[a la king]

It's been about a year since my ex and I broke up.
I've made absolutely zero contact in that time... amazingly enough.

I wish I could say I don't think about her anymore or hurt anymore-- but I'd be lying.

This evening I went out with a friend.. a friend that sees her often. I've made a rule among all my friends. And that rule is "don't ask don't tell". The penalty for breaking this rule is death.. or so I tell them. And it's worked well thus far.

In any case, he started to tell me that he and her spoke today at which point I cut him off and reminded him of the 'rule'. I said "look, there's nothing that you can say that will result in a good reaction from me." I proceeded to say "i hope she's well and happy" Which from me, was just lip service. He said "well that's exactly what she said about you". I started going off on a minirant about how that is such a bullsh!t thing to say after 10 years together. A cop out etc etc. Especially after the way things ended and how badly I got screwed over (I know, it's a two way street).

He tells me I need to move past all of this and accept things. Now, there's certain things I can accept and certain things I cannot accept. I accept we are no longer together but I cannot let what happened at the end slide. Some horrible sh!t went down at the end that was very damaging... especially from someone I trusted with my life.

The gist of their conversation, which apparently latest 40 minutes, was good things about me.
Which bugs me because I have a less than positive view of the situation.

Am I insane? Should I be all peachy keen by now? Even though he's one of my best friends- I feel like a total @ssh0le for going off like that.

I should also say that I haven't been sitting home this last year sulking. I go out all the time meet girls (all have been duds blah), work and stay active through exercise. I get lonely, but that's natural.

And there's my little immature rant.

[amicon]

Not immature at all.:-)you found yourself in a situation where you had to listen to the past being brought up.not nice.try to move past it.if your ex broke your trust it ll take some time to rebuild it.take care.

[Starry nights]

It's been about a year since my ex and i broke up.
I've made absolutely zero contact in that time... amazingly enough.

I wish I could say i don't think about her anymore or hurt anymore-- but i'd be lying.

This evening i went out with a friend.. a friend that sees her often. I've made a rule among all my friends. and that rule is "don't ask don't tell". The penalty for breaking this rule is death.. or so i tell them. And it's worked well thus far.

In any case, he started to tell me that he and her spoke today at which point i cut him off and reminded him of the 'rule'. I said "look, there's nothing that you can say that will result in a good reaction from me." i proceeded to say "i hope she's well and happy" Which from me, was just lip service. He said "well that's exactly what she said about you". I started going off on a minirant about how that is such a bullsh!t thing to say after 10 years together. A cop out etc etc. Especially after the way things ended and how badly i got screwed over (I know, it's a two way street).

He tells me i need to move past all of this and accept things. Now, there's certain things i can accept and certain things i cannot accept. I accept we are no longer together but i cannot let what happened at the end slide. Some horrible sh!t went down at the end that was very damaging... especially from someone i trusted with my life.

The gist of their conversation, which apparently latest 40 minutes, was good things about me.
Which bugs me because i have a less than positive view of the situation.

Am i insane? should i be all peachy keen by now? Even though he's one of my best friends- i feel like a total @ssh0le for going off like that.

I should also say that i havent been sitting home this last year sulking. I go out all the time meet girls (all have been duds blah), work and stay active through exercise. I get lonely, but that's natural.

and there's my little immature rant.

Hey King,you've handled your break-up really well and you sound like you have a cool head on your shoulders.You know you still hurt and you accept it.You are on the right track.It only gets better after this.One of these days when you find someone whom you can connect with,you'll be ready to give it a go,I know for sure.

So,mentally,give yourself a pat on the back and keep reminding yourself you're doing good.Setbacks like this aren't in your hand and life has this way of throwing stuff in your way,when you're expecting them the least;).

Take it in your stride(by the way I think you don't need to do anything else about the situation with your best friend)and do what's in your control,i.e. live life KINGsize:)

[kctiger]

You are great in that you recognize how you feel and can deal with it. Just keep doing your thing and living life. 10 years together is a LONG time by any measure so it isn't fair to say that after only a year you would be completely over this. Heal at your own pace, live for your own dreams!

[Elousia]

I read your post and just wanted to say that in regards to your pain I understand. There isn't a worse feeling in the world when the woman you loved turns her back and wants out and goes down "unfairly" and your left to pick up the pieces, your own emotions and heal. I promise you that if you really start to love yourself, and for being able to deal with this pain, which one day you will, that is without being hurt by the pain that your break up caused, you will be like a superhero. Realize that your truly blessed from a pain like this and remember that there is someone who is meant for you that is already making her way to you, it's a matter of you being ready for it.

No contact is so important, even little updates such as the one you received, which wasn't really even an update, is bad for one's emotional health following a breakup.

NO CONTACT IS SO REAL, ITS AMAZING.

[TexasLonghorn]

Great post... I wish you well.

There is NO rule book that says "at month 6 you should feel this way and at 1 year you should feel this way"

COntinue to stay strong!!

[jmw0713]

Nice rant! You got to let it all out sometime. You are not wrong, immature, or an a-hole. What happened to you was rough and you are well within bounds to feel the way you do.

[a la king]

Thanks everyone.

I reread what I wrote last night and saw that I made her sound like a monster and myself an angel.

It's important to acknowledge your own faults and think about them. I was far from perfect through that relationship -- which I think bugs me the most, to be honest. It was only at the end where I look at her as less than favorable.

While she might very well have forgiven and forgotten (who knows?) I don't think I've yet forgiven myself. It's funny because whatever she could say won't take away from how I fell I let myself down. It's more of a personal battle with myself. I don't want to forget the things I've done because if I forget them they'll happen again.


Anyway, time for coffee.