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You are not having no contact because this person can still get into your life via ims etc. My advise stop the calls etc because this only opens wounds and delays the moving on - block ims - block phone calls - emails etc - Next time you need to talk and feel like your going to call the Ex - call a friend or family and catch up with them instead -
Geez. I might be the only dumpee here in this forum to say this but... How I wish she found a rebound or a new boyfriend!
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 Originally Posted by ja77
My advise stop the calls etc because this only opens wounds and delays the moving on - block ims - block phone calls - emails etc -
Next time you need to talk and feel like your going to call the Ex - call a friend or family and catch up with them instead -
Please do not go out and do this until you know that you are 100% healed and ready for a relationship, because this action above will only make you tears in the end and screw you up.
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ITL: I wouldn't gamble with your heart. I know you feel as though you can handle talking to her or bumping into her, and that is all fine. I, however, have said that many of times, and have even gotten cocky enough to initiate contact with her, as I thought I was over it... well, that was the wrong choice. I advocate you continue doing your best to avoid contact with her, and if you so happen to run into her, handle it like you have, as you are doing well. Carry on... :cool: |
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:-). I agree with you tiger. I'll keep not initiating contact, mainly because I know I still like her. As I said, I just accepted it's not going to happen. But I think I won't hang up on her or ignore her IMs when she calls me. Since we live a 1000 miles from each other, the only "bumps" are on the internets, haha. |
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Ok. So she started upping the ante and was talking more to me on IM. Then she changes her picture on Facebook profile to one from old times. A picture I've taken of her in a very good NYC trip. I was like " is wrong with her?". So I just called her yesterday because I'm in no mood to play silly games: Me: "Hey. Do you have time" "Yeah..." "Are you seeing anyone?" "No". "Why did you do that to your facebook?" "The pics from the ski trip? Look, I'm not with that guy" [I have no clue what she's talking about here. And don't want to know either]. "What ski trip? I don't care if you are with some guy. I wish you were with someone else. I'm talking about your profile pic. You changed to a pic I've taken. A picture that meant something. At least to me.". "What? But you've taken all my pictures from the past 4 years... I can't avoid." "You don't get it, do you? The way we broke up, with that open ending, you wanting to keep talking and then you do this. Look, I don't want to restrict you in what you do, so we just need to stop talking, ok?" "But that's what I wanted from the beginning!" "What? If you wanted that, then why the hell you keep bugging me?" "..." "Look. It's over, right? I mean, we are done for good, right?" "..." "Ok, It is over forever. Forget that future crap. We're done. For good. "Ok. Anything else?" "Yeah. Do you know why you broke up with me?" "I think the chemistry was gone." "Chemistry? Chemistry? Ok. I need to sleep. Good night". Dude. I obviously overestimated her intelligence. Chemistry? I can't believe after 4 months she didn't even think about what happened. And was still talking to me. Idiot. At least now I am happy we are over. And I am very much happy not having her bugging me anymore. Man. Now the mess is over. If she ever contacts me again, I'm ignoring. If she insists, I'm blocking her. But I think this time she understood. |
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Originally Posted by kctiger
The problem wasn't whatever she was doing in her Facebook... I don't go to her profile, even when someone tags pictures of her or whatever... I don't even look anymor. It was that she was talking to me more and more AND then changed her profile picture. And then acted like it was no big deal. It's either she's clueless or she's a psycho. Either way, I'm done. |
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Hey Im Totally Lost, I totally agree with deleting the ex and mutual friends, family etc on Facebook. I know it sounds a bit harsh, but it does a lot of good. A while back I did the same - I deleted mutual friends etc and for some members I even blocked them. Although it left a huge hole (deleted 15 of his mutual friends, 5 members of his family, 20 of my friends deleted him straight up= one week later= 2 mutual friends left ( both these two friends are v loyal to us both and will not cross that line and so I have kept these friends ))... now when go on facebook- I feel like it is for me- the friends I have are the ones most important to me, and no one can get back to the ex. Any photos of me tagged etc remains within that circle and so I feel like this is a true Facebook NC. I feel so much better now that I have literally dissappeared /vanished from the ex's world. Now I can live freely. Most importantly I don't need to see anything of the ex, hear anything of the ex's family or friends or what is happening in his world- even by accident. Why would let my mind waste time on such things. I also feel that when you take such actions- it tells the ex and his friends etc- a very clear message- to leave you alone. PERIOD... and that is what they should do and respect your wishes This is something very important as this action in the long run will help you move forward when your ready in the least complicated way possible. |
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Oh well. I agree I should delete, but believe me: I don't care. I might do it. But I think it would more harm than good. If I delete it'll be like poking her. Since I don't get updates from her (apart from changing profile picture :-P), we don't have common friends on Facebook and last time I looked at her profile, it was still 2008. Same thing with GoogleTalk. Last time I started a conversation, apart from the couple of "leave me alone" dialogues was on new year, just to say happy new year. I prefer to leave her in the list than blocking her and triggering a phone call from her. I think she got the message yesterday, it doesn't bother me to let her there and deleting/blocking will be a sure way of triggering contact from her. I'll give a shot at being civil. If she can't hold herself, than I'll move to blocking her, and deleting from my Facebook. I am happy now that it's over. I was having trouble removing her from the pedestal, and we didn't do anything wrong so I was trying to live with that. Well, yesterday she faceplanted so bad I couldn't even believe I dated this girl... The most ridiculous dialogue I ever had. I was talking about how she was going to lose me as a friend and she was trying to convice me(!) that she wasn't going out with that guy, as if I cared. Whatever. I spent too long thinking about a person that can't spend a second thinking why she ended a 4 year-long long distance relationship. And no offense to you all, but I am also taking a time from this website. Thanks for all your help, but right now I think I'm better off if I just live my life, without having to think about her. I might post updates about my situation though. |
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Hey Im Totally Lost, Looks like you realise well that NC is the way forward. I am sure with time, space and some relaxation with yourself-- you will bounce back to your normal self and be a lot more happier with you and your life. I think it is really good that you can see her true colours- that my friend will help you a lot, especial when you hit that low now and then. Do keep posted- and go get that PHD- trust me once you get that and get a paper or two published - you will feel wicked! Good luck! |
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Dude. My stupidity has no limits... So I started feeling bad because I wasn't really nice the last time we spoke. I wasn't caring too much about that but the Valentine's Day ads kept bringing her to my mind and I was hating myself for being rude. So yesterday (after fighting a week against this urge), I sent her an e-mail apologizing for being rude. And to keep without contacting me. I know this is a huge mistake. But I couldn't help. I wrote like 10 e-mails this week and deleted without sending. I was tired of avoiding sending that e-mail. So I just sent the last version. Two weeks of NC. And now this. Damn. I just hope she ignores it. It's unfair asking that from her, but I really wish she just deletes it. Not because the e-mail wasn't nice, but I don't want contact... it actually was too nice... Yeah, I am a dumbass. I asked her not to reply and just leave it at that on a follow-up message. Why did I have to care about that? It was all right of me being rude, after all she was messing with me. I basically apologized because she messed up with my head. How stupid can I be? Sucks to be a nice guy! Well, it's done. At least I have a date for tomorrow! Simple fun. |
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Firstly, nice work on the date! I hope it goes well dor you. That email probably was a bad idea, but oh well, its done. She may reply, she may not. It doesn't really matter either way really does it. Next time you get that urge to send her an email, just post it on here... it sounds silly, but it worked for me. It got it out of my system. |
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More stupidity. So come Valentine's, I go out with this girl for ice skating and it was fun. First time for both of us. Really cool. The plan was to go to a club with her and other friends. But I felt a cold coming in the horizon so I basically had to stay home Saturday night. That was really awful. I started feeling really lonely. Really sad. It hit me worse than ever before. It was just awful. Sunday I felt crappy too. I started hating her, not for breaking up with me but for not telling me why (unless she really believes in that chemistry crap). So there I go, in my Valentine's fueled stupidity and send her an e-mail Sunday telling her that I don't buy that chemistry crap, I don't think she buys that either and asking her to think really about it and letting me know why. Of course I didn't get any response yet. I don't think I will. I guess this time I did it, haha. I pushed her away so bad that she's never coming back again! Back to NC since Monday. But I swear, if it wasn't for all the jewelry ads on TV this wouldn't have happened... I was saving to buy a nice ring for her in the past Christmas... She always loved rings, but I never felt like buying the cheap ones. So I can't really look to a store without thinking about what would have been. But the next sensitive date is Jun 12th (valentine's day in my country). Until then I think I'll be in cruise control. |
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