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secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Right there! You asked how to get it back to how it was, and my reply was "communication" because if you don't talk about what is bothering you then the relationship is going to come to an end.

If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.

Like KC said, welcome to the AMHD, we don't sugarcoat anything!

I didn't ask you to "sugarcoat"anything. And neither did I say anything like I don't like your answers or your answers are crap

kctiger · Jan 20, 2009, 08:16 AM

Secret, talk to him about it. Really. He is probably a really good guy, and you are no doubt a really good girl... but, like a lot of girls, you think guys can read your mind. We can't! Also, there is only so much we can do to show you we are committed. I mean, after he gives you a promise ring, then what? It is a vicious cycle, like he is constantly trying to prove he loves you and only you... get it?

Just sit him down, tell him how you feel, and work through this. I really think you are making a bigger deal out of it than you should. Just my opinion, which doesn't get you far in life, I know. :)

secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Secret, talk to him about it. Really. He is probably a really good guy, and you are no doubt a really good girl...but, like a lot of girls, you think guys can read your mind. We can't! Also, there is only so much we can do to show you we are committed. I mean, after he gives you a promise ring, then what? It is a vicious cycle, like he is constantly trying to prove he loves you and only you...get it?

Just sit him down, tell him how you feel, and work through this. I really think you are making a bigger deal out of it than you should. Just my opinion, which doesn't get you far in life, I know. :)

I thought you were a girl lol. Um yeah I know that I shuld talk to him about it but what can I say? And what do you think about the other stuff

Romefalls19 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:21 AM

Just sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us, that you took it as he wasn't 100% committed to the relationship. If he is any type of a decent guy, he will want to put the girl that he loves mind at ease and reassure you that he is committed.

kctiger · Jan 20, 2009, 08:21 AM

You thought I was a girl... elaborate on that.

I wouldn't bring the promise ring up, and I wouldn't belittle him for the choices he made concerning that. Sometimes, a good talk can go a long way. TRUST ME. Just tell him how you feel about the changes in his behaviour, and go from there. This isn't anything that cannot be solved over a cup of coffee, or whatever, unless it turns into a bigger deal than it already is.

secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us, that you took it as he wasn't 100% committed to the relationship. If he is any type of a decent guy, he will want to put the girl that he loves mind at ease and reassure you that he is committed.

How will he show that though. If u just said that by being together that should show his commitment then how will he reassure me that he is committed

secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You thought I was a girl...elaborate on that.

I wouldn't bring the promise ring up, and I wouldn't belittle him for the choices he made concerning that. Sometimes, a good talk can go a long way. TRUST ME. Just tell him how you feel about the changes in his behaviour, and go from there. This isn't anything that cannot be solved over a cup of coffee, or whatever, unless it turns into a bigger deal than it already is.

Oh I just mean I assumed you were a girl, then you said 'us' as in your a guy too.

But with the other stuff, the affection side of it, he's just like its no big thing ra ra. But like imagine how you would feel if the person you were with just stopped wanting to touch or kiss you or anything.

Romefalls19 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:26 AM

Ok, I'm going to give you a little description of the last "problem" that my fiancé and I had, her ex made her feel like sh*t to put it bluntly, physical and mental abuse for 5 years(stayed because of kids) and she has a complex that I will be unhappy with her in the future because she is "flawed" and I deserve better and should go find better. How did I handle it, I sat her down, told her that she is the one I want, that she is the one I love and who I see in my future.

Any guy is going to make sure his spouse knows that his intentions are to be with them and to be in the relationship. Express your concerns calmly and rationally and he will do his best to put your mind at ease.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2009, 09:22 AM

secret_123;1496804, Hey, um I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months. I'm 17 and he is 18. I love him so much and I know he loves me too. But lately he isn't affectionate much at all, and it really bothers me.

Relax, the honeymoon phase is over, and the routine of life has began.

Also at Christmas time, a friend asked him if he got me a promise ring and he said no, no way we haven't been together long enough. That hurt.

Why should it? The conversation was between him and a friend, but obviously it has tripped you out because your taking it personally. DON'T!

I think promise rings aren't about time its about love, and a friend of ours said that you don't have to be with them for a long time you have have to be in love with them.

There you go again, taking what friends say as personal put down, he doesn't care about a promise ring and it really means nothing to him.

I don't know what to do, I feel really sad and I want our relationship to be how it was before, and the fact that he doesn't want to consider a promise ring scares me into thinking he isn't 100% committed

Your feelings are based on what friends tell you, not from honestly communicating directly with him. What does he say? Not your friends as their opinion means NOTHING!

What should I do?

Talk to him, and work on your own relationship with him, and not through the eyes and ears of friends. Relationships after the honeymoon stage takes adjustments by both parties to grow, so share, and care, and pay attention, as your more emotionally attached than he is, but you aren't being honest with him, as you are your friends. Don't be so insecure, and needy, that's no fun for either of you. You both need to know how you feel about things, so you won't be carried away by assuming he knows what your feeling, and vice versa.

Alty · Jan 20, 2009, 10:14 AM

I agree with the boys, Tal, KC and Rome.

Secret, if you aren't able to communicate with the one you love then your relationship isn't going to go anywhere, except into the toilet.

I realize that when you're young you think that love can only be shown through kissing, touching and gifts, but it's much more than that. He's with you, he's been with you for a while now, and it doesn't seem like he's going anywhere, a ring won't tie him to you, it's just a ring, no matter what you think it symbolizes.

I've been with my husband for 19 years, half my life, and at first it was all hugs and kisses, flowers and gifts, but after a year things slowed down, we were comfortable with each other, we didn't need all the hoopla! I still get flowers and gifts once in a while, but now it's special because it doesn't happen very often anymore, there are more important things than spending money on unnecessary proclamations of love. He shows me he loves me every day, by being there, listening to me and accepting who and what I am.

Do you understand? It's time to talk to him about how you feel.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2009, 10:28 AM

He shows me he loves me every day, by being there, listening to me and accepting who and what I am.

RATHER HAVE THIS ^^^^^^^^^...............OR A RING???

Alty · Jan 20, 2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

He shows me he loves me every day, by being there, listening to me and accepting who and what I am.

RATHER HAVE THIS ^^^^^^^^^...............OR A RING???

I think most people would give up every piece of jewelry they have to find love and acceptance. When we get older we do figure out what's important, and really, a ring isn't important at all, it is just a ring, nothing more.