[Mom of 2]

I hate to beat a dead horse, as what I am going to say has kind of already been said. I just want to add my thoughts and perspective. I also find it very odd that she claims that she did not say anything to her ex about you. Why do I find that odd? Well, when you are in a true love relationship (and sometimes even a "like" relationship) with someone, you tell EVERYONE you know about that person. In this case, it almost sounds like she does not want to mention to her ex that she has met ANYONE, much less someone that she has been with for even 4 months. If I would be wondering about anything, I would be wondering WHY didn't she say anything to him about the fact that she even met you as a friend? She didn't even say that she met you PERIOD, right?

I don't think that you are a bad person. EVERYONE has (or will) go through some kind of heart ache in their lives. It means that we are human and have feelings. We are just here to offer you advice from our own life experiences. Take what you can from all of it, but don't get mad at anyone who may say something that you may not want to hear. If you don't like it, ignore it. You are going to do what you are going to do, regardless of what anyone says about it. Believe me, we care about your situation, otherwise we would not be commenting on it. We just don't want to see another human being hurt in the same way that maybe we have been hurt in the past by someone we THOUGHT cared for us as well. That is human nature, too.

I also wanted to comment on the fact that you say that you really know what this girl is thinking. Believe me, no you don't. No one can be 100% sure of what another person is thinking. Being with someone for just 4 months does not mean that you really know a person. Shoot, sometimes when you are with someone for over a year, you may not REALLY know someone. You only know someone as well as they WANT you to know them. I don't think that she has been totally truthful about who she is or her intentions with you or with herself. I just say be careful. If you want to go after her, then do it. However, know that past behaviors are VERY GOOD indicators of future behaviors. If you can live with ALL of her past behaviors and want to continue questioning why she does everything she does, why she says the things that she says to you and what she means by the things that she says, why she does or does not say certain things to her ex about you or anyone else, then go for it. No one is stopping you.

[tabbarat]

1) well, she didn't tell him she met me and fell for me... this is what she told me... but she did tell all her family... her dad and mom know about me.. spoke to them on the phone actually... I met her sister and went out all together a couple of times... she lives with her aunt here in dubai, we also used to go out with her... and in fact she called me 2 days ago to see how I was (hmmm.. her aunt, who lives with my ex asked called to ask about me.. could it mean smthg? Maybe yes, maybe no).. so she did tell her family and friends

So, I don't really care if she told her ex or not... not a big deal... I know that he used to call her when she was with me at the beginning, and in front of me she used to tell him to move on.. she moved on and he should to

2) I'm sorry if I offended anyone... I appreciate all posts, good or bad.. thanks

3) thank u,, and your right, I take your appreciated advices, but in the end will do what I want...

I just want you people to know, that I am not still trying to get her because I'm a bad or manipulative person... I really like the girl and know I can make her very happy... as long as she still has feelings, I'm going to act on it... I don't want to just give up

The moment she shows me she is completely over me, and wants to fully dedicate herself to her long distance ex, I will gracefully bow out... trust me, I like single life too!

The moment I don't feel the vibes she sends when she calls me, or when we see each other... the moment she stops calling, or answering my calls or messages, then I will know where her heart FULLY is

So far they do... I mean I didn't call her for a week after the break up and SHE called me... I invited her FRIEND out, and SHE came with her... I called 2 nights ago for the first time since the break up and we had a very nice and flirtatious conversation... last night I MESSAGED her, and she CALLED me right after instead of messaging back and had another long nice conversation (she didn't want me to hang up)

So, so far, the actions are a bit similar... now giving space again for a couple of days to see what the next step is

I think this is what your comment is on right? Hope I answered the right part.. thanks anyway

[hjpan]

so far they do....i mean i didnt call her for a week after the break up and SHE called me...i invited her FRIEND out, and SHE came with her...i called 2 nights ago for the first time since the break up and we had a very nice and flirtatious convo...last night i MESSAGED her, and she CALLED me right after instead of messaging back and had another long nice convo (she didnt want me to hang up)

so, so far, the actions are a bit similar...now giving space again for a couple of days to see what the next step is

i think this is what ur comment is on right? hope i answered the right part..thanks anyway

I think she still likes you... confused who to go with

[Mom of 2]

The thing is about inviting her friend out was that you knew that your ex would be with her, so therefore you actually were hoping that she showed up. You were expecting it. Again, this does not make you a bad person but it shows that she is not the only one who is doing the contacting. Hey, if you want to go after her, then go after her. If you want to drop her, then drop her. No one can tell you what to do, what she is thinking, what you should think, etc. You are going to do what you are going to do and you will have to live with the results of your actions.

[Ithappenstoall]

That is true Mom of 2 but sometimes breakups make you act out of impulse and your emotions and therefore it is hard sometimes to see that thin line between what is still okay and what is said to be crossing the line, Which is why it is always good to have a outsiders opinion on the matter.

[tabbarat]

She is confused about who she wants to go with.. and as long as that's the case, I will try to get her back (but not in a manipulative way)

[tabbarat]

To tell the truth, I didn't know she was with her friend... but I knew that the she would tell my ex I invited her... I was testing to see if she would come... looks like she passed the test ;)

I agree I'm also doing some of the contacting.. has to be a give and take.. u give a little, then back away, etc

Again, thnks for the advices!

[tabbarat]

True, that's why we all joined this site :)

[Romefalls19]

to tell the truth, i didnt know she was with her friend...but i knew that the she would tell my ex i invited her...i was testing to see if she would come...looks like she passed the test ;)

i agree im also doing some of the contacting..has to be a give and take..u give a little, then back away, etc

again, thnks for the advices!

So you are OK with being the back up plan? Someone who tells me they are still in love with their ex of 10 years, I'm only going to ask them 1 question, what direction are you heading in, and that's just so I can run in the opposite. Sure she came, she has to keep you on the hook for when things don't work out with her ex again. You are doing that job very well may I add.

[tabbarat]

Dude... I can't blame her for still having feelings for her ex of 10yrs (lived with him for 3yrs) that asked her to marry him! But she also did fall for me really quickly... SHE told me she loved me FIRST after only 3 months... she is confused about what to do and wants time to sort her life out... so I think I am more than a back up plan.. and we both know she came more than just to keep me on the hook

The way I see it, is that I'm going up against a giant, and having a chance... 10yrs vs. 4mnths, and she is confused... if anyone should be worried, it should be her ex (I don't mean to make it sound like a competition)

As long as I'm in the same country as her and she has feelings, I'm going to go for it... but still, again, not expecting anything.. taking it slow

[hjpan]

dude...i can't blame her for still having feelings for her ex of 10yrs (lived with him for 3yrs) that asked her to marry him! but she also did fall for me really quickly...SHE told me she loved me FIRST after only 3 months...she is confused about what to do and wants time to sort her life out...so i think i am more than a back up plan..and we both know she came more than just to keep me on the hook

the way i see it, is that im going up against a giant, and having a chance...10yrs vs. 4mnths, and she is confused...if anyone should be worried, it should be her ex (i dont mean to make it sound like a competition)

as long as im in the same country as her and she has feelings, im gonna go for it...but still, again, not expecting anything..taking it slow

If the plan fails, what are you going to do?

You can list all possible solutions to the problem, but the real question is "Are you going to do all those solutions?"

[tabbarat]

If she is no longer confused and FULLY chooses her ex... if she stops messaging me or calling me/answering my calls... if she stops seeing me and flirting with me, then I know she is COMPLETELY over me, and I will move on and see her only as a friend... and I will move on with no regrets because I know that I at least tried to get her back, and fought for someone I really care about... then I go out and have a threesome ;)

But as long as I still feel she likes me and is confused, I want her back... bc of what we had, and what we can have... I still really like her and care about her

[Matteus]

1) well, she didnt tell him she met me and fell for me...this is what she told me....

She told you what she thought its enough for you to know.

but she did tell all her family...her dad and mom know about me..spoke to them on the phone actually...i met her sister and went out all together a couple of times...she lives with her aunt here in dubai, we also used to go out with her...and in fact she called me 2 days ago to see how i was (hmmm..her aunt, who lives with my ex asked called to ask about me..could it mean smthg? maybe yes, maybe no)..so she did tell her family and friends

Once upon a time... when you were "everything" for her. In that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you. And everything what she did, its normal. Talking to her friends about you, to her parents about you, etc. now, we are talking about now, and only now! Not the future, not the past, but now!

so, i dont really care if she told her ex or not...not a big deal...

In fact, that's a big deal in here. Why she didn't? A lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions.

i know that he used to call her when she was with me at the beginning, and in front of me she used to tell him to move on..she moved on and he should to

As the situation explains now, it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him.

2) im sorry if i offended anyone...i appreciate all posts, good or bad..thanks

There are no bad or good posts. Only good advices, made from people without any interess but helping, and as you see, they are free and at least you should respect them, although they may not fit with your point of view.

3) thank u,,,and ur right, i take ur appreciated advices, but in the end will do what i want...

We already know it. Everyone here, who came for advice, in the end, did what he/she wanted to do. Only a couple of them save themselves from their own.

i just want u ppl to know, that i am not still trying to get her bc im a bad or manipulative person...i really like the girl and know i can make her very happy...as long as she still has feelings, im going to act on it...i dont want to just give up

Its up to you.

the moment she shows me she is completely over me, and wants to fully dedicate herself to her long distance ex, i will gracefully bow out...trust me, i like single life too!

If you want to go for it, then go. Till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell.

the moment i dont feel the vibes she sends when she calls me, or when we see each other...the moment she stops calling, or answering my calls or messages, then i will know where her heart FULLY is

She already told you where her heart fully is, but you don't want to listen.

I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. Not in this case.

Be good

[tabbarat]

1) "she told you what she thought its enough for you to know".

... so are you saying that she told him about me, but lied to me and said she didn't?

2) "once upon a time.... when you were "everything" for her. in that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you."

... its time to give her another dose of my drug ;)... its not easy to give up an "addiction"

3) "why she didnt? a lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions."

... maybe your right

4) "it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him."

... not really... she told me that she ended it with him because she wasn't ready to get married yet, and wanted to come to dubai and meet new people and see what else was out there.. I mean she was with him for 10 yrs, so wanted smthg new and fresh... basically to move on... and she told him he should do the same.. I think she really did want to move on, but still wasn't COMPLETELY over him yet (which is understandble)

5) "are free and at least you should respect them"

... I do respect everyone, even you :P, even if I disagree... if I didn't respect all of u, I wouldn't check this page everyday and take my time writing back

6) "if you want to go for it, then go. till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell"

... thank u.. I will go for it... and hell doesn't scare me :).. regret scares me... not trying scares me... and anyway, getting over my relationship of 5yrs ending made me a stronger person, so not very scared of getting hurt

7) "she already told you where her heart fully is, but you dont want to listen"

... she told me she still loves her ex, but also really likes me... she said she wants to take things slow... which means she is confused... she still calls me and wants to see me... to me she did not tell me FULLY... I know if I'm alone with her, in our favorite spot, on the beach... looking into her eyes, and ask her "do u still really like me?" she will say yes

8) "I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. not in this case."

... dont do anything you don't want to.. I appreciate your posts and enjoy your advices

By the way, she is from ukraine... so she is European like you, so take it easy on us ;)

Take care

[Matteus]

1) ...so are u saying that she told him about me, but lied to me and said she didnt?

First, you said she told you she didn't told her ex about you, don't you ?

...its time to give her another dose of my drug ;)...its not easy to give up an "addiction"

We aren't going to discuss about addiction in here, but tell me, what does addiction means to you, and how you build it? I guess you don't know much of it, do you ?

...not really...she told me that she ended it with him bc she wasnt ready to get married yet, and wanted to come to dubai and meet new ppl and see what else was out there..i mean she was with him for 10 yrs, so wanted smthg new and fresh...

She made the effort. Wanted to meet new people. She did it. Wanted to start new and fresh. She did it. She saw what else was out there, and it was not so interesfull, so now...

....she told me she still loves her ex, but also really likes me...

Love vs like - - miles apart

which means she is confused...she still calls me and wants to see me...to me she did not tell me FULLY...i know if im alone with her, in our favorite spot, on the beach...looking into her eyes, and ask her "do u still really like me?" she will say yes

Its all your mind playing games with you. Your imagination. Sorry. You can't tell what's in her mind! Even through the words she says. ONLY HER ACTIONS! And I don't see any, till now!

8) "I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. not in this case."

...dont do anything u dont want to..i appreciate ur posts and enjoy ur advices

btw, she is from ukraine...so she is europian like you, so take it easy on us ;)

take care

I may sound harsh, but believe me, I have nothing personal with you! I went through all this! I did everything you are doing now! I putted my ex on the pedestal like you do. Believe me. Its not worth. Because every thing you said till now, everything you explained till now, all this debate, was nothing but only you thoughts against ours. Hers are not included.

[tabbarat]

1) yeah... she told me she didn't tell her ex about me

2) u know what she said the other day on the phone... that she is still worried about her job... she is afraid that if she gets fired, she may have to go bak to ukraine... so basically, if she stays in dubai, she will give us another chance.. if she goes back to ukraine, she will get back with her ex, probably marry him... that is why she is taking it slow now.. she wants to see what is going to happen with her life... she doesn't want to get attached to me and then have to go back to ukraine... and she also doesn't want to let me go if she ends up staying here.. thats why she is also confused about what she wants

3) she messaged me "i love you" once when I was on vacation about 1 month ago.. when I called her the next day... she said sorry I was very emotional because I really miss you and want you to be with me... I didn't want to say it in a message, I'll tell you I person one day when you come back from your vacation... but 2 days after I came back, she got the warning at work and its started going downhill :(

So I think what we feel for each other is more than just "like"

4) u still don't see actions? She called me first after I didn't call her for one week... she came when I invited her friend... she is flirting with me on the phone.. 2 nights ago I messaged her, but she called me instead of messaging back... she agreed that next time we see each other we will try not to make it uncomfortable (which means she wants to see me)... we stayed more than 1 hour on the phone, and she didn't want me to hang up, etc... its not much, but it is actions.. a first step

5) her thoughts are that she is confused.. taking time to herself until she sees what will happen at work... she is talking to me and her ex... she realized she still loves her ex... but she also still really likes/loves me... most probably she will chose her ex... but as long as she is confused and staying in dubai, I'm going to try to get her back

I'm glad your better now and got over your past relationship... albania is a place I would like to visit one day by the way

[hjpan]

1) yeah...she told me she didnt tell her ex about me

2) u know what she said the other day on the phone...that she is still worried about her job...she is afraid that if she gets fired, she may have to go bak to ukraine...so basically, if she stays in dubai, she will give us another chance..if she goes back to ukraine, she will get back with her ex, probably marry him...that is why she is taking it slow now..she wants to see what is gonna happen with her life...she doesnt want to get attached to me and then have to go back to ukraine...and she also doesnt want to let me go if she ends up staying here..thats why she is also confused about what she wants

3) she messaged me "i love you" once when i was on vacation about 1 month ago..when i called her the next day...she said sorry i was very emotional bc i really miss u and want u to be with me...i didnt want to say it in a message, i'll tell u i person one day when u come back from ur vacation...but 2 days after i came back, she got the warning at work and its started going downhill :(

so i think what we feel for each other is more than just "like"

4) u still dont see actions? she called me first after i didnt call her for one week...she came when i invited her friend...she is flirting with me on the phone..2 nights ago i messaged her, but she called me instead of messaging back...she agreed that next time we see each other we will try not to make it uncomfortable (which means she wants to see me)...we stayed more than 1 hour on the phone, and she didnt want me to hang up, etc...its not much, but it is actions..a first step

5) her thoughts are that she is confused..taking time to herself until she sees what will happen at work...she is talking to me and her ex...she realized she still loves her ex...but she also still really likes/loves me...most probably she will chose her ex...but as long as she is confused and staying in dubai, im going to try to get her back

im glad ur better now and got over ur past relationship...albania is a place i would like to visit one day btw

Dude.... find girls around you~
You already know she's making a decisive decision and leaning towards going back to Ukraine to be with her ex. For her stay in Dubai, why do you want to try and get her back? What is the reason that you want to keep her to yourself instead of letting a dumb, confused, and "player-like" female go?" I was in the same boat with my ex but she left me... gave me false hope that we'll get back together.

Recently, one of my "girl-friends" screwed with my head & feelings... led me on thinking we might get on together, but told me she was committed to someone else.

You think you can get everything you want, but it's not possible.

The best modern song to describe is "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

[tabbarat]

really appreciate it man... but I've been fukking around and looking at girls for the past 2 yrs, and for all my life before my 5 yr relationship... u name it, I did it, or her ;)... right now I'm in the phase where I want a relationship again... and I really clicked with this girl... sure she has baggage, but we had an amazing 4 months... I can honestly say that I fell for her hard, either as much or more than my ex of 5yrs... and I know she fell fast for me too (she told me she didn't expect to fall for someone so hard after being with someone for 10yrs)

so the basis of a solid relationship is there

sure she is confused, but its natural... pressure at work + ex love of 10 yrs back in pic + new guy she really likes=more pressure and "i need my space, lets take it slow"

how is she dumb and a player man? She was honest at least to tell me the truth... and its not like she cheated on me.. she just started talking to her ex again when she felt pressure (smthg I still do with my ex)

I don't want to defend her.. of course not... but she isn't a bad person... her confusion, and her job are what are pissing me off

the reason I want her back is simply because when u think u find love, u have to do your best to keep it... I rarely give up my single life for a chick unless I think she is worth it... maybe u guys think she isn't worth it now... but this is all just 2 weeks ago... we had 4 amazing mnths that would have definitely lasted longer

I'm sorry about the false hope u got... maybe I'm getting the same.. but I want to find out... and if we don't get back, or she moves back to ukraine, then u will be the first to know that I will move on to meet new girls and sing them all the Coldplay they want! :)

[Ash123]

Since we are a ways in on this post, I'd like to quickly refer to your initial post:


"I havent talked to her in almost a week..let her miss me and realize what she is missing...she has a good thing with her here, dont know why she had to rekindle the past...giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me...if she doesnt realize she made a mistake, i think im gonna have to forget about her"

1) is my decision good?
NOT SURE WHAT DECISION WAS MADE? I GUESS YOU CHOSE HANG AND HOPE? WITH SOME FLIRTING?.

2) do i just call her and fight for her...and tell her she is making a mistake, etc.
NO, THAT NEVER WORKS.

3) basically, what will make me get her back...fighting for her, or making her miss me?
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. BACK OFF. GIVE HER ENOUGH TIME TO SEE IF HER FANTASY OF SHE AND HER EX FADES. FLIRTNG MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD BUT DOES NOT RAISE YOUR VALUE UNTIL SHE MISSES YOU.

DID YOU SAY UKRAINE? That does not sound like a good sign for the longterm. She's a long way from her culture and needs financial support as well if she fails... I think she likes you, and is flirty, but is in no way ready to go back to girlfriend right now...
Friends she can do. Real lovers - not now. I know it realllllyyyyy sucks when we fall in love and the other person pulls back. So, see what happens, but I just wanted to put this on the record for whatever it's worth.

[tabbarat]

1) since she ended up calling me after one week of NC, and since then has shown some interest and feelings... I decided to stay the course and try to get her back with my strategy of a balance of space/time with some flirting here and there.. friendly but flirtatious.. mixing it up

2) I agree with point 3... flirting is not as big a value as missing me... but she does miss me.. told me herself

3) yeah man! Ukraine! Long way home... im concentrating on fixing things now before worrying about her culture, etc... didnt seem to bother us for 4 mnths :)

4) agree with u.. not ready for being girlfriend yet.. thats why taking it slow and giving distance as well

5) again, appreciate your advice.. worth a lot

liking how everyone has become so involved with this story! Over 1000 views! Your all welcome to party in Dubai anytime! :)