[KatieMarie11223]

[F]SO..... I've known this great guy since my sophomore year of highschool. We went to our first Christmas dance together that year and began to "date" soon after. He was really into me and I really had fun with him.... but I was in my "hot " stage and did not really give him the time of day. Soon I began ignoring his phone calls and soon after that we just stopped talking. Well four years later we end up hanging out alot when he came home for the summer. He was still the hilarious, cheery :p , upbeat guy I knew from highschool. I finally decided I missed him and after talking some we found out we both were going to the same college in the fall.:D So now we are both going to school as sophomores and are dating again! I love him to death, he's SO funny... but I think he is gay. We sing along to the radio, clothes shop, pig out and talk about EVERYTHING! He tells me he has loved me since we were 15 years old and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.... and sometimes I feel he loves me as his girlfriend.... but more often I feel like his best girl friend. He has ALOT of guy friends and a few of them actually don't like me because I am cutting in on their time with him..... and they let me know.... they are mad! He also can not stay hard when we have sex.... it seems like he is faking the enjoyment... he loves head and rubbing... but not intercourse. When I ask him about being gay he gets fidgety and nervous... very defensive and says that it hurts him his girlfriend thinks he is gay. He tries very hard to please me and treats me like a princess..... but when he touches me and looks at me 80 percent of the time it feels like a gay best friend connection. When I try to tell him i love him no matter what and I want us to be the best of friends he gets mad at me and tells me he is not going to lose me.. he loves me too much. I'm almost positive he is gay but I don't want to be wrong about this one :confused: ... please help.. it's driving me CRAZY! :eek:

[Waysplusmeans]

Hi,

These days identifying a gay or downlow husband/boyfriend can be real tricky. I have met some of the most handsome straight looking guys that you would never guess were gay unless they were as open and honest as they are about being gay.

So, the only indications that we have beside him telling the truth is to take a good close honest study of his relationship with his mother or female caregiver.

Best wishes:)

[jjcj06]

Now, to your post. From what you have said, I really do believe your friend is gay, although nobody would know except him. As a gay man, I have dated girls just out of the fear of "losing" them to man if they started dating someone else.

Appearance and personality can not be taken as proof, as everybody is different. There isn't going to be a stamp on the back of his neck that says "gay"

Just let him know that you will always be friends regardless of whether you're a couple or friends. Most importantly, give him time. It is the hardest, and scariest thing to come out to family and friends, pressuring him won't make it any easier.

Do you have another gay friend that you could both start spending time around? Don't make a big deal about it, or even necessarily tell him. Just being around some one who is openly gay made me so much more comfortable with who I am.

I wish you both luck, and more than anything hope you remain great friends!

[Gemini54]

Sometimes the strongest and truest indicator of what is happening in our lives is our intuition.

You are the only one that really knows what is going on between you and your BF - you're the one that spends time with him and has sex with him. Your intuition is telling you that something is 'not quite right' and that the sexual connection is odd.

Clearly he loves you and feels comfortable with you. He doesn't have to get out of his comfort zone when he's with you.

Trust your intuition. More than likely you're right.

[jeanyves]

Thank you jjcj06. That makes plenty of sense to me. I have a female friend who used me to make her gay friend jalous so he would date her again. Clearly he is fond of her attention and affection. He does not want to lose that. But he is very gay. I have never been wrong about that stuff. Sooner or later she has to face the fact, again, he'd rather make love to a man rather than to her. She's been there before, but she is very proud and takes it personally when a man may not be interested in her sexually. Happens all the time...

[jeanyves]

Now, Katiemarie11223, to answer your question the best I can, I will say in my life I have never been wrong when I thought some male friend was gay. I grew up at a time when guys didn't come out and being gay was a stigma. Thankfully these days are over. But, I look back and my friends who I suspected were gay always turned out to be. Year laters I would find out about it "officially." Or I would find out they died of AIDS, sadly. This is not to say the other way around is true. I certainly can never say positively someone is straigth. But if you have a hunch your friend is gay, he probably is...

[amicon]

Again guys the original post is nearly two years old.:-)