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Dating for 6 years I don't want to lose him
I'm not sure what this site is about but I really need some advice. Here's my story
I've been dating the same guy for 6 years. I am 21 years old and he is 23. He has cheated on my 6 times and always told me that the reason he done it was because I drove him crazy and he had to get away from me and he would be with someone else then come home to me. We always had problems going through our teenage years but it got better when he turned 22. He left me January of 2008 for another girl... while he was seeing her he called me and wanted me to meet him one night so I did. This is when he told me he had to get everything off his chest and told me about him cheating throughout our entire relationship. I didn't cry I didn't get upset I just said okay have a nice life and left. He dated that girl for about 5 months and then ended up coming to my work and begging for a second chance. I didn't date anyone those 5 months or even see another guy so I caved in. I love him with every bit of my heart he means more than anything to me and I am always there for him. We got back together may of 2008 everything was fine I had some trust issues but we ended up working past them. Come February 14th 2009 he left me again. We were not having problems or anything he just up and said he found the girl of his dreams and wanted to be with her. Ok I cried I begged but I let him be. I decided this was it for me completely it I would never get back into it with him again. SO I changed my number and so did he. We went our separate ways I never heard about him or saw him until April 8th of 2009. I was on my way to work and so was he... he was a few cars behind me and when I saw him my stomach turned and I felt sick as a dog so I pulled over at a gas station to get something to drink and calm down. I got myself together and went on about my business and went to work. Not long after I had been at work I received a text on my phone from a number I didn't recognize and it said 'have a great day at work' I responded with 'who is this' and the next text said 'if you don't know who the guy you were going to spend the rest of your life with is... then nevermind' I didn't respond I was shocked and upset and pleased all at the same time. Few hours later I got another text that said 'how is everything going' I responded 'great' I kept it short and sweet not trying to stir up any drama or even give him a chance to cause problems. About 5 o'clock that afternoon he text again 'i need some advice' I responded 'ask away' he said 'this girl I'm seeing is crazy she is mean to me and she puts me down I really like her and she's everything I wanted but I don't know how to handle a girl being mean to me because you never were danielle' I responded 'do what's best for you, if you really care about this girl then talk to her. Good luck' he never responded... all night I thought about that text and it drove me to tears but I realize I did the right thing. Maybe a week or two had passed and a mutualfriend had told me that they were having very bad problems and that they never saw him anymore cause she wouldn't let him do anything or what not. One Thursday night I was watching TV and my phone rang and it was the number again. I answered and he told me to meet him cause he needed to see me, I refused. He begged and said it was nothing like that he just needed to smile for a change. So I went. He didn't stop crying the whole time. We talked I hugged him and left I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. But I realized I missed him. Weeks had past and we talked on a regular basis but never hung out and then one Friday night we went to dinner and a movie and it was like our relationship had rekindled itself there was this flame and it was on fire and so were we. We were laughing and having a great time together. So once again we worked it out. Now here I am September 27th 2009 and he left me again. But this time it was not his fault it was mine. We've been fussing lately because I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention and he's been real distant lately and he is tired of me complaining about spending time together might I add that we were scheduled to move into our first house October 2nd of 2009. I have been craving attention.. I beg for it at home with my parents.. because he doesn't give it to me in my relationship... well I still was not satisfied so I posted a blog on craigslist saying that I was bi-curious and looking for a female to be friends hang out with and do whatever. In the blog I stated I had a boyfriend and he had nothing to do with this that this was for my sake only. Well he found my blog. He completely flipped on me and told me I was cheating even though I had not even met up with anyone or anything. I agree that was stupid I should have not done it but the only explanation I have for it is that I was craving attention and didn't want it from a male. Now we are supposed to move in this coming Friday and he won't even see me. This all happened Friday and I haven't seen him since. I am completely devastated. He says now he doesn't trust me and he thinks I've cheated in the past and he doesn't believe anything I've ever told him. I mean I know it is a big deal that I done that but I see how many girls get killed on craiglist everyday I would not do that. I would have never met up with anyone I just wanted to talk to girls and get some attention that's all. Now I'm begging him to understand and listen to me and know how sorry I am but he won't. He won't give me the time of day. He ignores my phone calls and text and he just doesn't want anything to do with me. What do I do? I deleted the ad I deleted everything off craigslist and told him I was sorry but how do I make him understand that it was harmless. Please help me I've worked so hard to get this relationship back to where I wanted it and we've overcame so many obstacles to get to where we are and I don't want to lose him over my stupid mistakes. :confused: |
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There is so much going on here that I cannot even break it down. He clearly has commitment problems and seems to always be looking for the next best thing. He cannot and will not settle down with anyone. It will continue to always be this roller coaster. I seriously recommend for your own sanity to try and meet new men or women, and try to move forward. He is set in his ways and will not change, you cannot change him. Nobody can. |
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Nothing ever changed in this relationship,it has been a power struggle... and while you may have made some progress in the past,by having no contact,it was only momentary,because as soon as he said jump,you said how high... You are in cycle of emotional self harm and this guy is the root of your insecurity... lose him and get back to you... What can I say about him, well,he is a user. And when things don't go his way he bails,and guess who he looks up to build up his ego again.. you. Walk away.. this time for good,lose the dead weight of this cronic cheater and emotional abuser... You are the one who allows him to treat you like dirt,do yourself a favour and run like hell away,and don't look back... Change your number,if he contacts you,ignore him,do whatever it takes to lose this hound of a man. |
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 Originally Posted by ldsmrh87
This should have been settled when he left you the first time. There are a lot of things to learn from this. Run in the opposite direction of this. Do as others have said: No contact, disappear from him. Give it time, you will see it all soon enough. |
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A lot of people are under the illusion that older men are much more mature than younger men, which I think is false. I have known 18 year olds who you'd think had the life experience and insight of a 30 year old. And on the flip side, a 30 year old man who drinks and parties all the time like he's a college student. Age has little correlation with being loyal and true to a woman. The only exception to this is maybe when they are teenagers, but this is adulthood now. If you insist on a fix though.. you have one thing you can really try. You need to have a sit down conversation, a real heart to heart talk. No more BS, no more games. No more girl hopping and crying for you back, no more disappearing from your life and coming back at his convenience. You need to make this clear and have him agree. Be clear that there are no more chances after this. I don't really find you at fault or really having made many mistakes in this anyway, so don't beat yourself up. I think this is his issue. |
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Originally Posted by ldsmrh87
You change the locks,and your phone number,that's a start... He may be all you have ever known,but I can guarantee that this is not a healthy relationship... Imagine being with a man,who treats you with respect,where there is total trust between you,imagine being happy,these relationships happen everyday... do you remember happy? Do you remember a time when you felt sure of yourself? You have been robbed of yourself worth and self esteem. You will heal,and there is a life beyond this man... I can assure you,the longer you put off escaping this situation the harder it will be,but if you can gather your courage,you can be happy again. |
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Originally Posted by ldsmrh87
This fool is the reason you're weak. Once you get rid of him, you'll have so much strength you won't know what to do with it. You just can't see it now. It's time to get up and go. Let this chapter of your life be over finally. There's so many possibilities out there for you. |
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Honestly. I do take the blame for this. We would not be separated right now if I had not been starving for attention. Honestly Im not gay and I do not want another man.. I just want attention. I just want someone to be excited when I walk in the door and I want someone to do everything in the power to see me.. and not make up excuses like I don't have the gas... I just don't think he loves me anymore and I don't know why he would drag it out if he didn't love me... IDK I can't read his freaking mind. I told him yesterday that I wanted to sit down and us discuss the things we didn't like about each other and then we could fix them together... he just ignores me... he calls me a constantly and I'm a cause I ask him to come see me and I'm a cause I call him during the day just to say hi and I love you... its bugging him... I don't think whatsoever that I smother him cause I work 37 hours a week which is nights and weekends and go to school and I'm only 21!! How can I smother him? I just don't get it. |
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OK so he just called my mom and told her he was coming by to get my key to our house... yea he took it out of my hand... asked to see my phone went through it and deleted tons of contacts and stayed screw it I still don't trust you... he doesn't trust me... he said trust can not be rebuilt does he not see that I had to make myself trust him after 6 years of lies and cheating..! I am so aggravated and I don't even know what to do then he text me and tells me to download a song called black dahlia by hollywood undead.. yea it was sick! I could scream I'm so mad... please guys tell me what to do or does anyone want to volunteer to knock some sense into him? I'm a good honest person yea I posted something on craigslist that I shouldn't have but it was stupid I never would have cheated on him... guy or girl.. he just doesn't believe me and I guess I would believe him either if he told me that bull but then again id leave him for being gay... lol I really really need someone else to live my life for a day just get me away or help me fix this! I can't do either... I can't just leave it be and he won't let me fix it... |
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Well,look who had dinner and grew a back bone.. Do not do anything illegal. You have every right to be angry,now you can deal.. Do not contact this man again... do not speak to him,if you need to vent,do it here.. Now its time to let your family help you,tell them that you do not want him in your life anymore,but you need their support when you feel down,and support to get you through. |
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Wow, sounds to me like you're dealing with a child. He pouts and whines, double standards, (he can cheat, but you can't even look for attention of which by the way HE caused by not being the loving man that you need.). Yeah, this dude is a child. You don't HAVE a kid, why would you want one? Oh, and words to live by, "If he can't trust you, he's not trustworthy." -My Grandmother So, in advice to get over him... Don't answer calls.. Build love for yourself, that's what counts. remember, "When you set a price on yourself to the world, the world will not raise it." Also, It sounds like you may miss, not him, but what he represents. He represented a happy future, but by no means gave it. Don't think of what might have been, think of how bad things always turned out, and how lucky you are that you won't have to deal with it. How I could help ^_^ |
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