[DSMom]

I am a naturally giggly person. Sometimes I giggle at inappropriate times. When we are laying in bed and watching tv or whatever and I get a text and it is funny, then I giggle. He thinks I try to hide my phone from him. He asks me who it is and I tell him and he STILL thinks I am lying. I usually have to show him to prove it or sometimes I don't show him just so he knows he cannot bully me into showing him. He has requested that I announce the incoming callers name when I answer the phone like this, " Hello?"..."Oh, hey (insert name here)." So that he will not have to try and figure out who I am talking to.

Are you serious??

As I said before... been there done that, how ridiculous! (I say this because I went through the same types of things and after finally benf free from that &$*@#$@ <-- my ex, I can call it rediculous)

You may not let him "bully you into showing him" but it will be a matter of time until he goes through you're your phone himself... if it is always with you he will do it when you are in the shower, or sleeping, or in the bathroom (if he hasn't already)

This is not healthy, stable, behavior

[AmExp]

If this helps at all... I believe his ex-wife was controlling because she was the bread winner. According to him, I am not a fling or a phase. He really wants to be with me for the long haul. Of course we are just taking things day by day.

Spitvenom, I would say that I am grilled when I return from an evening out. I mean, it is normal for a guy to never want his girl out of his sight unless she is at school or the gym?

[AmExp]

Too late, he has already gone through it. I am not innocent on that one... I have gone through his phone too. I was cheated on in my last relationship and I did have some trust issues, but then they subsided as I realized that this guy does want to be with me. I slipped up and told him that I used to check his Blackberry. Now he erases all of his text messages. But I am not as concerned seeing that he allows me to announce a text or call if he has missed it.

[HistorianChick]

It seems like you're at a point in your life where you want to have fun, be flirty, enjoy life, and be the bubbly person that you are... and he's not. I think there is nothing wrong with being a giggly, flirty person if that is who you are... the thing is... your boyfriend fell in love with that person. Changing what you are for him is not being true to yourself.

That being said, he's a 36 year old man who has been married and divorced, in and out of relationships, and has seen 13 more years of love than you. Maybe he wants someone "out" of the flirty 20's... maybe he doesn't want to "settle down" but wants more stability; more maturity.

(I'm playing devil's advocate here... )

Maybe he feels that you're being immature. Maybe he has learned in the past four months that you like to flirt with guys and don't care what he thinks about it. Maybe he has reason to suspect that you're entertaining more of a friendship with your ex. Maybe he has every right to feel jealous because you're playing on those emotions.

By comparing your "prettiness" to his exes, you simply say "I'm better than them. I'm prettier. You should love me more because I look better." Rather than knowing that he is in love with you, with you, and has chosen YOU as his partner.


You need to decide if this guy is worth putting up with his insecurities. Maybe it is time to stop flirting.

Devil's advocate finished. :)

[DSMom]

If this helps at all...I believe his ex-wife was controlling because she was the bread winner. According to him, I am not a fling or a phase. He really wants to be with me for the long haul. Of course we are just taking things day by day.

Spitvenom, I would say that I am grilled when I return from an evening out. I mean, it is normal for a guy to never want his girl out of his sight unless she is at school or the gym??

Hun, we are all telling you that this is not a good thing! If you were truly happy in your relationship, you would not be here making this post. You know that something is wrong, but right now do not want to face that this is seriously unhealthy. That is understandable, I was in/out of that ridiculous "relationship" with my ex for FIVE LONG YEARS... he controlled me, grilled me, went through my phone, etc etc etc...

I would hate for someone to have to go through the things I did. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the behavior will lead to some sort of abuse... as I said, I have not been beaten by my ex, but the verbal/mental/emotional scars that I was given -b/c of the way he developed his "protectiveness" into that form of abuse- are things I will carry with me forever

[AmExp]

Right again. I do want to state that I am happy. I do feel that there should not be unwanted stress in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Of course he would probably blame me for creating "drama". I am a flirty, young, 20-something woman. I mean, what did he think he was getting into seeing that he is 36?? Do older man really want bragging rights that they are dating a young and 20-something woman?? Does that make them feel special?

[DSMom]

Right again. I do want to state that I am happy. I do feel that there should not be unwanted stress in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Of course he would probably blame me for creating "drama". I am a flirty, young, 20-something woman. I mean, what did he think he was getting into seeing that he is 36??? Do older man really want bragging rights that they are dating a young and 20-something woman??? Does that make them feel special?

Yes... some do actually think that way. Sad, but true.

You may be happy... now, however you are questioning your happiness down the road if you are posting this. I think that you see that this is not "right". Not the way someone should behave in a loving, trustful relationship...

[AmExp]

I just hope I did not create the distrust. I am wanting to believe this was a problem he had and it surfaced once we became more involved. I am still wondering what makes me so special compared to his past relationships. He considers his ex's attractive as well...

[spitvenom]

Spitvenom, I would say that I am grilled when I return from an evening out. I mean, it is normal for a guy to never want his girl out of his sight unless she is at school or the gym??

No that is not normal! I would love to be with her 24/7 but that just is not healthy. I feel like if you spend all your free time with one person you become a different person.

[AmExp]

We do usually spend much of our time together. We see each other every night. At times when it becomes too much we have a little spat and then we are fine. He is away doing business and will fly into town during the weekends. I believe he has one of his little minions watching me.

[DSMom]

I think he has had these issues for a while. To be honest he sounds kind of vain. He brags how all of his exes are attractive, he doesn't tell you no for anything, wines and dines, there is more to life than materialistic things which seems to be what he is interested in.

What makes you so special? You are beautiful and YOUNG, like a prize on his arm...

[spitvenom]

Wait a second, are you serious that you think one of his friends keeps tabs on you? Seriously.

[DSMom]

We do usually spend much of our time together. We see each other every night. At times when it becomes to much we have a little spat and then we are fine. He is away doing business and will fly into town during the weekends. I believe he has one of his little minions watching me.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

PLEASE get out of this... I used to be "watched" or "checked up on" too...

[kctiger]

You are just vommiting out reasons you shouldn't be dating him... at some point, you are goint to look in the trash can you are spewing into and see all of the red flags... hopefully it won't be too late.

[AmExp]

DSMom... yes, he is very materialistic and vain. He didn't have much growing up and I think some how that has translated into his adult life. Also, he is man with a boy-ish appearance ( a pretty boy) which is hard to come by in older men.

Think muscle-bound meat head... with a college degree and many skills.

Spitvenom, yes, one of his friends is seeing a woman who ironically lives in my building...

[AmExp]

Kctiger... lol at your earlier comment about being low-class.

I really do feel loved I am just trying to figure out how I should address these issues with him.

DSMom, what made you finally leave your relationship with the guy?

[kctiger]

Kctiger...lol at your earlier comment about being low-class.

I really do feel loved I am just trying to figure out how I hould address these issues to him.
DSMom, what made you finally leave your relationship with the guy?

You tell him to grow the f*** up, period!

[UnluckyDucky]

You probably don't want to hear this, but you need to. None of us here have anything specific to gain from giving you this advice so keep that in mind.

Seriously, get out. Now. This guy sounds like he doesn't have his head screwed on right. Jealousy = insecurity. One of my ex's had an ex-husband that would basically control her the way you're saying you're being treated now. He was 15 years her senior.

Sure, at first it started like with many of the similar things that this guy has been doing to you. Demanded that she didn't talk to other men, always had to be in his presence, etc. Over the years it slowly escalated into physical abuse, to the point where he threw her out of a car and basically attempted to kill her. Needless to say they're divorced and her life has been all the better ever since.

Physical threats of violence to other men = bad. Who knows what would happen if he made a threat to the wrong guy and you're caught in the middle? That's bad juju.

But hey, it is your life. I can see a ton of red flags here. Its up to you to make the decision to stay or go... and the common census here is that you should go. If you truly value yourself, you wouldn't put up with this kind of treatment.

[AmExp]

ALSO, he wanted a detailed account of my past sexual history and how the guys performed (no, he is not gay). Where they are currently, what they are doing, how long we dated and when we dated. Is this strange??

[Irishgirl]

FLASHBACK!! I was dating a fella 32 and I was 22, he used to show up at my flat with flowers at 2 in the morning when he knew I had college the next day because 2 guy friends lived in the same block. He used to say I was gorgeous and why was I going with him and in the same breathe say the gym going should kick in soon,while patting my stomach!! He told me I didn't have the legs for skirts, I shouldn't trust my friends because they were "jealous of me" RUN NOW this man what's to get you young and train you up! He thinks you don't know any better and he can make you into what he wants, believe me. Oh and if he's like this after 4 months(I've had dishes in my sink for longer - college days) imagine in a year, 5 years, people with this kind of personality don't change they just become more possessive