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timeframe · Jun 22, 2006, 09:09 PM

I used to have a wonderful woman. We had so many memories. They were all amazing. We became sexually active. And then her parents found out. And I couldn't see her for a very long time. While I couldn't see her she cheated on me. I broke up with her. And for a very long time I was angry at her for it. But I forgave her. Recently about a month ago she called back and asked to go for another round and the thing is that I don't want to get hurt again should I trust her?

Krs · Jun 23, 2006, 12:23 AM

Why couldn't you see her just because her parents found out? Are you both young, maybe, under 16?

It would be better if you gave more details about the whole situation so that me and others at AMHD can assess this situation better.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 23, 2006, 09:03 AM

The thing is one always risks being hurt in matters of the heart... it simply goes with the territory. I say to you gently, I hope you aren't looking for a crystal ball prediction here since I certainly don't have something like that to offer here.

I do know that if the two of you get together, you both will need to spend some time working at cleaning up the ghosts of your past before you find any clear sailing. And really only you two will be able to tell if that is do-able by, well, doing it! If you succeed at doing that, you both really increase the odds of a happy relationship since THAT is a valuable skill to have too. Honest communication is very important.

But if you are really struggling with the decision whether to give it another chance, I always like to write out a pro and con list. Include everything, weighing each item carefully. It always helps me decide the close ones, especially with matters of the heart.

I hope this was helpful. Thanks for posting.

phillysteakandcheese · Jun 23, 2006, 09:43 AM

Has she had enough time to learn the lesson of her cheating, or has just enough time gone by for you to want to get into her pants again?

If you think she has learned from her cheating, then the saying "everyone deserves a second chance" applies.

If your just missing the sex, you're setting yourself up for another heartache.

timeframe · Jun 23, 2006, 09:57 AM

I'm 17 she is 16. I think I will write out the list thanks a lot guys. But one promblem is her parents they just don't trust us any more is there any ways I can prove to them that I don't just want to knock up their daughter and leave. BEcause I really do love her.

Krs · Jun 23, 2006, 10:13 AM

You know what's the best thing to do then if you are prepared to show your real love to their daughter, is speak to her dad, one to one - man to man.
If her dad is a genuine man and you express completely how you feel I truly believe it will work ;)

It worked for me :)

timeframe · Jun 23, 2006, 10:23 AM

Once again thanks for the help. Yeah through out these like 5 months we have stopped dating we both have dated other people. She even dated some women. I dated some women. But I just didn't feel the connection. With those women. But I was just really afraid to trust her again. Cause I was hurt extremely bad. It was a year and a half realationship. (pearsonally I think that's a long *** time for a teenager.) anyway. I will try to sit down and talk to her parents any ideas what parents like. Like what they are looking for.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2006, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by timeframe

once again thanx for the help. yeah through out these like 5 months we have stopped dating we both have dated other people. She even dated some women. I dated some women. But i just didnt feel the connection. With those women. But i was just really afraid to trust her again. Cause i was hurt extremely bad. It was a year and a half realationship. (pearsonally i think thats a long *** time for a teenager.) anywho. I will try to sit down and talk to her parents any ideas what parents like. Like what they are looking for.

First off forgiving a cheater takes a long time to get over and trust her again and only you can say if its worth it or not. Personaly I'd be gone. As far a talking to parents go, as a father any guy who put their hands on my baby girl got a shotgun stuck up his nose,(or worse) but if he is respectful and mannerable and man enough to meet me face to face then maybe I won't shove it too far! :cool: :rolleyes:

tirednhurt86 · Jun 23, 2006, 01:06 PM

Heyy

I know how tempting it is to get back into a relationship that you were once in- its comfortable and you already know the person and all their little quirks and unique qualities. But the thing is- a breakup is called a breakup because it is broken- something in the relationship was broken ( the cheating) and you need to just think- are you willing to possibly be hurt again? If the answer is no, then do not go for it- if it's a maybe then still don't go for it- and if you want to risk it then go ahead. But be careful and cautious. Hope this helped!

timeframe · Jun 23, 2006, 07:36 PM

Well thank you all very much. I got a lot of thinking to do. YOUR ALL AWSOME. Well I will give up some updates tomorrow if anything comes up.

timeframe · Jul 6, 2006, 06:34 PM

Hey all. I know its been a while. So I decided to date her again. I feel its worth it. I was just looking for some advice this time around. Anything that would help me and her get through this would be most appriciated.

ndx · Jul 6, 2006, 06:44 PM

If she had loved you and respected you and your relationship she wouldn't of cheated on you when you had to be apart due to her parents. The fact she cheated on you should be able tp tell you that she values sex and the sexual activity move than your relationship, or if she didn't have sex, she valued someone else more than you. I think you shouldn't try again to be blunt. If it was supposed to be a happy relationship she wouldn't of done it. And I think you deserve someone better.

timeframe · Jul 6, 2006, 07:27 PM

But don't you think people should get second chances I don't know if it was for the sex I would like to think not. But I don't know. You maybe right maybe not. I guess there's really only one way to find out. Its just I miss her so bad. No matter where I am. Something always reminds me of her.

mariel womack · Jul 28, 2006, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by timeframe

i used to have a wonderful woman. We had so many memories. they were all amazing. we became sexually active. and then her parents found out. and i couldnt see her for a very long time. while i couldnt see her she cheated on me. I broke up with her. and for a very long time i was angry at her for it. but i forgave her. recently about a month ago she called back and asked to go for another round and the thing is that i dont want to get hurt again should i trust her?

I think that you should give her a second chance.don't let the pass become the future. What's in the pass must stay in the pass. And if you still have the same feelings like before then you should stop worrying about getting hurt and work things out with your women.

Thomas1970 · Jul 29, 2006, 12:19 AM

One thing I did notice that no one else mentioned. The fact that she dated a few women herself. This likely indicates she has some bisexual inclinations, as dating more than one woman probably goes beyond simple, natural experimentation. I would suggest you discuss this with her as well. She probably does fulfill different emotional needs with both sexes to a degree. And if you are not open to this in a committed relationship, you need to know whether she can be completely gratified only being with a man, or you may just be setting yourself up to be hurt again.
Good luck. I hope everything works out for both of you. :)

timeframe · Aug 22, 2006, 07:02 PM

OK I OWE EVERYONE HERE AN APOLOGY. Seriously I'm sry for blowing you guys off. You guys really care and I didn't listen I have been so busy I haven't had time to update so yeah she did blow me off again. Like you guys said... so I said screw it. And I walked away this time for the final time. And I dated a friend of mine for about 2 months and then I found out why you never date in the friends circle. So after her. I found this new girl and she is amazing everything I have ever wanted and I never would have had.. had I kept pursuing her thank you all so much.

Krs · Aug 23, 2006, 12:07 AM

Instead of worrying about girls, please find time for yourself. It's the best healing process ever.

timeframe · Aug 23, 2006, 07:59 PM

Yeah that sounds like a good idea I'm been trying to work out but I don't know if I'm doing it right lol.

YeloDasy · Aug 23, 2006, 10:06 PM

Learning is a great thing... good luck!

talaniman · Aug 24, 2006, 04:48 AM

You need something to do that you enjoy and leave the relationship thing alone. Make a list of the things you like to do and go about doing them. You have to balance your life to be satisfied and get your mind off those females for a while.