiot that puts up with her bs.

I know that I wouldn't do this with any other woman - its only because of how long I've been with her 5 years... shes pretty, good in bed, tells me that she loves me... etc... that I do.

But, I can't prove that she has done anything with someone else... because then, well, that would be the end of it for me no questions asked for sure.

In any case, yeah I think she is toying with me like a mouse... I don't want to play her games and do the same thing to her because that would be childish although, I have to admit, kind of fun. So, at this moment, I'm kind of left with just leaving her be.

I won't contact her. And well see what happens...

What do you guys, and gals... think is going to happen next, based upon your wisdom... im not being sarcastic... im really asking... for your thoughts.

Thanks...

Ps... as you can see, one way or another, I think that all of this is coming to a head.

kctiger · Oct 13, 2009, 05:32 AM

What happens next is dependent upon your actions. I see two scenarios:

1) You guys both keep on playing this immature cat and mouse game, wasting another year or two in the process

2) You grow up, truly leave each other alone and move on with your lives. Let sleeping dogs lay, and cut your losses.

This is life Crazy, you lose things, you gain things and the world keeps turning round and round. Either choose to turn with it or get stuck in a no win situation.

destiny09 · Oct 13, 2009, 06:49 AM

Reading your answer crazy... you must be a little crazy! You are still waiting on her and what she does next. You need to let it go and mean it. Not contacting her to see what she does next is you being almost as bad as her with the games.

emopunk7 · Oct 13, 2009, 11:26 AM

You have to tell her that it is "Game Over". You will feel better in the long run and you won't feel like coming to this site again unless you want to help others from your experience. I personally think I will be here. I stopped because my ex girlfriend would be pissed that I talk to strangers and give advice about relationships... I'm sure another girl wouldn't be so pissed. What is it that the two of you argue about? And how old are you?

crazyoverher · Oct 13, 2009, 02:41 PM

Well that's the thing...

Our arguments are stupid. Here's an example of the latest:

We had a great Saturday all day long... then we were to have a romantic evening when she gets a text from her friends asking her to go to a bar and celebrate a friend's move. She asks me if its okay and I say yes.

Then when we get home, she tells me that we might be longer than usual there at the bar. And I tell her that I don't mind us going, but that I want to be with her that night... at which, she says that we have been together all day long. I tell her yes, but we have yet to have our "romantic" evening as we planned... she gets uspset saying that I'm casing issues and that she doesn't want me to go with her to the bar because everyone would see that we are fighting.

I ask her what am I to do then? And she says... its up to me but that she is going out. She will see me when she gets back home.

So much for our romantic evening and so much for us being in a good mood because she's not wanting to do either.

This is what happens... and the only thing I can gather is that she would rather be with her friends than with me. Although when she is alone, all I hear is how much she misses me and wants to see me...

Who's right and who's wrong here people??

Thanks.

amicon · Oct 13, 2009, 03:01 PM

Its not a question of who is right or who is wrong-its a question of reclaim your life and stop being a doormat.

emopunk7 · Oct 13, 2009, 03:03 PM

How old are you?

Plus people here always told me that you have to let them go alone and you can't want to go for some reason. I don't really get it but they will say that you HAVE to let her go by herself because you have no control over her or something. I had that problem... I didn't really like her going out either but then again she was the same so it was a double standard for me... But it sucks that she is going to skip a romantic night with you. I guess you can just let it go until next time and just let her go out because everyone here is against being jeolous... I hate it too!

crazyoverher · Oct 13, 2009, 03:52 PM

Well its not so much that I'm being a doormat... as it is the fact that she claims that I am the one who is causing the fights and arguments because she wants to go out and have "fun" and I don't.

But that is not the case, I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !

U know, as I'm writing this, I'm getting a sense of how unfair she has been towards me and perhaps, it isn't my fault that things aren't going well in the relationship but rather, its her fault for not putting as much effort as I am into it...

amicon · Oct 13, 2009, 04:02 PM

So maybe its time to listen to most of us here-and let this go? Or will you still be asking our opinion in five years time?

mdoli · Oct 13, 2009, 04:20 PM

crazyoverher, no offense I have read most of your thread. Word of advice grow a pair and tell her to f off literally, you keep going in one cycle over and over, ever think that there's more to life than just this. I remember when you two broke up and a few weeks, month passed by and you were doing good and then she came back, same drama started back up. Honestly why are you let this continue. Literally if you read your entire story its gone in one gigantic circle of drama and you stressed and not having a good time in life. Honestly you know what's it like not being with this girl and what's it like being with her. Where does the good outweigh the bad, and vice versa.

Just my two cents on this... take it for what it is...

crazyoverher · Oct 13, 2009, 04:50 PM

Thanks mdoli... for your input.

The good outweighs the bad in those fleeting moments of intimacy... when she is at her best, being herself and loving me for who I am and what we are.

The bad is... everything else. :O

Its those moments that are hard to give up... becuase, if I didn't look at that part, then the decision would have been easy.

Any comments from everyone out there... those who understand what I'm talking about are appreciated... those who have loved many and have lost many as well...

Thanks.

emopunk7 · Oct 13, 2009, 08:14 PM

Why do you keep asking for comments? You already know what we are going to say but YOU won't give up! You say the good outweighs the bad when the two of you are intimate and she is being herself. Hello!! Even when she is bad, she is being herself too! I think You are obsessed. I think we are all getting tired of you not caring for yourself. You only think of her. Why? Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..

destiny09 · Oct 14, 2009, 12:20 AM

I can't believe what I'm reading to be honest... how can you care so little for your own emotional and mental well being?

I have just come out of a very bad relationship, me hanging on to the good fleeting moment, a case of when its good its heaven and when its bad its hell... if your honest with yourself you know the bad outways the good... its time to say good bye, for yourself... you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them and she obviously doesn't.

As for your stupid arguments, I said before you are OK for her while she is bored, something better came along so you can now go. You have described exactly what I have said.

What hold does she have over you that you cannot say good bye? You don't have kids... yes you have invested time but look where that has got you, she isn't a very nice person and hasn't changed in those years and she's not about to, she's happy as she is... its all your fault, you cause the problems... sound familiar??

You need a clean break and let it go, it won't get better with her and she won't change or love you more... please, for yourself, let her go x

crazyoverher · Oct 14, 2009, 04:45 AM

Thanks for your comment destiny09...

Your post has made me think.

talaniman · Oct 14, 2009, 05:46 AM

I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !

That's a real red flag.

kctiger · Oct 14, 2009, 05:49 AM

There are tons of women in the world. Sometimes it is better to know when a women we may care about isn't going to work out in the long run. Cut your losses man. Life is too short.

The only thing harder than keeping a dead relationship alive is knowing when to throw in the flag when it is clear things aren't working.

emopunk7 · Oct 14, 2009, 07:06 AM

Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..