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She Won't have sex with me!
Ok, So, I have know this girl for awhile now. About 5 or 6 months and we have been dating for close to 2 months. Pretty much 3. Anyway, she has been with only one guy only a few times and is afraid to have sex again. She asked me before we started dating if whe new did start dating if we were going to have sex. Well, I told her I was going by her rules and she said well we might as well because we will both want it. Well, we have been dating for about 2 months now and still no sex.
So, I understood she was still afraid to have sex so I planned something out. She says she is afraid to have sex because she thinks I am going to leave her or she is going to get pregnant. I assure her that neither of these things are going to happen. I rented a cabin in the woods in Tennessee so we coulf get away for awhile. I also bought her an expensive necklace for a gift and I thought it would make her feel better about us and me not leaving. Wel, she said that she wants it now, and we should deffinately do it in Tennessee. Well, here lately she has been saying that she doesn't want to have sex yet or we probably won't have sex down in Tennessee. I am becoming very sexually frustrated. It kills me a little bit because it is like she is teasing me. Sex isn't important to me but at a certain point I kind of start missing it. I don't know what I will do if we don't have sex down in Tennessee. Im tired of hearing excuses. We do other things so I don't see why she isn't ready for sex. I really really doubt that she is cheating on me. I know she isn't that type of girl. Any help would be greatly appreciated! |
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You are being played my friend.. hate to say it .she is using you and the sad part is you are getting nothing in return. Back in the day guys did it all the time and now girls are doing it. Sounds like you are being played.. sorry for the realness but that's the way I see it. If she cared about you she would want to be on you like white on rice.she is giving you a line.. believe me she is! Bummer take my word .Im 54 yrs old.. I know some things.. Peace! |
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Art, no offense, but I don't agree with you at all on this subject. How is she using him? He is pressuring her for sex and she does not wish to have it, she voiced her concerns about it. That should have been the end of the conversation, buying someone's affection never works. If she was using him, she would be the one asking for this stuff, but he is offering it willingly. I am not seeing how she is doing anything wrong on this matter. She was hurt before by giving herself away and she is protecting herself, I see no fault in that, in fact I find it honorable that she is sticking to her guns on this one despite the pressure from someone who is supposed to be understanding |
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Hey rome! I am in no way pressuring her. I never bring it up, she is the one who always does. I do understand it completely that she wants to wait. It's just that she keeps telling me and not following through. I would really wait until marriage for her if I had to. I just came here for advice, I don't ask her to have sex with me, we just come close some times and I back off because I respect the way she feels and I want it to be special for her first time with me, because her first time wasn't special. That is why I rented a cabin so we could get away. She says that she wants to do it down there but she isn't sure, I told her we are still going by her rules so whatever she wants to do is up to her. I also know you can't buy love. She is not high maintianced at all. The littlest things make her happy. I just buy her things like that because nobody ever has and it makes her feel important and special. I buy her flowers a lot to because she has never had that done before. I just was wondering what was up with her, but if she isn't ready then she isn't ready. Thanks a lot!
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Hold on a second you need a girls point of view eya she isn't playing you she seems like she lacks confidence big tym you need to tel her that she's beautiful and everything its like being a virgin completely again after braking up wiv sum 1 n going wiv sum 1 else after and rushing in to having a sexual relationship she's probs waiting 4 da rite moment because I've always fote it would be hard if me and my boyfriend split because he's da 1 I lost it to she won't wna rush into it wiv sum 1 else it wunt feel rite you need to hear her point of view and respect her choice if you really luved her den ull wait. Da special day will if she realises that you isn't going to mess her about like her last dik ed of a boyfriend did so don't make her feel like you are using her 4 sex because she will feel and will neva get to da point. Wait until she's ready because its starting all ova for her again its not easy for us girls you no I hope I've helped anyway tel her hw much of a good girlfriend she is to you n don't get frustrated about her discisson because it is us who suffer because we av risks of pregnancy maybe dicuss da different methods of protection for her sake she obiously thinks you myt not use it or thinks its too soon like I said before its like being a virgin again because sex wiv a different guy is going to make her feel werid and scared so rensure her all you can to make her feel loved and wnted trust me she must not be playing you she's ad a bad past wiv her ova boyfriend so don't make her feel like your going to do da same treat her nice every nw and den wait until she's ready because if you do that it will feel even better because you wnt av da guilt of forcing her in to it dats a girls point of view |
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Oh and she will be afriad to show her body off to a new fella because I was ready 4 sex when I lost it but I told him I wasn't ready so I didn't av to show my body off bt he made me feel loved and special and we bin going 2 years n 2 month nw I love him so much he neva talked about it until I brought up da subject |
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Shorty_jess, the text speak is not acceptable, English please. Adam, you say your not pressuring her but between the gifts, and the trip, trust me the pressure is there. If your feelings are honest, and you can wait, then you need to tell her that you feel your being teased, and you can wait for her to be comfortable. Don't dance around the issues with assumptions, and expectations, that leads to misunderstanding. Communicate honestly, and avoid the confusion. |
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It seems like she wants more time with you. To make sure you're always going to be there for her. Sex to some people isn't just SEX. It's a connection between to people that bond them. Its pleasurable sure. But some people like this girl want it to bond you to together. So if your going to just have sex with her and then take off. Its like ripping her heart open and leaving her there to bleed. Make sure before you do it you care for her a lot. Not just as a play toy. Also buying expensive things doesn't do anything it just shows the lack of effort you are trying to give her through words. I hope take this as helpful! |
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I agree with Tal, Adam. Instead of wondering all of these things, you should sit down with her and really communicate. The last guy might have fed her a line, and said he'd never leave her, and once he got some, he dumped her. So even though you say you're not going to do that to her, she might not fully trust you yet. She might think that although you say you don't have to do anything while at the cabin, that she might feel guilt because you did such a nice thing for her, and now she keeps changing her mind, because she feels guilty that you've gone to all of that expense for her, so she feels almost obligated to have sex with you when you are there. Then when she changes her mind again, and says she doesn't want to, she is likely testing you to see how you will react. Just take it slow, and relax. Two months isn't that long of a time. Get to know each other better. You can know someone for 10 or 20 yrs. and think you know them, but if you don't communicate on a regular basis, you don't really know what is going on with them. You can't possibly know each other very well at this point. It may seem like you do, but you don't know all there is to know. Give it time. Have a romantic weekend, and if it happens it happens. |
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Thanks everyone. She isn't a virgin, just to clear that up. Something came up this past weekend and we ended up talking about things and how we both felt and she is OK with everything. I told her that I was completely fine with her and would wait forever with her. I know 2 months isn't that long. I guess from past experiences where I was with a whore for about 6 months we usually hooked up before we dated. I am really thinking this over and being so appreciative and thankful to have such a wonderful girl in my life and I'm trying to do something to ruin it. I think things will go much better from here out. Thanks! |
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Adam, can I just say a few quick things? Don't throw the term "whore" around loosely. You participated. It also makes you sound vengeful, and a bit immature. Also, don't say things like you will wait "forever" with her. You and I know that is not true. Waiting is good. Saying you will wait "forever" is not! :) |
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Well, I don't actually mean forever, I don't tell her forever. I tell her as long as she wants to wait. I just used that as an example for say I guess. Sorry for using the word "whore" so loosly. I didn't mean it like that. As one of my teachers called it was lady of the evening. Haha. Anyway, I was cheated on by my last 3 girlfriends that is why I use the word so loosely. I apologize. Thank you for your opinion, it helps a lot. Thanks! |
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Learning, and appreciating each other, is what grows a relationship, but pressuring another for selfish reasons, is so uncaring, and grows anger, and resentments, not good for healthy relationships. There is no hurry, so just enjoy the getting to know each other, and yourself. |
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