[Shaneekwa]

My 21-year-old son is back in college after serving with a reserve unit in Iraq. He's very mature in some ways, not so much in others. He's always been a good son, and we've had a good relationship. I'm very proud of him. Now he has a girlfriend, the first one he's ever told me about and introduced to me. They plan to get an apartment together for the fall semester. His dad is upset about this, but his stepmother (a lovely person) and I hope that the GF can help keep him on track with his studies, sleep, nutrition, etc. (I casually mentioned this to the GF when we met.) The two young people even had plans to go to Europe together this summer, but I think that's out for now (his dad hit the roof).

His stepmom and I notice that when we talk on the phone with him, the girlfriend is present. I asked him a couple times to leave the room so we can talk privately. I live out of state now so I don't see him or hear the latest news as his dad does. My son wants to introduce the GF to his paternal grandparents, whom he loves and admires greatly, but his dad objects. Apparently the grandparents don't think he should be dating at all, which stepmom and I agree is unrealistic.

We're concerned that he is so involved with the young lady; they're spending spring break together. I miss my son. He left for boot camp the week after high school graduation, and of course has hardly lived with me since. Any advice?

Please don't tell me to let go; I did that 3 years ago.

[mygirlsdad77]

21? When do they expect him to start dating. Does it have something to do with the girl? When did his father start dating? When did his grandparents start dating? Is it the dating that bothers them, or is it the living together before marriage? All you can do at this point is be as involved with him as possible. He is old enough now to where he will do as he pleases. All you can do is let him know how you truly feel, and let him know that no matter what he does, you will always be there for him. He is an adult now, and must learn things for himself, with support from his family. I truly wish your son the best in life, and hope his decisions make you proud. Good luck, and take care.

[Shaneekwa]

I think the GF is okay although not very sophisticated. My POV is, if he likes her, I like her. Because their family is well-to-do, they're wary of gold-diggers. I don't know how serious the no-dating policy really is: I'm hearing this from his stepmom who gets it from his dad. Dad's family is quite conservative, and to be honest, the kids living together is not my preference. When they told me that the GF's mother is "delighted" that her daughter won't be living on her own any longer, I was quite surprised! But you know, close quarters is a romance-killer, at least in my experience. :rolleyes:

[GeorgeMcCasland]

There are far greater problems, affecting his long term future, in addressing this problem. A check of Census Bureau stats will show that couples who marry or lived together, prior to age 24 have an 85% rate of the relationship breaking down. How old were you and the father when you got together?

Biologically, this is when females reach full mature on the physical, emotional, and hormonal levels. At this point, a woman is fully prepared to have and handle children, as well as a male that is still not fully mature.

Males don’t reach full physical and hormonal maturity until age 30, the age Christ was when he was mature enough to move away from home and make his own decisions.

This is also when they reach their peak emotional maturity, but not to the point of being fully independent. Half of the male emotional health comes from a woman. The biochemical frequency range of the male brain adjusts itself to match that of the female, developing an emotional symbiotic relationship.

Couples who begin cohabiting and/or get marry prior to age 24 can find themselves drawing away from each other as each reaches full maturity. Their whole view of the world, and of each other, changes. This doesn’t happen to all couples, but clearly it is a factor in most relationship breakdowns.

I would not advise encouraging this. None of his military experience is going to change biology. Here's a couple of books for them.

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives

Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives