[ardahk]

I don't understand girls who let guys do this - no wonder when you get around to the nice guys you are always so scared!

Get out of it for your sake.

[Ash123]

Teasing can be fun and sexy and flirtatious, he is obviously immature and annoying more than fun.

But you are strong and sure you can handle it a lot... the question is... is it fun? And that's why you are on here.

SO... COMMUNICATE ASAP.

"Sweetie, the teasing is getting old. I like to joke but I am not in love with all the body jokes..I don't that sexy or a turn on so much..."

I think you feel guilty about having feelings because it's part of your relationship and you don't want to overreact I know, but knowing your boundaries would be nice.

I tease a lot, but if a girl find something annoying I am not going to keep doing it... Hopefully he grows up.

Clearly, you have a long way to go before marriage, but it's good you are taking time to be introspective and not just be passive... and I hope you all do well.

If not, there are other fish in the sea.

[asking]

Ash,
This seems like a good response. I'm curious to know what you say in the way of teasing that you consider sexy. Can you give an example?

Also, if a woman finds something annoying and says so politely, would you consider that a sign you weren't a good match?

[talong89]

When he's angry? He does exactly what I do: asked to be left alone for a bit until the anger is gone. Doesn't mean we actually "leave" just don't talk to the other about the issue until we're calm. He's never called me a name out of anger.
I don't have low self esteem either. I don't get upset about my weight, my skin, or anything else like that. I love the way that I look, as does he, and from past experiences I know not to change for someone.
We broke up for about 2months during our relationship to give us both some time to think about what it is that we wanted. I went on dates with other guys, I've "dated" other guys before and while on our break. If the teasing bothered me don't you think I would have either not gotten back with him and dated one of the other guys? Or dated a perfectly nice guy that I had known for about 6 years and found out his feelings towards me? Or even have stayed single since that's what I did when I left the first actual abusive guy I was with? I'm not afraid to be single.
If he said any of his jokes and didn't laugh or anything... then I'd be worried. But we both laugh, and as I've said, we both laugh at the jokes that I make at him as well.
For the girl who stayed with her abusive boyfriend for 5 years and had been previously in an abusive relationship... did you not learn anything? Bc I did.
I was curious because he's always made remarks about me handling it differently than he thought a girl would because his mom gets upsets with jokes like that. So I was curious if that was true, that most girls would get upset and/or cry about it - apparently so. But just because I find them funny and don't take them personally doesn't mean that I'm oblivious to an abusive thing going on.
So if I know that I am beautiful, have a great body, that I'm intelligent, amazing and I stand my ground... how is this an issue at all when I'm just laughing with him? I've asked him if he would stop if I wanted him to... guess what? He would. In fact, there was one joke that he used to always make that included my past.. I didn't find it funny and it hurt my feelings. He hasn't made the joke since then.
So seriously, you guys are making a bigger deal out of it than needed. It's not like he makes the jokes and then cry and keep it in the back of my head "he really thinks im a whore"... what the hell? NO, we both know that I'm not a whore at all... his first girlfriend was a whore and cheated on him... doubt he'd want to be with another whore.

[talong89]

FYI: he's the one that has labeled it "annoying"... not me. I've never said to him "you're so annoying" or "stop annoying me". He calls/called it annoying- guess maybe because that's what his mom calls it? I don't know. It's not like he's trying to get a rise out of me. Sorry that I or he chose the word so improperly.

[asking]

In fact, there was one joke that he used to always make that included my past.. I didn't find it funny and it hurt my feelings. He hasn't made the joke since then.


... he's the one that has labeled it "annoying"... not me.

...

This alters the picture somewhat. It would have been useful to know that he responds when you ask him to back off and that you don't consider his behavior annoying. You said "he loves to annoy me" and "How He Annoys Me", from which we understandably concluded that you were annoyed--in other words, that you didn't like it and were just laughing it off as a way to deal with it. We thought you were asking if this was a good way to deal with the problem.

Nobody here said anything about crying and I think that comment was meant to diminish both his mother and any women who might object to being constantly harassed about weight, skin tone, mental state, or alleged promiscuity, as so many of us have. (I had a very "loving" boyfriend who insisted I was not thin enough when I had a BMI of 18 (which is underweight). I guess he had anorexia by proxy.

Anyway, like others, I wonder why you specifically ask for the responses of other women and then put down any women who, unlike you, wish to be cherished and respected instead of being the butt of jokes about acne, too-pale skin, being out of shape, being "psycho" or " annoying and being "playfully" punched. To each her own.

If he says his first girlfriend was a "whore," my take is that you will be in that category too when the honeymoon is over. He is working on you and it WILL affect your self image over time if you don't tell him to stop. And you can take that to the bank. I think your determination to not be affected by these constant jokes is a form of machismo, like driving too fast to prove to yourself that you are invulnerable and in control. Give it a rest and ask him to give it a rest. This is not a healthy relationship even if the sex is still great, which I infer from "we love each other endlessly."

[starbuck8]

What I still see here is denial and eyes wide shut!

[DSMom]

For the girl who stayed with her abusive bf for 5 years and had been previously in an abusive relationship... did you not learn anything? Bc i did.

The 5 year relationship WAS the abusive relationship... which was exactly what I was trying to point out. Of course I learned something; hence I am not in that situation anymore.
All I was pointing out was that his mannerisms (my ex) were playful and "annoying" at first. Harmless and immature... it was through the years that he became verbally/emotionally abusive.
If you are happy, then be happy in your situation. If you see no harm in it, then let it be. You posted asking how others would handle it and we are merely replying with our thoughts and relating past experiences.
If there is nothing wrong with your current situation, there is no reason to be so defensive to our responses when we are replying with what you had asked in the OP.

[Ana52408]

It's so disturbing to me that young girls are not holding themselves to higher standards. Why are you letting men degrade you? Jokingly or otherwise, there is a lack of respect! The respect people in general should have for each other, the respect a man and a woman should have for each other, and self respect! I do understand the occasional joke, and the playfulness of it. What I don't understand or agree with, is the unnecessary crude and constant name calling, being seen as affection. Apparently respect has gone out the window, and this is what has become acceptable and also deemed "normal!"

By the way, and FYI, I'm not a prude or an angel by any means of your imagination in case you are wondering. I could out-do your stories and experiences, hands down! I just learned to have more respect for myself.

Ana, this was not really directed towards you. I agree that there is a line. But if someone has a good sense of humour, they don't have to use you as their target, under the guise of it being funny! The problem is...when is that line crossed. I see "gordita" as more of a pet name. It's not the same as slut, whore, skank,...along with the other names. These are the names that are disrespectful, and I see as red flags in the future.

IF its constantly and you actually start taking it a REALLY disrespectful then OK that is crossing the line. But then again, he might think of those as "pet names". Yes I'm young, Yes you might be wondering why I'm here giving advice but I like helping people and maybe it might help somebody. I am mature for my age, I do not lower my standards for anybody and I do have plenty of self respect. I have a really high class family and my wholee family always told me to have self respect. Especially us young girls that are very gollable and will do anything to "try looking cool" but as they don't know they're just being called sluts and such. As if, some girls let their boyfriends do that to them, if you KNOW him soooo well that you know he's kidding then like w,e but constantly? He has a problem. He likes putting you down just so he can feel good? Nahh don't waste your time, there's plentyyyyyyyy of gentlemen out there.


& just for the record, I don't care if anyone can "out-do" anything I have done, really that doesn't make a change in what I think care or do. No offence, I just don't think its right for someone to blow up on just an opinion.

Oh and I'm also not directing it to you starbuck, but many people think that ALLL now a day girls that are young can't keep themselves respect or such. But FYI, you just met one that isn't like that.

[talong89]

Actually, we're not together for the sex. In fact, for multiple different reasons over the time of us being together we've had to go months without sex. Right now we can't either. He doesn't classify me as a whore. Just because we're young doesn't mean that we don't communicate. We do have serious talks about things and I'm tired of people commenting on our relationship when you don't know the half of it. He's not trying to ease me into calling me a whore. Since he laughs and most of the time says "just kidding" after wards. And his hatred of whores/sluts kind of says that he doesn't want to be with one. His brother, who is married and has been with his wife for 7 years now also does the same kind of thing. Me and her are similar in the way that we find it funny. So if there's something wrong with my relationship then I guess I should tell her that her 7year relationship is all just him trying to make her feel bad and abusing her. You all are ridiculous and making a bigger deal out of it than need be.

[asking]

and his hatred of whores/sluts kind of says

.. . It all.

[DSMom]

Actually, we're not together for the sex. In fact, for multiple different reasons over the time of us being together we've had to go months without sex. Right now we can't either. He doesn't classify me as a whore. Just bc we're young doesn't mean that we don't communicate. We do have serious talks about things and i'm tired of ppl commenting on our relationship when you don't know the half of it. He's not trying to ease me into calling me a whore. since he laughs and most of the time says "just kidding" after wards. and his hatred of whores/sluts kind of says that he doesn't want to be with one. his brother, who is married and has been with his wife for 7 years now also does the same kind of thing. me and her are similar in the way that we find it funny. so if there's something wrong with my relationship then i guess i sould tell her that her 7year relationship is all just him trying to make her feel bad and abusing her. you all are ridiculous and making a bigger deal out of it than need be.

This is EXACTLY what you posted in the OP... you wanted to know what we would do, what our take on it was... that is what you asked, so what kind of answers did you expect??

You explained the situation and said seriously given all that he does to me in a 24 hour period what would you do? I know how I deal with it but am curious to see how other people would take it (this is not a direct quote from the OP but pretty darn close)

You asked, we answerd, I don't see us as being ridiculous when we are replying to what you asked of us...

As I said earlier, if you are happy then go be happy, if his brothers wife is happy, awesome...

If he hates sluts and whores as much as you portray him to, it is a word that he would NEVER call you, having dated one and been hurt so deeply by one, it would not be a word he took lightly or joked about at all.

So if you did not really want people to analyze the situation and tell you what they thought, what was the post for? To start a debate? Was there some other reason behind it? It seems silly to post a question asking for answers and then getting defensive because people give you honest answers that do not coincide with how you presently handle it.

[De4rest]

I guess it's true: People only want to hear what they want to hear...

[Alty]

I guess it's true: People only want to hear what they want to hear...

True, but why do they ask the question and then get mad when they don't hear what they want?

I think this thread has run its course, obviously the OP wanted specifically worded answers, she has no interest in hearing anyone's opinion, she's got it all figured out.

Maybe it's time to move on to someone who actually wants our help and advice.

[talong89]

Good idea. Thanks. Even though I said that way earlier on that I didn't want to hear it anymore. Off.

[Alty]

Talong, just for future reference, when you put something on an internet site, ask for advice, you get what you get, like it or not. It's up to you as the poster to pick what you want to read.

I have no power to close this thread, but you have the power to not read further posts.

[Ash123]

Ash,
This seems like a good response. I'm curious to know what you say in the way of teasing that you consider sexy. Can you give an example?

Also, if a woman finds something annoying and says so politely, would you consider that a sign you weren't a good match?

SEXY TEASING: "You think you're so popular with all those guys looking at you?!"

OR: "I am sorry I forgot to pick up the milk, am i gonna get punished when I get home..."

ETC

NOT SEXY: You are so dumb and ugly.

Again, if it is not a problem, why post? I think some practical solutions were offered...

[talong89]

If I had the ability to delete it I would have done so already. Since I didn't want all the abusive bs. Just curious if everyone handled it my way... didn't ask for advice.

[Alty]

Talong, once again, you posted it, this is an advice site, so of course you're going to get advice. It's Ask Me Help Desk, not Just Making Conversation Site.

Once it's posted you cannot delete it, that's why it's important to think things through before doing them.

As for the abusive bs, I didn't see any of that, I saw people offer you very valid advice, none of which you wanted to hear. Others told you how they would handle it, you didn't want to hear that either. You got defensive and in some cases downright rude, but you always had the option of walking away, much like you do in your relationship.

It's you who continues to come back and read what's been written. You can ignore all the posts, if you choose not to then take the good with the bad, that's life.

[Ash123]

Talong, once again, you posted it, this is an advice site, so of course you're going to get advice. It's Ask Me Help Desk, not Just Making Conversation Site.

Once it's posted you cannot delete it, that's why it's important to think things through before doing them.

As for the abusive bs, I didn't see any of that, I saw people offer you very valid advice, none of which you wanted to hear. Others told you how they would handle it, you didn't want to hear that either. You got defensive and in some cases downright rude, but you always had the option of walking away, much like you do in your relationship.

It's you who continues to come back and read what's been written. You can ignore all the posts, if you choose not to then take the good with the bad, that's life.

I agree. This post kind of mirrored her relationship. She can take it. She can walk away... But it did bother her... in the end though, Talon, I think it was GOOD YOU POSTED HERE.

It never hurts to stop and explore one's situation - whether it's ultimately critical or not...