[lmnotok]

So after many things I did to my boyfriend (exbf now) in the past. I think recently I showed mnay positive signs. And most of all, I recognized that I love him so much for who he is. I accept him just for who he is.

Unfortunately, 2 days ago, I got to know that I might have a cancer. Its not official but they quite sure, like 50%. I'll know the exact result on Tuesday. So I told him. All that he did was a text message on the day I got that news (he didn't know that news that day but he knew I was going to know it so he asked me whatssup). I was really disappointed. I felt like falling to the ground. I have a cancer, and that's all his care. So he called me late at night when he was so drunk. We both agreed to talk later on. So the next day (mean yesterday), we talked. I was telling him how I felt and how bad I feel about him caring less about me these days.

He admitted that his love for me decreased over time as he knew we're too different. He said he is a mature young man, and needs a woman who can take care of family. Iam a fun girl to be with but my character is sooo WILD (meaning I behave just on how I feel, not thinking rationally), and free. He has to take good care of his family and needs someone who is caring enough. And I'm just a kid. Fair enough. I said OK, so your love for me drops and you also have reasons to not having future with me. So there is no reason why we should stay together any more. He said I was trying to see if I can overcome your weaknesses.

We both agreed to break up. I love him so much but I have to break up with him. I feel like I'm not good enough. I love him for who he is, but he doesn't love me for who I am. I feel like I need to change myself in order to keep him with me. I also have to fight with my cancer.

I told him that love is a decision, a commitment to stay with one another when things go wrong, not to just walk away like that. But he doesn't think so.

He asked me if he can call me sometimes but I said no, that only hurts.

Im feeling desperate. Do you think I should change? And learn to be a grown up woman?

[kctiger]

I think you are a woman now. Maybe not his version, but your version is good enough for a guy that appreciates you for who you are. If you don't think you have grown up, I can promise you going through cancer treatment will expedite that process. This is going to be a tough time, tough enough without having to deal with someone who doesn't love you that much anymore.

Right now, and forever more, surround yourself with people who are genuine, caring and have unconditional love for you. That is truly what you need, especially to fight an incredibly tough disease. We all wish you luck and I encourage you to post here more often. I have been keeping up on your story and I am convinced that if I were you, I wouldn't want to be around anyone whose love I questioned.

[s_cianci]

I feel like I'm not good enough. I love him for who he is, but he doesn't love me for who I am. I feel like I need to change myself in order to keep him with me.

It's not so much a case of you not being good enough or you needing to change. It's just that you're two different people and not compatible with each other. That doesn't make you good or bad and it doesn't make him good or bad ; it's just that you're not right for each other.

Do you think I should change? And learn to be a grown up woman?

Ultimately that's a choice that you have to make. And you have to do it for yourself, not because others expect it of you. I don't know how old you are or what kind of lifestyle you're leading. If you're just more of a party girl who likes to go out clubbing and dancing and he's just not into that, that's perfectly OK and you ought to find a guy who's more into that sort of thing. Now, on the other hand, if you're drinking and doing drugs to the point where you get yourself into trouble, then you ought to look seriously at the prospect of making some changes, including getting professional counseling if it's warranted. And I wish you well with your medical issues.

[lmnotok]

Kc, I really appreciate what you said. THanks a lot, at least I know my decision was right.

s_c, I'm not any type of clubbing girl, because I only went to pub 2-3 times a year. And I also never drink, because I hate alcohol and drugs, I don't even drink beer even when I went to the club.
What I was saying about me being wild was that my character is "raw", I mean I used to react immediately without pausing a bit to think. That's why I made mistakes.

So now, after 2 days, I am just so unstable. I talk to people, good friends during the day and they support me then I feel good to the end of a day. Then the next morning when I wake up, I can't help crying. I deeply know that I got to let it go these days but at some point I miss everything, and I hope that maybe we're be back in the future. But then I tell myself to stop thinking like that.

Im too sad

[Gemini54]

Sounds to me like you're both very different and he's smart enough to acknowlege it. Stuff like this happens even when we love people. Let him go.

You've got a greater challenge now - the cancer. If it's a 50% chance that you have it, then it's also a 50% chance that you don't.

This is the real test of you being a child or a grown up woman.

[Starry nights]

Imnotok,my heart goes out to you right now.Ask someone really close to you,like your mom,sis or very best friend or close cousin to hold you tight on my behalf and give you a good hug.It isn't easy to be faced with the news that you might have cancer.Please do double check and take another opinion from another doctor,if required.

Reg your problem,dear,I feel you have two issues on hand:1)Your break-up and 2)You,yourself as a personand how you see yourself .I somehow feel you are taking the blame for the relationship not having worked.Stop doing that immediately as that would make you more miserable.Instead,just accept the fact that you and this guy are different people with different outlooks in life,different natures,personalities and needs.A relationship can't work without both wanting to work through all these differences.If your ex chooses to let go of your hand and is blunt enough to tell you,you don't fit his bill of choice,then you just accept it and walk away.Deal with the hurt,memories,sadness(and we will share with you how)on your own(cos there's just no other way of going through this sweetie,you have to do it on your own)and use this phase to learn,grow and resolve your second issue of your own insecurities and areas of improvement.

Everything happens for a reason and am sure that once you recover and heal nicely from this break-up,and if you do it the correct way,you will emerge as someone YOU have always wanted to be.Someone who no longer feels she has personality problems but someone who can teach a thing or two to others regarding developing their won personalities.

So,get started right away,tell yourself,you are beginning a new chapter in your life which will lead to so much peace and joy,very shortly.

All the very best for your medical treatment and keep us posted.We are here to help.God bless.

[lmnotok]

So GOD!! I don't have any cancer and it was a mistake of a random nurse. I felt like the whole world is joking me. It felt like I made things more serious than it should have been. But anyway, I'm lucky enough.

So he texted me the day I knew the result. And when I didn't text back, he called me but I didn't pick up the call. But then, later that day I texted back simple like "im fine". He called me back immediately and asked then I told him the story. He was like "GOD, i know that nothing's gonna happen to you. I was so worried about you these days that my whole body became somehow idle, especially today when you didnt pick u your phone." Then he laughed like he won a lottery. I don't get it. Then he said "well, congrats. OMG, huh, phew, its great to hear that and its late now, hmm, are you gonna sleep soon? Im going to bed since i'll have to travel for work at 6 am tomorrow. So please sleep well". I was like "ok, sleep tight".

I don't know if I should expect anything from this man. Why did he sound really glad like that?

[kctiger]

He sounded glad because he cares about you. You don't wish anyone to have cancer, especially someone you are close to. What did you expect his reaction to be?

[redhed35]

I'm glad your test results were clear..

In your post you say you felt that you had to change to keep him, I wonder now after your near brush with a life changing disease,that you see,that life is for living,and realising your own hopes and dreams... being who you are is so much more important than what someone's who does not even want you thinks...

Move on... grab your life and run with it!

[lmnotok]

I know what you mean, but as I told good news to all of my friends, they were just like "wow, cool, congrats, lets hang out!" and they sound glad but not LAUGHING like winning a lottery like that, especially when we just broke up few days ago, and when I told him not to call me.

I didn't expect but honestly I wish to hear him saying "i miss you" :((

[redhed35]

Really,if he wanted you,he would be there,particularly when you didn't know your results...

If it was someone you loved would you not run to help and hold them?

He was happy for you,but if the thoughts of possibly losing you forever did not stir him into action,I don't think anything will...

Going from your post,he wants out... regardless,if your results were positive or negative... I think that screams... its over.