[pikachufannumber1]

Ok, well, I just got my first boyfriend ( YAY!! ) and I'm his first girlfriend. He is such a sweet guy, but I swear to God he is just oblivious to everything! Not that he ignores me or anything, quite the contrary. But he didn't know that when I'm all sad he is supposed to give me a hug! I mean seriously, I thought it was obvious. I had to TELL him! I guess I just know more about relationships or something? I don't know. Is it usual for guys who haven't ever had a boyfriend to be like that? Or is it just my luck?

Also... I was wondering whether I should just straight up tell him the rest of the things I think are obvious (i.e. when I say "my hands are cold" he holds them and warms them up, give me a hug when we depart or just randomly give me hugs, hold me while I cry, that kind of stuff), do my master plan which involves writing an anonymous note to him telling him the simple steps to show if he really likes a girl, or just ignore it and hope catches the hints.

Yeah, obvioulsy I'm a first at dating so I don't know how stuff unfolds, but please just help me out with all that you know please! Thanks!

[tickle]

Just give him a little nudge once in a while. Yes, write him a note, that's a good idea. I guess he doesn't or didn't witness much affection between his parents at home because usually this is where young men get the right idea about affection and caring.

[ylaira]

I don't know how long have you known each other before hooking up but it takes time and bonding for a partner read his partner's emotions and meaning of a but of facial expression. So don't expect your partner to know it.

I am animated person most of a time so when Im sad, everybody knows Im sad because it's very unusual for me to sit down and be quiet. I don't know if you are like me but Im obvious when there's something wrong.

[pikachufannumber1]

Thanks both of you.

Tickle: Thanks for the answer. I actually don't think he has because his parent's are divorced and have been since before I knew him (3 years) and his mom and step dad (who he's with most of the time) don't usually show affection and if they do he isn't there to witness it. So yeah, I may write the note... I don't know yet though.

Ylaira: I've known him for 3 years and we have been best friends for 3 years. I recently asked him to Homecoming (yes me, not him asking me) and he said yes, so I don't blame him for not knowing the hug stuff, but I mean really, don't you think it's obvious I am sad if I'm crying and am really quiet? I'm normally a quiet person anyway (as is he), but with my friends I talk A LOT. I didn't expect him to know what I thought a boyfriend and girlfriend should be like, but I thought the hug thing really was obvious...

[ylaira]

Well just hug him if you want to. In time, he'll be patterned that if you are sad, you need a hug and he'll do it w/o asking.

[ylaira]

I just read somewhere that when guys (a lot) are sad or deeply thinking, they want to be left alone. So my guess is, when you're sad, it's better to give you space because that's what he does to himself.

[pikachufannumber1]

But he's never sad and if he is then he never talks about it with me... not even since we've been friends...

And I don't want space when I'm sad... I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be OK even if it won't...

[ylaira]

(From my other post)

My BF's were all affectionate but there are some part that my current one don't. When we ares till starting, if he rings me and I don't sound enthusiastic, he already know that there is something wrong. So he'lls say " Just ring me when you feel okay.Bye"" Since when he's upset, he wants to be alone. When Im pissed off, I want him to baby me so I tell him to talk to me. Later on, he's patterned that way that he just doesn't say bye bye when having a bad hair day. Same thing when I ask him to text me me sweet everyday.

[tickle]

Actually, then, judging from your description of his home life, it couldn't have been all that great if his parents are divorced. Bad vibes, no closeness could have made him aloof and immune to ordinary garden variety affection.

Good luck. If you really like him, put some work into it and I bet you will get it back tenfold.

[pikachufannumber1]

Ok Tickle. Yeah, he isn't all into closeness. Niether am I, but with him I am... I don't know, it's weird. So I'm thinking I should send the note, but I don't know if he will even try the things and if he knows it's me then I have no idea what he will say. I could also just wait until Homecoming and ask him if he wants the awkwardish questions now, randomly, or at the end and ask then. I don't know. This confuzzles me so. It's only another week and a half away... I don't know... maybe I should ask one of my friends if it's a good idea (although she doesn't have the slightest experience in dating XD)...

[jrsg]

Okay,
well first off, congrats on the boyfriend! I remember how happy I was with my first girlfriend. I wish you two all the luck in the world with your relationship.

Now, to the questions...
The last thing you should do is "ignore it." If you ignore it, it will continue to anger or annoy you until you just stop liking him. Since this is your first relationship, so you are new at this. Communication is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! You have to tell us guys everything. You have to talk what you think. Most guys, including myself, just can't read women, and can't get these hints you girls drop. My advice would be talk to him about it. Talk talk talk about everything. Even though I have been dating for a couple years, I am still learning communication. My very last relationship ended about a month ago due to bad communication. So definitely tell him how you feel, about this, and about anything.

Your boyfriend is new to the boyfriend role too. I know guys who have been dating for several years, and still need things to be spelt out for them. Something you will realize in the dating world is guys are really bad at picking up hints. We try, but most of us can't do it. It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't even know that you are dropping these hints. He needs you to tell him what you want, verbally. Not "signs" or "hints." Straight, flat out tell him how you feel.

And, seeing as how this is his first relationship, (just like that other thread) he may be nervous to be affectionate with you. He doesn't want to cross any lines, and he is playing it safe. By doing nothing, he knows he won't cross any lines and won't do anything wrong.
How can you do anything wrong when you don't do anything at all? >That's what I used to think, and it may be what your boyfriend is thinking too.
There is probably just a bit of nervousness there because it is his first relationship.

You could send that note you talk about, OR you could just talk out the steps to his face. He will probably value them, and listen to them a lot more, because it would be coming straight from his girlfriend. And, he would know it is definitely what you, his girlfriend, wants.

He sounds like a real rookie with dating, if he didn't know to hug you when you cried. But, he didn't do it because he didn't know better. He will take a little work, but if you really like him, and if he is really a good guy, he will be worth it.

__________________________________________

And, regarding your last line in your question:
"obvioulsy I'm a first at dating so I don't know how stuff unfolds"

Stuff just doesn't unfold. You need to COMMUNICATE. You tell him what you want, and he tells you what he wants. That will make things so much easier.
It should also become routine, and you won't have to ask every time you want something, like a hug. He just needs to learn how to be a boyfriend.

You two are learning, and you will be learning for years to come, so be easy on each other. There will be awkward moments in the relationship because you two are new to this. You both are learning, so help each other out!

Good luck, and if there are any other questions you have, this is the place to ask!

[pikachufannumber1]

Thanks for the answers, Jrsg, you explained it more that the other people who answered (not that I didn't appreciate the answers, but yeah). I guess the note is just the way I would do it because I am really bad at talking about that sort of stuff especially to the person it's about... Telling him striaght up makes more sense if indeed that's how he is, but I don't want to cross any lines of his comfort zone by asking that of him...

[jrsg]

Thanks for the answers, Jrsg, you explained it more that the other people who answered (not that I didn't appreciate the answers, but yeah). I guess the note is just the way I would do it because I am really bad at talking about that sort of stuff especially to the person it's about...Telling him striaght up makes more sense if indeed that's how he is, but I don't want to cross any lines of his comfort zone by asking that of him...

You can figure out his comfort zone through communication! :) lol, communication really is the key to a relationship.

I'm glad I could help! :):):)
Good luck with your relationship. You sound really mature, and the fact that you are here asking for help shows how mature you are. I'm sure your relationship will go great! And if you have anymore questions, this is the place to ask!

Again, good luck, and I'm glad I could help.

[pikachufannumber1]

Lol, OK, I will try.

Thanks, you could say I've had previous experiences that matured me quicker...