[Sol Badguy]

So here we go, now before I start I am one of those guys who has lived a life where if I had given up I would not be here to write this question or even be breathing the air I am today. So my life has made me a very determined, and persistent man that doesn't give up especially when it comes to being screwed by bad luck and bad circumstances; I don't believe in fate or anything ruling my life... its mine and mine to live.

So with that said... I'm not a creep, nor am I a stalker... trust me I've had plenty time to think it threw. I know my impatience/inexperience has screw'd me and now I'm trying to make it up.

So lets begin. Ill try to make it short, but give you enough info to make your suggestion. Get comfortable and enjoy.

So I met this girl in a college class; at first I didn't think much of her, until I got asked a question about her presentation paper, whatever I said made her smile and from there I was hooked... "a smile to die fighting for" is what I called it.

Now I only knew her for about 8 weeks or 8 days( 1 day out of the week)... yea I know... lame

But in those 8 weeks, we have spent countless times in hallways just staring into each other, like she would lose herself in my eyes. There would be times we would just stare at each other for 10 minutes without talking, and she would even talk to me differently then any other guy, even her boy friend (soon to be a dumped boy friend). Now sure there were times I know I creeped her out just me being a dumb romantic, but I never pushed it. I was weird, but I know that is what got her interested in me in the long run.

Ive saved her from old horny guys hitting on her; kept her form falling off her chair in pure exhaustion, and kept her from having a heart attack when she almost didn't graduate. I saw myself as this girls knight in shining armor.

The best time I had with her was a time ( the time she almost fell off her chair) I saved her from making a fool of her self, she was tired so I made her play a game with me to keep her awake; it was tick tack toe at first. But later it switched to Hang-Man we sent messages to each other like " i love your smile" she giggled and smiled at me... I melted from that smile. I later then asked her out in that very game of hang man.

Now it wasn't a "date" because she had all ready told me the "i need a break from relationships" which really means I just need to wait, and have patience, and just stick with her as a friend till she was ready for someone to be in her life again; trust me I would have waited a long time. I would have been that guy to drive 2 hours everyday just to see her for 5 minutes.

Yes I was that dedicated kind of guy; that guy that would go to hell and back, and back again for this girl.

So I asked her to hang out with me. It was a "Ice breaker" to let her know she could trust me and continue to hang out with me. So she gave me her number and I went to class.

Now here is where I go down hill... hard... I don't have patience when bad luck kills me. So if you're a chick reading this... don't hate yet! >.<
The number didn't go into my phone... what's worse is my phone died 2 days later, OH and she was graduating. I was screwed from the beginning, and no one was helping me.
Now I did meet her best friend at the school. She gave me her email address, and I did have her MySpace at the time. Why I didn't have patience and wait I will never know.

But for some reason that wasn't enough so I talked to a bunch of her friends on her MySpace, even her sister... but in a week I wasn't getting any responses... I was going crazy >.<.

Now when all hope seemed lost, my friend (without me knowing at the time) went on "PeopleFinder" and found her number. It creeped me out too, but they convinced me to call and try it out. It was there house number... the mom picked up I APOLOGIZED and told her everything, even after the mom still said "its ok" and gave me the girls number.

But here's where it goes even worse, I got the "attack dog"... you know, that friend that's over protective and can munipulate anyone and lies to no end to keep her safe. Well she got me, and she made me say things that put me in more deep trouble.

Any ways after a bunch of nonsense I finally call her up. Basically I apologized about the situation she said " its ok" but she told me she had been avoiding the problem all together; she didn't know if she was flattered or freaked.

Now about an half hour of trying to get myself out of this problem we got to the point where she said "ok... well message me, and if I'm not busy maybe we will hang out." she's a busy girl so I understood, but Im a hard core guy you don't need to be nice to me, so I said "waite, just tell me to off, its not hard; i can take it" but she said "now wait... like i said; message me and if I'm not busy we will hang out" she left out the maybe that time.

So I gave her a week, and called her. She was in San Fransisco. So I gave her 2 weeks... and called again this time if she wanted to catch a lunch;

She said " i just ate with my mom" so now I said "ok now its all or nothing" so I call her and say:

"would you like to catch a drink?

Her: "now! "
ME: "no I still go 2 hours till I get to you"
HER: "I have plans, I cant"
ME: "how about a early lunch after school?
HER:"ok but we have to make it early I'm meeting up with my ex boyfriend, you can meet us then, so call me in the morning."

So I call her around 10:30 and she messaged me " can't talk now my uncle just had a heart-attack, i said "wow! Really? Is he OK? I just wanted to tell you I couldn't come"... i don't know why i said that last part...

i messaged her 4 hours later "is he OK?" i didn't get a response... so i stopped trying.

now people always say " give it time" its been 2 months now and my only chance i can think about is going to the Graduation ceremony and talking to her there. now i have to go in a way that doesn't make me look like I'm there for her, or she might say "great he's here for me... " and it might come off as "he's stalking me". (which im not... i just want to try one last time.)

so i have to go with the-- i walk past her and "wave" hoping she says "woah! What's he doing here? He looks good! Ill talk to him to see what happened" (thats a scenario I played out in my head) I plan on fixing myself up real good.. the works. Haircut, highlights, colone the whole shabang!

But I have no idea what to say, other then that she pussied out on me, and that she needs to not avoid problems and take a chance, (once again another scenario)


SO HERE IS THE QUESTION!

Should I even bother? Do I even have a chance at pulling this off? What should I say? And of course does she even like me in the first place.

But really... can I pull this off?

[Sphira]

OK it took me a while but let me get this strait OK?

You were mates in class for more than a few weeks

You both had awkward moment ( been there)

Now you wanted to see her and she was busy

She's now Graddurating and possibly thinks you're a stalker or a romantic

And your wondering if you can pull it off to win her back

Oh and its been 2 months

If this is right the and as a girl I say

Either

• take a chance and see her AFTER her graduration (dont do the works just be you!)
• if she sees you and wants to be there go for it

but if she doesn't fish at you local pool[*]good luck may FATE be on your side lol:)[/LIST]

[ZoeMarie]

but Im a hard core guy you don't need to be nice to me, so i said "waite, just tell me to off, its not hard; i can take it"

That right there is where you would have lost me. That's just plain rude.

I saw a lot of red flags within the post, one of the major ones being that she has/had a boyfriend. It doesn't state anywhere in the post that she had ACTUALLY dumped him.

[N0help4u]

Lose the attack dog.
Ask her if you can take her out to explain better and make it up to her.
THEN tell her that you are leaving it up to HER to contact you if she is willing to see you again.

[Sol Badguy]

yea, to clear it up, she did dump him. He was a "Chick with a " she was in the process of getting rid of him when she met me.

and what I originally said was "if you don't like someone, you have to tell them to off" now I brought that up because we had that conversation practically every day; one thing I knew is that she's one of those chicks that are too nice to say no and yes it does come off as cowardly.

I was trying to make her a more "truthful" girl and it was working until the part I screwed up. Because I knew if she didn't she would fail at a life of relationships, if I lose her at least I can make an impact in that part of her life.

thank you for your ideas and comments, means the world to me, hopefully I can get more. The more ideas/encouragement I can get the better.

=).

[Sphira]

OK that is down right rude you were trying to change her into a more truthful girl I mean she was fine to start with buddy and its not up to you to change her I say you leave her alone and begin a new chaper in the book without picking on the net girl I mean enjoy being single cause your only younge finding a spouse is a extra in life

[scott_1976]

Just be honest, games will get you nowhere and waste time. Tell her how you feel about her and see what happens. Oh, one other thing, stop looking for hidden meanings in everything she tells you, you will only drive yourself nuts doing that! Good luck man!
"Better to loved and lost than never to loved at all!"

[TJ17]

After reading all that I can truthfully say and it is amazing you haven't realized it yourself but I'll put that down to "blind" love that the girl... and I repeat the girl, "Is Not Interested In You"

... a blind, deaf, mute monkey could see that... sorry.

[Homegirl 50]

It's been two months, I say leave the girl be. I don't think she is interested anyway. Not everything is something to be conquered, let this one go.

[Sol Badguy]

well everyone thank you for the insight.

I originally had a change of mind, and I wasn't going to do this in the first place, but there were still things hanging on in my mind. Like things you wouldn't do if you didn't like someone so I had to get more opinions on this subject.

I guess I've been trying to fight this crap; whatever u call it, may it be bad luck, circumstance, signs from god, or plane old fate, because in the end this girl is the only girl to make me truly happy in such a long time, the only girl that sex wasn't even part of the equation; that's how I knew I liked (loved?) this woman, because I just wanted to be with her and not screw her pants off.

but in the end, I'm going into the marines (for good reasons, trust me), and I was probably not going to go into the marines if I stayed with her, which would have been bad. Anyway, this chick was my chance at a normal life, but now I think that I have to go to that ceremony anyway.

because years from now I don't want to think back on this and say "i should have tried anyways" I'm going for no regrets, ill just apologize and see if she just wants to hang out and just be friends, and maybe... just maybe ill let her know how I feel, and that I would have waited for her to be ready.

but hey! Who knows! I also have to say it in a way that she her self isn't put in any weird mind set I don't want her to feel bad,

any suggestions how I pull this off? Ladies, guys? I'm going... that is dead set on my mind, but I don't want her to feel bad or even set her on some weird mind guilt trip.

I just want to see her smile one last time =)

[Homegirl 50]

Then send her a letter and apoloize for your behavior and then leave it alone.

[scott_1976]

After reading all that i can truthfully say and it is amazing u havent realized it yourself but i'll put that down to "blind" love that the girl....and i repeat the girl, "Is Not Interested In You"

.....a blind, deaf, mute monkey could see that.....sorry.

Its to bad most people can't just be honest in the beginning and say there not interested! :mad:

[Homegirl 50]

The girl has not contacted him, she has not spoken to him in two months, has not done anything to lead him to think she is interested.
He is the one making all the moves.

[scott_1976]

The girl has not contacted him, she has not spoken to him in two months, has not done anything to lead him to think she is interested.
He is the one making all the moves.

She should have just told him she wasn't interested, is that really so hard to do?? :confused:

[Homegirl 50]

She did not lead him on. He read more into it than he should have. Conquering her was like a game to him, he does not give up, he said that himself.
You can be nice to a person that does not mean you're leading them on. If you don't speak to someone in two months, you don't return a call, you tell someone you're going out with your ex, that should give a person a clue you are not interested. And this guy is still talking about "pulling something off" It's not her, he needs to get a clue.
And why give me a reddie because I disagree with you, I was not giving him the advice, I was talking to you. I did not give you one. That's not how this works. But that's OK.

[TheOreeoShow]

NO NO NO WHY MAN WHY!! Even if you go you are wasting. YES WASTING YOUR OPPURTUNITY!!
Tell her everything!! EVERYTHING maybe give her a copy of the page if you have to but ou have to tell her what I JUST READ! Don't Don't! Let her go !

[TheOreeoShow]

You can do it! :)

[mccall]

The above statement seems to be contradictory. The situation is very critical and need an experienced campaigner to resolve it.:rolleyes:

parking sensor

[Jake2008]

If the next time you are going to see her is at graduation, why not buy her a nice card.

Inside the card, just write that you're joining the army, and if she'd like to keep in touch, give her your email, Facebook etc.

Congratulate her, wish her well.

I think you'll probably see that smile again, and at the same time, know that you took the high road, did a nice simple gesture of friendship, and then just leave it at that.

Bittersweet I know, but who knows what door that could open in the future.

Best of luck to you.

[Triysle]

I have a suggestion for you, Sol. Focus more on your own life right now. You seem like you have good intentions, but I am seeing some very clear signs of almost crippling insecurity right now.

I'm sure this girl was amazing in your eyes, but I think you have a very unrealistic opinion of her. You talk about this girl like you spent your entire life with her, and yet you have only interacted for two months? And even then, you were never dating, or even hanging out. Just sitting in a hallway staring?

Also, I want to address the comments about being led on (by the other posters). Does that mean if I smile at a customer where I work, that I am hitting on them? If a girl smiles at me in class, she wants to date me? There was no leading on here; this girl was being friendly, and unfortunately, Sol, you read far too much into this.

I really think you need to take a better look at yourself. If you latch on this quickly and easily to another person, that probably means that you are refusing to identify yourself. Face your insecurities and find happiness in your own life. And when you do this, don't be let your motivation be driven by another person; build your confidence in yourself, and only for yourself.

Once you can honestly say that you are happy with your life, then, and only then, should you allow someone else to share it with you.

You need to break off all ties with this person. I'm surprised she hasn't somehow blocked you, considering your actions earlier. Do not resent her for trying to protect herself. You did come on way too strong, you read a lot into the situation that obviously wasn't there, and that's fine; it's a learning experience. Just don't let it happen again.

~ Tee