[Raven0208]

I've been depressed since I was eleven years old and I just really want it to stop. When I was eleven I didn't even know it was depression but I realize now that that's really all it's ever been. Sometimes I just feel like I physically cannot be happy. I've tried medication that my friend's mom gave me but I hate the way it makes me feel. I'm only 17 and I feel like I should be enjoying my life, not spending it hiding my feelings and fighting this. It's only gotten worse as time goes on and I thought that maybe it'd go away or lessen but it hasn't at all. It's gotten so bad that I started to self-harm last year and it's the only thing that ever helps me feel better. Sometimes I start crying and I can't even stop until I self-harm. I don't know why it's like that, all I know is that it is and I want it to stop. I want to tell someone but my step father is a jerk. He'd probably just make everything worse. And I can't tell my mother, she'd probably be ashamed or mad at me. I don't know what to do. I've considered suicide and some days it's all I think about. The only reason I haven't is because I can't do that to my family. Please, if anyone can give me some advice as to what to do, I'd really appreciate it.

[Nestorian]

I understand. But what did your friends mum give you? And is she a doctor?

[Fuzzball_Kara]

You need to see a doctor. And never take any medication unless prescribed by a doctor to you. It can actually make you far worse. You need to talk to a trusted friend or adult. Maybe a teacher who can set up an appointment with a professional. You can call suicide hotlines or you can just come on here for little encouragement if you really don't have anyone at the moment and need a quick little boost.

I know what you're going through and a lot of teens I know go through it too. It just jumps up out of no where. If it's getting this serious you need to talk to a doctor so they know how to diagnose you.

As for depression, just getting out and busying yourself can make you feel better. Exercise will make you feel better too. Self mutilation is harmful and will leave unwanted scars and memories and possibly lead to infection.

I really hope you get better from this because the feeling is just lousy and no fun. When something fun comes up, do it. If you're friend invites you to do something, do it (unless it's bad like drugs... o.o). I'm sure you'll see more advice on here. I'm hoping for you. Take care!

[Raven0208]

I understand. But what did your friends mum give you? And is she a doctor?

I honestly don't remember what it was, it was a while ago. She went in to the doctor for her depression and they gave it to her. I know I shouldn't have taken something not prescribed to me but I had no other way to get medication. They worked for her so I thought I'd give them a try. Try to understand, I was willing to do anything to feel better at the time and I didn't feel like I had any other option. I figured it was better than nothing and when I'm extremely upset I don't always think clearly.

[Raven0208]

If you're friend invites you to do something, do it (unless it's bad like drugs... o.o). I'm sure you'll see more advice on here. I'm hoping for you. Take care!

Thank you so much for this. You cheered me up :)

[letmetellu]

I too have suffered with depression for many years, but I was lucky enough to meet my wife who would not take no for an answer till I went to see a doctor. Well I might have been lucky, I don't know but the doctor that I found was suffering from depression also and he knew a medication that helped him and so he prescribed it for me. It worked and I have been almost normal for several years now, at times I get the idea that I don't need the medication anymore and I quit, in a few weeks the same old feeling comes over me and I know it is time to get back on my medication.

Don't treat yourself like this any longer. Have your mother take you to a doctor and let him prescribe something for you. It will get you chemicals back in sync, and you will feel so much better.

[Fuzzball_Kara]

Glad I could help. I just can't stand it if I feel I may have given the wrong idea to people. o.o

[Nestorian]

"I've tried medication that my friend's mom gave me but I hate the way it makes me feel."-You

That is not good, don't do it, unless you want to risk your life, or even sanity. If you start taking the wrong medications you can get schizophrenia by having too much serotonin in the brain. Please stop this if you want to get better, and ignore what you felt from it. Talk to a Psychologist, as they are trained in how medications afect the brain. GP (general Practitionars) can help some times, but they are not perfect. They only know "general" medial practices. Psychologists are more about self intro spection (The Freudian practice of sitting on the couch and talking your issues out.).

The hurting yourself, how do you do it? I used to cut, but I've stopped 3-5 months ago. I do still have urges that I have to fight, from time to time.

You do sound depressed, but do you ever feel like you need to be some where else, or sudden boots of energy? It can either be like anxiety, and aggitated, or euphoric and excited. That is call mania.

I suggest you talk to a doctor as they usually refer you to a Psychiatrist. At least that's how it is where I live.

How is your sleep?

How is your diet, more or less?

Do your thoughts scatter all over the place, jump from topic to topic?

Have you lost interest in things you normally would like?

Why do you hink your mother would be ashamed or mad at you, for being depressed?

[Nestorian]

I too have suffered with depression for many years, but I was lucky enough to meet my wife who would not take no for an answer till I went to see a doctor. Well I might have been lucky, I don't know but the doctor that I found was suffering from depression also and he knew a medication that helped him and so he prescribed it for me. It worked and I have been almost normal for several years now, at times I get the idea that I don't need the medication anymore and I quit, in a few weeks the same old feeling comes over me and I know it is time to get back on my medication.

Don't treat yourself like this any longer. have your mother take you to a doctor and let him prescribe something for you. It will get you chemicals back in sync, and you will feel so much better.

I strongly suggest asking for a referral to a Psychiatrist as they specailize in the chemicals of the brain and how they interact.

GPs have a general idea, and even a psychiatrist has to play the game of trial and error. You may have to try different meds for a while before you find the right ones, and you may even need more than one med. I have three. Every one is different. Some times you have to weigh the balance, your meds have side effects so you weigh those against your symptoms. Which is wrose. Like I said it took me ten years to find what I needed. I think I didn't see any docs for 5 years, and took no meds, then I said I can't take it any more. 5 years later, I got what I needed, and "found" a working combination of meds.

Never stop looking.

[Raven0208]

The hurting your self, how do you do it? I used to cut, but i've stopped 3-5 months ago. I do still have urges that i have to fight, from time to time.?

Sometimes I do little things, like I'll prick myself with needles. I've burned myself before as well, but mostly it's cutting.

You do sound depressed, but do you ever feel like you need to be some where else, or sudden boots of energy? It can either be like anxiety, and aggitated, or euphoric and excited. That is call mania.

I don't really get sudden bursts of energy. I have highs and lows and it seems to be follwing a pattern. I get really, really sad. Then I'll just feel like I'm hopeless and that's when I think of suicide. Then, gradually (like over the period of a month or two) I'll start to feel better. I'll be okay for a while and then all of a sudden the sadness will come back.

How is your sleep?

I've been sleeping a lot more than I used to. It's getting really hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. I've had to set my alarm earlier and earlier because it takes me about an hour and a half to finally feel like I can face a day of school. I've started going to bed extremely early, and on the weekends I sleep most of the day.

How is your diet, more or less?

It hasn't been great lately. I kind of gave up caring about what I eat.

Do your thoughts scatter all over the place, jump from topic to topic?

Yes.

Have you lost interest in things you normally would like?

Somewhat. Whenever my friends ask me to go out, I usually don't because for some reason being around them makes me feel worse, like they're having a good time and I just think to myself "Why can't I be like them?" And I feel like I'd be dragging them down, and they wouldn't want to deal with me. At school I have to try my hardest to act like I'm happy around them so they won't get annoyed with me. At my old school, I became "The depressed girl" and I don't want to be that way again.

Why do you hink your mother would be ashamed or mad at you, for being depressed?

I think she'd be mad because she wouldn't understand. She'd probably just tell me to get over it, or that I have nothing to be upset about. I've tried to tell her about things that mattered to me before and she laughs about the things she doesn't agree with.

[Nestorian]

Here is some info, I'm guessing the depression part pertains to your symptoms, but take a look at the mania any who.

Highs and lows are more like extreams. So a high may be like euphoria (Feeling like your in Love) and a low may be like emptyness (The lack of feeling, except the negative ones like worthlessness, hopelessness, Apathey {when you don't feel anything one way or the other. I often separate Apathey from depression as depression is more thinking it's all bad, and apathey is more thinking it just really doesn't matter.}

Deprassion.
poor appetite or overeating,
Insomnia or oversleeping,
low energy, always tired,
low self esteem,
Poor concentration and difficulty making decisions,
feelings of hopelessness;
You have persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" moods.

You suffer from feelings of hopelessness, pessimism and low self-esteem.

You feel guilty and worthless. *When you say your mom will be ashamed, kinda implies you feel worthless.*

You have lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex.

Your sleep patterns are disrupted. You have insomnia, wake early in the morning, or have been oversleeping.

Your eating habits have changed. You have a loss of appetite or have started overeating. You've noticed a weight loss or weight gain.

You seem to have decreased energy, feelings of fatigue, a "slowed down" feeling, or agitation that you can't control.

Simple tasks seem harder and you've started procrastinating.

You've had constant feelings of "life isn't worth living like this," thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts.

You feel restless, irritable, bad tempered, never relaxed or content.

You've had difficulty concentrating, remembering and making decisions. Your mind is hindered by a persistent, uncontrollable cluttering of down, sad, negative thoughts that you can't keep out.

You have had persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain.

You suffer from continuous anxiety that can't be turned off. You worry uncontrollably about small things (such as your physical health).

You are having difficulty making small talk and have started to isolate yourself socially or have withdrawn from your peers.

Your family has a history of members with depression, alcoholism or nervous breakdowns.

In children, you should look for increased irritability, persistent complaints of
Tired frequently difficulty concentrating or mind going blank irritability

Anxiety
tired frequently
difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
Irritability

Manic depressive.
You feel an exaggerated elation, or have rapid, unpredictable mood swings.

You get irritable or impatient when people can't keep up with you.


Your thoughts are racing and jumbled, they jump from topic to topic.

You have poor concentration and are easily distracted.

You've been acting out of character, feel uninhibited, have an increased sexual drive, or have been behaving promiscuously

Your driving is erratic and aggressive.

You refuse treatment, blame others for your symptoms, have been using poor judgment, or show a lack of insight in your decision making.

You've been acting inappropriately in social situations. You tell people off, misinterpret events and overreact, distort the meaning of ordinary remarks, or act out other high-risk behaviors.

I hope that helps, peace and kindness be with you.

[Raven0208]

poor appetite or overeating,
insomnia or oversleeping,
low energy, always tired,
low self esteem,
poor concentration and difficulty making decisions,
feelings of hopelessness;
You have persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" moods.

You suffer from feelings of hopelessness, pessimism and low self-esteem.

You feel guilty and worthless. *When you say your mom will be ashamed, kinda implies you feel worthless.*

You have lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex.

Your sleep patterns are disrupted. You have insomnia, wake early in the morning, or have been oversleeping.

Your eating habits have changed. You have a loss of appetite or have started overeating. You've noticed a weight loss or weight gain.

You seem to have decreased energy, feelings of fatigue, a "slowed down" feeling, or agitation that you can't control.

Simple tasks seem harder and you've started procrastinating.

You've had constant feelings of "life isn't worth living like this," thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts.

You feel restless, irritable, bad tempered, never relaxed or content.

You've had difficulty concentrating, remembering and making decisions. Your mind is hindered by a persistent, uncontrollable cluttering of down, sad, negative thoughts that you can't keep out.

You have had persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain.

You suffer from continuous anxiety that can't be turned off. You worry uncontrollably about small things (such as your physical health).

You are having difficulty making small talk and have started to isolate yourself socially or have withdrawn from your peers.

Your family has a history of members with depression, alcoholism or nervous breakdowns.

In children, you should look for increased irritability, persistent complaints of
tired frequently difficulty concentrating or mind going blank irritability

I am being one hundred percent honest right now: Every single one of those on the list applied to me. There is not one that didn't fit. I'm really surprised though. I didn't think all of them would apply to me.

[Nestorian]

I am being one hundred percent honest right now: Every single one of those on the list applied to me. There is not one that didn't fit. I'm really surprised though. I didn't think all of them would apply to me.

Well, now you now what you are up against. Try to get some help, counseler, doctor and such. Ok? Take care Raven, and don't forget you are never alone, maybe by yourself, but never alone. Reach out and you'll know what I mean.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[Raven0208]

Well, now you now whta you are up against. Try to get some help, counseler, doctor and such. Ok? Take care Raven, and don't forget you are never alone, maybe by yourself, but never alone. Reach out and you'll know what I mean.

Peace and kindness be with you.

Thank you for your help. I've been wanting to tell someone for a while but I just think that'd be such an awkward conversation. But I really appreciate you taking your time to help me.

[KISS]

One question I see missed:

Do you see any seasonal differences?

[Nestorian]

One question I see missed:

Do you see any seasonal differences?

"...been depressed since I was eleven years old... It's only gotten worse as time goes on and I thought that maybe it'd go away or lessen but it hasn't at all."- OP

That doesn't sound like seasonal depression but it would be good to know if there are seasonal differences in mood, thinking, etc; Good point "KISS" (did you know your name abbreviated is KISS? Haha). I think it's depression not seasonal. But you never know, and the Doc, more accuarately a psychologist or counseler would know better what is up.

Peace and kindness.

[Gemini54]

There is heaps of stuff on the internet about depression, and even surveys that you can complete to rate yourself. Beyond Blue, an Australian site, is excellent.

However, I would strongly suggest you speak to a doctor about the depression and the self harming. This is serious and could potentially affect you for the rest of your life.

Please don't delay in speaking to someone - you may feel that no-one cares, or that there is shame in admitting to these things but there isn't! Surely your mother would want to know that you are so unhappy and hurting yourself?

Depression can be treated, and treated effectively - once you take the first step you'll be astonished at how much better you feel.

[KISS]

Nestorian: I was trying to rule out SAD.

Another question: Are your symptoms better when it's light in the morning when you wake up?

[Nestorian]

Nestorian: I was trying to rule out SAD.

Another question: Are your symptoms better when it's light in the morning when you wake up?

Indeed.

Peace and kindness.

[Raven0208]

Another question: Are your symptoms better when it's light in the morning when you wake up?

No, not really. Time of day doesn't really make a difference.