[Alty]

And I lost them. :(

One more?

Blind Man's Dog

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passerby who'd seen everything remarked, "That's very tolerant of you after what he just did."

"Not really," came the reply. "I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the butt."

[shazamataz]

Hehehe I like that one :D

For some reason I saw this translation thing below and thought of catsmine :p

To all you dog lovers out there and those who understand the difference between Yankees and Southerners...

* (Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg

* (Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg

* (Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg"

* (Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches

* (Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg

* (Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to guard the still.

* (Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg

* (Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg

* (Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg

* (Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg

* (Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs

* (Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg

* (Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg

* (Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Weenie Dawg

* (Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg

* (Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is That?"

* (Yankee) Great Dane, Mastiff
(Southern) Danged BIG Dawg

* (Yankee) Any dog that raids the hen house
(Southern) Egg-Suckin' Dawg

* (Yankee) Any lazy dog
(Southern) Good fer nothing Dawg

* (Yankee) Any dog that's dead & buried & gone to the Rainbow Bridge
(Southern) Best danged Dawg I ever had...

[HelpinHere]

Hmm... it seems I missed the fun!

BLONDE joke:
A brunette was watching TV when her blonde roommate walks in the room.

The blonde sits down, and they are both watching the news. After a few minutes, the announcer says "Stay tuned after the break. There's a suicidal woman on town hall! See what happens when the police try to talk her down."

The brunette slyly looks to the blonde, and says "Betcha $50 that she'll jump!"

"You're on!" says the blonde.

When the news comes back on, the lady jumps. Looking disappointed, the blonde pulls out her wallet.

"Wait," says the brunette "I can't take your money, I saw this on the news earlier."

"It's alright," said the blonde "so did I, I just didn't think she would jump again!"


DOG joke:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."