[SpyBorg82]

Good Morning All,

Ok, so a week and a half ago, I met this girl on match.com. We exchanged a couple emails, then phone numbers, and have been talking over the phone quite a bit. Last Friday, we met for drinks at a restaurant. After that, we went bowling. The night went great, and I had a really good time, as so did she. That night, she was texting for the next two hours after we finished the date.

Since then, we have been talking on the phone a lot. She also likes to text me a lot. Last night, we went out on another date. Being that we both work in the city, she met me at my job because she finished work before I did. We got a quick bite to eat, then caught a movie. During the movie, we were kissing, and she was resting her head on my shoulder. When we took the bus home, she fell asleep on my my shoulder.

After we got off the bus, I drove her to her home. She had professional pictures taken of her when she finished grad school a few months ago. She then gave me one with a message written on the back. She wrote how although we just met, she feels a nice connection, and would like to spend more time with me. This Saturday we have plans to hang out again, and she told me that her mother wants to meet me, as well as all of her friends.

Now, I have never had a girl feel a connection with me so quick and so strong. I am a bit skeptical. Also, she comes from a lot of money, and I feel as if I cannot measure up to that. I am going to pursue this, but unsure on how to set my mind straight with it. I have always been told that when something is too good to be true, it usually is.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[kctiger]

When something is too good to be true, it usually is?? Who told you that? First of all give yourself props for landing someone you think is "better" than you! Guess what, she isn't! You earn everything that comes your way, so enjoy it. Money, jobs, cars, all that material stuff has nothing to do with feeling an emotional connection. You need to keep on pursuing and enjoy this as it is awesome for you and you shouldn't be worried about her parents status, or even hers. Love cares nothing about any of that. I am happy for you and hopefully you get everything you wanted out of this. Don't push it, just enjoy it!

[h0llister]

Hey don't worry about 'measuring up'.. money is not everything!! And don't go spending all your savings on her or anything. Its obvious she really likes you for who you are. And if she gets upset because you can't take her to expensive places or get expensive gifts, do you think she's really worth it? I hope everything works out good. p.s. I joined a dating site and I get like 10messages a day from guys, its funny but how do you actually meet someone on it that's not just after.. ;) you know what I mean . Lol

[JBeaucaire]

Head high, young man. There are no issues here at all. Don't create any. Date her calmly.

Be yourself, never apologize, and don't even START that "measuring up" stuff. There is ALWAYS someone who has more money, better looks, is nicer, more fun... blah!

That's why you might as well just relax into your own skin and not fret other people's accomplishments, just compliment them when appropriate and keep your head high.

[talaniman]

Take your time, and enjoy getting to know her, but at this stage, don't get carried away.

"Don't push it, just enjoy it!"

Relax, and don't make a big deal out of things that aren't there.

[SpyBorg82]

All you guys make very good points. The only thing I am still a little confused with is this... do you think she might be showing too much enthusiasm too soon?

[kctiger]

NOOOO!! Who cares? She likes you, what is the problem with this? ENJOY! Some people feel stronger connections at different points in time. Is she a stage 5 clinger (wedding crashers), No! You are fine dude. The only thing you cannot do is rush things yourself.

[SpyBorg82]

You are all right. Maybe these are just my own insecurities that I need to overcome.

[kctiger]

Everyone has been in your position before. Don't make a big deal out of it. Enjoy the ride man! Sometimes life just works out for the best, now what you have to do is truly enjoy it rather than letting it pass you by leaving you to wonder, "What if?"

[plonak]

I haven't read all the post so forgive me if I'm repeating..

But my advice is slow down and think about what you're saying.. you could potentially be messing up something really good and genuine here.. don't freak out and ruin it!

Just stop thinking about how you won't meaure up, she's going to pick up on those insecurities and it will be a turn off.. you seem to be psyching yourself out of this..

Just slow down relax and enjoy the time you spend with her!

[SpyBorg82]

Ok... so last night we were talking. I asked her how much money she likes to spend when she goes out to eat with all of her friends and their boyfriends. She then told me that she went out to a restaurant a few weeks ago with everyone, and out for 12 people, each had to put in $130.00. Now, she already made it clear that she feels the guy should always pay. If I had been there, I would have had to shell out $260.00 on dinner and alcohol that I don't even drink.

I had to tell her that I never spend that kind of money when I go out. She then said that it doesn't happen all the time. I felt that when she told me that, I had to make it clear that I don't do that by making the statement above. However, I do not think she understands. I am paying student loans, my brother and I are paying the mortgage on the house because my mother cannot afford it. I am thinking that when I see her Saturday, I am going to let her know that I was bothered by what she was telling me, and explain my situation.

[JBeaucaire]

She understands. That doesn't change her need. You aren't going to get much from explaining.

Simplest to just be aware of where you're going and how much things cost at that place. If you can't afford it, bow out gracefully with whatever excuse is appropriate.

And when you DO go, you REQUIRE a separate check from the waiter. If they demur, excuse yourself and go talk to the manager away from the table and put your foot down. You do NOT have to pay for other people's meals/alcohol, and any attitude you get about it is just the party-people being insensitive... and you can ignore that, even it's your girlfriend doing it.

Just say no thanks to the dinner or to the shared bill. Problem solved. (unless you can't simply enforce your own principles in which case you have larger issues anyway.)

She is just a girlfriend, by the way. Your life doesn't require her to agree with you, just that YOU agree with you and do so consistently and without guilt.

[SpyBorg82]

Wouldn't asking for a separate check look kind of tacky?

[JBeaucaire]

This isn't high school. If you can't operate in the real world honestly and without shame because you're scared of how things "look", then you can't. That's why your first option is to not go.

If you're worried someone is going to think of something that's true about you, then own it OUT LOUD so you don't have to worry.

"OK, poor college student here is going to need a separate check....hehe." Real friends who can afford it would probably say, "No worries, we got it..." or they will let you get your own check.

Then let them think what they want... sheesh.

[plonak]

JB has a point, it's not that you're cheap it's just that you simply don't have the money to spend..

If you tell her that and she still doesn't understand then she is not worth your time whatsoever!

[Absolute]

Not true. Good things happen to good people too. And don't worry about the money, she likes YOU not your income. It's fine. Be nice to her mother and try to make a good impression as well. That's a good thing. If she likes you for your income than she's not worth it. But if she appreciates you for you; she won't care. Remember that. I hope it works out.

[talaniman]

Your thinking too much about what ifs. Don't let idle chit chat scare you, nor do you have to let her know your cheap, because your poor.

Just date, and have fun and if you can't take her to Paris for lunch, no big deal to you.

Avoid giving excuses of why you can't do this or that, because if she is not comfortable with you, don't date.

Its so silly to try to impress a female with things, you really can't afford, when you can just be yourself, and let that impress her. If not, and she needs the lunch in Paris, let her do what ever she wants with someone else.

Your not that attached, at this point are you? Stay within yourself and don't try to be something your not.

[SpyBorg82]

I am taking this very slow. So far, we are enjoying each others time. As weird as this sounds, but is it odd that I have been thinking about my ex girlfriend? We have been broken up for months now, but lately I find myself thinking about her.

[JBeaucaire]

Then think about her. Then do something else. Don't beat yourself up for doing it, but also DON'T put any feet on the thoughts. Let them linger, then go do something else.

The only thing more futile than trying NOT to think about something is trying to turn thoughts about something you can't stop thinking about into anything real today. Don't do it.

Think it, then go do something else. Don't act on those thoughts. Don't give them feet.