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R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 06:01 AM

You cannot drown yourself to save a drowning man...

Well I feel there is nothing wrong if you tell her BF about her and what all she's doing

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:06 AM

I think that a lot RJS... but where would that get me? That would surely just push her further over the edge with her drinking? They tend to use stuff like that as an excuse to do so. Plus Ive hurt this guy enough without him knowing, as much as she has (even more obviously)...

liz28 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:20 AM

I could understand what your saying but something need to be done to ensure that your child is being taken care of and you already stated she is unstable.

Was she a drunk while you was dating her? You need to try to get your son by battling it out in court.

Also, you don't need to start a new thread when it's regarding your same issue because it confusing readers.

You can't keep asking"what is wrong with my ex, why does she do this and that, etc". You played a role in this too because if you knew she was unstable, a drunk, and had a boyfriend why did you continue to sleep with her? I am pretty sure that half of the time she calls you or the two of you slept together she was drunk or at least impaired.

Your ex does counselling, AA in order to become stable and doesn't need a child right now. You need to step up and get him because he shouldn't have to suffer.

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 06:20 AM

But don't you think keeping that guy in dark is not a good thing?

I mean in this way this girl will have an edge over both of you...

If she wants to drink she'll drink excuse or no excuse

Do you get my point??

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:26 AM

I slept with her because I obviously still love her... and believed her.

She isn't drunk all the time when this happens. Far from it. So she either has feelings for me and says she is confused about it all and being truthful, or its some weird and sick game Im playing also which I am doing my best to put a stop to.

She has been binge drinking since she was 15... she is now 31... she has had psycho dynamic counseling, the lot. GP (Doctor) has medical files relating to her drinking and she is undergoing tests now as her health and weight has deteriorated, with court battle over our son and her relationship issues and drinking...

Im not asking for solutions. Im asking for constructive feedback. Ive admitted my faults in all this.

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:27 AM

I see your point RJS... as always there are two sides to a coin in everything... its a double edged sword so to speak...

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 06:34 AM

But if she really loves you or has feelings for you why is she still with her boyfriend??

Why doesn't she break her engagement and come back fully to you??

What's stopping her from doing that??

Why does she want both of you??

You say she was not happy with you so you parted, now she's not happy with him so why isn't she splitting from him??

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:42 AM

I see that point and asked her the same... she keeps saying she is but hasn't LOL... so I know where you are coming from... seems all deceit and lies to me...

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 06:48 AM

Then what are you doing about it apart from posting in AMHD??

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:55 AM

I'm after opinions from everyone... what's yours?

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 07:17 AM

I've already told you, if she loves you ask her to leave her boyfriend and come back to you also ask her to give up her drinking habits

Be strong and serious when you demand this and don't take any excuses for an answer, if she loves she'll be ready to change

She says yes you accept her and forgive her

But if she says no or tries to wriggle out of it then my dear its time to end this show...

talaniman · Apr 5, 2009, 07:40 AM

I think your best course of action is to save yourself, to save your son. That will take a court battle, and custody fight.

What results is more than better than living in limbo now, with her playing everyone, and hurting your son through her bad behavior, and addiction.

This also calls for you to step up, and do the right thing for your son in the long run, and stop sleeping with her.

Its not an easy path to take, but the one that's necessary, and only requires a commitment to you, by you, and the best interest of your son, and that's the most important point in this mess.

Doing nothing, helps no one, and continues the cycle of bad behavior, and manipulation.

She will either get with the program, or fall by the wayside through her own devices, but your son will have a chance at a healthy, happy life.

So will you.

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 07:53 AM

Thanks so much everyone. This has helped.

Ash123 · Apr 5, 2009, 09:38 AM

Sometimes you can't fix what's broken.

You can only find something to replace it.

If you dropped a china vase from 100 feet no one would expect you to make it look like new with krazy glue... for your child's sake make a life plan without her - and encourage her to finish a substance abuse program if she wants to see more of him.

craigz1999 · Apr 5, 2009, 09:59 AM

Thanks Ash123... I appreciate that. The problem I also have is the courts are more or less granting her move to be with her new BF... Im scared to death of what would happen to my son. My legal position is pretty screwed. However the courts do not know about her latest tests for health, mental state and the fact she is deceiving her current BF.

What would your position be on this? Do I lower myself and destroy this man's life and hope it stops her moving ( even though she swears she isn't her solicitors state otherwise) or leave my son in the mercy of her and her new partner?

This is all so messed up.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2009, 10:21 AM

Worry about custody, and screw what she does, who cares!!

R-J-S-InLove · Apr 5, 2009, 10:27 AM

How can she have an upper hand if she's cheating you as well as her boyfriend and is also an alcoholic and also not mentally stable??

Ash123 · Apr 5, 2009, 11:38 AM

Look, clearly all parties (including you) are not saints in this, but the main thing is to prepare a stable environment asap for the child.

That is all that matters. Whatever you have to do to get custody - and sleeping with her does not help you - needs to be done... whether it pisses anyone off or not.

A LOT of people post on here that had tough childhoods and it leads to tough relationships and to tough lives. That's what's at stake.

As far as the legals, I cannot advise you. Talk to a lawyer.

shyly · Apr 6, 2009, 10:05 AM

Considering I am the girl being discussed in this forum I think it only fair I have a chance to say something as well. For the record, I have no problem admitting to suffering from depression and turning to alcohol as a form of self medicating when things have been really bad. However I have not ever endangered my son or drank whilst with him. The comments here are assuming I am some raving alcoholic who's child should be taken from her through the courts. The thing that mr Craig1999 fails to give details about is that indeed we have been going through a custody problem in the family courts, and after a complete cafcass report stating that he is a controlling and manipulative man the judge has recommended he withdraw any application of residency for my son. This was backed up by reports from women's aid who I had to seek help from because of the domestic violence he put me through. And may I point out that I have just registered on here today as craig kindly sent this link to my new boyfriend via Facebook to split us up, or I wouldn't even know it was here. This is not because he wanted advice! Its because he has used it as a platform to further destroy my relationship. So thank you everybody who has judged me before knowing any facts, especially about my son. People really are too quick to hand out advice at times.

shyly · Apr 6, 2009, 10:23 AM

Also thank you to those people who seemed to pick up on the fact that craig is against women in general and doesn't take responsibility for anything he does. Just attacks and blames me for everything. Its no wonder I want a friggin drink. He did it to his ex as well, took her through the courts and took her 2 years to get her kids back. He was charged with battery against her too. Funny how that's not mentioned yet he's quick to call me unstable. I would find it amazing that anyone could remain stable under such duress to be quite honest. Yes I may sound angry and I am damn angry, that a whole forum is calling me things based on such ridiculousness. I am sure he is gloating right now that I have even responded. If I was seeking genuine advice I wouldn't use the people that offer it as porns in a game.