[JonathanMDO]

I hate breaks :( but if you really think its worth it... and what you feel is important to you and her... then go for it man... I feel like I'm answering my own question... check my situation out really quick... id really appreciate some feedback...
Oh... send her an e mail and just talk about what happened... maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee. :)

[LoveStoned]

How can you talk as friends and then become lovers again? i hear you can't fall in the friend zone, you will be trapped there if you fall in that zone. What i want to know is, is it possible to be in a casual relationship and fall in love again and go back to serious relationship?

Its hard to explain.
Pay no mind to the crying. Don't let that confuse your thoughts on how she is feeling. My ex cried too and dedicated songs to me.:confused:

What's being worked on here.
1.)Did you guys discuss the problems in your relationship?
2) Did she agree to date to exclusively?
3) Be prepared if you guys get into a casual relationship, she has the freedom to see other people.
4) Is she in it to work things out with you as equally as you are?

[PirandelloLuigi]

Its hard to explain.
Pay no mind to the crying. Don't let that confuse your thoughts on how she is feeling. My ex cried too and dedicated songs to me.:confused:

Whats being worked on here.
1.)Did you guys discuss the problems in your relationship?
2) Did she agree to date to exclusively?
3) Be prepared if you guys get into a casual relationship, she has the freedom to see other people.
4) Is she in it to work things out with you as equally as you are?

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seeing anybody else. Not casual friends. Basically starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So I guess we going to see.

[none12345]

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seing anybody else. not casual friends. Basicly starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So i guess we gonna see.

Casual relationship? I still don't know what that means. Is it the same as friends with benefits?

Are you guys going to be officially together?

Dude what I would suggest is don't rush into it yet. If you do that than she WILL know that she can leave you again and you would take her back again. If you really want to keep her for good, you need to let her know that you are going to consider this not jump into it when she brings it up. That way she won't take you for granted anymore because she ll know she ll lose you for good this time if she leaves again you won't take her back anymore.

That's what you need to get across her mind and you ll keep her for good.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Casual relationship? i still dont know what that means. Is it the same as friends with benefits?

are you guys going to be officially together?

Dude what i would suggest is dont rush into it yet. If you do that than she WILL know that she can leave you again and you would take her back again. If you really want to keep her for good, you need to let her know that you are going to consider this not jump into it when she brings it up. That way she wont take you for granted anymore because she ll know she ll lose you for good this time if she leaves again you wont take her back anymore.

Thats what you need to get across her mind and you ll keep her for good.

No I told her to take some more time to get her feelings together, because she has mixed emotions. I won't rush into anything. Going to take my time. I think it's normal. After 7 weeks apart, I did not expect anything more than this.

[needofhelp]

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seing anybody else. not casual friends. Basicly starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So i guess we gonna see.

I would back your idea of taking it slow, if you really mean it. I'm not a fan of defining it as casual, yet you guys are kissing, and everything else. I won't speak for you or anyone else, but I would not be able to keep it casual if I'm kissing and doing everything else with a girl. Call it old fashion or whatever you want. I would not be able to separate these "casual" feelings stirred up by these activities with real emotions.

I agree with another poster, who said not to let her take charge because if you do, she knows she will have you in her hands and can do this to you again.

Best of luck to you and think it through. Try to picture yourself months down the line and how do you really think it will turn out? Would you wish you had taken it slower?

[talaniman]

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, it's a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

[none12345]

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

I agree with Tal. Sorry tal got to spread the rep first. But yah you can't just let her walk back like nothing's happened. You got to let her know you might not take her back anymore for all that she has done to you. She's just going to leave you again knowing that you will take her back again if you take her back so fast right now.

[PirandelloLuigi]

I just got back from the clinic, the dentist gave me the stuff I need to continue without going at the office every two weeks, so I am good for 6 months at least.

It went well, I talked with my ex and it was a normal conversation, I paid the bill and then put my jacket and she said ''I'll call you later'' and I said OK don't be shy to call. And I left.

She said she had a hard time sleeping last night and so did I. I think she needs more time and space, whenever she is ready to try again, ill try one more time with her and see if we can make it work. I Know it won't be easy, it's going to take effort from both and patience.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

Well she won't be seeing me anymore where she works, so she will have to contact me if she wants to see me. And if we do see each other I am going to make it clear that it's not to be friends with benefits. It's all or nothing, I told her this yesterday, I don't do things halfway. I understand she wants to go slowly after what just happened, that is normal. We didn't see or talk to each other for 7 weeks. We can't just start from where we left off like nothing happened. But like I said to her yesterday, if she doesn't feel anymore feelings I suggested we just end it, but she said she still feels something, it's the arguments she is afraid of, she is scared we going to argue again and end up splitting up again.

[PirandelloLuigi]

So today the song that definitely goes with my situation is:

George Harrison - I Got My Mind Set On You

I got my mind set on you

But its going to take money
A whole lotta spending money
Its gonne take plenty of money
To do it right child

Its going to take time
A whole lot of precious time
Its going to take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right child

[LoveStoned]

Have one question for you Piran. Are you waiting on her next call?
Be honest to yourself. This is what usually happens when the door is not yet shut. And keep in mind that when your waiting on her next move... it makes it harder for you to go about your daily life without thinking about her. It sounds like she doesn't want to fully commit, yet have you too. See wants to see you every now and then "casusally". Your giving her options that she may or maynot turn down... Just be cautious. This sounds very familiar to me though... I don't know:confused:

[PirandelloLuigi]

Have one question for you Piran. Are you waiting on her next call?
Be honest to yourself. This is what usually happens when the door is not yet shut. And keep in mind that when your waiting on her next move...it makes it harder for you to go about your daily life without thinking about her. It sounds like she doesn't want to fully commit, yet have you too. See wants to see you every now and then "casusally". Your giving her options that she may or maynot turn down....Just be cautious. This sounds very familiar to me though....I don't know:confused:

I know what you mean, like she has the upper hand now and see me when she wants. I am in a tough situation I agree, I do not know what is going to happen. Right now I just want to concentrate on myself and keep getting better, I got out of the depression I was in and I feel liberated that I do not need to go to that place for a while now. She knows where I stand and she understands how I feel because we told each other everything yesterday. She said she was expecting me to go back to her and try to get her back yet she was the one who ended the relationship. Said I am not romantic since I did not even try to talk to her during the time I decided to go NC with her.

I am going to back off a bit and let things simmer, I suggested we see each other once a week for now and see where things go. I want to say to her: serious committed or nothing, but since the break up is still fresh I can't pressure her like this. It's just going to push her away. I believe if we going to be serious it has to come from her heart. Because she knows I still want that. What do you think?

[slapshot_oi]

She said she was dissapointed i did not make any effort to try to get back with her....
I know what you mean, like she has the upper hand now and see me when she wants... She said she was expecting me to go back to her and try to get her back yet she was the one who ended the relationship.

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you? She expects you to play the role of a dog and run after her. She's trying to make you a safety net, something to catch her when her other relationships and flings fail.

Are you sure you really want to be with someone who thinks your that naïve? Seeing her less isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will change until you've written her off for a long time.

[PirandelloLuigi]

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you? She expects you to play the role of a dog and run after her. She's trying to make you a safety net, something to catch her when her other relationships and flings fail.

Are you sure you really want to be with someone who thinks your that naive? Seeing her less isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will change until you've written her off for a long time.

Well she is in for a surprise cause I don't chase. I was able to do 7 weeks without a single phone call or e-mail. I can keep nc if I want to. I am just going to make it clear that I don't want to play mind games with her, and if she is not into committing anymore, I will just have to go back to NC for good. I don't want to be stuck in 2nd gear. The other possibility is she wants to see how long we can get along without arguing before we get back to serious. She really is afraid we will argue again and told me this many times.

[LoveStoned]

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you?

LOL...HAHAHAHA :D
That just made me die laughing for some reason.:D But its true! He made it clear to her how he feels towards her. Unless their was violence or any other intoleratable behavior(don't know if I spelled it right)... I don't see why such a big hesitation in deciding love for one another.

[LoveStoned]

What did you guys argue about?

[PirandelloLuigi]

We argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago I lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where I needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. We argued for other stuff too, but in the end I did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean I have a lot of stuff to pay too, I have monthly bills like everyone else. Car payments, etc...

It's tough, I feel like I have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, I must admit I was a bit down after I lost my job, I was'nt as enthousiastic as I was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

[talaniman]

So you think she has changed? Or will change to get you back?? You think your in charge now? I don't think so.

You don't have love between you, you have a war of the wills. Your both trying to change each other.

[LoveStoned]

we argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago i lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where i needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. we argued for other stuff too, but in the end i did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean i have a lot of stuff to pay too, i have monthly bills like everyone else. car payments, etc...

It's tough, i feel like i have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, i must admit i was a bit down after i lost my job, i was'nt as enthousiastic as i was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

Well she has to learn to be understanding about things. When someone loses their job their finances are cut short... COMMON SENSE. This is not something you should work on. Its something for her to understand. Sounds like she's being materialistic about love.
What's money got to do with feelings... C'mon. Can't huggs and a kiss on the cheek be enough. You spended on her but when it came time for her spending on you she wasn't there. Imagine yourself in a real tragic life event where you had to depend on her. Do you picture her being there for you 100% with or without money? Think my friend... Think