[maryaliced]

My husband has been unfaithful throughout our entire relationship - 20+ years. He has even given me a STD. In the past I have brushed these affairs under the rug and pretended that they would go away, but this last incident has made me realize that not only do I not love him, I don't even know him. In 2004 he was diagnosed with cancer and I was truly there for him (and thinking that he appreciated my devotion). Then in 2006 a person I thought was my friend told me she had slept with him in 2003- not my first friend he pursued. He claimed that while he was sick he had an "epiphany" about how much he loved me and wants to stay with me. He says he thought he was a sex addict but is cured now. However, I was looking at his emails (I know that was wrong) and found letters to his high school girlfriend that he wrote while he was sick that have a romantic tone and he told her he "wondered" about what they would have been like. He wants to move ahead like nothing has happened and will not discuss anything with me. I guess it is partially my fault for letting him get away with it for so long. We have a 16 year old son that means the world to both of us and divorce would devastate him. Also it would be a financial nightmare. I am now married because I have to be - not because I want to be. I guess my question is "is it possible to fall back in love with someone that you don't know or trust?":confused:

[Credendovidis]

I sincerely doubt that. Once the trust has gone, it is extremely difficult to return to "start" and have another "go" at it ! What has happened in the past will always remain between you two...

:)

[mimi03]

It took you 20 years of deception to come to this point. I guess the question to answer for yourself is are you willing to wait many more years in distrust and misery to see if this relationship can be healed.

I sure hope not!

You would be doing your son a disservice to stay in an unloving marriage, It's not setting a good example and it isn't very honest.
So, if you're worried about damaging him with divorce put away that notion because it couldn't be further from the truth... If it is done with love for yourself and to better your life then it can not be bad. However bitterness and spite can become of it if your husband is that type of person and that can make the divorce uneasy but after 20 years of this manipulation and lies, Freedom is worth the temporary discomfort it may cause!

It's never to late to reinvent yourself and start your life over for the better :)

Best Wishes

[N0help4u]

Yes it is possible to fall back in love BUT I would say in your case you would be being gullible and I rarely agree with Credendovis on things but in this case I say separate or at least separate bedrooms. He is hoping you will be gullible and fall for the guy you wish he was.

[meagank]

Yes it is posiable to fall back in love with some,one but then gain ua have to forgive him for wt he has done truly forgive him and think back about wt made you fall in love with him and wt you do or did love about him if I was you though I would seek marriage counseling with out this he amy continue to cheat and deceive you maybe if you both went you would be able to find the reasons he is cheating I know this happened to my aunt years back and when he youngest turned 18 and left for collage she kicked him out this devested all her kids maniley her youngest and she went through allot of depresion he treid everything to get her back eventually they were split up for a long period both went through counseling and eventually got back toghter moved to another town and continued counseling and are happier then ever now hope everything works out for you

[ChristyDC]

Sounds like you need to love yourself. It also sounds as if he is taking your and your forgiveness for granted. If you decide to divorce you didn't devaste your home and your son. Your husband did. If your son knows, how you handle the situation will be how he will expect his wife to handle the situation if he should ever repeat his father's deeds. That would be an unhealthy way for your son to expect relationships to be. His wife may not be so forgiving. Honestly, you have every right to leave. If he truly loves you after leaving he will change his ways and fight for you to come back. If not, you would have saved your some future hurt and gained more time to enjoy life.