Check out some similar questions!

cricket_10 · Nov 13, 2008, 12:56 PM

Don't know how to feel right now... my boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me. I expected myself to cry to be devastated but for some reason I don't feel anything right now.here is our story...

We've been together for quite some time now and have gone through a lot. Recently, I have been quite busy with family. I went on a vacation last weekend out of country and wasn't able to spend that weekend with him. On top of that his work schedule changed and left us with no time for each other during the week. I work 8-5 and he works 3-11pm. Then this coming weekend, he's going out of state with friends. So tomorrow, he decided to take a day off so we can spend time together but he knew I was already invited out for dinner with my old coworkers. He expected me to cancel my plans for him. See, it's not that I don't want to spend time with him because I do but I just don't think it was fair of him to take a day off and make me choose. I told him I'll compromise and he wouldn't listen. He'll say stuff "you don't care about me, you care more about your friends more than me. etc". I hate the guilt feeling.. And now.. he says he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't even know if he still wants to be with me. He said that he's never been treated this way by any of his ex gf's. They always choose him first. Also, when I said to him "why do you have to make choose? it's not fair".. he responded "wow, you have to think twice who you'll choose, you shouldnt even need to choose". I am so confuse right now. Am I not suppose to choose? Is he supposedly the one I should choose automatically because I love him? I thought I shouldn't have to. I guess I just expected him to understand. I don't know. He's being cold to me. I don't like how he's treating me right now and for him to break up with me over this is really immature. I asked him why do we have to break up? I thought we have something serious going but I guess I was wrong. He says my actions doesn't show enough that I love him. All he wants is to spend time with me but he says I can't give it to him. So he says he won't tolerate it and deserves better. That was it.. its over.

I am still trying to understand everything. How can it be over just like that? It's not like I don't love him or don't care about him. I guess Ive become too comfortable that he will always be there and understand. Sometimes, I just want to do something else with other people and not him all the time. Is that wrong? Maybe this is a good thing that we broke up. I don't know. Im not feeling the pain yet.

Any comments? Advise? Suggestions? Is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Please help me understand this situation. Anything will help. Thank you.

kctiger · Nov 13, 2008, 01:03 PM

You don't sound upset because you are standing by your decision not to cave in and run to his aid. Relationships are all about compromise. When you don't spend time together it is really hard to keep things afloat. If he wants to be immature and break up because he can't compromise, then the relationship was doomed to fail anyway. Communication, trust, compromise... all three have to be there for a good functional relationship. Sounds to me like he doesn't understand this and thinks he should be the center of your universe. Just doesn't work that way. Good for you in standing pat with your beliefs.

cricket_10 · Nov 13, 2008, 01:21 PM

thank you.. I always try to understand everything first before making a drastic decision such as breaking up. This time around though I just don't understand it. For a second there, I thought I was such a horrible girlfriend that I was willing to choose my "coworkers" than him. But if he is really a good guy, he would understand and respect that I do need some time for myself, right? I know it just we haven't spent so much time together but it shouldn't end up to breaking up if he really loves me. Random thoughts... Thanks again!

kctiger · Nov 13, 2008, 01:23 PM

Breaking up is the only option when you feel like it just can't work anymore. It isn't a word you just throw out there when things don't go your way. He is immature and needs to work on his issues. Maybe one of his ex gf's will take him back, they seem to be shallow enough for him.

cricket_10 · Nov 13, 2008, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Maybe one of his ex gf's will take him back, they seem to be shallow enough for him.

This actually made me SMILE. HA! :p

cricket_10 · Nov 13, 2008, 01:39 PM

When will the pain hit? I'm a little too scared to deal with it...

kctiger · Nov 13, 2008, 01:42 PM

It will hit... I think you are strong and smart enough to know that you stood by your decision and it will be fine. You are more afraid of being alone than anything. Don't worry, we are all here for you.

TrueFaith · Nov 13, 2008, 01:47 PM

Way to go

You total owned him..

Why are you making choose ( perfect thing to say)

The reason why you don't feel upset or anything

Because he acted like a babey and you are quite happy that you stood your ground and made him run off sulking.

If he does come back.. which I think he will. Make sure you don't say sorry and you let him know that its not right for him to make you choose all the time.

Tell him. He is a part of your life. NOT your life
Simple as that my dear

Anyway nice read :)
You took that all very very well

cricket_10 · Nov 13, 2008, 02:24 PM

I know he will come back. He has done this a few times already. I think that's why I'm not feeling anything right now. It's either I've had enough or it just hasn't hit yet. When he broke up with me before, I used to run after him and ask him to come back. Then lately, I've been able to stand on my own and ignore him until he wants me back. But now, I think I've had enough. Hmm.. I just hope its as easy as said now than done later...

TrueFaith · Nov 13, 2008, 02:37 PM

You see your acting perfectly

Don't give them the power..

I use to do that to emotional control my girlfriends.. until they didn't bite. Then I was like OK this is a really dumb way to act.
I learnt the hard way
And so will he.

Don't let him use the fear of breaking up. To control your actions

Stay strong! :)
And everyone feels pain and loss somedays

But just play back in your mind the reason why.

debdoes · Nov 13, 2008, 02:47 PM

You are right, absolutely. This just happened to me but I acted like your boyfriend in this situation. I regret it so bad and I wish I could have seen things the way they were at the time. He should know that you love him still even though you have your own life, and it doesn't always involve him. Wow, I wish I could tell him the outcome of the situation if he keeps it up...

plonak · Nov 13, 2008, 03:32 PM

The pain will hit when you least expect it.. keep yourself busy.. but allow time by yourself so you can slowly digest what happened. You don't want to ignore it completely but you also don't want it to bring you to the depths of dispare..

The true test of whether you're done with him is when the loneliness sets in.. you will either run to him, or you'll be strong and resist..

I suggest you write in a journal as to why you can't be with him.. and when you get those lonely pangs go to the journal and re-read why he's not right for you.. that will hopefully keep you away from him

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 05:51 AM

my first night without talking to him went pretty okay... I still don't feel any pain.. but I admit I did think of calling him. What bothers me most is getting used to do the"usual" daily things without him. I know its just my first day of "NC" (I learned that from here ^_^) but the routine of talking to each other on the phone on my way home from work, before falling asleep, waking up in the morning, talking going to work and during lunch - those are the times when I just want to pick up my phone and call. Well, from yesterday.. the on my way home from work, before falling asleep and today on my way to work.. I've survived. I DID NOT call. I know I'm doing pretty good right now. I just hope that when the pain hits I'll be able to stand and make the right decision.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 06:05 AM

debdoes - I appreciate you posting that you were on the other side in this situation. It gives me hope that my ex will learn something from this and will make him a better man someday even if its not with me.

If you don't mind me asking - how long did it take you to realize your own actions?

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 06:14 AM

Yeah, like I said before. I am not sure if people hurt more from adjusting to not having someone in their life who has been apart of it for so long, or hurt because they truly loved the person. It is a very gray area in the middle. I think the lonliness hurt me more to be honest. You have to break a routine, that for me was five years long, and that is something that isn't easy to do. Just keep posting on here. There are some individuals (ISneezeFunny) that actually kept a daily or weekly log on here of their NC progression. It is cool to read.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by plonak

the pain will hit when you least expect it.. keep yourself busy.. but allow time by yourself so you can slowly digest what happened. you don't want to ignore it completly but you also don't want it to bring you to the depths of dispare..

The true test of whether or not you're done with him is when the lonelyness sets in..you will either run to him, or you'll be strong and resist..

I suggest you write in a journal as to why you can't be with him.. and when you get those lonely pangs go to the journal and re-read why he's not right for you..that will hopefully keep you away from him

I just want the pain to hit now or at least feel some sort of pain so it won't be so hard later. *Sigh* I hate break ups. I just hope I'll be strong enough to make the right decision when the true test comes along.

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 06:19 AM

Break ups do suck, no doubt about it. But, like Rome says, things all apart so something better can be built.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 06:30 AM

That's definitely something to look forward Sometimes it makes me think if its so much better to just not get into any kind of relationship so I don't have to deal with any of this. Hmm. Just a thought.

kctiger · Nov 14, 2008, 06:37 AM

NOOOO!! It is better to develop a loving relationship with yourself first, especially after a break up. Finding happiness with other people is a constant development, but once you find happiness with yourself... well, that lasts forever.

cricket_10 · Nov 14, 2008, 08:15 AM

The constant development will always be there with other people but does it have to be a "significant other" or can it be from friends, family, coworkers.. etc? Would it be the same? Or Would be enough to grow?