[Need2knowdude]

10 years ago, I married. It did not work. We knew it was a mistake after it happened. I was unaware of anulments and how they worked. I did pay for a divorce and it is final and legal. From this union, (if you want to call it that) my son was born. He will be 9 in July. We got married in the state of New Jersey. After we realized it was a mistake to be married she soon moved to Florida. She filed for child support in New Jersey before she left and a judge gave her a order. I have been paying since. In 2003, my new girlfriend and I drove to Orlando for a vacation from Pennsylvania. We made arrangements to meet up and I saw my son again for the first time since he left New Jersey. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch. I would call and get excited hearing how my son was advancing and growing up. Everything seemed to be going fine. Then she asked me if it was OK if I signed papers surrendering my rights as a father so her and her fiancée can adopt my son. "Hell No"! "@#$ch, are you crazy?!" Naturally was my answer. Then years later she confided in me and told me her so called fiancée was on the run from the military and just happened to forget to mention that when they meet. Then I later found out her mother died and she never called and told me. I called one day wanting to talk to my son and she seemed distant. I asked what was wrong and she proceeds to tell me she lost her mom 3 months ago. I knew her mom was on dialasys and was not in the best of health but I was shocked that she never told me. Seems like after that point, she just seemed different. She would always say she appreciated my child support and the money went toward his day care. I would send gift cards for his birthday and christmas. Then one day I lost my cell phone and it had his number in it. It was around the beginning of July. His birthday is July 10th. She never called on his birthday like she did years prior. I would call, but sometimes they would beat me to it. I contacted the court system and asked for her last know address so I could write and get the number again. The court system is so biased against men, they can't even see or know the difference when a father does care. They fed me this line about I have to show proof that I am who I say I am. So I had to fax them ID and my case number. Then they said all they can do is send a letter to the last know address and give her 15 days to reply and then there is nothing else they can do. Of course she didn't reply and I have not spoke to my son in almost 2 years and I pay child support. I am so angry but don't know where to turn. I went to one of those websites that find people, I typed in her maiden and married name. It came up with her sister's name under the colomn marked possible relatives. I just have to come up with some money to pay for it. But I still want to know my rights. I feel like I am getting screwed. I, along with my parents and my other children have the right to see my son in Florida. What are my rights ? Please help.

[JudyKayTee]

10 years ago, I married. It did not work. We knew it was a mistake after it happened. I was unaware of anulments and how they worked. I did pay for a divorce and it is final and legal. From this union, (if you want to call it that) my son was born. He will be 9 in July. We got married in the state of New Jersey. After we realized it was a mistake to be married she soon moved to Florida. She filed for child support in New Jersey before she left and a judge gave her a order. I have been paying since. In 2003, my new girlfriend and I drove to Orlando for a vacation from Pennsylvania. We made arrangements to meet up and I saw my son again for the first time since he left New Jersey. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch. I would call and get excited hearing how my son was advancing and growing up. Everything seemed to be going fine. Then she asked me if it was ok if I signed papers surrendering my rights as a father so her and her fiancee can adopt my son. "Hell No"! "@#$ch, are you crazy?!" Naturally was my answer. Then years later she confided in me and told me her so called fiancee was on the run from the military and just happened to forget to mention that when they meet. Then I later found out her mother died and she never called and told me. I called one day wanting to talk to my son and she seemed distant. I asked what was wrong and she proceeds to tell me she lost her mom 3 months ago. I knew her mom was on dialasys and was not in the best of health but I was shocked that she never told me. Seems like after that point, she just seemed different. She would always say she appreciated my child support and the money went toward his day care. I would send gift cards for his birthday and christmas. Then one day I lost my cell phone and it had his number in it. It was around the beggining of July. His birthday is July 10th. She never called on his birthday like she did years prior. I would call, but sometimes they would beat me to it. I contacted the court system and asked for her last know address so I could write and get the number again. The court system is so biased against men, they can't even see or know the difference when a father does care. They fed me this line about I have to show proof that I am who I say I am. So I had to fax them ID and my case number. Then they said all they can do is send a letter to the last know address and give her 15 days to reply and then there is nothing else they can do. Of course she didn't reply and I have not spoke to my son in almost 2 years and I pay child support. I am so angry but don't know where to turn. I went to one of those websites that find people, I typed in her maiden and married name. It came up with her sister's name under the colomn marked possible relatives. I just have to come up with some money to pay for it. But I still want to know my rights. I feel like I am getting screwed. I, along with my parents and my other children have the right to see my son in Florida. What are my rights ? Please help.

I don't see that the Court system is biased against men - every woman who feels she isn't getting a fair deal thinks it's biased against women.

I boil all of this down to you wanting to locate your ex-wife and your child. Where do you send your child support? Does the Court collect it? If I understand you correctly some Court - maybe the support unit of the Court - won't give you her current address which they must have if they send the money to her.

Hire a licensed private investigator to find her. It will be worth the money. Your parents may or may not have rights to visit with the child. How often have they seen him? They are strangers to him at the moment.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see two years ago, you could not get the phone company records of the calls you made??

You could not jump in your car and drive down to where they lived ( I would for my son if I really wanted to be with him)

And while not right, you withhold chlid support and soon the mom will cotact you most likely.

And to be honest, you did not have the phone number with their mailing address written down?

[liz28]

I agree with Fr_Chuck you could've easily contacted your cellphone company and got a print out of your calls if it doesn't come with your phone bill. I lost my cellphone once and I don't keep a phone book but when I lost my phone I got all my numbers when I contact my cellphone company for a printout of my calls.

Have you tried googling your son's mother name?

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
Need2knowdude disagrees: Not going to hire a Private Investigator but I have found alternate ways of finding him. Thanks for your honest answer..[/QUOTE]



I'm a little confused here about what part of my legal answer you didn't agree with -

[Fr_Chuck]

And what the heck, what is her name, you may wish to post that on the missing person section here. We have a few people good at finding missing person. Sorry if I forgot it on first post

[Need2knowdude]

JudyKayTee, I don't disagree with your whole answer. Just the part about the court not being biased against men. Cmon, who do you think the courts help more, men or women ? There are just naturally more cases where the dad is the defendant and the mom is the plaintiff. They can't help but to be biased. There are just more deadbeat dads. And as I said, when a concerned father needs information, they give you rules and the runaround. I just believe a woman would not have as hard of a time.

[JudyKayTee]

JudyKayTee, I don't disagree with your whole answer. Just the part about the court not being biased against men. Cmon, who do you think the courts help more, men or women ? There are just naturally more cases where the dad is the defendant and the mom is the plantiff. They can't help but to be biased. There are just more deadbeat dads. And as I said, when a concerned father needs information, they give you rules and the runaround. I just believe a woman would not have as hard of a time.

I don't find the Courts to be biased against Defendants nor do I find the Courts to be biased against men. As far as this is "natural" because there are more deadbeat Dads I fail to see how this factors into your thinking. More deadbeat Dads = more male Defendants = bias. Not my experience and I've worked both sides.

Could you argue bias against people who appear without Attorneys and waste the Court's time - sure. Could you argue bias against people who don't have a clue and expect the Court system to hold their hands and walk them through the process - sure.

Just about every party that loses is convinced that the Courts made the decision based on gender.

You actually disagreed with FrChuck - have you read the rules of the site?

You said you were unaware how anulments worked - what were your grounds for annulment instead of divorce?

EDIT - We have different opinions, obviously, on the issue - but that doesn't make one of us right and one of us wrong. That's my point here.

[Fr_Chuck]

And to be honest an annulment has no effect on child custody or child support.

But I will say judy, after my last year with the courts here in Atlanta, yes they are somewhat bias. And really really slow to hear cases.

[JudyKayTee]

And to be honest an annulment has no effect on child custody or child support.

But I will say judy, after my last year with the courts here in Atlanta, yes they are somewhat bias. And really really slow to hear cases.

No question Court calendars in general are backlogged now that people watch the various TV Judge shows - Small Claims in my area is a joke.

Did you find the Courts to be pro-Plaintiff, pro-Defendant, male vs female?

I honestly don't see that. I see so many mothers trying to get child support while the father goes on with his life, changes jobs, the father disappears for X years and then suddenly reappears, forced payments to be made through the Court, that type of thing, that if anything I find them pro-father.

Maybe it's a female prospective vs male prospective type of things. And, of course, we're in different States.

Talking divorce - when I got divorced I found the long delays were due to two Attorneys posturing and attempting to impress each other.

[kimsland]

Dadsareparents2, up hill losing battle I feel. i.e. you're male !

This is your only hope, be extra careful and nice and friendly to the mum
Otherwise, forget it.

Oh yeah, I'm basically agreeing with you
Female=Carer
Male=Worker

And that's the courts reality. i.e. If a Male doesn't work, huh what a loser.
And if a female is not caring for her young, argh she must have psychiatric issues :D

And that's that! Debate over. Until equality in about 100 years time!

[ScottGem]

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Your use of the comments feature was inappropriate. Both Judy and chuck gave you factually accurate answers. You may disagree with the OPINIONS stated in those answers but not by using the comments feature,

As to the issue of the courts being biased againt men or women, that argument is really for another thread. It doesn't help the OP in anyway. And any further discussions on that point will be removed.

Finally, I agree with the other posters. You are the legal father and there were any number of ways you could have tried to track down your son. Contacting the Florida education department. Contacting your cell phone company. Hiring an investigator. Taking a trip to the area. And many more.

It sounds to me like you only made a half hearted attempt.

[JudyKayTee]

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

Your use of the comments feature was inappropriate. Both Judy and chuck gave you factually accurate answers. You may disagree withthe OPINIONS stated in those answers but not by using the comments feature,..

The lesson to be learned is not to answer questions with the word "dude" in them.

[kimsland]

Sorry I should say my reply ^^ was meant light hearted
I don't really know how the court system works,
By the way does anyone?

[Justwantfair]

As far as the courts being bias against men that really isn't the issue you are asking to the address of your ex-wife, who is also the mother of your child. If the courts were to randomly grant those requests they could be held liable if you weren't interested in finding her the way you discuss you are.

There are plenty of abusers in this world and that information would not openingly be shared one way or another... Male or Female making the request. I am thankful that the system now tries a little harder to protect the abused.

I agree that you could have done more before now to locate your son. Good luck.

[JudyKayTee]

Sorry I should say my reply ^^ was meant light hearted
I don't really know how the court system works,
By the way does anyone?

Yes, the people who post regularly on this board (to say nothing of the experts) - the people who have the education, work experience, personal experience.

The legal boards - which are based on fact - are a lot different from the boards which are based on "what do you think" and feelings. Neither is better than the other but they are different.

[DADZRITES]

Need2knowdude:

As a fathers' rights advocate and constitutional law and family law paralegal in NJ for the past 25 years, I would say"yes", the family courts in this country are biased against men. In NJ, they did a study called "Child custody arrangements: a study of two New Jersey Counties", Journal of Psychiatry and law. Even though they used data from 2 NJ counties (Essex being poorest and Bergen being richest), the study reflected the entire state. It found that child custody is awarded to the mother 95% of the time on average. Also, it found that mothers were given primary residence in joint custody arrangements in 50% of joint custody cases. That means that mothers got custody in 97.5% of all custody cases. These numbers are also reflective throughout all 50 states (see, Baskerville, "Taken Into Custody--The War Against Father, Marriage and the Family" for a complete, detailed expose' of the family courts in the United States.

It will show that the reason custody is awarded to mothers on such a huge gender biased scale is because the Federal government incentivizes divorces so that the child support enforcement INDUSTRY and domestic violence racket are funded to the tune of over $20 BILLION annually. You have judges sitting on cases where they have a financial interest in the outcome of these cases. The Feds send the states reimbursement incentive funding based on how much child support & alimony is awarded, collected and enforce on. (The Federal law is Title 42, U.S.C. Section 658 (a)). This amounts into the hundreds of millions, if not BILLIONS. This is also taxpayer fraud. In fact, reports are showing that the Feds are giving more than 100% of what the states are asking for.

This funding is sent to the states at the beginning of every fiscal year, with no strings attached. (See 42 U.S.C. Section 658 (f)). The funding is put into the states' general treasury. The first items paid out of the general treasury(ies) are state employee (child support caseworkers and managers) salaries and pensions & judges' salaries and pensions. This constitutes a massive unconstitutional conflict of interest.

The US Supreme Court in Tumey v. Ohio, Ward v. Monroeville, Gibson v. Berryhill, et al. holds that judges who sit in judgment of cases where they have a financial interest in the outcome of such cases, are tempted to arbitrarily and capriciously use their contempt powers and jail to extort/extract more monies from unsuspecting litigants, and ultimately use these contempt powers to defraud the taxpayers--who happen to be child-support payors as well. The Supreme Court held that judges in this situation must immediately disqualify themselves from these cases, otherwise their orders are null and void, they can face felony official misconduct charges, and can face being impeached.

Some will say, "but how would we order and enforce support?" Guess what? Not the public's problem. The state created the monster. They have to fix it to protect Due Process & Equal Protection. That's what we pay taxes for. The state will have to come up with a panel of experts like economists, vocational experts, mental health experts, maybe some lawyers and retired judges. But, they can't use contempt to imprison people for debt, unless the state is willing to jail delinquent mortgage, car loan and credit card payors as well. Since the Supreme Court & Federal Courts of Appeals have held that child support is a CIVIL debt (and all states say that child support becomes a CIVIL judgment on the date it becomes due), there is no probable cause that a crime is committed to arrest someone. In fact, these same Federal courts say that child support is NOT a "special kind of debt". It is a common, civil, commercial debt, just like any other debt.

As for your situation, you can contact the NJ probation/child support agency to inquire where the child support checks are being sent. You may need to make a personal appearance in their offices with ID and court docket number. If necessary, get an appointment with the Vicinage Assistant Chief Probation Officer in the county you pay support through. They are the boss of all the child support caseworkers in the county. If they refuse to give you this information, you will have to file a motion with the court to get it.
Contact info edited out FC

[GV70]

Courts are gender biased!
Let's see only two cases:
Miscovich v. Miscovich Case No. 97-0083, the Supreme Court affirmed a lower court ruling that said DNA test results that proved the defendant was not the father could not be used as evidence.

In Turczyn Case No. 99-0424Judge ruled that a woman who gave birth to quadruplets she conceived with donor sperm through artificial insemination without her husband's knowledge or consent has the right to child support.

A partial explanation is that the child welfare system seems to automatically favor the claims of custodial mothers over non-custodial fathers.
Consider one scenario. A custodial mother swears under oath to have given birth and perhaps provides false documents. In many states, if she also swears that the absent father is violent, her statement can result in a restraining order that de facto terminates the father's visitation rights. If a subsequent order to pay child support is delivered to an invalid address, which is often provided by the mother, then the father may not respond within the window of time provided for a protest. Now he must pay, go to jail...

But why did the child support enforcement system not follow up despite complaints? Some officials see child support agencies as revenue-generating agencies. States make money off the collection of child support while the taxpayers lose money at the federal level overall. Too often, this money-mindedness does not give incentives for agencies to do the right thing for children and families.