Check out some similar questions!

BrentDude33 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:16 AM

Hello everyone.

So I'm a 23 year old male who is madly in love with a 21 year old women :)... but...

So I have been engaged for 8 months now. Everything was going great. We would have little arguments here and there but nothing ever crazy or hurtfull. Recently about a month ago I got a new job, which was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.

I love talking to people and being social. So my current job pretty much takes all of that away. So in return I have been getting very stressed out and just not as happy as I should be. So naturally I would look for support from my wonderful fiancé.

She does her best to be there for me always does. But she gets really sad when she falls asleep and misses one of my calls. So the other day on Sunday to be exact she was really sad and I asked her what was wrong.

She said she is not certain about life. I got more info out of her and she said She thought I was to good for her and that she does not deserve to be loved by the man of her dreams. This blew my mind of course. She also felt she could not give the support I needed when yet she was doing an amazing job!

So some back story to her life. She while young (17-18) dated for the fun of it and never had anything last for over a 3 month stand. She also has a rocky home life with little support. That's the jist of it. So I can fully understand why she might be scared of a wedding and such.

But I'm just really confused in what she said before she left. I asked "should I take the ring back" she said "No, I like it where it is" She then said" Thanks for being so good to me and being everyting in my life. I never want to lose you" which confused me even more. But in the end I figured something out.

I figured she needed some space to think and see what she has is a good thing. She needs to see she is in love and deserves to have love in her life. But she is pretty independent and such... so I decided that we need to break contact for 5 days.

And this Friday we plan to meet where we met (starbucks) at noon. If someone doesn't show up... then its done. So of course I'm very anxious. I plan on showing up for sure.

I'm just very confused in why she would think I'm to good for her or she's not good enough for me. I don't think I ever smotherd her or anything. Not sure if there is any reason to this at all. I'm just looking for some thoughts on this. So feel free to say what you think.

Thanks everyone for reading this long post :) love to all.

BrentDude33 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:25 AM

p.s.

I really miss her allot. I love this women with so much heart and soul.

artlady · Aug 26, 2009, 10:33 AM

I think she was just looking for a declaration of your love and for you to reassure her that she is your dream girl.

She sounds like she needed some ego massaging.
For you to tell her she is worthy ,etc. and that you will never leave her.

Love and commitment is scary for some people.If they don't love and commit them self ,they can't be hurt by love.

She sounds as if she feels insecure about your commitment to her.
Let her know how special she is to you.

BrentDude33 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:36 AM

Hmm.
Well I make she to tell her everyday that she is amazing,Beautiful etc and that I love her and I always tell her she is my dream girl.

Before we parted ways on Sunday I made sure she knew I loved her and she was my dream girl. So lets hope for the best come Friday. :)

amicon · Aug 26, 2009, 10:40 AM

Fingers crossed.good luck. :-)

crisluvsu731 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:45 AM

Like others have said. All a woman wants is to know that her man loves her and wants her there by his side at all times. Good luck, hope she shows up! Give updates! Love to hear what happens.

BrentDude33 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:48 AM

:) I'm feeling pretty confident she will show up. But I am however ready if she does not (as ready as I can be) . I will let everyone know ASAP!

I have told her so much that I love her so I'm really hoping my gut feeling is true haha.

Thanks everyone :)

artlady · Aug 26, 2009, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by BrentDude33

:) I'm feeling pretty confident she will show up. But i am however ready if she does not (as ready as I can be) . I will let everyone know ASAP!

I have told her so much that I love her so I'm really hoping my gut feeling is true haha.

thanks everyone :)

When you do see her ,you really need to get to the bottom of what appears to be her insecurity about your relationship.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
Open honest talking is the foundation that will unite you and see you through the hardships that any relationship inevitably faces.
Good luck :)

roxypox · Aug 26, 2009, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

When you do see her ,you really need to get to the bottom of what appears to be her insecurity about your relationship.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
Open honest talking is the foundation that will unite you and see you through the hardships that any relationship inevitably faces.
Good luck :)

Had to spread the rep, but yeah... I agree. Its important to talk about this and get to the bottom of it! Communication is important on so many lvls in a relationship!

Best of luck though! :)

BrentDude33 · Aug 26, 2009, 12:59 PM

Well if she shows up on Friday we will be doing allot of talking I know. Lets just hope she shows up... but you know even if she does not I must at least contact her.

crisluvsu731 · Aug 28, 2009, 10:35 AM

What time today?

winding200 · Aug 28, 2009, 10:50 AM

I do not see any issues you guys have in the post, and I am pretty sure she will show up. Give her a big hug & kiss, and appologized you were too busy, and could not give her all the attention she needed as a fiancé. Promise her you would do better, but let her know all your job related stress, and will need her support. Happy Friday!

BrentDude33 · Aug 28, 2009, 01:32 PM

Update.
This is a very sad very upsetting update.

She has left me.

She said very little but what she did say was very selfish I feel.

Basckilly she said this.
That She feels like she can't give me the love and support that I need and that there is some other girl out there that can. Also she really wants to find out who she is her self. And she doesn't want me to help her along the way.

It really sounds like to me that she just gave up. We had a fight to go through and she waved the white flag before the battle begun. That battle was life and deeling with changes. I guess it was too much for her to be loved by her apparent prince charming and dream guy.

She however will not give me back the engagement ring which makes me really confused.

Sorry for the bad news everyone :(

troy70 · Aug 28, 2009, 02:24 PM

wow.. just wow =(

ohsohappy · Aug 28, 2009, 02:32 PM

Maybe she is keeping it because she hopes that you two can be together in the future. I know from what you've said that she loves you, but she really needs to do some soul searching. Be supportive of her, and try to communicate with her if she allows it. I hope everything turns out okay in the end. She's scared she wouldn't be a good wife to you, she has low self esteem. No amount of reassuring can convince her unless she chooses to believe it. I also suggest trying to get another job, one that makes you happier. Then maybe she won't feel like she's failing you. Even though she hasn't until today. I'm very sorry about your circumstances. I wish you the best. If anything changes, let us know. People like happy stories. :)

BrentDude33 · Aug 28, 2009, 03:08 PM

It really boggles my mind that she called it off with really not much of a explanation. After two years of being engaged you would think at least we would try.

I have asked for the ring back and she is willing to give it back so...

Good news though. My hockey team has been flooding my phone with support I play on a co-ed team so It's a nice mix of girls and guys calling :) plus they want to take me out tomorrow night and just be there for me.

Funny thing... I really didn't think I had that many friends and today has been one day of elarning who is actually there for me and such. Its been really good to see so much support.

Thanks for everything.

I will keep optimistic that one day perhaps we could be together again... but honestly I'm not holding my breath.

Panthers13 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:25 PM

I can honestly said I have felt this waybefore with me and my boyfriend before. And No it's not that you ever smothered her! It's that females including me, fear losing what we love the most!! Her coming from a bad past. And guys that only use her. Get use to it... And when we finally find something good. Question it. Constantly! When we find the guy of our dreams or a guy that we really want to be with... we constantly try to be the best that we can. And, when we mess up we feel bad. We get emotional. Because we're afraid of making the guy we love mad. Obviously she loves you! Or she wouldn't have said what she did. She wouldn't tell you she likes where the ring is. If she didn't want it! Deep down that's the best thing ever because engagements don't come around often! And when they do they are something deeply treasured! I wouldn't end it for anything! Tell her how you feel! Because it's obvious your a very caring guy! I wish yal the best! Any questions? Let me know

Panthers13 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:30 PM

Oops didn't read the other replys till after I posted that guess I was wrong... she had a bad choice of words than

Yosomoton213 · Aug 28, 2009, 08:34 PM

That sucks dude. And it does seem like she is selfish. She knows exactly what she is doing... and she will come back with something to say, somehow. Just be strong. Don't be strung along, and have the self-respect to stand up to her.

talaniman · Aug 29, 2009, 07:54 AM

There is nothing more confusing than a girl who is making the transition to womanhood, and is trying to find her way, as you have.

She is young and confused, but is keeping the ring to somehow hold on to you, in case she changes her mind. You have to give her the space she needs, but she should return the engagement ring, since that's off right now. If you can live without it, do so, and let her do her thing, and you do yours.

Its called growing pains, and you have to make some adjustments to being without her in your life. It sucks for sure, and I understand the pain, and confusion. We all have been down this path, now its your turn.