[High Max]

Well my friends, I'm back again. I've really done it good this time, I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl that I've been with since late November, she is pregnant and is keeping the baby, so I am going to most likely be a father saying the pregnancy goes as expected.

There is one problem, I don't feel like I really love her. Some of you may remember my problem with the girl back in July, if not you can always look back and read my previous threads if it interests you to get some background. Long story short, me and the girl from July have not talked since that breakup period really, but she is on Facebook and I could message her if I want.

I am missing my ex more and more each day, I don't know why. It's been 8 months no and no contact at all, but the past is becoming more and more beautiful and weights down on me more by the day, and its not good. I want so bad to message her on Facebook. I know she has a new boyfriend now.. but to set myself at ease do I message her and see if she still has any feelings for me?

[Romefalls19]

No, you have a responsibility to the unborn child and messaging your ex is only going to fuel a fire you don't want. This could all be because of the fatherhood world staring back at you in the mirror. It's a very scary thing

[MiSSsy111222]

Instead of thinking about the past concentrate on your girlfriend and the family you are creating.

[jmw0713]

It's time to move forward with your life and be a dad.
It is certainly a BIG change, so you must take everything in stride and be there for your girl and unborn child.

[kctiger]

Everything tends to look more glamorous when there is something you fear in front of you... Rome (had to spread the rep) is right, in my opinion. You are over glorifying your ex and those times because you have no attachment to them, really. You can be as happy as you want with those memories, however your current situation is real, and will not just go away. Good luck to you. Stick to your current girlfriend, and spoil your child rotten! :)

[mudweiser]

Do what you want.

If you want to go back in the past your going to go through a lot of crap to get there. First you'll have to tell your girlfriend, get some custody agreement for your child, move to where ever your ex is [if she does want you back], try to work things with her. By the way ex's are your ex's for a reason.. If this sounds too complicated for you and she's not worth what you'd be putting everyone through then my suggestion to you is to delete her off Facebook. Yep, cut all ties. When an ex starts to interfere with you current relationship it's time to let go or go back.


Whichever road you choose your going to have to deal with the responsibilities that come with it.

If your not "in love" with your current girlfriend then I suggest you tell her now so she stops filling her head with the image of a perfect family. Come up with like I said some sort of custody for the child- get a lawyer so it's not he said/she said later on if any of you become spiteful.

Well good-luck to you!

MRS.S

[talaniman]

Warning, may be harsh to sensitive readers!!

Aw poor baby needs someone to kiss his boo boo, and make it better.

You knock a chick up, you don't care about up, and now you want to drag an ex, who has moved from your life into that mess??

Grow up, and deal with your own problems, and leave the ex alone.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you don't care about the current girl, OK, move on but you will have to be responsible as a father, meaning child support for the next 18 plus years.

After that, you don't have anyone, so you remember the good ( often making it better than normal). So you have to start moving on for the future, and forget the past

[liz28]

No, your as moved on and so has you so by back track? What are you expecting the outcome to be from your ex? That maybe she'd drop her boyfriend for you because you've feelings for her? Please!

Stop going out and looking for your ex. Stop viewing her Facebook and focusing on your life because it's about to change in a big way. If you was never over your ex you shouldn't had started a new relationship with someone else and than start a family with her because it is unfair. Time to facing reality instead of living in a fantasy.

[anthony1222]

Talaniman;1598900]Warning, may be harsh to sensitive readers!!

Aw poor baby needs someone to kiss his boo boo, and make it better.

Is this a joke? Prove my point some more, please I revel in it. You need to stop because your ego isn't doing anything but making yourself look like a complete idiot. Who does THAT help huh? Nicely done. Get over yourself.

[chuff]

High Max,

Here's what I really think is going on. You are probably scared about being a father, and as you admit it's probably not going to be in a family situation, so what you are doing subconsciously is looking back to a good time in your life. Because our brain lies to us and we never remember the bad times in a relationship, the first "good" example you come to is between you and your ex. Plus this cements the fact that it is truly over which even though you knew, this is real proof.

At this point you have to focus on yourself and the baby. To be honest, I think this should be easy. You can get some books on parenting and study those. Once the baby arrives, being busy won't be a choice, so that will actually make it easier.

[High Max]

About the child support, she actually said since she didn't give me a choice in whether she was keeping the baby that I could walk away and she would not take me to court for child support.. I feel like I would be letting everyone I know down and going against everything I was taught in doing so, but it would be a much easier way out at the same time.

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think that's the problem.

[Romefalls19]

Life isn't about taking the easy way out, you man up and take care of that child. Do not listen to her, you do what a man is supposed to do and be there as a father figure.

[kctiger]

About the child support, she actually said since she didnt give me a choice in whether or not she was keeping the baby that I could walk away and she would not take me to court for child support.. I feel like I would be letting everyone I know down and going against everything I was taught in doing so, but it would be a much easier way out at the same time.

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think thats the problem.

I think the problem is that you still compare everyone to your ex... that isn't fair, to anyone you date!

[High Max]

I think part of it is that I'm worried that I'm going to screw things up like I did with my ex, and that if I truly let her in my heart that she is going to tear it out. I read all of the posts here and read about the ratio of successful to bad relationships, and quite frankly I'm terrified of going through that kind of pain again.

[kctiger]

You only get out of something what you put in. If you go into it half a$$ed then you will get half a$$ results. If you are going to be afraid to get hurt again, you will be alone for life! Perhaps you should just calm down for awhile, and have fun. You have been dating, which is a good thing. You don't have to fall in love with everyone you date.

[Romefalls19]

High Max, I was where you were. Completely mortified of my heart getting broken again, but if you want a success story, message me. I am now with a woman who is the best thing for me, she fits my personality perfectly and understands me better than anyone else. We are engaged and going to be married next June. We argue sure, but this site has taught me so much that I feel every argument can be solved peacefully and correctly through solid communication

[chuff]

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think thats the problem.

Uh correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ex dump you for another guy? What the F-ing hell is so nice about her?

I'm also getting a little tired of this my ex was so good looking BS that keeps popping up here. You know who else was good looking, Elvis Presley, Anna Nicole Smith, and Marilyn Monroe, Brittany Spears, and Lindsay Lohan. Guess what, they all died or are on there way to it because they have so many drug problems because at their very core they can't accept who they are and be happy with it. But there good looking, so we should bend over and kiss there a$$ - right? Please.

[chuff]

I think part of it is that im worried that im going to screw things up like I did with my ex,

Perhaps you will. I screwed for years. At some point you have to accept you are human, and you will screw up.

and that if I truly let her in my heart that she is going to tear it out.

Only give 50% in the relationship. If she takes more, then you get out, she's not in the relationship to use you, and if she starts to give her the boot. You don't deserve that.

I read all of the posts here and read about the ratio of successful to bad relationships, and quite frankly im terrified of going through that kind of pain again.

I hear you. It sucks, worse then anything when you are in emotional pain. But you also have learned from it, and the truth is as I look back at all my pain, I wonder if I would have ever learned anything if I had not gone through the pain. If I had not gone through the pain, would I have found the courage to improve myself? If I had not gone through the pain, would I have a vision and base to draw from to help others? If I had not gone through the pain, would I have ever grown as a person? Pain sucks. Taking pain and become stronger and smarter because of can't be topped.

[High Max]

Uh correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ex dump you for another guy? What the F-ing hell is so nice about her?

No, what happened was I neglected her and got too comfortable and used to her being around, and then she left, and I realized the mistake too late.