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    chris_in_orbit's Avatar
    chris_in_orbit Posts: 21, Reputation: 8
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    #21

    Aug 2, 2007, 05:15 PM
    Right, who you are is important in finding a compatible partner. Some people misjudge things like speech class and confidece builders as changing who we are. I disagree totally. If you aren't able to communicate and be confident then no one will ever be able to see through that to who you really are. You seem to have a lot of support here, I wish you well.

    Quote Originally Posted by alkalineangel
    this is what made me think that the fitting in was a factor. Im just saying he needs to be comfortable in himself (not his physical image-Himself) before any makeover will help.
    Hmm, that might work for some people. But just having on comfortable clothes and looking nice builds up your confidence. When you aren't very confident you yourself might miss your good qualities. I don't mean to argue, as you have a very valid point. People like to feel good about themselves including physically. The inner stuff is something that will take time and effort to change. Clothing and appearance is something he can do immediately to feel good so why tell him to wait?
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #22

    Aug 8, 2007, 06:49 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by margarita_momma
    Hi Sweetie,

    Let me tell you one thing, nerds are hot!

    Don't worry about what other people are saying about you and stop constantly downing yourself because you don't think you meet up to a certain standard. May I ask how old you are? Age plays a big factor in where you are to make a change in your life. If you are making the change for yourself because you aren't comfortable with who you are then its a good thing to do. Changing who you are to impress your peers and to get a date... I know I have done it at one point or another and I bet almost everyone on this board has also. If you want to change the outer you to be more comfident, then go for it. But don't change who you are on the inside. I would find a guy telling me how the inside of a computer works to be extremely interesting and would make me think the guy I am talking to actually thinks about stuff other than sports, women, beer, and cars. Do like some of the others said and buy you a few pairs of nice jeans, not tight ones (don't wanna look emo. lol), a couple of polo shirts with a nice white undershirt, a belt and a nice pair of shoes. Maybe get a hair cut if you need one and ditch the glasses (if you wear them) for contacts. Good luck!
    Thanks. I'm in my 20's. I really don't plan to change who I am on the inside; I just want to be able to connect with people.
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
    Full Member
     
    #23

    Aug 8, 2007, 11:46 PM
    All right, man... I didn't read any of the advice above, because I didn't need to. I'm a (recovering) geek. Master's in Computer Science, I work in IT, used to be all into video games, computers, all that. Today, though, when people meet me, no one believes I'm a computer programmer, because I'm just generally a cool guy (well, as cool as a programmer can be, but it's enough :)). So I've gone through the change. Still a few corners to iron out but I'm pretty much recovered: I'm into sports, I attract hot girls, dress well--all that stuff.

    Admittedly, I didn't have it as bad as you, but I did wear terrible clothes. I'll tell you what I did.

    CLOTHES: this is the first thing you should change, because it's the easiest. A friend of mine once told me "clothes are 50% of it." He's right. Absolutely right. More than half your body is covered in clothes so that's the first thing people notice. Get yourself to some nice clothing stores and get nice clothes. Clothes that fit. Color-coordinated. Have a female friend help you out, as they were practically put on the earth to help men look like civilized members of society.

    You don't necessarily have to buy $100 shirts, but be prepared to spend some money. Start with a nice shirt. If you can get a pair of jeans, great. Then get a decent pair of shoes. Thankfully, you're a dude, so shoes shouldn't cost you more than $50.

    Before I move on, if you're already wondering how you're going to pay for all this stuff...

    MONEY: Get it. Lots of it. As much as you can. Quit spending on computers and start saving for trips to the mall, and then on your dates. If you're not making enough money right now, you need to get a better job. Being a computer nerd helps here--I made a decent chunk of change doing websites. HTML, CSS and PHP are all you need for 90% of the web pages you'll ever do. You might need some JavaScript but there are so many tutorials for all the neat tricks you'll want to do. A web page can take you a week if you take your time and you can make $2K, easy. That right there should tide you over for some time.

    (EDIT: I'm assuming you're still in school, right? If not, then hopefully you have a better job than doing websites... this is what I did in college and it worked very well. Obviously, I make much more now.)

    Moving on to...

    GYM: Join one. Notice how all the guys girls want look good? Well it's high time to join them. If you're too fat, lose weight. Too skinny? Lift. Now, this is more a long-term goal, as you can't achieve these results instantly, or even within a short time. We're talking a years-long project. But, let me tell you: this is the SINGLE GREATEST THING I've ever done. Being the first in the family to get my Bachelor's and my Master's, the first to be college educated, graduating with honors--none of that compares to looking as good as I do now. Re-read that last sentence over and over until you get it and do not stop until you do.

    Make sure the gym you join has an excellent weight training section (you can always lose weight by jogging, like I did). Your goal is not to be a supermodel, but to simply look decent. In fact, many girls have said that a swimmer's body is the most universally appealing, and thankfully that's the easiest body type to achieve (as opposed to super-skinny [if you're coming from the fat side] or ultra-muscular--neither of these body types are really all that attractive to most girls).

    Study nutrition and make sure you're not eating garbage. This is also a difficult obstacle, but remember--you're doing it for the nookie. It is worth it.

    BTW, at this point every girl on this forum is probably about to hit the reply button, saying "huno, you're really wrong, girls only like good guys, it's what's inside that counts"--that's a load of crap. That is the largest, hottest steaming pile of stank bullsh!t you'll ever be handed by women--and women know how to sling crap better than anyone.

    YES--what's inside counts. But it's not everything... in fact it's not even the first thing. First impressions are EVERYTHING, and these are composed of what girls first see. Besides, we'll work on the inside stuff in a sec. So ladies, untwist your panties, I'll get to that.

    So while you're working on your physique, you'll want to work on...

    SOCIALIZATION: now, most people (guys and girls alike) don't care to talk much about computers. Yes, they can be interesting to you or I but most people just don't give a crap. You need to start studying pop culture--first thing to know is that it's called "pop culture" because it's popular--notice the announcement of the newest Intel processor isn't on MTV, while Britney Spears yelling at photographers is. You don't need to totally transform yourself into an MTV-watching drone, but do know what's going on beyond your PC's case.

    You also need to learn to talk to people in general. Buy books on socialization--"How to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie is a good start--written long ago, but many of the ideas hold up well today. I have tons of these books and have read them over and over again. At first, you may read them and not implement any of their theories, leading you to believe you wasted your money. But as you keep re-reading them you'll slowly start to incorporate their ideas and you'll see that it wasn't a waste. If you're into studying, this will be an easy one--reading a book with detailed instructions is what we scholars do best.

    But more importantly than the above, though: you need to work on your sense of humor. Notice comedians these days make jokes about what they see, what happens to them, real-life observations. Harness this talent of theirs. Buy books on being funny and read them. Girls love guys who can make them laugh--this is (almost) as important as looking good. Cracking good jokes can produce 90% of your conversation Note: avoid computer jokes, unless they're about very ubiquitous subjects, like email or Myspace... and even then there really are better jokes to be made.

    Just an example of one I said tonight: I was at a reception for a conference by the harbor, and we're all sitting out there when the cops show up. Being Mexican, I said, "Oh, crap--immigration. I gotta go, guys."

    That got a few laughs. One of my buddies is from the UK so the others look at him and say, "Hey, he doesn't have his visa! Come get him!"

    I looked at him and said, "Dude, he's lily-white--first thing they'll do is beat the hell outta me and haul me off to Tijuana!"

    "Hey, if I don't have my visa I'm illegal too, it's no different!"

    "Well maybe... thing is they're not shipping you all the way across the sea to the UK, they'll dump you in Mexico just like me, which is too bad because I know people to get me across the border, I don't know what you're gonna do!"

    It's funny 'cause it's true. :) Another easy one: if you're in a store and you need help, find the nearest female employee who's not busy, smile and say, "You look bored. Come help me find something." All but the most frigid b!tches will at least chuckle.

    As you begin to learn to make people happy, you need to look happy yourself.

    SELF-ESTEEM: this is, next to working out, the hardest thing to change, if this is a problem for you. You need to look like you like yourself. People like confident people, or at least people who appear strong and capable. This isn't about always smiling, grinning like an idiot--but just look like you're calm, collected and in control of yourself. As people notice that you're generally happy, they'll want to be around you. Girls like happy guys. Be happy.

    This is one thing Urkel got right--he was generally happy and pleasant. Overly so, yes, but he was happy. That one geeky girl wouldn't have gone for him if he'd been complaining all the time.

    Finally, once the gym thing and the inner comedian start to take shape, one last detail:

    CONNECTIONS: you will need a healthy network of friends to start meeting girls that you can date. You won't be able to date every girl you meet, but if you roll the dice enough times eventually you'll get a good roll and go out on a date. The more friends, male or female, you have, the better your odds. Make sure they're real friends before you ask, though--minor acquaintances won't really help here.

    Girls are especially eager to play matchmaker, so solicit their help when and where appropriate.

    I hope this helps, and I hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write. I went through the change and I'm much happier for it. I could describe all the details of my past but I'll leave that for another day, in case you want to know.

    Good luck!



    --huno

    P.S.: you may be wondering why I didn't mention specifically how to flirt or ask girls out or whatever... well, that part actually comes naturally when you learn to socialize with them. A lot of girls, in a subtle way, will ask you to ask them out. They'll start saying things like, "Oh, I want to get a coffee but I don't want to go alone," or "I'd love to go see that movie," or "I can't seem to unhook my bra; will you help me?"

    P.P.S.: some girls may still think my advice is very centered around looks. All I'll say is when I was fat and dressed by my mom I couldn't get anyone to even come close to me. Just by changing my clothes I got a few girls to start looking. Then I became very athletic and girls were grabbing my @ss every so often. Now that I know how to make a girl smile, I really do get a lot of attention and a few dates... I'm not batting 1.000, but I'm WAY better off than I was before.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member
     
    #24

    Aug 10, 2007, 02:28 PM
    It's time for you to make some changes yourself. Start working out. Join a gym if there's one nearby that you can afford. If not, a 2-mile run every day followed by 20 push-ups will work wonders. Work your way up to 3 miles a day and 30 push-ups. Eat good foods ; fruit, vegetables, lean meats ; nothing high-fat or sugary. Drink plenty of fluids, mostly water. When it's time for a new wardrobe, purchase clothes that are currently in style. If unsure, note what's on prominent display at the clothing store or ask a trusted female (not your mother!) for her opinion. If necessary, do something with your hair at a reputable professional hair cuttery/salon. Again, a trusted female, preferably one close to your own age, can help. Grabbing a copy of the latest issue of GQ or similar publication can give you some ideas as well. If you wear glasses, get contacts instead. The general idea is to make yourself attractive so that you will be.
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #25

    Aug 11, 2007, 08:42 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by huno
    All right, man... I didn't read any of the advice above, because I didn't need to. I'm a (recovering) geek. Master's in Computer Science, I work in IT, used to be all into video games, computers, all that. Today, though, when people meet me, no one believes I'm a computer programmer, because I'm just generally a cool guy (well, as cool as a programmer can be, but it's enough :)). So I've gone through the change. Still a few corners to iron out but I'm pretty much recovered: I'm into sports, I attract hot girls, dress well--all that stuff.

    Admittedly, I didn't have it as bad as you, but I did wear terrible clothes. I'll tell you what I did.

    CLOTHES: this is the first thing you should change, because it's the easiest. A friend of mine once told me "clothes are 50% of it." He's right. Absolutely right. More than half your body is covered in clothes so that's the first thing people notice. Get yourself to some nice clothing stores and get nice clothes. Clothes that fit. Color-coordinated. Have a female friend help you out, as they were practically put on the earth to help men look like civilized members of society.

    You don't necessarily have to buy $100 shirts, but be prepared to spend some money. Start with a nice shirt. If you can get a pair of jeans, great. Then get a decent pair of shoes. Thankfully, you're a dude, so shoes shouldn't cost you more than $50.

    Before I move on, if you're already wondering how you're going to pay for all this stuff...

    MONEY: Get it. Lots of it. As much as you can. Quit spending on computers and start saving for trips to the mall, and then on your dates. If you're not making enough money right now, you need to get a better job. Being a computer nerd helps here--I made a decent chunk of change doing websites. HTML, CSS and PHP are all you need for 90% of the web pages you'll ever do. You might need some JavaScript but there are so many tutorials for all the neat tricks you'll want to do. A web page can take you a week if you take your time and you can make $2K, easy. That right there should tide you over for some time.

    (EDIT: I'm assuming you're still in school, right? If not, then hopefully you have a better job than doing websites... this is what I did in college and it worked very well. Obviously, I make much more now.)

    Moving on to...

    GYM: Join one. Notice how all the guys girls want look good? Well it's high time to join them. If you're too fat, lose weight. Too skinny? Lift. Now, this is more a long-term goal, as you can't achieve these results instantly, or even within a short time. We're talking a years-long project. But, let me tell you: this is the SINGLE GREATEST THING I've ever done. Being the first in the family to get my Bachelor's and my Master's, the first to be college educated, graduating with honors--none of that compares to looking as good as I do now. Re-read that last sentence over and over until you get it and do not stop until you do.

    Make sure the gym you join has an excellent weight training section (you can always lose weight by jogging, like I did). Your goal is not to be a supermodel, but to simply look decent. In fact, many girls have said that a swimmer's body is the most universally appealing, and thankfully that's the easiest body type to achieve (as opposed to super-skinny [if you're coming from the fat side] or ultra-muscular--neither of these body types are really all that attractive to most girls).

    Study nutrition and make sure you're not eating garbage. This is also a difficult obstacle, but remember--you're doing it for the nookie. It is worth it.

    BTW, at this point every girl on this forum is probably about to hit the reply button, saying "huno, you're really wrong, girls only like good guys, it's what's inside that counts"--that's a load of crap. That is the largest, hottest steaming pile of stank bullsh!t you'll ever be handed by women--and women know how to sling crap better than anyone.

    YES--what's inside counts. But it's not everything... in fact it's not even the first thing. First impressions are EVERYTHING, and these are composed of what girls first see. Besides, we'll work on the inside stuff in a sec. So ladies, untwist your panties, I'll get to that.

    So while you're working on your physique, you'll want to work on...

    SOCIALIZATION: now, most people (guys and girls alike) don't care to talk much about computers. Yes, they can be interesting to you or I but most people just don't give a crap. You need to start studying pop culture--first thing to know is that it's called "pop culture" because it's popular--notice the announcement of the newest Intel processor isn't on MTV, while Britney Spears yelling at photographers is. You don't need to totally transform yourself into an MTV-watching drone, but do know what's going on beyond your PC's case.

    You also need to learn to talk to people in general. Buy books on socialization--"How to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie is a good start--written long ago, but many of the ideas hold up well today. I have tons of these books and have read them over and over again. At first, you may read them and not implement any of their theories, leading you to believe you wasted your money. But as you keep re-reading them you'll slowly start to incorporate their ideas and you'll see that it wasn't a waste. If you're into studying, this will be an easy one--reading a book with detailed instructions is what we scholars do best.

    But more importantly than the above, though: you need to work on your sense of humor. Notice comedians these days make jokes about what they see, what happens to them, real-life observations. Harness this talent of theirs. Buy books on being funny and read them. Girls love guys who can make them laugh--this is (almost) as important as looking good. Cracking good jokes can produce 90% of your conversation Note: avoid computer jokes, unless they're about very ubiquitous subjects, like email or Myspace... and even then there really are better jokes to be made.

    Just an example of one I said tonight: I was at a reception for a conference by the harbor, and we're all sitting out there when the cops show up. Being Mexican, I said, "Oh, crap--immigration. I gotta go, guys."

    That got a few laughs. One of my buddies is from the UK so the others look at him and say, "Hey, he doesn't have his visa! Come get him!"

    I looked at him and said, "Dude, he's lily-white--first thing they'll do is beat the hell outta me and haul me off to Tijuana!"

    "Hey, if I don't have my visa I'm illegal too, it's no different!"

    "Well maybe... thing is they're not shipping you all the way across the sea to the UK, they'll dump you in Mexico just like me, which is too bad because I know people to get me across the border, I don't know what you're gonna do!"

    It's funny 'cause it's true. :) Another easy one: if you're in a store and you need help, find the nearest female employee who's not busy, smile and say, "You look bored. Come help me find something." All but the most frigid b!tches will at least chuckle.

    As you begin to learn to make people happy, you need to look happy yourself.

    SELF-ESTEEM: this is, next to working out, the hardest thing to change, if this is a problem for you. You need to look like you like yourself. People like confident people, or at least people who appear strong and capable. This isn't about always smiling, grinning like an idiot--but just look like you're calm, collected and in control of yourself. As people notice that you're generally happy, they'll want to be around you. Girls like happy guys. Be happy.

    This is one thing Urkel got right--he was generally happy and pleasant. Overly so, yes, but he was happy. That one geeky girl wouldn't have gone for him if he'd been complaining all the time.

    Finally, once the gym thing and the inner comedian start to take shape, one last detail:

    CONNECTIONS: you will need a healthy network of friends to start meeting girls that you can date. You won't be able to date every girl you meet, but if you roll the dice enough times eventually you'll get a good roll and go out on a date. The more friends, male or female, you have, the better your odds. Make sure they're real friends before you ask, though--minor acquaintances won't really help here.

    Girls are especially eager to play matchmaker, so solicit their help when and where appropriate.

    I hope this helps, and I hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write. I went through the change and I'm much happier for it. I could describe all the details of my past but I'll leave that for another day, in case you want to know.

    Good luck!



    --huno

    P.S.: you may be wondering why I didn't mention specifically how to flirt or ask girls out or whatever... well, that part actually comes naturally when you learn to socialize with them. A lot of girls, in a subtle way, will ask you to ask them out. They'll start saying things like, "Oh, I want to get a coffee but I don't want to go alone," or "I'd love to go see that movie," or "I can't seem to unhook my bra; will you help me?"

    P.P.S.: some girls may still think my advice is very centered around looks. All I'll say is when I was fat and dressed by my mom I couldn't get anyone to even come close to me. Just by changing my clothes I got a few girls to start looking. Then I became very athletic and girls were grabbing my @ss every so often. Now that I know how to make a girl smile, I really do get a lot of attention and a few dates... I'm not batting 1.000, but I'm WAY better off than I was before.
    Thanks. I really read your whole post. I copied it and pasted it on my computer.
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
    Full Member
     
    #26

    Aug 11, 2007, 02:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by spop
    Thanks. I really read your whole post. I copied it and pasted it on my computer.
    Well, you're welcome. It doesn't mean anything if you don't put it into practice, though, so be sure to start doing little things to achieve your goals.

    It's like writing a computer program: you can't expect two or three lines to be an entire app--it takes thousands of lines (and even more debugging) to make a good program. In fact, think of yourself as a program: you need to be lean, mean, internet-capable and free of memory leaks.

    Incidentally, what are we working with here? Are you in college? High school? A working professional? Traveling gypsy? And are you thin or fat or somewhere in between? Do you own deodorant? I think we're better suited to help you if we know exactly what it is we're dealing with.
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #27

    Aug 12, 2007, 03:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by huno
    Well, you're welcome. It doesn't mean anything if you don't put it into practice, though, so be sure to start doing little things to achieve your goals.

    It's like writing a computer program: you can't expect two or three lines to be an entire app--it takes thousands of lines (and even more debugging) to make a good program. In fact, think of yourself as a program: you need to be lean, mean, internet-capable and free of memory leaks.

    Incidentally, what are we working with here? Are you in college? High school? A working professional? Traveling gypsy? And are you thin or fat or somewhere in between? Do you own deodorant? I think we're better suited to help you if we know exactly what it is we're dealing with.
    I'm in college. I'm fat. Yes. I own deodorant. :D
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
    Full Member
     
    #28

    Aug 14, 2007, 06:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by spop
    I'm in college. I'm fat. Yes. I own deodorant. :D
    Okay, well 1 out of 3 isn't bad... what brand? :D

    Personally, I didn't really start pulling in wickedly hot @ss until I was about to finish grad school, because it took roughly that long for me to make the transition. Now, it may take you more or less time, I dunno; but the point is that you start. It's slow going at first and for months you may think you've actually made no progress, but believe me when I say every step helps.

    (BTW, at this point you may be wondering if I'm being sarcastic when I talk about making a change, transforming myself, etc.; I am not. I really was a sexless loser at one point, and now I'm not... at least I like to think I'm not. :)).

    So you're in college... now's a good time to get yourself involved in things other than computers. What are you into? Are there social clubs that deal with your interests? Even if they are things you think won't help you socially, try something new: you'd be surprised the doors that other things can open. I found myself socializing a lot more when I started to get involved in a peer group in grad school, and that helped me tremendously.

    Also, believe it or not you can ask your female friends for advice on how to talk to girls, how to flirt, etc. I did that and I'm grateful for it, since most girls are more than happy to talk about such things. It's pure entertainment for them... well, it was for me, too, but for me it was more of a learning experience. In any case, if you have any close female friends, you should solicit them for advice. Do so lightly, don't make it seem as though you're desperate. They may even introduce you to some of their friends. :) But make sure you ask advice from girls who are your friends and that you have no romantic interest in whatsoever--asking for girl advice automatically puts you in the "friend zone" and it's damn near impossible to get out... it's kind of like getting a football player to like soccer.

    Finally, though, I want to stress that you need to try and lose weight. Now, I know I'm opening up a Pandora's Box of criticisms, counterpoints and just general monkey crap, but I am a firm believer in being fit and looking good, both for physical health and social health. Yes, there are guys who are overweight or underweight who still manage to date lots of girls, but that's because their game is tighter than the jeans of the girls they boink every night--and since you say you don't have those skills (or at least you're implying you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be here), you should work on your looks. I'm telling you--it's my single greatest accomplishment.

    It's slow going at first, though... well, scratch that--it is a roller coaster at first. When you first start exercising, you'll rapidly lose weight, but it'll mostly be water. You'll still look thinner, but you won't have burned off much fat. Once you burn off this water, though, you'll notice that the rate at which you lose weight slows down to almost zero--this is normal. You have to keep working through it to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.

    But just starting to exercise (and then sticking with it) is hard, too. I'll tell you what got me started and what kept me motivated: rejection. Let me tell you about the event that started the legend that is huno:

    Back when I was a lard repository, I met this girl online. We chatted, flirted, etc. all that. At one point, we agreed to meet. In order for us to do so, I had to drive four hours and meet her in her hometown. We'd never talked about our looks, though we'd sent each other head shots, so I didn't know quite what to expect; I did know, though, that no matter what happened, I liked her as a friend and I'd be satisfied with that. Anyway, when I got there, we met--she was overweight too, but she was also clearly unsatisfied with the way I looked. I won't go into details but needless to say, she never called or wrote me again.

    Now, I'd been rejected before--countless times--but that last one really set me off. How can she, who was also fat, reject ME? I told myself I would never have that problem again and started jogging the next day. I think I lasted about 5 minutes jogging before I got tired and had to walk... but I knew rivers started as a trickle of water so I kept at it. I went from 300 lbs. and, off and on, by dieting and maintaining a solid exercise schedule, dropped to 170 lbs. Size 44 waist to size 30. It was like deflating a blimp.

    One thing I regret during this time is that I didn't lift weights... when I was at 170 I looked way too skinny. Now that I'm lifting I look a lot better.

    Anyway, the new look pays off. Every girl I meet thinks I'm hot. Clothes used to make me look good--now I make clothes look good. :D I can't say enough about the benefits. My point is that you should try it. You have to sacrifice a lot, including favorite foods, time, energy, etc. but it is so worth it... I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

    So, that's my bit. I hope you do manage to solve your problem, any way you choose to do so. My way isn't the only way, of course, but I can tell you I personally went through it and it's brought me a lot of success and joy. It was long, painful and I thought I'd never grow out of my old ways, but now I know better.

    Good luck!
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
    Ultra Member
     
    #29

    Aug 14, 2007, 06:44 AM
    I went from 300 lbs. and, off and on, by dieting and maintaining a solid exercise schedule, dropped to 170 lbs. Size 44 waist to size 30. It was like deflating a blimp.
    U can get a lot of ladies' attention by talking about your fitness experience... trust me!
    It is incredible!
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #30

    Aug 20, 2007, 07:37 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by huno
    Okay, well 1 out of 3 isn't bad... what brand? :D

    Personally, I didn't really start pulling in wickedly hot @ss until I was about to finish grad school, because it took roughly that long for me to make the transition. Now, it may take you more or less time, I dunno; but the point is that you start. It's slow going at first and for months you may think you've actually made no progress, but believe me when I say every step helps.

    (BTW, at this point you may be wondering if I'm being sarcastic when I talk about making a change, transforming myself, etc.; I am not. I really was a sexless loser at one point, and now I'm not.... at least I like to think I'm not. :)).

    So you're in college... now's a good time to get yourself involved in things other than computers. What are you into? Are there social clubs that deal with your interests? Even if they are things you think won't help you socially, try something new: you'd be surprised the doors that other things can open. I found myself socializing a lot more when I started to get involved in a peer group in grad school, and that helped me tremendously.

    Also, believe it or not you can ask your female friends for advice on how to talk to girls, how to flirt, etc. I did that and I'm grateful for it, since most girls are more than happy to talk about such things. It's pure entertainment for them... well, it was for me, too, but for me it was more of a learning experience. In any case, if you have any close female friends, you should solicit them for advice. Do so lightly, don't make it seem as though you're desperate. They may even introduce you to some of their friends. :) But make sure you ask advice from girls who are your friends and that you have no romantic interest in whatsoever--asking for girl advice automatically puts you in the "friend zone" and it's damn near impossible to get out... it's kind of like getting a football player to like soccer.

    Finally, though, I want to stress that you need to try and lose weight. Now, I know I'm opening up a Pandora's Box of criticisms, counterpoints and just general monkey crap, but I am a firm believer in being fit and looking good, both for physical health and social health. Yes, there are guys who are overweight or underweight who still manage to date lots of girls, but that's because their game is tighter than the jeans of the girls they boink every night--and since you say you don't have those skills (or at least you're implying you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be here), you should work on your looks. I'm telling you--it's my single greatest accomplishment.

    It's slow going at first, though... well, scratch that--it is a roller coaster at first. When you first start exercising, you'll rapidly lose weight, but it'll mostly be water. You'll still look thinner, but you won't have burned off much fat. Once you burn off this water, though, you'll notice that the rate at which you lose weight slows down to almost zero--this is normal. You have to keep working through it to get to the light at the end of the tunnel.

    But just starting to exercise (and then sticking with it) is hard, too. I'll tell you what got me started and what kept me motivated: rejection. Lemme tell you about the event that started the legend that is huno:

    Back when I was a lard repository, I met this girl online. We chatted, flirted, etc., all that. At one point, we agreed to meet. In order for us to do so, I had to drive four hours and meet her in her hometown. We'd never talked about our looks, though we'd sent each other head shots, so I didn't know quite what to expect; I did know, though, that no matter what happened, I liked her as a friend and I'd be satisfied with that. Anyway, when I got there, we met--she was overweight too, but she was also clearly unsatisfied with the way I looked. I won't go into details but needless to say, she never called or wrote me again.

    Now, I'd been rejected before--countless times--but that last one really set me off. How can she, who was also fat, reject ME?! I told myself I would never have that problem again and started jogging the next day. I think I lasted about 5 minutes jogging before I got tired and had to walk... but I knew rivers started out as a trickle of water so I kept at it. I went from 300 lbs. and, off and on, by dieting and maintaining a solid exercise schedule, dropped to 170 lbs. Size 44 waist to size 30. It was like deflating a blimp.

    One thing I regret during this time is that I didn't lift weights... when I was at 170 I looked way too skinny. Now that I'm lifting I look a lot better.

    Anyway, the new look pays off. Every girl I meet thinks I'm hot. Clothes used to make me look good--now I make clothes look good. :D I can't say enough about the benefits. My point is that you should try it. You have to sacrifice a lot, including favorite foods, time, energy, etc., but it is so worth it... I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

    So, that's my bit. I hope you do manage to solve your problem, any way you choose to do so. My way isn't the only way, of course, but I can tell you I personally went through it and it's brought me a lot of success and joy. It was long, painful and I thought I'd never grow out of my old ways, but now I know better.

    Good luck!
    What brand? 24/7 speed stick.
    Okay. I have taken your advice. I'm waking up at 5:30am daily, doing P.T. Here is what I'm doing: 1.Cardio exercise -25min. 2.Squats -2sets of 25reps. 3.Toe Touches -1set of 25reps. 4.Knee Lifts -1set of 25reps on each leg. 5.Push-ups -3sets of 10reps. 6.Sit-ups -2sets of 25reps.
    jbillen's Avatar
    jbillen Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #31

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:27 AM
    If you really want to change I can't really help you with clothes you goota figure that out but man just work out a lot and play some sports preffeably football.
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #32

    Aug 20, 2007, 10:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by spop
    What brand? 24/7 speed stick.
    Okay. I have taken your advice. I'm waking up at 5:30am daily, doing P.T. Here is what I'm doing: 1.Cardio exercise -25min. 2.Squats -2sets of 25reps. 3.Toe Touches -1set of 25reps. 4.Knee Lifts -1set of 25reps on each leg. 5.Push-ups -3sets of 10reps. 6.Sit-ups -2sets of 25reps.
    All right! Good to know you're getting into working out. There are so many benefits besides pulling in all sorts of @ss... of course pulling in all sorts of @ss is the best reason, but there are others...

    Anyway, keep it up. Do whatever it takes to maintain your momentum. But do remember to work on other things you feel you need help on, particularly socializing.

    I wish you luck in your endeavor and hope you discover the same success I did. It's not really the kind of success you can brag to anyone, but you'll know you're better off for it and your quality of life will improve immensely. Good luck!
    liddlebabygrl123's Avatar
    liddlebabygrl123 Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #33

    Aug 20, 2007, 11:38 PM
    Well its good that your open to changes. most nerdy guys and girls i know that i try to convince to be cool wont listin to me or anyone and actually look down on everyone else for being normal or even for lack of a better word "cool".esp scince ima cheerleader and prom queens they hate listing to me cause apparently im not smart enouf for them but anyways.

    dont go the hip hop route.that whole scene is played out. try the clean cut preppy rout. i suggest french connection and club monaco and express. those are mature dressy fashion clothes that real women like.

    and a nice hair cut.gelling you hair actually makes ur look more hot btw.get a nice hair trendy cut u can get out of the shower gel it and be done. avoid, brooklyns/blowouts tho.

    music wise the hip hop and rap is great the beats the words.but dont jsut stick to that be open music is really impt. esp on striking conversations.get ot know your hip hop and house and classic rock its even cool to like techno.

    please dont go around trying to sound cool. saying things like word is bond,or narley.def. not cool.

    get offline get a drink in your system and go to a club. esp if ur drunk u can mingle with your new look and prolly pick up the ladies.let the outgoing not nerdy guy show.the new look wil lgive u the confidence u need.

    and remember theres a balance of being hip.and nerdy and wen u can combine those ur go it made. :cool: ---- a cool guy for you ahahaahaah
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #34

    Aug 17, 2008, 04:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by liddlebabygrl123
    Well its good that your open to changes. most nerdy guys and girls i know that i try to convince to be cool wont listin to me or anyone and actually look down on everyone else for being normal or even for lack of a better word "cool".esp scince ima cheerleader and prom queens they hate listing to me cause apparently im not smart enouf for them but anyways.

    dont go the hip hop route.that whole scene is played out. try the clean cut preppy rout. i suggest french connection and club monaco and express. those are mature dressy fashion clothes that real women like.

    and a nice hair cut.gelling you hair actually makes ur look more hot btw.get a nice hair trendy cut u can get out of the shower gel it and be done. avoid, brooklyns/blowouts tho.

    music wise the hip hop and rap is great the beats the words.but dont jsut stick to that be open music is really impt. esp on striking conversations.get ot know your hip hop and house and classic rock its even cool to like techno.

    please dont go around trying to sound cool. saying things like word is bond,or narley.def. not cool.

    get offline get a drink in your system and go to a club. esp if ur drunk u can mingle with your new look and prolly pick up the ladies.let the outgoing not nerdy guy show.the new look wil lgive u the confidence u need.

    and remember theres a balance of being hip.and nerdy and wen u can combine those ur go it made. :cool: ---- a cool guy for you ahahaahaah
    I can do everything that you just mentioned except for the clubbing part. The club is a dangerous place for me to be in my city.
    hiyaparis's Avatar
    hiyaparis Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #35

    Aug 18, 2008, 07:36 PM
    The shoes aren't bad but the beige pants and the shirts you could go for jeans and band/skateboarder t's or just vintege ts.

    Try thrift stores they have cool stuff sometimes
    spop's Avatar
    spop Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
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    #36

    Aug 19, 2008, 09:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by hiyaparis
    The shoes aren't bad but the beige pants and the shirts you could go for jeans and band/skateboarder t's or just vintege ts.

    try thrift stores they have cool stuff sometimes
    All right. Thanks.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #37

    Aug 19, 2008, 09:34 PM
    I'd say that if you are really as bad as Urkle at his worst then maybe practice in front of a mirror to see how you look to others. Say things that you have said that make you come off like Urkle and how you would respond back. Also look at clothes you like and try and figure out what it is about them that just doesn't seem to fit in and what would work better.
    If you don't like jeans there are all kinds of pants that are in style. Look around the mall and figure a new look for you.
    Xercen's Avatar
    Xercen Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #38

    Aug 19, 2008, 10:03 PM
    I think people place too much emphasis on looks/clothes.
    Yes they are important, but the most important thing bar none is your confidence.

    Women are just men with slight differences. You don't get shy around men, so why do so around women? I guess you fear rejection, but don't... just get some balls then go into a bar and ask some girls out. If you get rejected then LEARN from your mistakes. It doesn't matter how good looking you are... it depends on how you act. Of course being good looking helps hehe, but if u want to be a cool guy, then act confident and don't give a about anything. I.e don't worry if a girl rejects you.

    Also when dating a girl, make sure you keep contact levels fairly low to medium... don't see her too much otherwise you might be fumbling for words as I have done.

    Remember... you are a man... not a mouse so act like one
    sadguy73's Avatar
    sadguy73 Posts: 10, Reputation: 0
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    #39

    Aug 21, 2008, 10:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Emland
    Some girls are into geek stuff - I wouldn't worry about that.

    Clothes are easy. Get a couple of magazines for men and have a look - then find similar things in your budget range.

    Voice can be worked on. There are even specialists out there if you need them. Try taking a speech class at a community college, first, perhaps.

    The most troubling thing you stated is the part about being a momma's boy and unfit. That will not help you cultivate the image you want. Start by working out. When you start seeing results, your confidence should become stronger. With more confidence, you may not need momma's attention so much.

    Start slow. Start with the clothes, that's the easiest then work you way along your list.
    From my experience, no girls are into geek stuff. If you haven't gotten anyone to like you by the time you're 22, then start saving for plastic surgery and stuff because women won't even truly like a geek for who he is. Trust me. Took until I'm 35 to finally see that women aren't nice and they aren't into geeks, period.
    sGt HarDKorE's Avatar
    sGt HarDKorE Posts: 656, Reputation: 98
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    #40

    Aug 21, 2008, 11:19 PM
    What are you talking about? Why are you telling someone to get plastic surgery? And yes there are "nerdy" girls.

    If girls aren't nice to you, maybe its your attitude? The weirdest kids I know have girl friends and are very happy together.

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