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88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 10:56 AM

My question is mostly on what you think of a situation. I have a boyfriend who has a wife. He says he is leaving her, they do not live together and haven't for almost 2 years. But he still wears the wedding band and says "its habit" to wear it. He calls me nonstop to tell me he loves me. Or he calls and says how much he misses me and nonstop asks me if I missed him or if I love him. Its so suffocating to me. I say he is insecure and he laughs at me. Then when I mention his wife he gets huffy. Like just talks quick and end of topic. But then nonstop wants to know about my husband ( yes I am married ) and picks about my life. I can't take it. I was thinking of ending my marriage for him. But seriously he is calling nonstop and all these stupid "do you love me and miss me" questions get on my nerves. What does anyone take of this? I know I know... end the affair. I have been there but this is a new topic. Thanks for those who helped me before. Your all right in everything you have said.

I wish · Apr 6, 2009, 11:00 AM

Wow, both of you are cheaters. First of all, STOP CHEATING.

Secondly, he's not the type of man you want to be with. He's a cheater himself. So you want to be with him so that he can cheat on you as well? You've got a lot of work to do on yourself.

You two have the same issue. You have to stop being a cheater. Then you have to stop wanting to be with cheaters. Block him out of your life.

enthusiast · Apr 6, 2009, 11:02 AM

The way he is behaving, he seems obsessed. So be careful. I think its better to end.

redhed35 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:05 AM

Hey.. sounds like your dealing with 2 husbands!

Your lovers head is wreaked,your head is wreaked and I've no doubt your husbands head is wreaked..

Who do you love? Who makes you feel loved and secure?

If the chips were down and you really needed help who would you call?
And would he come?

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:06 AM

Thank you. I am working on my marriage now that I have spoken to so many on here. I guess I cracked and had the affair for the attention. My husband just isn't the type give me attention or make me feel wanted or special. I don't get gifts or whatever on holidays. I feel terrible and we are working this out. But all this time I truly wondered what made this guy I had an affair with so insecure in a sense.

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 6, 2009, 11:06 AM

Oh... I really don't know what to say...

If you don't like this constant asking and childish attitude of your BF tell him that, ask him to improve, could be that his wife never loved him or did things that made him insecure and now he's insecure about you too...

By the way I hope none of you have children...

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:07 AM

You both need help, does adultery mean anything to either of you? Do you have any self respect? End the relationship with your husband, he deserves A LOT better than what you are giving him.

kctiger · Apr 6, 2009, 11:07 AM

I think both of you belong together... you sound like a pair of winners to me...

Stay classy, and for God's sake, don't breed!

Maybe it's time to find a new boyfriend on the side, as this dude you are cheating on sucks... time to find someone else to cheat with...

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:08 AM

Seriously, when down and out I don't know who I would call. My husband rarely listens. The guy I was seeing listens, but then turns my situations, whatever they may be, in to jokes and that really hurts. I guess overall I would call my husband. Which is why I know I made a mistake and I need to make this right.

artlady · Apr 6, 2009, 11:09 AM

It sounds like he is still with his wife,at least emotionally.
Perhaps they are trying to work on the relationship.As much as someone who is cheating can possibly do that.

I would not give up my marriage for this man but I would give it up for the obvious reason that you aren't committed to you husband.

I have yet to see a cheating relationship that ever has a good outcome.

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 6, 2009, 11:12 AM

Does your husband know you are cheating on him??

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:13 AM

But truly I am trying to make it work with my husband. We are trying. We have both been hurt and we need to love and heal together. I am not so much with my affair any more. He is trying to stay in my life. But I don't want that. I just keep thinking he maybe played me for a fool when I was week. I don't know.

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:14 AM

Yes my husband knows. We were in counseling and we are working on it.

kctiger · Apr 6, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Yes my husband knows. We were in counseling and we are working on it.

And yet you still have a boyfriend... while you are married :rolleyes:... what type of counseling are you going to??

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:16 AM

The counseling is because of my bad choices. I know I made a mistake. I know that.

I wish · Apr 6, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Seriously, when down and out I dont know who I would call. My husband rarely listens. The guy I was seeing listens, but then turns my situations, whatever they may be, in to jokes and that really hurts. I guess overall I would call my husband. Which is why I know I made a mistake and I need to make this right.

Slow down there. You've got to take this one step at the time. First of all, I know that when you are down you want someone to turn to. But you have a more urgent matter. Your "husband rarely listens." You have to fix this communication breakdown with your husband first. If he's that neglectful, then you have to bring it up with him. If you cannot repair your communication and trust, then how can you even go on with this marriage?

Turning to the guy that you are cheating with is not the answer. On top of that, he's married.

As for your personal issues, if you are desperate to talk to someone, because the issue is "more important" than fixing your marriage, how about turing to your parents? Friends? Cousins? Siblings? Aunts? Uncles? Grandparents? Therapy? This forum?

kctiger · Apr 6, 2009, 11:17 AM

You aren't getting me... you are still making those same mistakes! Made is past tense... time to correct things! NOW!

This reminds me of Pinky from the movie "Next Friday" when he says: "Don't kill me man, I got a girlfriend with a wife on the side..."

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 6, 2009, 11:18 AM

I do appreciate that after doing all this you ar e accepting it and ready to rectify your mistakes

Leave this BF and try to look again for the things that made you fall in love with your husband, his qualities that made you marry him...

88sunflower · Apr 6, 2009, 11:24 AM

I just have that type of husband who doesn't pay attention and that's that. I do it all for him. Then when he does something and it fails I am there to pick up the pieces. I have been the everything in our marriage. I stood by him through 7 years of lying internet porn. It was hard but I stayed. Now as I get older I just got weak. He just doesn't get me after 18 years. Birthday, anniversaries and other holidays, forget it. Dates? Forget that. We know were are problems are and we both need to work on them. But when I start, he just doesn't. So someone came along and showered me with attention and whatever. I did ignore it for a long time but finally I just gave up. I feel so much guilt knowing about his wife and my husband. Which is why I am ending it and need to just keep picking away at my marriage. I guess as I sit here and think of it all and see how my boyfriend acts/acted it makes me think I am being played. I am in the middle of ending the affair. I have put distance and refuse calls. But sometimes he gets through. But over all I sit and wonder with this suffocating behavior what kind of man would he have been like? I have never seen a man like that I guess. But I know I am wrong and everyone out there can tell me that.

artlady · Apr 6, 2009, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

But truly I am trying to make it work with my husband. We are trying. We have both been hurt and we need to love and heal together. I am not so much with my affair any more. He is trying to stay in my life. But I dont want that. I just keep thinking he maybe played me for a fool when I was week. I dont know.

I am confused as to how you can say you are truly trying to make your marriage work if you are still involved with another man.

If you want your marriage to work,you must end the affair.

You simply can't have it both ways. No body played you,you allowed the affair to happen.You need to take responsibility for your own actions.It sounds like you feel justified in your cheating.Blaming your husband for not being a certain way,not buying you gifts.These are issues that are not deal breakers in a marriage ,these are things that can be worked out.
Bringing another person into the mix only complicates matters.