[ZIN123]

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago, blamed everything, he left me feeling it was all my fault, my children's faults, so I was virtually suicidal. He's a respectable job and hates to be thought badly of.
He emailed me days later, apologising for what he'd done, I asked him if there was somebody else, and he went mad, said he didn't want a relationship, said he needed to sort his own head out, we've been together 3 years.

The last couple of weeks before we split, I was very suspicious, mobile on silent etc, th eusual give aways, but he just shouted at me when I asked him why, and that's one of the reasons he said he'd changed and needed time and that I was too paranoid.

Well his phone bill came in, I went online and registered to check the texts, and hey presto, a new number appeared a few weeks before, text me, text her etc

I know I shouldn't have text her, it wasn't nasty, just told her that he had already lied and cheated on her with me for a month! He's told her nothing but lies about me, she was very aggressive back, calling me names, even ringing me at 5am, I didn't answer,
Its stopped now, haven't heard from either of them for a week, God do I miss him, even after what he has done, I've lost two stone in weight, and just cannot be bothered to do anything, never mind take up activities!!
I sit at work and just want to email him, so he knows how much he has showed himself to be a liar, coward, cheat etc but hold myself back and keep thinking that's its about me now, not him. It's just so hard to, I'm still blaming myself, there must have been something that I didn't do right, I was too ugly for him, took him for granted etc, I wish I had the strength to take something that would make it go out of my head, I think about it regularly, but wouldn't do it.

[Chey5782]

Well, he showed pretty clearly that he wasn't who you thought he was either. And that's something to consider. Everyone has faults, but in a relationship respect and honesty are simply not interchangeable with other things like lies and deceit. At least now you know the kind of guy he turned out to be.

Missing him and going through the grieving process are just things you are going to have to go through to get past this. Obviously he is a liar and a scumbag, so what if you weren't perfect? Who is? I'm a newlywed and I still have days I want to strangle my hubby for simply being himself. That's just a part of life. If you are hurting this bad you need to go to a counselor who can help you get through this and understand completely and without excuse that this is not your fault. It may have been good when it was good, but in the end he was a real bastard leaving you thinking what you did, he wasn't even honest enough to tell you the truth, you need to bear that in mind right now a little more than the good times. And be strong for your children. The people who DO love you just for being you.

[N0help4u]

He lied to you so as much as you love him you have to be realistic with yourself.

Guys don't like being 'caught' they do go mad and deny it and try to find a way to reverse the fault onto you when you accuse them of something that is true. Their new gfs do go bizerk when the ex calls. They do buy everything he says.

Its not your fault he is a jerk. Don't contact him it won't fix anything in any way, shape or form. There is not a thing you can say or do or hear from him that is going to give you closure or satisfaction. You need to gain the strength within yourself and move on. Be glad you are away from somebody who can be so low.

[TexasLonghorn]

I am going through what you are as well. My boyfriend I thought was "the one". We had tons of fun but it came to my attention he had ads online looking for s--. It is crushing. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I am doing counseling and it helps so much. This happened to me 1.5 months ago and I still have my moments but I am better. Do not contact him it will do no good and you will regret it later.

But I would recommend counseling.

Remember a Set-back is a set-up for something better.

[artlady]

People stray for a variety of reasons but I have noticed that very often they don't find someone prettier or smarter or nicer.

Usually what they find and think is so grand is someone who gives them undivided attention and that feeds their ego.

Blaming yourself is counter productive.You can't go back in time and erase his infidelity.He admitted that you are not to blame.Believe that.

He is the one who decided to be deceitful,not you.

Now that you know what he is capable of ,it is time to begin the healing process.

It is difficult but you will find that it becomes less so if you dedicate yourself to truly putting the past and him behind you.

[I wish]

You shouldn't feel like it's your fault. If he had problems with you, he should have tried to work them out with you. Instead, he decided to find comfort in another woman and kept it secret from you. He sounds very emotionally unstable and borderline abusive.

Be glad that you are no longer associated with this person. You might have had good and bad times together, but it's all in the past.

It's time to move forward with your life. Leave him behind. There are bigger and better things ahead of you. So keep your head up and watch for that!

[mkjoness]

The truth is that, no one can change you except yourself.
Accept this. True love gives absolute freedom. If you love him, leave him to his will. True love is so... soft hearted . So the one with soft heart do not feel broken hearted. Only hard hearts will break. Soft heart will take another form change, that makes life so light... feathey light, that takes you to the level of true human understanding.. . not in human understanding... n'joy life. But don't abuse your life.

[markisman23]

M currently sort of in the same situation but not exactly. Of course I'm going to tell you that you need to do this or that but whether or not you actually listen is another story. Which is fine, I do the same that's what brought me to this site lol. But honestly you need to just walk away and try and move on with your life. I know it isn't easy believe me I should be listening to myself right now but I most likely won't. There comes a time in everyone's life where they need to step out of society and start thinking about themselves. Life is too short to worry about the drama or the bull that goes along with it. I would just ignore his phone calls or any contact with him for a while and take this time to figure yourself out and where you stand at the same time figure out what it is your looking for in your life. Go out with your kids or take them for ice cream, do something that is going to get your issues off your mind for a little while and allow you to sit back and think. With the state of mind your currently in which as well so am I its hard to jump outside the box and look at the situation from a different perspective because your mind is blurred with so many different thoughts. Sit back and ask yourself questions about the situation your in and just think is it really worth it? Im sure you have beautiful children a good job so try to focus on the things that make life worth living. Im sure in a couple days or weeks he's going to come back around apologizing saying he slipped up and he loves you etc. Again don't let that blurr your mind. Im sure there's a man out there right now who will respect you for who you are and love you for the same. Don't sell yourself short that's the problem with society today nobody believes in themselves. Well I hope my advice helps sorry I wrote so much I just find this topic very interesting being I'm going through similar situations. Be a little selfish its about you and your children now! Keep your chin up!

[Torrid13]

It's not your fault you mistook him for someone that has a spine.

Like others said, be thankful this monster is in your past now. He would have caused you nothing but grief and heartache on a much larger scale if you stayed with him, or God forbid, marry him.

I would also suggest going to see a psychologist. They can help you work through your feelings of abandonment and worthlessness.

You have to remember: you are not worthless, and this is not your fault. The dumpers in relationships usually just care about themselves when they end it and blame the dumpee. You are a victim of this. Don't let it get you down!