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secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:00 PM

Hey, um I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months. I'm 17 and he is 18. I love him so much and I know he loves me too. But lately he isn't affectionate much at all, and it really bothers me. Also at christmas time, a friend asked him if he got me a promise ring and he said no, no way we hvaent been together long enough. That hurt. I think promise rings aren't about time its about love, and a friend of ours said that you don't have to be with them for a long time you have have to be in love with them. I don't know what to do, I feel really sad and I want our relationship to be how it was before, and the fact that he doesn't want to consider a promise ring scares me into thinking he isn't 100% committed. What should I do?

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:05 PM

Talk to him about it. It may be that he just hasn't thought about it or didn't have the money. Maybe he's stressed about things. The best thing is to talk. It's horrible not knowing, but being in ignorance is worse. Hopefully its just a little thing on his side, but if it's a bigger problem, try to resolve it as soon as possible. Maybe he didn't get you one because he knows you want one or asked about it. Let him do it on his terms.

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:07 PM

Oops, I missed the line where he said that you two weren't together long enough. I would still ask him about the fact that he isn't being as affectionate, though.

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:10 PM

Yeah I have tried talking to him about it and he just says that its not a big deal about the afffetion thing. And I don't know why he see's 16 months as not long enough. It just worries me that he doesn't seem to be totally committed.

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:14 PM

Its not something you can really push, though. You can let him know your feelings, but you can't make him feel what you want him to feel. How much time do you two usually spend together and are you both graduated?

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:19 PM

He has finished school, and I have three terms left of my HSC. Then I'm done. And we see each other Friday saturdays and at least once during school nights, and we text all the time and talk on the phone almost every night.

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:26 PM

I'm your age--im no expert, at all. But I have no clue what to tell you. Don't push it on the ring, but see if he's dedicated in other ways. Maybe he sees it as a big commitment and wants to wait a while more before that investment. In what ways is he being less affectionate?

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:28 PM

Yeah I guess so. Thank you! And just in little ways. Like when we were first together he wanted to hug and kiss me and hold me and stroke my skin and stuff like that, but now I'm alwys hugging him or kissing him and stuff. It sounds silly, but I keep thinkine well their must be reason for this

411Help · Jan 19, 2009, 09:34 PM

As you two aren't going to get engaged, You shouldn't be stressing over a mere symbol, "promise ring". But, if he is starting to act distant you need to back off a little, as this is usually a sign he's losing interest.

Have fun, loosen up. There's no need to stress over little things.

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:36 PM

Maybe its just the whole thing of new love where he was always trying to impress you or get used to you. Its probably just that he's fallen into a routine and doesn't think anything of it.Try going out more or doing interesting things together. Make dinner together--I think that's a lot funner than going out on a date. Or if you two do go out to eat, go that extra step to look REALLY good for him. Tell him that you miss how it was and that you find it really cute when he hugs or kisses you out of his own initiative. It's the little things that count. =]

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:37 PM

Prmoise rings aren't just for when your going to get engaged. They can be for anything that represents a promise. Like it could be just a promise ring symbolising that he will be monogamous to me or something

411Help · Jan 19, 2009, 09:38 PM

Do you really need a ring to solidify your love?

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:39 PM

Thanks you so much for your help, its good to know that someone understands me! Lol

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by 411Help

Do you really need a ring to solidify your love?

No I don't. But it's the fact that he doesn't want it at all, which could mean that he doesn't want the commitment to go with it. Its not just the physical ring, I don't care if he gave me a burger ring and said here, this is my promise ring that I will never cheat on you or something. It's the meaning behind it not the ring

karebear0042 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:45 PM

You're Welcome =D. If it's a bigger problem, it will come up sooner or later, but I doubt it. Don't be confrontational, but be cute when you say it--give him motivation to do it more often. When he does come up to hug you, say it means a lot to me when you do that, or something like that. Don't be too overstressed or push the ring thing too much. Now that he knows that you're interested in one, maybe he'll get you one for the two year anniversary. It's much more romantic than christmas. =).

secret_123 · Jan 19, 2009, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by karebear0042

You're Welcome =D. If its a bigger problem, it will come up sooner or later, but I doubt it. Dont be confrontational, but be cute when you say it--give him motivation to do it more often. When he does come up to hug you, say it means a lot to me when you do that, or something like that. Don't be too overstressed or push the ring thing too much. Now that he knows that you're interested in one, maybe he'll get you one for the two year anniversary. It's much more romantic than christmas. =).

Naw, I shaw hope so. And our two year anniversary is the day beofre my birthday too :D

Romefalls19 · Jan 20, 2009, 06:30 AM

If you are going to push this envelope you are going to walk a fine line. First, you're only 17 and not done high school and promise rings usually mean marriage, which neither of you are ready for. At your age you should be enjoying the relationship, not worried about getting a promise ring or anything of the sort. 16 months may seem like a long time, but there are people who have been together for a lot longer that aren't married or engaged. Just let this go and enjoy the time you two share together

secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 07:40 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you are going to push this envelope you are going to walk a fine line. First, you're only 17 and not done high school and promise rings usually mean marriage, which neither of you are ready for. At your age you should be enjoying the relationship, not worried about getting a promise ring or anything of the sort. 16 months may seem like a long time, but there are people who have been together for a lot longer that aren't married or engaged. Just let this go and enjoy the time you two share together

Promise rings are for whatever you want them to be. I can't give one to my best friend and signify my promise that I will always be there for them and that I promise to be by their side forever.

Romefalls19 · Jan 20, 2009, 07:48 AM

Everyone knows what a promise ring means, it is a promise to a romantic partner as a precursur to marriage. I'm not going to be sold on that BS that you are just looking for him to show his commitment to you.

secret_123 · Jan 20, 2009, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Everyone knows what a promise ring means, it is a promise to a romantic partner as a precursur to marriage. I'm not going to be sold on that BS that you are just looking for him to show his commitment to you.

Lol. Okay buddy. Well I shaw as hell don't want to get married right now. And a promise ring is whatever you want it to mean. It can mean that, but it signifies a promise. Google it or something buddy.