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cricket_10 · Nov 17, 2008, 01:07 PM

Thanks Talaniman. It's definitely something to look forward to.

Why is NC so hard to do? Tell you what, it's definitely easiest to control when I think of all the pain which turns into anger. I'm sure it is somewhat normal to feel this way but isn't sad to know that's the way I know how to handle the situation?

talaniman · Nov 17, 2008, 02:07 PM

That's what I tell people all the time when, all they see is the reasons to miss someone, play the whole tape and, realize things weren't perfect by any means.

That's dealing with reality. Its not as normal as you think, but your ahead of the game, when you see things for yourself.

cricket_10 · Nov 19, 2008, 07:54 AM

UPDATE

I haven't been sleeping well this past couple of days. I guess I have been thinking too much. It's been almost a week now and I still have not wasted a single tear for this guy. He would still text me once in a while and would say "I miss you" but I've been ignoring him. I know I am hurting inside and would like this pain to go away. If I want a "quick and easy" solution - the answer is him.. but If I want a long lasting healthy solution for myself - then it is with TIME. I guess its no brainer which one I should choose, right? No worries so far I think I'm doing good with my decision (STAYING AWAY FROM HIM). I just need to keep going until its completely gone.

Question - we share a credit card together. Its under his name. I still have a balance in there but once I pay it I want it closed. Can cancel that myself or does it have to be him to cancel it?

kctiger · Nov 19, 2008, 07:57 AM

Is your name on the contract? Usually if his name is the name on the card then you have no legal obligation (besides your agreement with him) to pay it off... you also have no way of closing it. It is a joint credit card or was it his that you both used?

cricket_10 · Nov 19, 2008, 08:00 AM

Well I was just added to his account. It's under his credit not mine. On the credit card its just my name and not both. I was hoping I can just cancel my card not necessarily his credit account.

cricket_10 · Nov 19, 2008, 08:01 AM

Clarification - he has his card with his name and I have mine with just my name.

talaniman · Nov 19, 2008, 08:16 AM

Pay your share, and cancel it. Keep all receipts

debdoes · Nov 19, 2008, 08:22 PM

K seriously?? It sounds like cricket loves this guy and is hurting just as bad as he is... I know a lot of break ups happen for a reason but does nobody on this website believe that things can be fixed? Maybe things can work out for them... maybe he will realize what he is doing wrong. Why waste a year and a half if things are fixable? And also... nobody has heard his side of the story so maybe cricket does stuff that would bother most people... Nothing against cricket because I really don't know... I'm just saying... it's not always NC that is going to figure out your life and help you move on if things can be worked out.

kctiger · Nov 20, 2008, 06:44 AM

Anyone can realize the 'what I did wrong' in a relationship crap. I did that. We got back together, and for the first couple of months it was great. Then, guess what? We slipped right back into relationship hell and had the same problems. When there are serious problems in a relationship one person can't just change overnight and fix the issues that are HARDWIRED into their personality. That is why it is a good idea, most of the time unless you are married, to move on for awhile and work on yourself and your issues. This way, whether you get back with the same person, or you start a new relationship, you won't have those same issues arising.

cricket_10 · Nov 20, 2008, 08:07 AM

I am not a perfect person and I'm sure there are things that I do that would annoy or bother some people. But that's what makes me unique (HAHAHAHA). Actually, it is a matter of acceptance in a relationship. If there is understanding, respect and acceptance then all those differences I believe will disappear. Like they say there is no such thing as a "perfect" person, it is by learning to see an imperfect person "perfectly". As of right now, I know we're both hurting. But I want to prove a point to him. My life is mine and does not revolve around him. I am willing to share it as long as I am treated right. Problem is he doesn't trust me well enough to believe that I do love him and only him. He should never compare himself with my friends, family, work etc. It's not even comparable. I'm sure our relationship is fixable but not until he realizes the reasons I am doing this. He needs to grow up. So, regardless of how much I love him and care about him, we need this break. I truly believe that if I really love him I need to let him go so he can find himself and be the best he can. Once he finds that and if we're given a chance to be together again - then I only get the best.

talaniman · Nov 20, 2008, 08:11 AM

it's not always NC that is going to figure out your life and help you move on if things can be worked out.

NC give you the chance to let the emotional dust settle, so you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.

People need tome to process their situation.

talaniman · Nov 20, 2008, 08:16 AM

Once he finds that and if we're given a chance to be together again - then I only get the best.

If not from him, someone will appreciate you for your uniqueness.

cricket_10 · Nov 20, 2008, 10:16 AM

Wow - surprise surprise... I received beautiful arrangements of flowers here at work. From who? Who else...

Is it wrong to call and say thank you? Hmm..

debdoes · Nov 20, 2008, 12:19 PM

Makes sense and you're right... Just that your relationship is so comparable with mine and how I acted. I'm trying to figure out your way of thinking since it seems so similar to my ex... I probably will never know, I'm sure he will never call me again... grrrr

cricket_10 · Nov 20, 2008, 12:37 PM

Debdoes - don't lose faith. Give him his space and time. Mean while work on yourself. It is good to know that at least you're realizing what went wrong and taking it one step at a time. I can guarantee you that he still cares for you. We both know that it doesn't take overnight to forget someone. He will come around. Just be sure though when that time comes you are ready to accept him even as just friends.

debdoes · Nov 20, 2008, 01:30 PM

Thanks! I really hope you're right, even if it's just friends!

cricket_10 · Nov 21, 2008, 06:07 AM

I called him last night to say thank you for the flowers. He said sorry and realized what he had done. He said it was selfish, immature and hurtful. He said he misses me and wants me back. I can tell he was sincere but it doesn't take a dozen of roses to change a person. LOL I know what I want and I do feel bad that I keep doing this to him. But as much as I want to say that I miss him, I end up not saying anything. I know I probably do need to do the NC if I don't want to keep hurting him. It's just hard if the guy is constantly calling and texting. I hate to ignore people. It seems so rude. Or am I just too nice? LOL

kctiger · Nov 21, 2008, 07:37 AM

You need to tell him, and make it clear to him that you do not want to get back together with him. Because of your actions and your responses, he will continue to contact you thinking he has a chance to get you back, and maybe he does. You cannot keep stringing him along like this, as it is extremely hurtful and confusing to him. If you do not want a relationship with him, tell him that, be clear, and move on. Maybe even change your phone number. It may hurt him for awhile, but he will get over it. The more you draw this out, the longer the pain will continue, especially for him. That is not fair to either of you.