[Mom of 2]

I have a feeling that this guy will continue with this situation in order to TRY and prove that all of our advice is wrong. Therefore, the saga will continue and continue and continue and continue.

Until next time... (we all know what his next update is going to be).

[Chery]

.. these things happen.. love and sex are two different things.. I would prefer to have sex with the girl i love, but sometimes it doesn't work out like that...

Honey, you just love sex..

At the end of the night, I told her it was nice seeing u.. she said I don't want it to be the last time, I said we'll see ;)

I'm not saying you guys are wrong... she is kind of with me, but also kind of got back with her long distance ex.. three's a crowd... and it is wrong...

But it's part of the game you love to play and win. that's what excites you!

For example tonight, we were having this discussion, and she asked me if I would lie to her about smthg... I told her I would never lie to u, I would never hurt u, I would never make you cry, and all I would ever do is make you happy... she gave me one of those "i love this guy looks" and asked me "why?", I told her "i know why, but im not going to tell u now...i dont tell girls with bf's how i feel about them'" ;)... so I kind of touched upon it, and I felt like I hit a nerve

You both are starving for compliments and affection, for different reasons.

Anyway, stupid example... great night altogether... the girl said she wants to see me, so maybe in a few days... she asked me what I did last night, I told her I went out with some girls but didn't tell her I got laid... she got a bit bothered and mentioned it at the concert

Of course you won't, she'll be out of this game you love to play, can't risk that. You'd have to look for someone else to amuse you. She's still enough of a challenge to stop now.

Anyway, take care... goodnight

Good night, your audience will still be here when you come back and tell us more.

[Matteus]

Good night, your audience will still be here when you come back and tell us more.

Dear Chery and others... Im sorry to say this, but this time I really don't understand you. This guy its obviously going his way, you like it or not! We all have said our word here, and he made it clear, no matter what, he will do what he wants to do. Someone here was talking about "you wont hear what you want to hear". Now we are hearing what we don't like to hear too. He is not stubborn. He just wants to do something we others call it "playing with the fire". Or to prove to us and himself that there is also another alternative and that we are wrong. It seems like the fire does not have any significant meaning to him. He may burn or not. That way he will have his lesson, be it good or bad. As I saw, in all his posts he never really asked for help. Or at least that kind of help usually people ask for and we usually have to offer. On the other hand, if we keep trying to put him in the right track, it may sound like we are forcing his decisions, and also it may sound like we want to prove to him that he is wrong.

[hjpan]

Dear Chery and others... Im sorry to say this, but this time i really dont understand you. This guy its obviously going his way, you like it or not! We all have said our word here, and he made it clear, no matter what, he will do what he wants to do. Someone here was talking about "you wont hear what you want to hear". Now we are hearing what we dont like to hear too. he is not stubborn. he just wants to do something we others call it "playing with the fire". Or to prove to us and himself that there is also another alternative and that we are wrong. it seems like the fire does not have any significant meaning to him. he may burn or not. that way he will have his lesson, be it good or bad. as i saw, in all his posts he never really asked for help. or at least that kind of help usually people ask for and we usually have to offer. On the other hand, if we keep trying to put him in the right track, it may sound like we are forcing his decisions, and also it may sound like we want to prove to him that he is wrong.

I was one of the members who said "he just wants to listen to those who agrees with him."

[tabbarat]

You guys always know how to put a smile on my face :)

I don't know why you guys have this impression of me that I'm a guy that likes to get laid with hot tamales, likes to always win and play games? That is really far from the truth!

Anyway: 1) juggalo: I already said many things I love about her... I isn't going to list them again... I don't know why you doubt how much I care about this girl? I really do, or else I would have quit long ago and stayed with my tamales ;)

No exaggerating but I think she is the most girl I have ever gotten along with and clicked with... we just fit... I don't have to justify it for anyone... I know what love is (had it for 5 yrs (ex relationship), and I love this girl)

2) liz 28: yes, she pulls back sometimes out of guilt for her ex... I would have agreed with you but it said I have to spread some reputation around

To clarify... he was her ex of 10yrs when she was with me... now that they are talking again and she realized she also still has feelings for him, I say that he is her boyfriend... its just a typo; not more.. they are back in contact, but it is still long distance

3) talaniman: the line I used was to be smooth/flirtatious... what am I supposed to say: "because i love u and want to be with u and can't be without u, etc...".. sometimes you have to leave things hanging and mysterious... she is the one with the boyfriend, so she should be the one trying to interpret my feelings and if I still want her or not.. so sometimes I confuse her... sometimes I'm available, sometimes I'm not... this helps in staying out of the friendzone, and in not letting her have her FULL cake and eating it too

By the way, I never said I was a player... I like single life... but I don't cheat/lie to women.. I may play the occasional game or two, LIKE EVERYONE DOES, may be flirtatious, but I never cheat or two-time

4) mom of 2: u make it sound like I stuck around when she didn't want me too... she was honest and told me what happened.. I backed off.. she initiated contact.. I still love her, so I went along with it... now it's a give and take... she calls me and wants to see me... she wants me around... and I do too

Your right, this thread is full of good advice... never denied it... I agree with you we need to have a serious conversation "e or get of the pot"... but not now... like I said, so far I'm enjoying taking things slow with her... we still talk, see each other, kiss, but not FULLY together yet... we both are fine the way it is now... when things get more hot and heavy, we WILL have the talk... I promise... no reason to bring it up now when all we do is see each other like once or twice a week and kiss.. it is still pretty friendly

I got laid because like I said millions of times, I love single life ALMOST as much as I love my ex.. I have been single more than in relationships... so sleeping with a hot tamale (CAN WE STOP CALLING HER THAT... HAHA) seemed familiar... I am single, and it happened... happens to millions of guys everyday.. no need to psychoanalyze why I slept with her, mom of 2

Why is it OK for her to talk to her ex again, but I have to be celibate?

As for today's update ladies and gentleman: she called me in the morning and wanted to see me... we went to the mall.. had a great time, yes it was like we were together again... hugging, kissing, etc... dropped her home... SHE called to say goodnight

To be honest: yes, part of me wants to prove that YOU CAN GET UR EX BACK... some guys have actually privately mnessaged me saying "good job"... one month ago we were not talking.. now it is LIKE we are together... not back, but PROGRESS!

I'm not a bad person, so I'm not doing it to prove you wrong.. im just a guy that loves a girl and wants to get back with her.. and is willing to try... maybe its wrong, maybe its right... but it will be my mistake to make/learn from

Matteus: MY FRIEND! :) I also would have agreed with u, but the website said I couldn't... he is right, I decided to face the challenge and "play with fire"... not because I'm someone that is a player or like to win or play games, but because like I said many times before: I rarely fall in love, but when I do, I hold on to it

Goodnight all! I will still update for those who want to read; make it more of a diary

Thans again :)

Matteus, you like tiesto, paul van dyk, armin van burren, etc?

Wouldn't the better question be directed to her: "if u still love ur ex of 10yrs, then why do u also still want to be with me?"

The question all you people are asking me can also be directed to her... we BOTH are playing/like the game... and taking it easy for now

Hmm.. thought people from Albania were more into trance and house and techno :)... armin is number 1 dj for 2007, tiesto is number 2, paul van dyk number 3... went to a paul van dyk concert last night, and a tiesto concert in July

Anyway, was just wondering :)... rock music is good too... I occasionally like the "explosives" from coldplay, foo fighters, U2, etc.

[wikedjuggalo]

I don't doubt how much you like her but love is a strong word. If the feelings are truly there then you should be able to simply list them or give a few. Never said you were a bad person because you have accepted a challenge. Only thing I see you like is the game. Want to prove us wrong want to show us? Then ask her who she wants to be with.

[Matteus]

matteus, u like tiesto, paul van dyk, armin van burren, etc?

Only tiesto, the others never heard about :) but I'm more of a rock guy, although sometimes I need some explosives made by tiesto :)

[brandibaby23]

Well come on I have been following the story and now nothing!! What the hell is going on did he get the girl or what?? Come on I have been waiting all day to know what happens next!! :D

[wikedjuggalo]

Nothing will ever happen until he approaches the issue at hand.

[brandibaby23]

Well Sh it I'm mad I want to read more!!

[tabbarat]

Hi brandi... how you doin'? ;)

Well... depends on what you say if I got her back or not... considering that a month ago we were not talking at all and it was over, and now we talk almost everyday, see each other almost everyday, and when we do it is as if we are together, then you can say "yes, we are back"... BUT, if your question is did she stop talking to or liking her ex of 10yrs, then the asnwer is "no"... weird situation... kind of a limbo stage... we're both OK taking it easy and slow for now... but juggalo is right, nothing will REALLY move forward until we have a serious discussion about "what are we?"

So for now... just enjoying being together again... taking it easy.. no pressure.. not worrying about her long distance ex

Keep in touch :)

Come on guys.. if its one thing I am NOT.. its a wimp and a stalker.. dont you see how hot I look in my red Hugh Hefner robe smoking a cigarette? ;) hehehe...

U can still try to get her back and stay in the pic but ALSO when I'm with her, be strong and assertive

Like I still sometimes tell her sorry I'm busy, not answer her calls, if she messages smth sweet I message back smthg normal... my demeanor and conversations with her are of a strong assertive type.. actually more of the: "i know u like me, u know i like u..but for now im cool...im cool with u, AND im cool with my hot tamales"... she doesn't know I fcuked someone else, but she knows I'm back in the game

Hmm.. I don't think she would like me sharing our personal life with the world... especially the hot tamale part! Heheh... although I like your list of things I like about her (hair, smile, etc.)... maybe I'm going to copy and paste it :P

As for the ex... yes, after 10yrs,there is no doubt there is some comfortability there... I completely agree... but that's where it should stay... I don't want her to get back with him at every turn/point of stress... she has to realize the past is the past and present and future are smthg else

As for the updates: well, I have seen her almost everyday for one week... we talk everyday.. we kiss... we act as if we are together... but still nothing official...

We BOTH are not ready for the ''sH IT or get off the pot conversation"..we both are enjoying our time now togther...so we'll see

nice hearing from u brandi...keep 'em coming :)

1) if u publish it and make a million, i will be waiting for my commission cheque :)

2) no woman will take me seriously at this stage?! i must disagree..if i wasnt being taken seriously, i would be out of the pic..not still very much in it...i guess im just too special to be let go :)

3) for the last time...i dont need anyone to tell me i dont love her/question my love for her..because THAT is going from one ear and out the other

if i only wanted her bc of the competition/she started talking to er ex again, i would have gotten bored and quit...but instead, i enjoy being with her, talking to her kissing her, etc...THAT is what is making me stay...i LOVE her for the person she is, with or without a bf

and stop turning everything on me...if SHE

...only wanted to be with her ex, then why is she allowing herself to be with me...she could easily say this is a mistake, etc...but instead she allows herself to stay with me..even when i tell her im cool with or without u

WHY do we keep talking about this??? u are going back chery...get with the program :)...we are past that stage on wondering why i just didnt move on/give up...i made my decision, and now at a new stage/level

have a good one too...and i always enjoy ur advice and posts..just bc i do my own thing doesnt mean i dont consider ur advice vluable or true

btw..a comedy?? im wondering what about about my situation makes u laugh...really...

especially when i get private messages telling me "good job"... ur able to get a girl with an ex of 10yrs to fall for you and be confused... u are on your way to getting her back... u were no contact and now you kiss, etc..

So actually maybe I'll publish a book on how to get your ex back and make a million ;) cheers

[brandibaby23]

Well hi there you are. Well I do agree that the sh it or get off the pot conversation needs to be had but I guess all in good time. But I have been in the exact situation you are ALMOST but I have felt the way you have and did what you've done and it is always easier to GIVE advice than to take it. I think, (Now just my opinion) that you are scared and or nervous to have this talk for the fear of not hearing what you would like or making her defensive. Which is normal for the more softly emotional people like myself. You don't seem like most guys mad, insecure and to the point. And truthfull this situation COULD go either way. But I once dated a guy for a long time and after we boke up he still pursued me A lot and I dated other guys but I always kept him just far enough away but just close enough to ensure I had someone "there" I ended up not liking him at all after it was said and done because he seemed in my eyes a mopey, sappy, whimp. He has now since married and had children and I have never been happier for him. It hurt he moved on but I was glad I couldn't hurt him any longer. So I think well hell what do I know, but girls are looking for that strong assertive rock to be with and rely on, just don't be a push over. And when your conversation does come up or smething have you thought of letting her read this OF course the part about your "Hot tamale" might be good to let out or not, because women are weird sometimes and knowing that "their" man may be or has been with someone else really makes you the hot item. HA HA SOMETIMES NOT ALWAYS. But I as a girl would think it kind of SWEET that you have made a whole forum dedicated to me and our lives thus far. Although you might want to brush up on the list of things you like about her a little better, you know like her personality and the way her hair smells, her drive and her sex appeal, her ways for making you laugh, the way she makes you feel etc... lol But just some different suggestions. Good luck I will be waiting to here the next chapter. Oh and I also feel that she may have her "Feelings" for her Ex confused with "comfortability". She thinks she still has feelings for him because she "used" to him because if it was love she felt for him she would have married him! Nothing can stop love not even a JOB OFFER!

[Chery]

Several posts here are based on same schema:
1. Somebody gets dumped.
2. He founds it is not so straightforward to arrange such a situation, due to his lack of experience, etc.
3. He even does not try to learn something from what happend, but his "the one and only" thought is how to get his ex back (due to his ego, his needs, and a lot of other things i dont remember). He doesnt even try to understand that the only thing he must do after a breakup is to move on, cause once its broken, nothing can be repaired as it was.
4. He writes post to this forum. Most of these posts contain words like: "HEELP" or "PLEEEEASE".
5. He is dissapointed that others do not give him step by step solution of his probem in 10 minutes after he wrote his post, and that he doesnt hear what he wants to hear.


I think it is common problem visible not only in this forum: how to find simple solution of my problem without my own effort.

My dear Matteus, truer words were not spoken/written in a long, long while! And sometimes I get the feeling that a few posters are looking for an audience and not a solution. So, go figure!

[Chery]

Dear Tabbarat.

A while back I think I suggested a book for you to read called ''Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus''. I usually don't suggest any books, but this one you really need to check out. It explains the difference between the language, when to say what and how, among many other very enlightening information on how to keep a good relationship going and getting stronger.

Apparently, from what you've written so far, you never tried to understand any woman's conversation unless it was focused on just you and maybe any competitors you might have in this game you play. Anything else just went in one ear and right out the other because it was of no interest.

I could translate for you exactly what you are really saying - what a woman reads in your 'conversations', but it would embarrass you and it would stress me out to the max. Believe me, no smart woman will take you seriously at this stage.

I am not judging, just stating what I perceive and we all have our opinions.

So, if you are comfortable with the life you lead, keep on trucking, and continue to entertain me throughout this thread. But I for one, can no longer take your claim of 'love' for her seriously, so I will not waste my time in trying to give you further advice on that issue.

If my cancer were not limiting my time, I would actually take this thread, have it published as a comedy, and would probably make my first million within 6 months.

Have a good one..

[Chery]

On issue 1) on post 338.. I've always been a day late and a dollar short on getting rich - it's just not meant to happen and I probably would not be the same person I am now. A few things that I came up with are already patented by those that mobbed me at work - but they will have to live with that lie for the rest of their lives.

Sorry I'm not caught up, but I still think the girls stay with you because they don't consider you as a serious contender for a future - that's what I meant. They know as well as I do that you still like playing the game. She met you at that level and read you this way, so unless you change your attitude, she will not take your feelings serious - it will take a bit of work to convince her that you don't plan on playing a game with her any longer. Then, she might leave you because she might not be ready for a steady at this time. It can go both ways.

No matter what happens, I do seriously wish you luck and success and thank you for the compliment.

[tabbarat]

Thank u, miss chery :) good luck to u too!

[Chery]

thank u, miss chery :) good luck to u too!

Thanks. Honey, I earned Momma C or grandma as a title and it took a long time to get there. 'miss' takes me back to where I started and I never want to go back there. I feel sorry for all the young folks who have a long way to go.. especially in a world as messed up as it is right now. Just wanted to let you know, and there is no offense taken.

Night, Night,

[talaniman]

so actually maybe I'll publish a book on how to get your ex back and make a million ;) cheers

I thought you actually had to get the ex back, to claim a check. Kissing and playing games because her other ex isn't there, doesn't count.

[Matteus]

btw..a comedy?? im wondering what about about my situation makes u laugh...really...

especially when i get private messages telling me "good job"...ur able to get a girl with an ex of 10yrs to fall for u and be confused...u are on ur way to getting her back...u were no contact and now u kiss, etc..

so actually maybe i'll publish a book on how to get ur ex back and make a million ;) cheers

Its not your situation that makes us laugh. Its you. You keep telling us how great you are, being proud about your "good job", feel great and like winning a prize about the messages others sent to you, telling you how a good worker you are, etc. Now listen man! NO ONE HERE WANTS TO HEAR THAT BULLSH!T! All that confusion, all this story, every action she has made during this time, since she talked to her ex, it was NOT about you. For her, you are just someone lying in the corner waiting for a signal from her, and making illusions about "love" and "a great" relationship you might have. Yeah, sure.. By the way, i never commented it, but you say you can offer her more of you, and that if she only knew your potential, she would come running right into your arms. Yes, right. ITS YOU WHO DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH FROM HER, not her, and you know it. Don't you understand that everyone here its not that dumba5s? Anyway, its not you who made her confused and don't give yourself gold medals for it. Stop lying to yourself that is you who made her confused and for whom she falled in. Its her ex who brings her confusion. Its how she sees her future with him, that brings her confusion! YOU are just someone who is living with her reactions and you are allowing it. Let me explain this too. She feels for her ex. Her ex its not there. She still at some point is angry at her ex, but she has learned to forgive him, thats why first she told you she wants to leave the past behind, but now is acting completely different! in the moment she feels lonely, she knows she has you. And YOU think she falled in... Yes, I know, she told you she loved you, you had so much fun together, you were such great, you had something, etc. BUT this is how you and only you saw that situation. If you ask her, and if she would be really sincere about it, you would have just completely other kind of answers! A rebound its not more than this. And you are more of the same.

[liz28]

I thought you actually had to get the ex back, to claim a check. Kissing and playing games because her other ex isn't there, doesn't count.

I couldn't give you a greenie but I totally agree.