[Xrayman]

Time to get a new/better/kinder model of a MAN.

Not an arrogant racist loser.

I would suggest that your Bj + HJ is half of the problem-from now on inform him of YOUR disgust that he is not treating you well enough and should he continue-SHOW HIM THE DOOR!

Case closed. Move on.

[N0help4u]

As long as he is racist and can not let go of your past he will never change. He will always connect you with what he hates.

Unless he loves you enough to want to get over it AND he begins to recognize the problem as HIS and NOT yours your relationship is doomed to fail.

Ask him what he would think and feel if you told him that you can't get past one of his previous relationships (for whatever reason)

Don't buy into the procrastination talk to keep you dangling.
You need to have a talk with him about how he wants to deal with this and where he sees your relationship going. If he doesn't give you 100% positive answers it is time to leave him in the dust.

[Catsmine]

To those saying there are deeper issues involved.. so what? His racism is showing in the choice of hurt he used.

The only cure for racism I have seen that's effective is a funeral. Get him out of your life before he communicates his poison to your children. I feel really sorry for his.

[smoothy]

To those saying there are deeper issues involved.. so what? His racism is showing in the choice of hurt he used.

The only cure for racism I have seen that's effective is a funeral. Get him out of your life before he communicates his poison to your children. I feel really sorry for his.

Deeper issues doesn't get him off the hook for what he said.

She was interested in knowing What was up... the real issue isn't what he said... its something else. Doesn't change anything. Unless she no longer cares what was really going on.

[Catsmine]

Smoothy, the other issues really don't matter for her kids. I have a very Darwinian view of racism: it's counter-survival, and should therfore become extinct, preferably as quickly as we can arrange. I say this as a Caucasian Southern male raised by rednecks who used the term "darkie" as easily as I use "male." (Yeah, this is one of my own "issues")

[smoothy]

Well if she really wants to know what was going on in his mind she has to look beyond those comments. Like I said... I didn't give him a free ride on that because he was obviously wrong saying it for any reason, but that's not what the real problem is. And whites aren't the biggest rascists either, Take a look at who is setting in the White House right now... ever read either of his autobiographies? It goes WAY, WAYYYY beyond what this guy said. And stereotyping a southern white guy as a rascist is in itself rascist. Think about it, how about any particular comments that someone might have about your personal upbringing whatever it might be? See my point here?

Blacks don't get a pass on rascism either... nor Koreans... Hispanics... etc.. THey ALL practice it very extensively themselves... buts that's getting way off topic for this forum.

Basically the question is does she really want to know what was going on or just rely on some words he blurted out in stupidity and never know the root issue? She's never going to have closure until she knows the real problem.

[hardwaresoftie]

Best analysis yet lucytwo2

[hardwaresoftie]

We have a great friendship and while the sex was never "fireworks", it has never been "bad"... or so I thought. I did notice that he didn't seem to be as into it as men I have been with in the past, but if you knew those men, well let's just say I haven't always had the best of luck in pickin' them! Anyway, for past several months it seems as if he has lost complete interest in having intercourse with me. I'll give him oral or a hand job and then its over. When I asked him about it the first time he told I was blowing the whole thing out of proportion and that sex isn't everything.

From the above quote from you, I think he's problem lies with what happened to his marriage might and I quote MIGHT be the main reason, i.e If as I suspect, his ex-wife had an affair and or is with a Black man and has been belittled by her for not being great in bed as MAYBE her lover if Black is PLUS you are probably have a similar sex drive as his ex did, therefore he sees her in you, which he is disgusted about and not over (The Issue).
Do you know if his ex cheated on him with a Black man or maybe she is getting banged by one now?

Anyway my suggestion is the same as in lucytwo2's May 13, 2009; 10:14pm Posting.

Good Luck

[Homegirl 50]

Well aside from the "black" thing" it would disgust me if a man only wanted hand and blow jobs from me and did not care or want to touch me. That tells me he has no respect for me as a woman and his partner. He's got problems.
As for the black statement, he didn't say your being with another man disgust me, he said your being with a black one. That speaks volumes to me.
He has a problem with her being with a black man, where it stems from, I couldn't care less. His actions and his words would be enough for me to leave.

[lchu52]

I think you are way too kind & naïve to rate this relationship as great before this incident. I detect in depth underlining problems with your boyfriend , such as: anger issue, poor communication skills, fear of intimacy etc. You also have issues you need to address, such as; self respect, boundary , seek validation by others issues etc. Go and seek some couple counseling ASAP.

[lucytwo2]

Like I said before.I think he has the issues and he's probably insecure.I still say if he doesn't want sex with you then he's getting it somewhere else and he's saying what he is because he is on a GUILT TRIP.

[taoplr]

OK,Hurt. You have had a lot of advice. To where has this process brought you? What has occurred within you and with him?