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shyfoxie · Aug 2, 2009, 09:58 PM

I recently got engaged to my boyfriend (fiance now I guess) and we're waiting a little while to tell everyone because we're not really sure how my family will react. I'm 19, in university and he is 22 and working. We have no plans to get married right away because we both know we aren't financially or emotionally quite ready at this particular moment. There's no point of rushing, so we're assuming at least 2-3 years.

The only problem is because of my age I am not so sure my parents will be convinced that I understand what I'm getting into. My mother got pregnant when she was 16 and my dad was 24, and got married when she was 18. They divorced a number of years later, and she is very proud of me for getting into the university, paying for it all with academic scholarships, not getting knocked up etc. She's relieved I grew up into a smart, independent young woman, but if I tell her I'm engaged, I don't know if she will just worry or be happy for me. She loves my fiancée, and thinks he's great for me, but I am concerned that this will seem too much like how things went for her.

I am not pregnant and have no plans to be any time soon, and before we break the news he's going to ask my father about it first in early December. We figure we can gauge his reaction from there and either announce after or before my birthday a few months later (maybe 20 sounds better for getting engaged).

We know his parents will be thrilled (his mom actually asked him the day after he popped the question if he'd proposed---said she had a hunch) and supportive. But I could use some advice on how we should go about telling my parents, especially my mom.

What's the best way to tell them between now and next June?

N0help4u · Aug 3, 2009, 05:48 AM

I think maybe you are over estimating how your mom will react. If they already like him and think he is good for you then they will probably be okay with it.
You could try saying something along this
If they think he is right for you and have said so in so many words use those words right back to them like

I know you think ___is a great guy for me and you have said____ so we have given it a good bit of thought and we agree that we see a good future for us so we are thinking about getting engaged and picking a ring out by the end of the year and we have been thinking of setting a wedding date. Maybe you could help us come up with a good date. We were thinking something like next summer before his fall semester.

I wish · Aug 3, 2009, 07:33 AM

Try this approach. There's no reason for you to rush telling your parents.

It's not so much about her reaction. It`s more about you. Just wait until you are comfortable enough. Like you said, you're planning on a waiting a few years before actually getting married. So I'm guessing the wedding plans are on hold for now. Your mom will probably want to be involved in the wedding plans, so you only really need to tell her when you get to the planning stage.

In the meantime. Continue focusing on your studies and show your mom that you're more and more mature every day. Show her that you can take care of yourself. That way, you will be much more comfortable yourself when telling her.

N0help4u · Aug 3, 2009, 07:36 AM

Yep I agree there is no rush to tell them.

shyfoxie · Aug 16, 2009, 02:55 PM

Thanks, I guess I am a little too worried, especially when it's over something great.

MsMewiththat · Aug 16, 2009, 03:02 PM

There is no rush to tell, but since it is true, it makes no sense to hide it. If your mother isn't happy for you right away she just may come around in time. One thing to be aware of if you are hiding it and not being honest you will forever have it in your mind that it is wrong. It's OK and advised to be honest about the things in your life and time to celebrate. Your mother should see this as a commitment that you have made to each other, one that you don't intend to act on for the next 2-3 years, share that with her too. Let us know what happens. Best of luck