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starbuck8 · Nov 23, 2008, 01:25 AM

I don't think you should send her a birthday card. Although it does sound like you still care about how she feels, you're right. You would be giving her a false sense of hope, and seeing as the break-up is still so fresh to her, it just might ruin her birthday. Although well intended, you are likely going to be on her mind anyway, it will just make things that much harder for her to deal with. It doesn't sound to me like you would want her to hurt anymore than she most likely is. So, I would just leave well enough alone right now, and let her enjoy her birthday the best she can, without thoughts of you, and that there may be some hope left.

High Max · Nov 23, 2008, 04:46 AM

I broke up with mine back in July, and had little contact with her until October 16th which was her birthday. Left her a voicemail saying happy birthday, my friend reported a week later her number had been changed.

I don't know if this answers your question, it depends on how you broke up. Her and I did not have a smooth breakup.

starbuck8 · Nov 23, 2008, 05:05 AM

It's not a good idea all the way around. No matter how well the relationship ended, there is a reason for NC. and to break it to confuse her, by wishing her a happy birthday, is just intentionally hurting her, and not fair play. Leave it alone, and let her be.

mcsa · Nov 23, 2008, 05:16 AM

My friend go with your feelings do what you think is right.. Listen to your heart! Everything else does not matter... :)

starbuck8 · Nov 23, 2008, 05:23 AM

Originally Posted by mcsa

My friend go with your feelings do what you think is right.. Listen to your heart! Everything else does not matter..................:)

I won't give you a disagree, but he has already said he does not want to get back together with her, and he is the one that did the breaking up, and it's only been a few weeks. Sending her something right now serves no purpose, and will only rub salt in the wound. It will do nothing but bring up memories for her and give her hope. When you break up with someone before an important occasion or holiday, such as a birthday, or right before Thanksgiving, it causes nothing but hurt, to the one that was dumped. If he still has regard for her, he will not do this to her. That would just be hurtful.

talaniman · Nov 23, 2008, 10:23 AM

Should I send my ex

NO WAY!! Why stir up something when you don't know what it is? Leave her alone, period!

wolfgangqpublic · Nov 23, 2008, 10:36 AM

Tricky. If my ex were to do that now, I wouldn't think of it as anything but a friendly kind gesture with no ulterior motives. But closer to the breakup, you could definitely give a sense of false hope. I'd lean towards not doing it - but if you opt to (and I have to admit I probably would unfortunately) keep it to a text message or Facebook message that just says "happy birthday" and DO NOT respond to any replies.

That way, you can make the gesture without allowing her to stoke any old flames beyond the first message. I know my ex sent me a similar message, and I responded briefly and didn't hear back on that message. I wasn't upset, and our breakup was not messy and angry.

loveyouall · Nov 24, 2008, 01:40 PM

Why does my ex is still curious about what’s going on in my life after the break up ? We have no contact for few weeks already. He didn’t even contact me on my birthday. Does it mean he still interested in me and still care for me or what ?

thadevilsadvocate · Nov 24, 2008, 01:44 PM

Your ex is still curious for the same reason that you wonder why he didn't contact you on his birthday. The two of you not being together is a new feeling, and you are both thinking about the past you had with each other. It takes more than a few weeks to get over a relationship, but this doesn't mean he wants you back. It just means that he is not comfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing what you are up to, just like you are probably wondering what he is up to. Don't think about it and just let it go. Keep going on with your life and let him wonder.

kctiger · Nov 24, 2008, 01:56 PM

How do you know if he is curious if you have had no contact for a few weeks? I don't get what makes you think he still cares. Please ellaborate.

Eileen1218 · Nov 24, 2008, 04:06 PM

Right KC I wondered the same thing. Hope to get more info to help her out.

JBeaucaire · Nov 25, 2008, 12:13 AM

I don't think more info will change the normal truth here, we see it all the time.

Breaking up ends the battle, it ends the struggle to make something work that doesn't. It puts peace back in your lives, painful peace, but peace.

Now that peace is back, good memories of the times you weren't making each other miserable start to surface, pleasant memories even. With those memories come warm feelings... and for some, curiosity.

Here's where so many people screw this up. The fact that you start to feel pleasantly about an ex is not a reason to forget you don't work together. If you call or accept his call, it often just fans the flames pointlessly.

Look, you're here on the internet asking for some confirmation that maybe something is really still there because he finally contacted you, right? You have to NOT do that to yourself.

If he calls and asks you what's up, tell him... or don't. When you hang up, you won't be back in a relationship, it won't mean you should undo any healing you've accomplished. It was just an old friend checking in. That's all.

If you two can both heal and learn to experience those fond memories for one another without getting emotionally crazy about it, you might be able to be friends again. Maybe.

But if every time he calls you start thinking "what if" and "oh, what does that mean"... you'll have to stop accepting the calls, won't you. Only you know if you can calmly be in contact with him, or not.

For most people, the answer is "not".

loveyouall · Nov 28, 2008, 01:28 PM

My b/f broke up with me about 1 ½ months ago. Reason we broke up is he is insecure about the age difference (he is 20 years older than me) he said he doesn’t see a future in our relationship. We’re thousands miles apart from each other. We’ve been together for few years and we love each other very much. Although I told him that I will try to work it out by moving to where he is, but still couldn’t change his mind of breaking our relationship and I didn’t want to push him anymore. We had talked on the phone few times about the breakup , we both were crying very hard, we both felt very hurt and painful.
Anyway, now, it has been exactly 3 weeks of ‘no contact’. The pain inside me is getting less and less. I know that he still love me very much and still care for me. I know that occasionally he tried to find out how I’m doing through friends. Is it OK to let him know how & what I’m doing ? And that I have put the past behind and moved on with my life ? OR should I just drop off the face of the earth and have no contact with him anymore ? But to be honest, I really want to have him back because I love him very much, I’m hoping that one day he will change his mind. But if he knows that I’ve let go and moved on, will that make him think that I no longer want to be with him ? Please help.

ZoeMarie · Nov 28, 2008, 01:36 PM

Don't let him know. Don't talk to him. Talking to him will make things harder for both of you.

canadagirl82 · Nov 28, 2008, 01:36 PM

Huh? That's confusing. Why would you make it a point to tell him you have moved on when you still love him and want him back? You said that you don't hurt very much anymore. If you are fine with out him, just leave it be and don't contact him.

SimpleguyJoe · Nov 28, 2008, 01:50 PM

It's very easy to think you have moved on or past a relationship when you really have not. I would stay no contact for at least 2-3 months longer before talking with him and "Catching up" with each other.

Alty · Nov 28, 2008, 02:23 PM

No contact is no contact. You aren't over him, you said so yourself;

I really want to have him back because I love him very much

This is a dead end, stick to no contact.

JohnD212 · Nov 28, 2008, 04:05 PM

I agree with Altenweg... you are not over this. If you truly were over it and moving on... you would have no need to reach back and contact him. Ask yourself this: Are you willing to risk ruining all this healing you've had? If you call and he says he's moved on also... will you accept that answer and truly be happy for him?

You don't need him in your life. So many people move through our lives to help teach us things but they don't all stick around for the entire length of it. No conact. Don't risk your happiness anymore.

Good luck!

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 04:37 PM

Should I let my ex know that I've have moved on.

NO!

h0llister · Nov 28, 2008, 08:51 PM

OK you haven't moved on at all. If you moved on than you wouldn't even be thinking of him!! You are still getting over the breakup, yes your not as hurt but you still want to contact him. I say No Contact for sure. Wait a few more months and if you still want to be with him, then call him. But for now your still hurting.