[mylife99]

I think that she was both testing you and controlling you. How else would she know if she could control you if she didn't test you?

She could never be your friend after this - you know why? Because you've called her on her behavior and that's terrified her inner child.

You won't need to call her back, ever - you know why, because she'll move on faster that you can imagine. Make sure you do as well!

Hey, Why will she move on faster then me? Is it because she was only acting with no emotions ? Also I just remembered at the start of the relationship she was always texting me every second of the day. And if I ever told her I should let her go she would say, no please keep texting. Is this a form of control also. And she also showed long term commitment early in our relationship, Maybe easy emotions that also caused her to detach as quick as she committed?

[Gemini54]

Hey, Why will she move on faster then me? Is it because she was only acting with no emotions ? Also I just remembered at the start of the relationship she was always texting me every second of the day. And if I ever told her I should let her go she would say, no please keep texting. Is this a form of control also. And she also showed long term commitment early in our relationship, Maybe easy emotions that also caused her to detach as quick as she commited?

She'll need to move on faster than you because she'll need you to know that you're not important and to make herself feel good.

[mylife99]

She'll need to move on faster than you because she'll need you to know that you're not important and to make herself feel good.

Hey, to me this personality disorder thing is crazy. So she doesn't want to think she is in the wrong. And the reason she got mad at the email I sent her pointing out what she did to me, was because admitting she is wrong would be a blow to her self esteem ? And she got terrified that I know she is not perfect, which she is trying to be ? Just trying to wrap my head around this whole control freak behaviour. Thanks again so much.

[inertia]

Don't beat yourself up. You are going to read postings that say stand up to her, be a man and show backbone. The truth is, when you did, she was done. She's not looking for someone to stand up to her. She's looking for someone that will submit to her. Of course, she will get bored of them and look for another man to break down. My ex was like this. I missed all of the warning signs, like her being cheated on twice and accusing two other exes of being controlling. I too was accused of being controlling. At the beginning of the relationship, I couldn't understand who would cheat or control her. Point in fact, two guys cheated on her because they wanted to feel like men again. Those of us that were "controlling" didn't tolerate her games and piss poor treatment. She too wanted to be friends. When I realized that she didn't respect any boundaries, I went complete NC. She then started sleeping with one of my friends. There is no fixing them, there is no teaching them a lesson. They suck at relationships.

[mylife99]

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I think your right. So let me just understand something here. She wanted to control me, and when I started to go against her and still ate how I wanted to eat, and never bought the shoes she wanted me to have, and started to argue with her back, she then got exhausted and upset because she could not control me ? This in turn then caused the relationship to get worse ? So what a control freak wants is to control you like a puppet? And If they can they don't want you ? Is this right ? Just trying to figure this out. Let me know if this is correct. Thanks so much :)

[inertia]

Either that or you are so completely far away and removed from what she is looking for that she realized there is no point in continuing the relationship. She pushed you to become someone else. You obliged in areas that seemed reasonable, but it was ultimately not enough for her. The fact that she didn't budge means that she saw nothing wrong with what she was doing. Relationships are about getting to know someone. You see potential in someone. You date them. When they fail to meet your expectations, you move on. Maybe you are Russell Crowe and she really loves Johnny Depp. Who knows? Who cares? You can't become someone else. Just because she wants someone else doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. If anything, she should probably be more discerning in who she dates and you should forget about her.

[inertia]

I don't mean to confuse you, but I don't know your ex. In my case, the ex didn't start trying to change things about me until well after a year of dating and talk of marriage and children. It was at this point that she started trying to change me. At first it was very polite and said out of concern. It became harsher the more I ignored it. It was a two way street though. Some things she was absolutely right about (saving money, quitting smoking etc.). Some things she was stretching (wanting me to dance with her, wanting me to go out more wit h her). Some things were controlling ( wanting me to "act differently" in public, wanting me to be more charming with her friends and wanting me to become christian. I know her last ex was also agnostic. It became clear to me that she is trying to save men from themselves and thus becoming "our" mothers. It is very emasculating. If she was truly happy and secure with who she was as a person (which she definitely wasn't) she would have focused more on her own problems in life instead of bringing all of mine to the surface.

[mylife99]

Yeah, who knows I guess. Thanks for the feedback.

[markerman]

Hey, this sounds like the relationship I was in. I also had a hard time realizing what my girl was doing? At first you want to blame yourself, because how she made it all your fault. If you look close at her behaviour telling you how to eat, shoes, and always hen pecking you, you will find that her behaviour is NOT NORMAL! This is controlling.. and she might be a perfectionist controller or just a controller because of low self esteem. She either wants everything to be perfect or wants you to feel like you aren't perfect so she can feel better about herself. This is a PERSONAILTY DISORDER! SHE WILL NOT CHANGE WITH OUT HELP! She will treat her next boyfriend the same way after the honey moon phase.. People need to tell you the truth! And I am sure that everyone on this website would agree that this is not normal healthy relationship behaviour.
She, like my girl probably got mad when you went agaist her. It makes them feel out of control. It will hurt when you breakup because she mad you feel like it was all your fault. YOU have to realize that this is about HER.. NOT.. YOU... Good luck... and remember its NOT NORMAL... Please anyone else that reads this post... tell this guy this behaviour is not notmal so her can move on to a better life. Trust me I have been there.. I am still getting through it... Hang on and realize what she was doing to you..

[mylife99]

Hey, this sounds like the relationship I was in. I also had a hard time realizing what my girl was doing? At first you want to blame yourself, because how she made it all your fault. If you look close at her behaviour telling you how to eat, shoes, and always hen pecking you, you will find that her behaviour is NOT NORMAL!! This is controlling.. and she might be a perfectionist controller or just a controller because of low self esteem. She either wants everything to be perfect or wants you to feel like you arent perfect so she can feel better about herself. This is a PERSONAILTY DISORDER! SHE WILL NOT CHANGE WITH OUT HELP! she will treat her next boyfriend the same way after the honey moon phase.. People need to tell you the truth! And i am sure that everyone on this website would agree that this is not normal healthy relationship behaviour.
She, like my girl prolly got mad when you went agaist her. It makes them feel out of control. It will hurt when you breakup because she mad you feel like it was all your fault. YOU have to realize that this is about HER.. NOT .. YOU.... Good luck... and remember its NOT NORMAL.... Please anyone else that reads this post... tell this guy this behaviour is not notmal so her can move on to a better life. Trust me I have been there.. I am still getting through it... Hang on and realize what she was doing to you..

Hey, thanks for the advice. So true.. How did the controlling start in your relaitonship ?

[N0help4u]

Yikes she IS controlling and it will only get worse! Do you want to sacrifice your happiness and independence and individuality for a CONTROL FREAK??
She WILL get worse. Actually it isn't that she will get worse... you will just see it more and more as the years go by.

Standing up to her is likely a waste of time. You need to just tell her you are from two different worlds and you want to go back to your world.

[mylife99]

Yikes she IS controlling and it will only get worse! Do you want to sacrifice your happiness and independence and individuality for a CONTROL FREAK???
She WILL get worse. Actually it isn't that she will get worse.....you will just see it more and more as the years go by.

Standing up to her is likely a waste of time. You need to just tell her you are from two different worlds and you want to go back to your world.

Thanks for the advice and feedback. Its hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal or not. But I realize now that this is not normal for a relationship. I agree it will get worse, and she won't change without years of therapy. This is a personality disorder I think. Its time for me to move on and put her in the past as nothing but a learning experience. My life is more important to let someone run over me. Thanks for making me realize this was about her, not me. :)

[none12345]

Thanks for the advice and feedback. Its hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal or not. But I realize now that this is not normal for a relationship. I agree it will get worse, and she wont change without years of therapy. This is a personality disorder i think. Its time for me to move on and put her in the past as nothing but a learning experience. My life is more important to let someone run over me. Thanks for making me realize this was about her, not me. :)

When two people do nothing but argue all the time, simply means they are not compatible and it never turns out well, trust me I know. Its better to leave before it gets any more complicated or deeper.

[mylife99]

When two people do nothing but argue all the time, simply means they are not compatible and it never turns out well, trust me i know. Its better to leave before it gets any more complicated or deeper.

Good point! So true.. She was the one always giving me all the t ime, then I would argue back, then we would be in a fight. I guess I need to realize that when a girlfriend is acting like this that soon into the relaitonship these are red flag warning signs that things won't get better only worse. My problem was seeing that her behaviour was NOT normal.. I needed people to tell me that this wasn't right because I was so blinded by them.

[none12345]

Good point! So true.. She was the one always giving me all the t ime, then I would argue back, then we would be in a fight. I guess i need to realize that when a girlfriend is acting like this that soon into the relaitonship these are red flag warning signs that things wont get better only worse. My problem was seeing that her behaviour was NOT normal.. I needed people to tell me that this wasnt right becasue I was so blinded by them.

It shouldn't be a problem. You were in love. Don't feel too bad about it. Looking back there were some things I was embarrassed and wasn't exactly proud about it but now that I looked back it was just silly and I moved on. Just don't let it happen the next time around but I'm sure it wouldn't because the next person might be the one you were looking for all your life. =P

[mylife99]

I think that she was both testing you and controlling you. How else would she know if she could control you if she didn't test you?

She could never be your friend after this - you know why? Because you've called her on her behavior and that's terrified her inner child.

You won't need to call her back, ever - you know why, because she'll move on faster that you can imagine. Make sure you do as well!

You said that I terrified her inner child when I pointed out what she was doing to me. What does this mean ? She got mad when I did, do you think she will ever apologize to me for what she did to me ? After I told her she got mad and said " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" Since she is a control freak it will probably be to hard for her to admit that she was in the wrong I am thinking. What's your take on this ? She mad me feel bad for telling her this stuff. But she had no problem treating me like crap when we were dating so why should I right ? Thanks for your time and help.. Just trying to get over this...

[N0help4u]

Since she is a control freak it will prolly be to hard for her to admit that she was in the wrong I am thinking. Whats your take on this ?
BINGO!

She mad me feel bad for telling her this stuff. But she had no problem treating me like crap when we were dating so why should I right ? Thanks for your time and help.. Just trying to get over this...

Of course! I use to say my ex's crapola smells like roses and everybody's roses smell like crapola. They never get the picture. They look at everything from their self centered point of view.

[mylife99]

Of course! I use to say my ex's crapola smells like roses and everybody's roses smell like crapola. They never get the picture. They look at everything from their self centered point of view.

So do you think I shouldn't feel bad for telling her what she did ? I guess I am just to nice of a guy and its hard for me to be mean. She made me feel like a bad guy for doing it. But the funny thing is, the email was all true and she shouldn't feel bad because it was all things that she did to me. Even though its over I am still hurting by her controlling ways. And getting over the break up...

[markerman]

Hey, thanks for the advice. So true.. How did the controlling start in your relaitonship ?

It started with none, then slowly she started with little things, but you don't realize that it is controlling. Then it gets worse and worse until you realize what's going on. Some people never realize and get caught in the trap. These relationships will fail. Not healthy! That's what I realized..

[real soldier]

Ohhh man dam, this is bad case, trust me on this it's the same with my girl, but in your case it doesent sound like she is trying to control you, but it's that she is out of control, so to control her start by backin off and quitening down on her and she might ask wots up, then just tell her