[Krs]

A few weeks ago it was confirmed I'm pregnant and obviously me and my family are over the moon.

Yesterday I was having afternoon tea with my mum and we were talking about work once the baby is born.

My huisband is self-emp and does pretty well for himself, and us, however I would still have to work part-time once the baby is born, perhaps 3 months after. Ideally yes id like to be a stay at home but with our commitments plus our home loan we can't have me not working. I explained this to mum, but my mum although a lovely sweet lady sometimes can't understand what I mean, as she was always a stay at home and my parents never had a home loan.

I asked her if she would kindly look after my baby Mon - Fri mornings only, whilst I work.
To my shock she said probably not every day.. as it would tie her down and is also unsure how to look after a baby as its been over 24 yrs now till she ever looked after one.

I explained I'm sure it will come to back to her no problem, but the fact that she said not every day because it would tie her down, got me abit. She doesn't work herself so has the time, but every other day she likes to go out with her friends, shopping or lunching...

Now is it inconsiderate of me expecting she would be wanting to do this? Or is she being slight inconsiderate of not wanting to help us 100%.

I was slightly upset and when I told my husband he said I have all the right to feel this way.. as he feels it too.

Thanks

[Gemini54]

Look, I actually think that you're asking too much to expect your mother to baby sit 5 mornings a week. She's your mother, not a default baby sitter.

Did it occur to you that she has a life? Did it occur to you to listen to her when she says she hasn't looked after a baby for 24 years?

You want to return to work after having a child. Fair enough. That's your choice. But a three month old baby requires constant supervision and care, which is your responsibility not your mother's.

I think that it is arrogant and inconsiderate of you to assume that she will provide such constant care, and then furthermore, to be shocked and surprised when she rightly says that she would like to have a say in how often she looks after your child.

Be gracious and accept the assistance that your mother is so generously offering you.

Realize that having a child means that you have to make sacrifices and changes in your life - you and your husband will have to adjust to shaping your lives around that of your new baby and not passing the responsibility on to other people.

[Krs]

I have to return to work after I have my baby I was not born rich!

I thought my mum would have preferred to look after the baby herself then a casual babysitter for 4 hours a day. Many of my friends who have babies work part time to contribute towards bills and their mum looks after their daughters baby...


I know my mum has a life, I am not taking away anything from her by asking for favours, when she always told me to count on her for anything.

Its not like I am asking to take over everything and me NOT be a mother as you stated by passing on the responsibility to other people.
I personnally think your arrogant by jumping to such conclusions.

As well, as this is my first pregnancy. I won't be here xmas as we visiting my husbands family. So I asked mum if she could invite all our family over for new yr day lunch as it will be new and exciting for us.
She was hesitant and said she not sure she feels like everyone over her house as she not in d mood, and all the cooking, well we would be share the cooking I told her, and I would do it at my place but its too small to accommodate 15 people.
She said she will let me know.
Is that arrogant of me as well to ask her that??

[NeedKarma]

That's exactly what my MIL is like. I believe her words were similar to "don't expect us to babysit for days on end", and they never have. My parents are 9 hours away and older. In my opinion it is indeed presumptious to assume that your mom would be the automatic babysitter. My wife and I have had no family support since none are in town. However Canadian parental leave is generous here; for our first my wife took 6 months and I took 4 months of leave. We found great daycare for both our kids and all is well - they're awesome kids. Good luck!

[Krs]

You are lucky as were I am you only get 3 months maternity leave PAID

Maybe I was expecting too much mon - fri, she said she would help me sometimes.. at least I got that to count on

[Gemini54]

Sorry Krs, I did not mean to offend, but I thought it was important to be strong in my reply.

You are expecting a bit too much, I would temper the requests and check my expectations, if I were you. Your mother is giving you the signals by indicating her reluctance to be available in a number of areas, please be sensitive to her needs as well.

Your post does read if it's all about you and what you want - again no offense, but perhaps some self reflection is in order.