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Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 12:55 PM

That's best for now.

I'd still insist on only in person discussions - no more e-mails - people take e-mails WAY the wrong way - ALWAYS. E-mail are NOT personal. No voice mails.

momincali · Oct 2, 2006, 01:52 PM

On September 28th you posted: "I will take your advice and give him till 8pm tonight and if I havent had a text or a phone call by then I will never speak to him again even if he does come running."

Was hoping you had really meant that but... Glad you know that texting him while drunk was a mistake and hope you get that not being able to get up to his apartment that night was best.

Things are too confusing right now. Like Tal and Wildcat said, too much too soon. Ride it out. No contact. Even if he calls or sees you on line, don't respond. If he gets desperate enough, he will come looking for you. Should he do that I would suggest being very brief and saying you need some space right now, period, end of subject. I know it hurts but believe it or not, that too will pass. Get busy, please.

Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 02:37 PM

Mom - can't spread the rep - but right on.

Get busy living!!

daisyrose · Oct 3, 2006, 03:10 PM

Thanks for you thoughts... Well positive thinking and keeping busy is definitely working at them moment
Joined a gym yesterday and got myself a personal trainer.
I really enjoyed reading that book... He's just not that into you.. so I bought the new one today called.. its called breakup because it's broken.
I would recommend anyone read that one, it is fantastic

When I woke up this morning I really missed his arms around me and I had this sudden urge to send him a text message. I actually typed the message and was about to send it and remembered what the book said.
Ok send it but how are you going to feel if he doesn't reply... worse than what you feel right this minute.

So I deleted it. Felt a great sense of satisfaction. Only trouble is the feeling doesn't last very long. But I feel that I have to hang in there and every day will get easier.
At the moment I still hope and pray that he will contact me and want me back and I believe that that day will come and I hope that I will have reached the point where I think to myself... yeh but remember how he made you suffer once.. he is capable of doing that again to you but at least I am having fun, reading and learning new things and hopefully making new friends at the gym.

The no contact rule is very very hard to maintain. You can sit here all day wondering why he is not ringing you but at the end of the day the simple truth is that you are not in his thoughts and he doesn't want to.

Wildcat21 · Oct 3, 2006, 03:28 PM

Keep it up. It will work.

People always screw this stuff up though.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 08:33 PM

The no contact rule is very very hard to maintain. You can sit here all day wondering why he is not ringing you but at the end of the day the simple truth is that you are not in his thoughts and he doesn't want to.

If you sit all day wondering, its hard not to feel the strain of a relationship gone sour.

Never sit and wait for someone to call. I repeat, no sitting by the phone waiting and wishing... There are too many other things in this world to do besides mope for some Yahoo who isn't even thinking about you, so my suggestion is WORK on getting a life that you enjoy. Find things to do that you like so you don't depend on any one to make you happy but YOU..

momincali · Oct 3, 2006, 09:10 PM

A gym and a personal trainer? Wow, you are serious about getting over this guy. Good for you. Now don't spend all that money and blow it by calling him. Go to the gym as much as possible. Read your book and reread all these posts to keep you focused and most of all, DECIDE that you will get past all this and be strong. CHOOSE to do it. It's hard, yeah, so what!! A few months at the gym and a physical endurance nazi you pay to run you ragged, now that's hard.

Seriously, no contact.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 09:16 PM

A few months at the gym and a physical endurance nazi you pay to run you ragged, now that's hard.

LOL mom!!

daisyrose · Oct 8, 2006, 08:39 AM

What's he playing at now?. after no contact for nearly a week and seeing him on line and I resisted sending him any messages.
We always used to watch this programme on TV together and last night it was on... For once I wasn't thinking about him and low and behold I get a text message from him asking if I was watching the programme.. I didn't bother to reply. A second message comes through saying how emotional he was watching it!! And I still didn't reply... then a third message comes through... saying pass the tissues love lol.
This one I did reply and said... get yer own loo roll!

What's going on??

talaniman · Oct 8, 2006, 09:20 AM

He's trying to get a rise from you, stay strong as others have said this was bound to happen -NO CONTACT_

daisyrose · Oct 8, 2006, 10:41 AM

Sorry to be a thicko here talaniman... but you say he is trying to get a rise out of me... if he doesn't give two hoots about me why is he doing this?
Not to cling to false hopes but is this his way of trying to get me back?

talaniman · Oct 8, 2006, 03:07 PM

Yes for his own purposes though and not the way you want it. All he needs is a foot in the door and he can break you BACK down. Like YOU said he doesn't give a hoot about you. No Contact.( Do you realise how many times I say that a day?)

Wildcat21 · Oct 9, 2006, 01:24 PM

Yeah - this guys a little creepy. Blows hot and cold with her.

He'd have to really prove himseld in an adult - mature way.

This is why I hate text messaging. It's reall you cowards way of communicating - hey and I've been known to do it. It's too easy.

Hi hides behind computers and text.

cbmb · Oct 9, 2006, 01:36 PM

Yep - text messaging has gotten quite popular these days! :) And it can be pretty impersonal - although efficient at times.

cbmb · Oct 9, 2006, 01:37 PM

Daisy Rose - I have read He's Not That Into You as well. Someone recommended "It's called a Breakup Because It's Broken" and I'm dying to get that one. Sounds like it's pretty good.

Enchanted1 · Nov 10, 2006, 11:31 AM

So what's the status? I am in a situation where I came on too strong, myself. It's not the first time and this time I caught myself. I was wondering how things were going with you, if you got things ironed out with him, are on to someone else, or are single and loving it?

Wildcat21 · Nov 10, 2006, 12:38 PM

Pull back dude - be busy - be less available!

Don't call her!! Don't!!

If people just took things really SLOW with people they really like and want to be with - everything would be so much easier.

You go slow and there is no pressure!! Pressure will send her away.

daisyrose · Nov 10, 2006, 01:47 PM

Hi enchanted and everyone else

Well I haven't posted for a while... so I will tell you what has been happening. It has been very difficult but I stuck to my guns and didn't contact him.

I did receive a phone call from him a few weeks ago and I did speak to him briefly. What was the point of the phone call ? Still not sure but he seemed to want to know what I was up to. He took great pleasure in telling me that he had moved on!! As if I didn't know that already. As to date things have gone very quiet. He is playing the silly game now of disappearing off line as soon as I sign on! I know he is thinking to himself... oh I will do this and then she will wonder what I am doing.

Yes... I wonder every day what he is doing and whether he is with someone else and I am itching to find out but I am being strong and won't do it. What he is up to in his life.. is none of my business.

I went out on a date last week with a guy who is absolutely besotted with me. He treats me like a princess . The only trouble is that there is no chemistry and I don't fancy him one bit. All the while I was with him... I was thinking of my ex... I still can't get him out of my mind, but I know with time I will.

I still want him back and miss him dreadfully but I am keeping busy and have lots of dates lined up.

Every day that goes by I wonder whether today is the day that he will turn up on my doorstep and tell me he has made a terrible mistake and wants me back.

Still at least I have kept my dignity by not chasing after him and I feel good about myself for doing that.

I want to thank everyone on this site for all the advice they gave me.

The advice about NO CONTACT is an excellent piece of advice to anyone in this situation.

You can rebuild yourself esteem knowing that you are not behaving like a mad psycotic woman and if there is a chance in hell that the other person will change their mind then the odds are more in your favour if you do no contact.

In my situation... He told me that he was attracted to strong independent women and by behaving like this, I firmly believe that I am showing him what he is missing and it will be his loss.

I am not a vindictive person... but I hope that there will come a day where I will be happy with someone else and he comes knocking... and I can tell him to go to hell!!

Lovely thought eh? Lol

Anyway thank you everyone
Xxxxx

valinors_sorrow · Nov 10, 2006, 03:07 PM

It seems to me when I look at how the world operates... "coming on strong" is either desperation in disguise (and THAT sabatoges everything in its path) or it really IS a (healthy) personality trait which tends to sort out the faint-hearted pretty quickly. Its up to you, Daisyrose, to consider which one you are.

If it's the former, I would suggest another book after your break-up book called "Women Who Love Too Much". It helps you find a way to shed that desperation, be more careful and slow down.

If it's the latter, then I say more power to you. I have also been someone who can be perceived as coming on strong. Please don't have regrets if you run someone off -- it wasn't going to work in the long run with them anyhow-- can you seee that at all?

Just a few thoughts to ponder.

Wildcat21 · Nov 11, 2006, 11:38 AM

The wird thing about coming on too strong is - genrally the one coming on too strong is sooooo interested in the other person... they want to show their interest tooooo much. You'd think the other person would love the attention - but NOOOOOOOO - everyone wants a challenge. I don't see a problem with being so intersted - yet you CAN'T EVER SHOW IT TOOOOO early on - SLOWLY!! (there's that word again) SLowly show it!! Keep it to yourself and PLEASE don't express verbally how you feel for a long time - show it only - slowly. Unfortunatelt these atren't GAMES - but ways you must BEHAVE to get the one you want.

" He treats me like a princess . The only trouble is that there is no chemistry and I dont fancy him one bit. " - NOW you see the other side - right?? Get it??

I waill say it for the 1 millionth time here:

PEOPLE WANT What THEY CAN'T HAVE!! ALWAYS!!